New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

meridiantoo · 03-02-2013, 02:20 PM

I am having a debate with a butch friend of mine and we wanted to enlist the opinions of others to see what is the norm and what reasoning people have behind their opinion...

If you have a new sex partner, does that require new toys also? Is that just a preference or a requirement? Does it include all toys or just the most intimate ones? And why do you hold your opinion?

I will start with my view on this. I am not comfortable having sex with someone who is using any toys from previous lovers. This is not a territorial thing for me, it's a matter of respect and boundaries and practicing good hygiene. I can't deny a twinge of jealousy or some feeling with the idea that a toy we are using was also used with another woman, but mostly it's about my partner and her perspective on respect and boundaries, not so much about the ex lover.

Thanks for sharing!

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 02:31 PM

I think it varies and it's a personal choice. Some people are going to want to buy new sex toys together, other folks are safe and use protection so therefore because that is their cock they aren't just gonna go buy a new one just because they want to have sex with different folks. Hence the protection. It's a personal choice and something that either couples, one night stands, dates, fucking partners are going to want to have that talk before getting down to business...

juliebrave · 03-02-2013, 02:32 PM

I have mixed feelings on the issue. While I *want* all new toys when with a new partner, I also get that some folks view their parts as parts and not "toys." Its hard, for sure.

QueenofSmirks · 03-02-2013, 02:40 PM

You can find lots of replies on this topic in this thread: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...t=3747&page=74

Little Fish · 03-02-2013, 03:32 PM

I don't think there is one standard approach or sense of sexual "etiquette" around this specifically. As the Lady Snow points out, the decision is highly individual to the pairing(s) and warrants clear communication.

I think some things to consider are cost--a quality cock usually costs >$100-
(I'm thinking something along the Vixskin or RealDoe line...) I think most Butches have more than one (and you Femmes like this too I might add...) and in addition, may also pack with a pack-n-play cock as well. And the harness too--that's another potentially pricey piece of Lifestyle Equipment...added up, this is about $400-

But also, how any given Butch identifies (or doesn't) with their own cock should be considered too. Butch cock is highly personal. I can appreciate that a new lover may not want to use a cock I've used previously with another, in which case more conversation needs to take place.

In short, I don't think there is one right answer regarding new/not new Butch cock in the same way I think we would ALL agree that covering our mouths while sneezing is a good thing.

TheMerryFairy · 03-02-2013, 03:48 PM

It would depend on the situation and person I think, for me. I have some that are just for ME. There are some that I would use with multiple sex partners or parterns in general if they were mine because I know they were cleaned well and there are those that are meant to only be used with one person and if that ends that's that.

There are some that I am sure I would want to replace, or a few new ones to add with others.

I don't have all that many myself and I haven't used them all that often in comparison with some other people I know.

If somebody wants to use a toy with me that they used with somebody else, I wouldn't mind realy.

I have also been with people all across the spectrum and sometimes those "toys" are more than that to people, they aren't toys. Of course when it comes to gender variance and trans folk this subject can become a different topic all together. Not everybody has the same opinion.

The most important thing to remember is safety and precaution whether it's a one night stand or a standing relationship.

jac · 03-02-2013, 04:10 PM

I purchase all new with any new relationship. I personally don't do one night stands so it's not a matter of quantity. It's quality to me and with that I am referring to, she deserves new and solely meant for her. It's a respect thing for me.

This is only about how I feel on this topic, not as butch as a whole.

betruetoyoursoul · 03-03-2013, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

I am having a debate with a butch friend of mine and we wanted to enlist the opinions of others to see what is the norm and what reasoning people have behind their opinion...

If you have a new sex partner, does that require new toys also? Is that just a preference or a requirement? Does it include all toys or just the most intimate ones? And why do you hold your opinion?

I will start with my view on this. I am not comfortable having sex with someone who is using any toys from previous lovers. This is not a territorial thing for me, it's a matter of respect and boundaries and practicing good hygiene. I can't deny a twinge of jealousy or some feeling with the idea that a toy we are using was also used with another woman, but mostly it's about my partner and her perspective on respect and boundaries, not so much about the ex lover.

Thanks for sharing!

Meri, Thank-you for starting this thread, I have to say, I am in complete agreement with you! I respect other's thoughts and actions.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-05-2013, 09:28 PM

The OP did not reference anything about cock shopping due to one being uncomfortable or to accommodate body shape etc.

The OP referenced respect boundaries and hygiene so therefor new toys are needed for a new partner.

That's why I personally didn't approach the it's not my fit subject. I figured that's pretty elementary if you're in a long term relationship or thinking of entering any kind of liaison that involves penetration unless of course you just met at the library and there wasn't enough time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

I am having a debate with a butch friend of mine and we wanted to enlist the opinions of others to see what is the norm and what reasoning people have behind their opinion...

If you have a new sex partner, does that require new toys also? Is that just a preference or a requirement? Does it include all toys or just the most intimate ones? And why do you hold your opinion?

I will start with my view on this. I am not comfortable having sex with someone who is using any toys from previous lovers. This is not a territorial thing for me, it's a matter of respect and boundaries and practicing good hygiene. I can't deny a twinge of jealousy or some feeling with the idea that a toy we are using was also used with another woman, but mostly it's about my partner and her perspective on respect and boundaries, not so much about the ex lover.

Thanks for sharing!

meridiantoo · 03-05-2013, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

The OP did not reference anything about cock shopping due to one being uncomfortable or to accommodate body shape etc.

The OP referenced respect boundaries and hygiene so therefor new toys are needed for a new partner.

That's why I personally didn't approach the it's not my fit subject. I figured that's pretty elementary if you're in a long term relationship or thinking of entering any kind of liaison that involves penetration unless of course you just met at the library and there wasn't enough time.

Yes, my answer varied a bit from the original question. I was thinking of all the different things mentioned as I was responding. The thread in general has taken a few twists and turns, which is good, I think. I did not mean to veer too far off the original topic, however. My apologies.

Martina · 03-05-2013, 09:59 PM

Some of this just feels like people being squeamish about sex and the body. Some people are. Even some sex-positive people. We all require clean toys, but I never give any thought to the number of bodies a cock might have had contact with as long as it is clean and covered by a condom.

Re gloves and other barriers. Yes, I use gloves. I also use saran wrap although, honestly, I rarely go down on someone I am not fluid bonded with.

Again, while I am not squeamish, I respect that some people are, and I do not think it necessarily means anything about their body or sex positivity. But I do think invoking the idea of respect is negative and judgmental. I am not sure what fantasy it's feeding. Mentally denying that one's partner has had sex with others seems like hard work to me. Plus I like to hear about their fun times.

JustBeingMe · 03-05-2013, 10:10 PM

I am a butch and when I am in a serious enough relationship with a femme and we're going to enter into the realm of having a sexual encounter in this relationship, I don't bring old toys with me, I have left my old toys with my ex's because it was toys we used on my ex. I prefer to purchase new toys that my new partner and I pick out for her. It's not about anything but being respectful to the person I am going to be intimate with. This is something I choose to do. And you may agree or disagree, but it's my decision to not bring the old into a new relationship.
I highly reccommend using condoms as well, because if you share your toys with one another in usage, it prevents HPV possibly being passed to your partner that can cause issues for her. It's just a safety thing for me.
Anyway, if my partner already has some particular toys she wishes to use, I will discuss with her how they were cleaned, etc and then together make a comfortable decision with both parties involved about the usage of said toys in our relationship. I know toys are expensive at times depending on what you purchase, etc. But safety for me is a huge factor, and so is respecting my new partner and providing her with her own new toys to use.

Martina · 03-05-2013, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

so is respecting my new partner and providing her with her own new toys to use.

Again, I don't get this and feel it is judgmental. Why bring this in at all in this context?

meridiantoo · 03-05-2013, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina

Some of this just feels like people being squeamish about sex and the body. Some people are. Even some sex-positive people. We all require clean toys, but I never give any thought to the number of bodies a cock might have had contact with as long as it is clean and covered by a condom.

Re gloves and other barriers. Yes, I use gloves. I also use saran wrap although, honestly, I rarely go down on someone I am not fluid bonded with.

Again, while I am not squeamish, I respect that some people are, and I do not think it necessarily means anything about their body or sex positivity. But I do think invoking the idea of respect is negative and judgmental. I am not sure what fantasy it's feeding. Mentally denying that one's partner has had sex with others seems like hard work to me. Plus I like to hear about their fun times.

I'm a germaphobe (from the Urban Dictionary: Germaphobe - 1) Someone who has a genuine phobia of germs and is obsessed with cleanliness)

s0litude · 04-09-2013, 04:34 PM

For me, absolutely! I can understand, being FTM myself, the attachment to a specific toy as being a "part" of you, but I also feel that associations and memories with a previous item would override any personal attachment to my cock that I might have developed over time. After all, you cannot get on with your future if you cannot get through your past.

Quite frankly, I just view it as a matter of respect for her and for what is developing between her and I that the new item is solely FOR HER, FOR US.

Plus, shopping for those new items can make for very interesting foreplay.

sofimichi · 11-08-2013, 10:00 PM

UGH so torn about this.
I would have to say new partner, new toys, though.

rustedrims · 11-09-2013, 03:29 AM

with a twist...

new work boots - new socks

Runner · 11-18-2013, 02:46 PM

New partner yeah we can get new toys, it's fun and sexy to choose and experiment together.

My cock though most definitely does not fall into this category and is as much a part of me as my tongue is and that doesn't change between partners either

GeeGina · 11-19-2013, 11:00 AM

I go with "new" - but the only exception is with butch cock. I don't expect my partner to have a new one lying around in a drawer...or in their pants. Also, I respect the loyalty my partner has to theirs.

Of course, I'll want a good look at it first - and have on occasion even asked my partner to put a condom on it or take a shower with it on (both of which turned out to be kinda fun).

With respect to all, I'm also not of the mindset that butch cock "belongs" to anyone but the respective owner. I'm very happy with them sharing it, though,

imperfect_cupcake · 11-19-2013, 07:02 PM

So when people are single and they buy themselves toys, to have fun with, do they get rid of them when they get a long term partner??

03-02-2013, 02:20 PM	#1
meridiantoo Member How Do You Identify?: A Speck in the Milky Way Preferred Pronoun?: Her, She Relationship Status: Monogamous relationship Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: The Milky Way Posts: 1,441 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,806 Thanked 2,299 Times in 890 Posts Rep Power: 16090855	New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion I am having a debate with a butch friend of mine and we wanted to enlist the opinions of others to see what is the norm and what reasoning people have behind their opinion... If you have a new sex partner, does that require new toys also? Is that just a preference or a requirement? Does it include all toys or just the most intimate ones? And why do you hold your opinion? I will start with my view on this. I am not comfortable having sex with someone who is using any toys from previous lovers. This is not a territorial thing for me, it's a matter of respect and boundaries and practicing good hygiene. I can't deny a twinge of jealousy or some feeling with the idea that a toy we are using was also used with another woman, but mostly it's about my partner and her perspective on respect and boundaries, not so much about the ex lover. Thanks for sharing! __________________ “Human nature is like water. It takes the shape of its container.” ― Wallace Stevens

03-02-2013, 02:31 PM	#2
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Hmmm I think it varies and it's a personal choice. Some people are going to want to buy new sex toys together, other folks are safe and use protection so therefore because that is their cock they aren't just gonna go buy a new one just because they want to have sex with different folks. Hence the protection. It's a personal choice and something that either couples, one night stands, dates, fucking partners are going to want to have that talk before getting down to business... __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

03-02-2013, 02:40 PM	#4
QueenofSmirks Member How Do You Identify?: Just Me Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: Busy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Phoenix - Valley of the Sun Posts: 1,429 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,010 Thanked 2,920 Times in 879 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	You can find lots of replies on this topic in this thread: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...t=3747&page=74 __________________ Stephanie "There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." Christopher Morley

03-02-2013, 03:32 PM	#5
Little Fish Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: female ones, will also respond to babe, boi and Romeo Relationship Status: Happy :-) Join Date: May 2012 Location: apearldiver@gmail.com Posts: 349 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,655 Thanked 1,886 Times in 321 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	*Yes, thanks for the Butch Cck link....** I don't think there is one standard approach or sense of sexual "etiquette" around this specifically. As the Lady Snow points out, the decision is highly individual to the pairing(s) and warrants clear communication. I think some things to consider are cost--a quality cock usually costs >$100- (I'm thinking something along the Vixskin or RealDoe line...) I think most Butches have more than one (and you Femmes like this too I might add...) and in addition, may also pack with a pack-n-play cock as well. And the harness too--that's another potentially pricey piece of Lifestyle Equipment...added up, this is about $400- But also, how any given Butch identifies (or doesn't) with their own cock should be considered too. Butch cock is highly personal. I can appreciate that a new lover may not want to use a cock I've used previously with another, in which case more conversation needs to take place. In short, I don't think there is one right answer regarding new/not new Butch cock in the same way I think we would ALL agree that covering our mouths while sneezing is a good thing.

03-05-2013, 10:10 PM	#12
JustBeingMe Senior Member How Do You Identify?: as ME Relationship Status: I don't need no stinking status. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: somewhere you're not..... Posts: 1,808 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,961 Thanked 1,691 Times in 694 Posts Rep Power: 12813868	I am a butch and when I am in a serious enough relationship with a femme and we're going to enter into the realm of having a sexual encounter in this relationship, I don't bring old toys with me, I have left my old toys with my ex's because it was toys we used on my ex. I prefer to purchase new toys that my new partner and I pick out for her. It's not about anything but being respectful to the person I am going to be intimate with. This is something I choose to do. And you may agree or disagree, but it's my decision to not bring the old into a new relationship. I highly reccommend using condoms as well, because if you share your toys with one another in usage, it prevents HPV possibly being passed to your partner that can cause issues for her. It's just a safety thing for me. Anyway, if my partner already has some particular toys she wishes to use, I will discuss with her how they were cleaned, etc and then together make a comfortable decision with both parties involved about the usage of said toys in our relationship. I know toys are expensive at times depending on what you purchase, etc. But safety for me is a huge factor, and so is respecting my new partner and providing her with her own new toys to use. __________________ Nothing more, Nothing less, I'm Just Being Me

03-02-2013, 02:32 PM	#3
juliebrave Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Atlanta Posts: 35 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 46 Thanked 105 Times in 27 Posts Rep Power: 1459743	I have mixed feelings on the issue. While I want all new toys when with a new partner, I also get that some folks view their parts as parts and not "toys." Its hard, for sure.

03-02-2013, 03:48 PM	#6
TheMerryFairy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pansexual/Sapiosexual femmey dyke who likes to crossdress now and then Preferred Pronoun?: She/her OR ze if I'm crossdressing Relationship Status: Floating and walking My path, happy in life. Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: On my Merry Fairy way! , Canada Posts: 3,630 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,727 Thanked 8,694 Times in 2,987 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	It would depend on the situation and person I think, for me. I have some that are just for ME. There are some that I would use with multiple sex partners or parterns in general if they were mine because I know they were cleaned well and there are those that are meant to only be used with one person and if that ends that's that. There are some that I am sure I would want to replace, or a few new ones to add with others. I don't have all that many myself and I haven't used them all that often in comparison with some other people I know. If somebody wants to use a toy with me that they used with somebody else, I wouldn't mind realy. I have also been with people all across the spectrum and sometimes those "toys" are more than that to people, they aren't toys. Of course when it comes to gender variance and trans folk this subject can become a different topic all together. Not everybody has the same opinion. The most important thing to remember is safety and precaution whether it's a one night stand or a standing relationship.

03-02-2013, 04:10 PM	#7
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	I purchase all new with any new relationship. I personally don't do one night stands so it's not a matter of quantity. It's quality to me and with that I am referring to, she deserves new and solely meant for her. It's a respect thing for me. This is only about how I feel on this topic, not as butch as a whole.

03-05-2013, 09:59 PM	#11
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,366 Times in 4,171 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Some of this just feels like people being squeamish about sex and the body. Some people are. Even some sex-positive people. We all require clean toys, but I never give any thought to the number of bodies a cock might have had contact with as long as it is clean and covered by a condom. Re gloves and other barriers. Yes, I use gloves. I also use saran wrap although, honestly, I rarely go down on someone I am not fluid bonded with. Again, while I am not squeamish, I respect that some people are, and I do not think it necessarily means anything about their body or sex positivity. But I do think invoking the idea of respect is negative and judgmental. I am not sure what fantasy it's feeding. Mentally denying that one's partner has had sex with others seems like hard work to me. Plus I like to hear about their fun times.

04-09-2013, 04:34 PM	#15
s0litude Member How Do You Identify?: Transman - HRT / No Surgery Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Single, but enjoying the journey.... Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: North Carolina (NE) Posts: 366 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 525 Thanked 1,210 Times in 310 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	New Sex Partner = New Toys? For me, absolutely! I can understand, being FTM myself, the attachment to a specific toy as being a "part" of you, but I also feel that associations and memories with a previous item would override any personal attachment to my cock that I might have developed over time. After all, you cannot get on with your future if you cannot get through your past. Quite frankly, I just view it as a matter of respect for her and for what is developing between her and I that the new item is solely FOR HER, FOR US. Plus, shopping for those new items can make for very interesting foreplay. __________________ "There never was any heart truly great and generous, that was not also tender and compassionate." Robert Frost

11-08-2013, 10:00 PM	#16
sofimichi Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femmeinist Preferred Pronoun?: femenine ones, "hey you," etc. Relationship Status: Engaged! Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Missouri Posts: 37 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 27 Thanked 85 Times in 23 Posts Rep Power: 1722500	UGH so torn about this. I would have to say new partner, new toys, though.

11-09-2013, 03:29 AM	#17
rustedrims Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Northern Ohio close to Lake Erie and ice-cream places Posts: 444 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,123 Thanked 2,553 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	My take on this... with a twist... new work boots - new socks __________________ I don't want to be perfect because if I was then I will loose the ability to learn.

11-18-2013, 02:46 PM	#18
Runner Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Ireland Posts: 46 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 60 Thanked 158 Times in 38 Posts Rep Power: 1834067	New partner yeah we can get new toys, it's fun and sexy to choose and experiment together. My cock though most definitely does not fall into this category and is as much a part of me as my tongue is and that doesn't change between partners either

11-19-2013, 11:00 AM	#19
GeeGina Member How Do You Identify?: Femme, but flexible. Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Relationship Status: Single. Looking. Available. Open. Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 111 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10 Thanked 410 Times in 76 Posts Rep Power: 4115105	New Toys? I go with "new" - but the only exception is with butch cock. I don't expect my partner to have a new one lying around in a drawer...or in their pants. Also, I respect the loyalty my partner has to theirs. Of course, I'll want a good look at it first - and have on occasion even asked my partner to put a condom on it or take a shower with it on (both of which turned out to be kinda fun). With respect to all, I'm also not of the mindset that butch cock "belongs" to anyone but the respective owner. I'm very happy with them sharing it, though,

11-19-2013, 07:02 PM	#20
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	So when people are single and they buy themselves toys, to have fun with, do they get rid of them when they get a long term partner??