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Old 08-10-2013, 07:36 AM   #41
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Originally Posted by Mopsie View Post
I worked at my part time job last night. I told my client the first three jokes from this thread. She loved them! She laughed so hard I thought she was going to spit out her meds.

Thanks for all the jokes everybody - keep them coming!


Mopsie - knowing that makes this even better. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 08-10-2013, 12:24 PM   #42
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I just realized I forgot to post the one that my client told me last night...


What do you call a deer with no eyes?

I have no eye-deer!
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Old 08-10-2013, 02:36 PM   #43
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Exclamation one a resident told me last night...

blind man goes into a bar. picks up his seeing eye dog and swings it around over his head, then puts it down. barkeep says "mate, what was that all about?". blind man says "nothing, just having a look around."
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Old 08-10-2013, 06:07 PM   #44
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I love this thread! It is so funny.

I am warming up some jokes to join in soon so wait right here I will be back.


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Old 08-11-2013, 12:55 PM   #45
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Heard on national TV this week:

Why are dancers good pirates?

They just ARRRRRRRGH.



I wasn't expecting that one.
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Old 08-11-2013, 02:05 PM   #46
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What do you call a fish with no eye's, .... a fsh.
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Old 08-11-2013, 06:00 PM   #47
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Hi,

here goes...........

two atoms are sitting in the bar watching sports and drinking bear having a great time. When they leave the bar one atom says to the other "hey I think I left an electron in the bar" The other atom says "are you sure?" and the first atom says "I am positive"!

Get it? Science joke!

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Old 08-11-2013, 07:20 PM   #48
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This guy's wife sends him to the store and tells him to get a gallon of milk, and if they have any alvacados get 6. So he comes home from the store and his wife said, why in the world did you get 6 gallons of milk? He said, they had alvacados .
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Old 08-11-2013, 07:29 PM   #49
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How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow blower?

Hand him a shovel.
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Old 08-12-2013, 10:30 AM   #50
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 dollars that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
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Old 08-12-2013, 10:42 AM   #51
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How do you make an egg roll?
You push it!!
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Old 08-12-2013, 03:25 PM   #52
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
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Old 08-12-2013, 07:34 PM   #53
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I borrowed this from some science friends......

What did the number 0 say to the number 8?
Nice belt!
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Old 08-13-2013, 11:17 AM   #54
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I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.
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Old 08-13-2013, 11:39 AM   #55
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Old 08-13-2013, 12:29 PM   #56
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have you heard of the new restaurant on the moon? the food is amazing, but i've heard its got no atmosphere...
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Old 08-14-2013, 06:11 AM   #57
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I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.
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Old 08-14-2013, 11:59 AM   #58
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What do you call an fake noodle?

An impasta!!
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Old 08-15-2013, 03:09 AM   #59
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Default Not sure if this is corny enough ...

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??" "But the guy was drunk." says the husband. "It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to do." So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?" And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing." ...
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Old 08-15-2013, 05:45 AM   #60
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I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, but it begins with P something T something R..
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