Internalized misogyny and sexism

[Kobi]

Like it or not, it is 2012 and we still live in a patriarchal world. Sexism and misogyny is still alive and well.

It is easier, in some cases, to see sexism and misogyny in certain external type stuff. There is general agreement on violence against women, in unequal pay scales, in glass ceilings, in female genital mutilation, in honor killings etc.

There is less recognition and agreement on the tenets of sexism and misogyny that is taught to us, regardless of where we fall on the gender/sex spectrum, that become a part of us, our belief systems, our behavior, even our humor.

What we call the patriarchy, is the attitude and belief that masculine is superior to feminine. In this attitude and belief system is a power and control dynamic that works incredibly well. We are born into it, we are groomed in it, and try as we might, we cannot escape it.

For the patriarchy to exist, it must have a way to program people into what it wants us to buy into and perpetuate. That programming is the socialization we are subjected to from birth.

Again, regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, we are exposed to repetitive and insidious messages to reinforce the status quo. We are all taught, in one way or another, that the "system" expects certain things from us. At each step on the spectrum, we are taught our place, we are taught the places of others, and we are taught how this is all supposed to fit together to reinforce the status quo.

As the programming is structural and institutionalized, no one can escape it. We can talk about it, we can look at it, we can debate it, at times we can modify it a little as long as the modification helps to reinforce the status quo. We can even try to deny it, but just as with racism, denial doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

There are many ways we are all programmed. I am looking to start a discussion in the ways in which we internalize these messages, and, in doing so, perpetuate and feed into these messages.

This is not easy to do. It is not easy nor comfortable to see or think of oneself as a tool that is being manipulated for a purpose.

Sexism and misogyny is everywhere. Whether we see it for what it is, is another story.

It is in our music. For example rap/hip hop music is full of it referring to women as sluts and whores and bitches. Such anger. But, it's just music right? Btw, rap/hip hop was the most glaring example I could think of. If I went thru individual songs written and performed by women, similar themes are there just not as blatant.

It is in our books, movies, and tv shows.

It is in the way we, as women, are taught to look at other women. If our partner has an affair, it is almost instinctual that we will begin referring to the other woman as a whore, a slut, a homewrecker. It is more acceptable to blame the other woman for enticing our partner than it is to blame our partner for straying.

It is in the workplace. How often do you hear women saying things like...."I hate working for women. They are such bitches."

Take a mixed gender group throwing ideas on the table. A feminine/female person throws out an idea - it is greeted half heartedly. Down the line, a masculine/male person throws out the exact same idea - aha! eureka! Brilliant!

Regardless of where we fall on the gender spectrum, we are taught to police our own in our respective groups based on the prevailing norms. We are taught to maintain the status quo. We may allow some freedom to explore here but when it becomes threatening to the status quo, there are definate social cues for the individual to shut up or for the group to shut them up - there by restoring order.

Even in violence against women we see women on different sides of the issue. Rape is a prime example. Rape is about power and control. Yet, the primary mental health thing to be dealt with after a rape is guilt. Women feel guilty because someone violated them. Sometimes, we, who are looking in from the outside, can see rape as a terrible thing. Yet, sometimes we also blame the victim i.e. if she didnt dress that way, if she didnt get drunk, if she wasnt in that bar etc. The message the partiarchy wants us to internalize is, whether we want to admit it or not, is women are expected to bear the responsibility for the actions of the perpetrator.

Women deal with as much discrimination amongst their own as they do from outsiders. We often say, she needs to pull up her big girl panties and move on. Has anyone ever said, he needs to pull up his superman underoos and move on?

We are also programmed to see other women as competition. As such, we revert to commenting often negatively on their bodies, their manner of dress, their mannerisms, their speech etc. Why do we do that. Why to we devalue other women? What purpose does that serve? Perhaps, it serves to fit and maintain what we have been told is the standard of attractiveness? Perhaps it is meant to remind women of the potential perks or privileges i.e. the more desirable, the more attractive, the more enticing we appear the better quality of mate we attract or the better the chance we will attract one at all?

The media and advertisting reinforce all of this. Take the Olympics outdoor volleyball as an example. The outfits for males were long shorts and non form fitting tees. The outfits for females were skimpy bikinis. I remember hearing the womens water polo teams wore thongs but I didnt see this, nor do I know what the male water polo people wore.

How often has someone said something sexist or misogynistic and then tried to explain it away as "humor". There is nothing funny about hatred whether it be of women or POC or anything or anyone else. Hatred disguised as humor is still hatred. It still perpetuates and is designed to send a message.

Another example is the current war on women in regards to birth control and abortion. This sends a few messages not so sublimal messages using religion and religious beliefs as a method of control and power over womens body's.

As I said, this is not easy stuff. But, it is feeling more and more important to revisit. One doesnt need to be a militant feminist to be able to step back and take a look at the structure of our society. One might even learn a thing or two.

As, I have been programmed to do, I am obligated to say, I have tried my best to present this in a non-contentious way. No matter where we fall on the gender/sex spectrum we are programmed to perpetuate the status quo in certain ways for a specific reason. Being female, I am just more aware of and familiar with the ways females are programmed.

I believe we are capable of having a good and valuable discussion about this. So, can anyone relate to any of these examples or do you have other examples to add?