"Wet Bias"

[LeftWriteFemme]

I was listening to a statistician today and he was commenting on the fact that local weather forecasters have wet bias, meaning that they predict a higher probability of precipitation then the national weather service numbers indicate......Okay so now comes the part where you need to bear with me......

So my question is: Do you think that here on our "Planet" we have a 'wet bias" meaning, is it possible that we tend to predict more possibilities for success in our online interactions than we might if say we all lived around the corner from one another? I haven't formed an opinion, I mean seriously it might be "reverse wet bias" for all I know, but the question intrigued me.

I would really love to hear what you think about it?

Do you think about it....

[Teddybear]

IMHO I think that we are able to use online forums to get a feel of someone by reading what they may say in said forums. I also think that if we engage with the other person over any amount of time we and hope that they also start showing their true self.

I think that we open up about somethings that we may not be willing to talk about right away if we are face to face.

Now grant u this isnt always the case there are ppl who are so good at hiding who they are that it isnt until the 2 of them meet that the one who has been hiding true self comes out and sometimes it takes months.

I and Im sure others know of ppl who have talked online with some1 for months and thought they "KNEW" that person only to meet them and find that during those short times together it was "perfect" but once the decision was made to move to be closer and time got closer to said move that things started to change. Nothing major to start with but just that little nag that set off a doubt in ones mind, however it was push to the back of ur mind due to the fact that stress of making a move was causing all this and once it was over things would go back to how it was.

I think that most ppl think that having the anonymity is the way of meeting a person and opening up and getting to know some1. They are able to put themselves out there and having a hope that some1 is looking for them

[girl_dee]

ABSOLUTELY, i do agree! i think we (i mean me) tend to grasp on to, ignore the red flags and put way more hope into those internet relationships than we would if we lived around the corner from someone. i also think we are more easily duped when we are online, even if it's unintentional duping.

Why i don't know, maybe wanting so hard to believe it fairy tales, happy ending and all that, maybe because our dating pool is so small and we resort to the online world for potential dating partners.

[clay]

This has me thinking, as I read it when you had first posted.
Yes, and no..is.
Yes, because results can be skewed with several variables.
Online interactions are afforded the ambiguity of anonymity, allowing for false presentations at times.
People aren't privy to that "real time", "right around the corner" face to face interactions, so as to actually see/feel/hear the emotes afforded , that are absent with "online" behind a computer screen.
Behind the cloak of a screen is an "emotionless" encounter...as you can't SEE reality. Say for instance, Road Rage, this isn't possible to see or hear online. Perhaps there is a third eye (in Chakras, YES there is) but this is literally....you wouldn't necessarily see that from behind the confines of a screen. Not a big deal for me, per se, but it may be for others.
No, because online is in "cyber world"..and in "cyber world" everyone is "awesome" and wonderful and has such riches and degrees and whatever persona they may wish to create. So it wouldn't lend credence to a positive wet bias, but as LWF said a "false positive wet bias".
This is my own opinion and isn't meant to be negative or derogatory or accusatory to anyone or any situation...am just joining the htread...voicing my personal thoughts

[Bit]

Yes, I think so. I think we expect things to go better than they do because people tend to put their best foot forward, yanno? And of course online there is that chance to hit the delete key and rethink what we might have said, so that people often get our more considered answers when in face-to-face interactions we just blurt out that first thing we started to say, and have NO delete key. So we think we are getting into relationships with a person who always acts at their very best.

One of the things I learned over the years though is that no one can sustain that best-foot-forward behavior for more than about six months, and quite often not for more than three or four months. How the person acts in month seven is a much more accurate picture of what life with them might be like.

I suspect that having Skype or a program like it might speed that timeframe up considerably, and might also eliminate that wet bias.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

I was listening to a statistician today and he was commenting on the fact that local weather forecasters have wet bias, meaning that they predict a higher probability of precipitation then the national weather service numbers indicate......Okay so now comes the part where you need to bear with me......

So my question is: Do you think that here on our "Planet" we have a 'wet bias" meaning, is it possible that we tend to predict more possibilities for success in our online interactions than we might if say we all lived around the corner from one another? I haven't formed an opinion, I mean seriously it might be "reverse wet bias" for all I know, but the question intrigued me.

I would really love to hear what you think about it?

Do you think about it....

I find myself much more misunderstood online than in person. I actually expect that if I am walking into a semi heated conversation, or really any conversation besides light ones, that there is a good chance someone will take something I said the wrong way and take offense. It has happened even when I have put out every disclaimer in the book before saying my thoughts.

However, this is happening less now, which I assume is people having a better sense of my style of communication. I have never experienced this face to face, though, so I dunno. All I do know is that I am glad it isn't happening as much. I am also aware that I came to the conclusion at some point that I can only do the best I can to get my point across.

ETA: I see that the posters above me answered the question under the assumption that LWF was referring to potential romantic partners. Obviously, I read LWF's question as being about general online communication, as indicated by what I highlighted in her post.

[laruss]

One thing I learned in my psychology courses and through real life interactions is that anyone can hide their true self for 3 months. In online (especially if it is your only communication) this can last much much longer. You can be anyone you want to be if there is no real life interaction. You can present any persona.

[girl_dee]

Yup we tend to put our good foot forward, that is true online and in real life, the difference is when the relationship is around the corner, whether it be friendship or love affair you get a better glimpse of how a person lives. No matter how many Skype or honeymoonish visits you have, i feel you still cannot possibly know how someone really lives/behaves until you make the jump. We all want the fairy tale, some people want the fantasy to become reality.

And i feel the truth is once you brag about you being the newest *one true love* of someone who has been around the block, it's hard to save face when it all goes sour, because everyone already knew where it was heading.

i tend to believe people, it's hard for me to comprehend that people would hide their *stuff* to be discovered later, but they do. Even on a friendship level i don't get it.

i try to be the same online than i am in person. i've tried to be honest about my shortcomings and my *stuff* so there are no surprises. i try to be honest about the way i want to live and my expectations in life. i hope i have succeeded in doing that.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

<snip> I find myself much more misunderstood online than in person. </snip>

ain't that the truth! that is why i like meeting people in real life, you cannot hear tone and intention in the written word.

also i feel it's a LOT easier for people to be jerks online as opposed to real time.

[Kelt]

"Is it possible that we tend to predict more possibilities for success in our online interactions than we might if say we all lived around the corner from one another?"

This is one of those yes and no questions for me. On the yes side; specifically, online communities can consolidate resources. In this particular community we have a sub-group of a sub-group of a sub-group. Most physical communities would have a very low percentage of persons in the BF dynamic. So, the odds of meeting compatible friends or partners goes up in this little fish bowl compared to Main St for most folks.

It is similar in this way to other special interest internet forums. If you want to talk with people who are audiophiles, or beekeepers, or car enthusiasts; there's a web based forum for that.

When looking at someone as a possible online friend, I like being able to look back a bit and get a feel for what their interests and ideas are. Sometimes that is enough to move on or strike up conversation. I do think that if it is to be more than online friends, we should meet in person, early and often. That is where the rubber really meets the road.


On the no side; It is limiting for the same reasons. That is why for me it is import and to meet people from all walks of life. It helps me to balance out my own perspective with that of the rest of the world. I find that easier to do out in the real world where groups are already diluted. I really enjoy meeting people from all different walks of life, but, again, if it is a specific I am looking for this is the most efficient way that I have found so far.

This seems to be an extension of what we used to do (and still do) in bars or interest based groups. Not that different to me.

As far as presentation goes, I agree with others here, yes I have better punctuation and a larger vocabulary online than in general conversation. That is because I can re-read, edit, and (occasionally) get my foot out of my mouth before hitting send. By the same token, if I lived in the same town with someone and went on a date with them I would have a freshly pressed shirt and shined shoes. I would want to put my best foot forward in either case. Same with Skype, I make sure there is nothing weird or distracting in the background.

For me, in general, the "web" is a condenser of many things. Socializing is no different, this is social media.

There are deceptive people everywhere, they are concentrated here. I like to think the good people are also.

BTW, forget what I said about punctuation. I'm still a comma whore.

[princessbelle]

Good question.

I tend to be one of those that sees this type of interaction (online) for what it is. When i see two peeps get all googoo, i don't really get all teary eyed at the beginning and go buy a wedding gift, immediately. I tend to think it's sweet, but i feel they are just dating. Dating is needed. It's a good thing. It's just a journey, a dance. It may work, it may not. Such is real life as well, but we can tell if it's going to work or not way quicker if the person you are interested in lives down the street.

Countering that, i believe when two people do breakup, it's just that they didn't jive. Doesn't mean one is a demon and run in circles saying "OMG what happened". It's just more televised, so to speak, because we are involved by seeing these things unfold right before our eyes sometimes.

I think we do ok. I don't think we are over zealous or more naive than any other group of people. I think the gay/queer community, especially, deals the best we can online.

I do not think that makes us dream seekers or u-haul addicts any more than it would straight people if these were the only means that many of them could meet each other. I believe they would do it the same.

I just think we get a bad wrap online. I think we do pretty darn good. So, i guess to answer your question, no. I think since many of us are positive people, we may see all of our relationships, romantic or not, as successful. Being online just takes a little longer to figure out...that's the only diff i see.

[SleepyButch]

This is a really great topic. Thanks for bringing it up. Please keep in mind that these are just my opinions and do not reflect the opinions of anyone else living, dead or undead for that matter.

I've been doing the online thing for a long long time, partially because I'm shy and partially because it's not been so easy to meet people who get me where I have lived.

I've met some really great people, both friends and gfs/lovers and I've also seen some people who portray themselves to be perfect in every way (fakes). I think when it comes to myself, while I am a more outgoing here, I am never not me meaning I want my real personality to be known.

When it comes to others, I don't think I necessary have "wet bias" as I try to figure people out for who they really are whether that means following posts, watching them in chat or getting to know them on a more personal level on the phone, skype, text. etc. If I am interested in someone, I tend to want to meet in person right away to even see if there is a connection up front. If there is not, why waste each other's time?

I am a bit of a skeptic at times. I've been lied to before in this type of forum as I'm sure a lot of us have experienced. I was talking to someone when I first started chatting and that person told me they were deaf so they couldn't talk on the phone. Fine with me but later on after we stopped talking, I found out that same person had interactions with a friend of mine who found out that person was a bio male! In those days, I had wet bias. I wanted to believe that everyone was what they said they were. I've learned some very valuable lessons over the years.

Now I usually am a pretty good judge of character and I pay attention. I can typically pick out those people who are not what they seem to be. I hate seeing them hurt other people that way.

I do love that people find love here. I love that there are couples that have met here and are still together after years. That gives a lot of us hope. I don't think that the person you are meant to be with is just around the corner most of the time. Don't get me wrong, they could be but why limit yourself when you have an ocean of opportunities right here not only for a partner but also for those friends that will be there for you at all hours of the night no matter what.


So in saying all of that, I just want to ask that when you are starting to interact with others here, remember that you are talking with someone else who has feelings. Make sure you are true to yourself and that other person. Don't lie about yourself or what you do. Don't lie about your health, your job, anything just to get sympathy from a trusting soul. Don't put up pictures that don't look like you because eventually if you meet someone, the truth will come out regarding all of these aspects. Just be kind to each other and the rest will fall into place if it's meant to do so.

I am not even sure I answered your question.. sorry.. lol. Oh well.... carry on.

[gaea]

I am subscribing to this thread, so many great things being said.

I guess for me if i tell you my favorite color is purple which it is you will see great evidence of that in my home....online or irl if one tells me their favorite color is say red online and then later irl i fond out its say blue there would be many red flags....

I would like to think "everyone is honest to the core" here Id like to think that anyway sadly enough i know that this isn't the case here or irl...

I will for certain be looking forward to reading more responses

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

So in saying all of that, I just want to ask that when you are starting to interact with others here, remember that you are talking with someone else who has feelings. Make sure you are true to yourself and that other person. Don't lie about yourself or what you do. Don't lie about your health, your job, anything just to get sympathy from a trusting soul. Don't put up pictures that don't look like you because eventually if you meet someone, the truth will come out regarding all of these aspects. Just be kind to each other and the rest will fall into place if it's meant to do so.

I like this a lot. If everyone did this we could have a "wet bias".

Besides, the truth is easier to remember.

[thedivahrrrself]

I think in the real world, people are more cynical about internet relationships, so maybe that "wet bias" evens itself out.

I think the dating medium you use best depends on your personality. For me, I've dated folks online and I've met folks in person, and success is mixed with both.

I'm a bit shy at first with most people, but having those conversations and being able to open up to someone without seeing their reaction means that when we do meet, there is already a bond. You never know what chemistry will be like in person, but it's nice not to walk away from a first date with someone thinking I'm quiet (I'm so not!) because I wasn't sure what to talk about or I was too bashful to look them in the eye.

And our dating pool is very small, you cannot discount that. So the odds of online relationships working may be better for us than with "regular" queer or straight folk, simply because where else are we going to meet people who ID as butch/femme?