And how are you feeling?

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by Orema

Oh please.

It’s one thing to say “I would like to see a woman advertise her intelligence, her way of thinking, her wants and likes…”

It’s quite another to comment on women being lewd and belonging in men’s magazine and discussing what is and isn’t necessary.

Yes, people can voice their opinion but they need to do it without being judgemental and shaming women.

It’s an easy concept.

if you feel shamed, then it's a good idea to seek out professional care and find out why you are so concerned with what others think...i dislike the dog piling we do here.. find common ground ..shaming?....over it <shrug>

[Orema]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

if you feel shamed, then it's a good idea to seek out professional care and find out why you are so concerned with what others think...i dislike the dog piling we do here..i've done my share and i'm pretty much done trying to bend everyone into my criteria of "what's cool"...over it <shrug>

Ice the "take your meds" and "see a shrink" insults, kittygrrl. That is beneath you, especially when addressing a femme. And I don't deserve it.

If you have a problem with the dog piling then comment on that, but anyone who comes in here shaming women, as well as defending them, should expect to be called on it.

Hoping you really are over this and not just making flippant comments.

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by Orema

Ice the "take your meds" and "see a shrink" insults, kittygrrl. That is beneath you, especially when addressing a femme. And I don't deserve it.

If you have a problem with the dog piling then comment on that, but anyone who comes in here shaming women, as well as defending them, should expect to be called on it.

Hoping you really are over this and not just making flippant comments.

I've had professional care and am better for it...i've resolved my issues and encourage anyone who has issues to do the same...btw, professional care doesn't usually involve "meds" unless you cannot self regulate

[BullDog]

The shaming of women for how they dress and present themselves is a huge problem that has gone on for centuries all over the world. It has led to much emotional and physical abuse including rape and death.

Instead of blaming the victim and telling them to get over it and go to therapy (which not everyone has the luxury of doing) how about people just stop shaming women.

[kittygrrl]

I envy everyone who's comfortable & agreeable with the dog piling done in this thread...you must all live pristine lives with people who agree with all of the "rules" you're demanding we live by in this thread...

[Cin]

I am confused. Why is it okay to join the constant barrage of voices women are subjected to hearing, voices who judge women for not adhering to society's definition of what makes a good woman, especially on a website pretty much devoted to humans who do not adhere to society's rules? Is there no place safe from this kind of shaming? Slut shaming women just sucks. Date who you want but I should think that can easily be done without judging others and finding them unworthy because they don't meet your criteria for being the right kind of woman. I don't get what there is to defend here? The right to slut shame?

I am reminded of the story about how slut night from the old .com site got its name. Some bartender slut shamed the femmes from that site who got together for a night out. There they were all decked out in their best femme finery and he told them they looked like a bunch of sluts. And they took that and owned it (no therapy needed) and Slut Night was born. It does seem though that not much has changed. I guess if we always focus on getting therapy for the victims, perpetrators of slut shaming comments will keep on keeping on. As far as dog piling, who is subjected to more dog piling than women? Maybe the lgbtq community? My best advice is that if you don't like being judged, don't judge others. Choose to surround yourself with the people who meet your standards but keep your judgments to yourself.

[kittygrrl]

perhaps we should all practice mindfulness?...inotherwords, responding instead of reacting...tell me when has any judging ever ended with the other side considering for even a moment you have a valid point?? Never.
That is why this country is near a civil war because people cannot tolerate a different point of view and want to over correct the people they feel are wrong. You miss my point. Have I expressed my agreement with the original point of view? No, I haven't because I have kept that judgement to myself what i did express, a concern about all the judging done against one person's opinion. It's not fair and we should do better. Support each other and quit deciding who is a friend based on some opinion...as if we bloody have all the right answers. We don't

[Gemme]

Jesus, fuck.


slut sham·ing
noun
"the action or fact of stigmatizing a woman for engaging in behavior judged to be promiscuous or sexually provocative."

Was this done in the original post in question? Absolutely. Was it then again promoted in a follow up post? Again, yes.

See first post: Disillusioned. I thought joining an all female chat room would be a place to meet ladies and perhaps have a date or two. OMG. No less than 5 countries and at least half of the womens' pics are of women who appear to be ready to do as much as cough hard and they will be prepared to breast feed the world. How can a woman feel good about herself exposing what the law allows and expects to find a person interested enough to make a date. Perhaps another woman like her I really don't know. I am feeling very let down by so many women that I thought might be a couple that were not offensive. Truly disappointed and yes disillusioned.

The underlined portions are especially distasteful to me and I don't even have enough cleavage to breast feed a single person, much less the world. I do, however, have a couple of low cut tops that I do feel good in. Stone asked how that could be if someone expected to get a date (paraphrasing). What I wear has zero to do with anyone else and everything to do with me, as it should be. Plus there's that saying...."if you've got it, flaunt it".

This was included in the follow up post: I learned how respectable women showed up in public and a place of meeting is public.

Was anyone saying that Stone couldn't be attracted to whom she is attracted to? Nope. Was the issue that she was pointing out "respectable" women and talking about those on dating sites who have the cleavage out and proud? Yeah, she did and yes, that was the issue. Does that make her a bad person? Nope again. Does it make her a shamer? Yep.

There are a thousand ways to say that she was disappointed in her online experience and that she didn't find any women that caught her eye or that she wanted to pursue. None of them involve shaming. It was most definitely a poor choice of wording.

kitty, you mentioned that "we're all encouraged here to show our feelings" and then, in the next post, you are telling O to get therapy...sorry..."professional care". She was just expressing her feelings about the shame conversation, which is what you were encouraging in your previous post. And then you touch on judging, but that's exactly what you just did.

If Stone's comments had come from a cis-hetero male, there would be Hell to pay. He would be ROASTED with extra crispy skin, as he should be. But, somehow, it's "okay" if it comes from a cis-female and is just an "opinion"? No. Just no.

Passing judgement on others based on their appearance and clothes, which is what happened in the initial post, is NOT OKAY. No matter who does it. There's enough shame in this world and there's far too many people trying to control women's bodies, especially now, for this to fly in this day and age.

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Jesus, fuck.


slut sham·ing
noun
"the action or fact of stigmatizing a woman for engaging in behavior judged to be promiscuous or sexually provocative."

Was this done in the original post in question? Absolutely. Was it then again promoted in a follow up post? Again, yes.

See first post: Disillusioned. I thought joining an all female chat room would be a place to meet ladies and perhaps have a date or two. OMG. No less than 5 countries and at least half of the womens' pics are of women who appear to be ready to do as much as cough hard and they will be prepared to breast feed the world. How can a woman feel good about herself exposing what the law allows and expects to find a person interested enough to make a date. Perhaps another woman like her I really don't know. I am feeling very let down by so many women that I thought might be a couple that were not offensive. Truly disappointed and yes disillusioned.

The underlined portions are especially distasteful to me and I don't even have enough cleavage to breast feed a single person, much less the world. I do, however, have a couple of low cut tops that I do feel good in. Stone asked how that could be if someone expected to get a date (paraphrasing). What I wear has zero to do with anyone else and everything to do with me, as it should be. Plus there's that saying...."if you've got it, flaunt it".

This was included in the follow up post: I learned how respectable women showed up in public and a place of meeting is public.

Was anyone saying that Stone couldn't be attracted to whom she is attracted to? Nope. Was the issue that she was pointing out "respectable" women and talking about those on dating sites who have the cleavage out and proud? Yeah, she did and yes, that was the issue. Does that make her a bad person? Nope again. Does it make her a shamer? Yep.

There are a thousand ways to say that she was disappointed in her online experience and that she didn't find any women that caught her eye or that she wanted to pursue. None of them involve shaming. It was most definitely a poor choice of wording.

kitty, you mentioned that "we're all encouraged here to show our feelings" and then, in the next post, you are telling O to get therapy...sorry..."professional care". She was just expressing her feelings about the shame conversation, which is what you were encouraging in your previous post. And then you touch on judging, but that's exactly what you just did.

If Stone's comments had come from a cis-hetero male, there would be Hell to pay. He would be ROASTED with extra crispy skin, as he should be. But, somehow, it's "okay" if it comes from a cis-female and is just an "opinion"? No. Just no.

Passing judgement on others based on their appearance and clothes, which is what happened in the initial post, is NOT OKAY. No matter who does it. There's enough shame in this world and there's far too many people trying to control women's bodies, especially now, for this to fly in this day and age.

Do you remember trying to slut shame me because i posted this video Gemme?

I remember.

Honestly i was fine with your judgement then and i feel fine expressing how i feel about this free for all all you are all enjoying now..it never ceases to amaze me the lengths rational people will go through for a pound of flesh. We refuse be kind to each other even though we witness each day what hate can do We slaughter each other with guns & with words. Have fun while you can.

[Cin]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

perhaps we should all practice mindfulness?...inotherwords, responding instead of reacting...tell me when has any judging ever ended with the other side considering for even a moment you have a valid point?? Never.
That is why this country is near a civil war because people cannot tolerate a different point of view and want to over correct the people they feel are wrong. You miss my point. Have I expressed my agreement with the original point of view? No, I haven't because I have kept that judgement to myself what i did express, a concern about all the judging done against one person's opinion. It's not fair and we should do better. Support each other and quit deciding who is a friend based on some opinion...as if we bloody have all the right answers. We don't

That's the thing. You have not expressed agreement or disagreement with slut shaming. What you have expressed an opinion about is other people's opinions regarding the slut shaming they have seen here. I am not really sure what it is that you are actually saying. Are you saying that people should not stand up for what they think is right? Are you saying that opinions are without consequence so should be allowed to stand without challenge? Are you saying we should refrain from calling out harmful opinions? What are you saying exactly?

I do get the concept that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but I also get that
"when bad people combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one... or all that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing." I certainly am not saying that anyone here is evil. I am saying that not calling out blatantly offensive comments will have consequences and over time it allows these ideas and beliefs to flourish unchecked and become if not acceptable then at least unremarkable. I don't imagine I will change anyone's mind. But I feel it is my moral responsibility to stand up for what I believe is right. I don't want to just shake my head silently and move on.

People make judgements all the time. Judging the best course for oneself is both necessary and prudent. However making moral judgments based on societal norms is problematic. Morality is often at the mercy of the period of time and/or the type of society in control. Some things are just right or wrong but others are more ambiguous and can change depending on the circumstances. Laws are not morals. What the law allows is not the definition of what is ethical behavior.

It feels as though you have judged the only person who has a right to express their opinion is the person doing the slut shaming. And no one is supposed to mention how disturbing it is to read that kind of thing on this site. Because in your opinion that is judgemental. And as far as I can see nobody has decided they can't be friends with someone who has a different opinion. Nobody would ever know anyone if people can't tell each other how they feel and what they think.

This may not be the hill I wish to die on, but it is part of the dirt that makes up that hill. And I think the US is on the brink of civil war not because people can't tolerate differences of opinions but because white supremacists can't tolerate equality, because religious fanatics can't allow freedom. That IS the hill I will die on.

[BullDog]

kittygrrl, where's all this kindness you keep talking about? You haven't been kind in this conversation one single time. Maybe you should practice what you preach.

I will speak up when people shame women. If I don't then I feel I am complicit.

[kittygrrl]

Cin I don't wish to argue with you. I respect you feel differently then i do. People here pick & choose who they battle. Some people on this site have tried for ages to slut shame me for one thing or another and i usually don't say too much...Why? Because i don't care about their opinions. They don't influence or hurt me in any degree...they've stop because it's no fun to poke someone who doesn't give a flying fig about what they think. I have a rich social life in the real and come here to support the website because it's been good to me...Medusa tries to be patient and extremely fair when it comes to issues. To put it simply i don't like dog piling because it's hurtful and silences and when certain people smell blood in the water they go all in because there is safety in numbers. Can we afford to lose one voice here? In my opinion, no..and we may not be able to change opinions either. But I think we're capable of responding in kindness it's a choice, but it's not as much fun as harassing a good member who's supported this site for a long time. I want to imagine our community is better then this but it's not...Insofar as civil war....it's not just racists who are agreeable ...Republicans are trying to arrange a less bloody coup by rearranging and ostracizing parts of society from voting...it seems to be working because liberals can't stand each other and the infighting is ridiculous.

This is my last post on this subject. Unlike some here, i don't relish argument. I despise it actually. but i wanted to try...

[theoddz]

Oooooo......I'm feeling shitty, shitty, shitty!!! Did I say I am feeling shitty??

I have the COVID. Yep, me.

But......the fix is in and the Paxlovid is on the way!!!!!

I should be back in the pink in a few days.

~Theo~

[clay]

Oh no, my friend, theo!!

So sorry to hear you have covid. Sends you healing energies & vibes, and a gentle hug!!

I KNOW Ms. Lori will take excellent care of you!!

This sucks...I will be thinking of you, my dear friend, A!! much love...clay

[theoddz]

Originally Posted by clay

Oh no, my friend, theo!!

So sorry to hear you have covid. Sends you healing energies & vibes, and a gentle hug!!

I KNOW Ms. Lori will take excellent care of you!!

This sucks...I will be thinking of you, my dear friend, A!! much love...clay

Hey, thanks, brother!!! I sure do appreciate your kindness, as usual, and the healing energy coming my way. You know, this thing has made me feel pretty damned dragged out and sick, but truth be told, I had H1N1 in Vegas, when I was still working, and it was far worse. I almost ended up on a ventilator that time. I have asthma, you know, and when I was in the military, I smoked cigs, so I'm sure I have a little touch of COPD. I haven't smoked in 25 years, though, and I don't vape or imbibe on the "left handed cig", so that's made things a bit easier on me, all in all.

I do consider myself to be *extremely* fortunate to be able to get Paxlovid for this COVID. I'm in a high risk group, with my asthma, my history of throwing blood clots to my lungs (PE's) and being over 60 years old now. I took my first dose of the Paxlovid this evening, and it's a medication where one has to take 3 pills, twice a day. Interestingly, one of the two medications in the Paxlovid is the same one given to HIV/AIDS patients!! It makes absolute sense, though, because both COVID and HIV/AIDS is caused by a virus. I have to say that I've heard word that we can probably expect a better, more broad covering COVID vaccine this Fall and it should protect us better against not only original COVID, but also all variants of the Coronavirus. I have been vaccinated the original 2 times, but I've also had 3 more boosters, too. Still, I got it. So I'd like to remind everyone here to get vaccinated if they aren't already, and get the booster shots, too......ALL of them!!!

Anyway, I'm on the mend. I'm just very, very thankful that I was able to contact my doctor at the VA and she was very willing to prescribe the Paxlovid for me. We Vets may gripe and complain about the VA, but when the rubber meets the road, the VA really does try to take good care of us and it's a pretty nice little benefit to have.

I'm on the mend!!!

~Theo~

[clay]

Always, A.!!!

Trust that you are feeling better this evening or soon will be.

I am also fully vaxxed & boosted!

Like you, I am also eager to see what this newer vax will be like, as it will NOT be using the mRNA.

Evushield came out for those (older/seniors) who had NOT had covid but then got all quiet about that!

Yes, I do remember you have bad lungs & asthma......that is why I have been thinking about you, my friend!!

Thanks for the post & update....always sending you gentle hugs & healing vibes, always!!

Originally Posted by theoddz

Hey, thanks, brother!!! I sure do appreciate your kindness, as usual, and the healing energy coming my way. You know, this thing has made me feel pretty damned dragged out and sick, but truth be told, I had H1N1 in Vegas, when I was still working, and it was far worse. I almost ended up on a ventilator that time. I have asthma, you know, and when I was in the military, I smoked cigs, so I'm sure I have a little touch of COPD. I haven't smoked in 25 years, though, and I don't vape or imbibe on the "left handed cig", so that's made things a bit easier on me, all in all.

I do consider myself to be *extremely* fortunate to be able to get Paxlovid for this COVID. I'm in a high risk group, with my asthma, my history of throwing blood clots to my lungs (PE's) and being over 60 years old now. I took my first dose of the Paxlovid this evening, and it's a medication where one has to take 3 pills, twice a day. Interestingly, one of the two medications in the Paxlovid is the same one given to HIV/AIDS patients!! It makes absolute sense, though, because both COVID and HIV/AIDS is caused by a virus. I have to say that I've heard word that we can probably expect a better, more broad covering COVID vaccine this Fall and it should protect us better against not only original COVID, but also all variants of the Coronavirus. I have been vaccinated the original 2 times, but I've also had 3 more boosters, too. Still, I got it. So I'd like to remind everyone here to get vaccinated if they aren't already, and get the booster shots, too......ALL of them!!!

Anyway, I'm on the mend. I'm just very, very thankful that I was able to contact my doctor at the VA and she was very willing to prescribe the Paxlovid for me. We Vets may gripe and complain about the VA, but when the rubber meets the road, the VA really does try to take good care of us and it's a pretty nice little benefit to have.

I'm on the mend!!!

~Theo~

[Orema]

Okay, I guess. Got a call that someone may have seen Bruno. I got a trap and took it to them with food, toys, blanket, etc. in hopes of catching him. The people were nice and kind, but I have a feeling it's not Bru.

A friend suggested it may not be him because he was sighted so far away (8 miles). Here's hoping it's Bruno. If not, I'll just keep searching.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Do you remember trying to slut shame me because i posted this video Gemme?

I remember.

Honestly i was fine with your judgement then and i feel fine expressing how i feel about this free for all all you are all enjoying now..it never ceases to amaze me the lengths rational people will go through for a pound of flesh. We refuse be kind to each other even though we witness each day what hate can do We slaughter each other with guns & with words. Have fun while you can.

You said you were done with this conversation in general and I respect that but if you want an answer to your question and a specific discussion about that, feel free to message me.

Originally Posted by Orema

Okay, I guess. Got a call that someone may have seen Bruno. I got a trap and took it to them with food, toys, blanket, etc. in hopes of catching him. The people were nice and kind, but I have a feeling it's not Bru.

A friend suggested it may not be him because he was sighted so far away (8 miles). Here's hoping it's Bruno. If not, I'll just keep searching.

I walk 6-10 miles every day at work. It's not as far as you might imagine, especially when one has 4 legs. It could be The Bru! I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed that it is and that he's okay.

I feel good hearing O's news. I had a personal training session followed by a trip to Wally World and I had a big brunch. I couldn't decide which pizza I wanted so I got them both, cooked them and mixed and matched my meal. It was soo good and I have plenty of leftovers too. I'm fresh out of the shower and feel very content right now. That could change in mere minutes, but, for the time being, I'm good.

[Reach *BANNED*]

I feel accomplished. Between My job (working from home this week and possibly the next) and also sorting through a lot of My stuff out in the garage post-move - I was able to get a ton of stuff done.

However, it is just so outrageously hot - that it required multiple breaks inside as I had the A/C going all day. Rest assured though- I am super thankful that I have A/C.

[JDeere]

Tired, stressed, anxious cuz im having a hard time finding a place to move into.