I am so QUEER!

[Stacy]

QUEER
   /kwɪər/ Show Spelled [kweer] Show IPA adjective, -er, -est, verb, noun
–adjective
1.
strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint; unusually different; singular: a queer notion of justice.

2.of a questionable nature or character; suspicious; shady: Something queer about the language of the prospectus kept investors away.
3.not feeling physically right or well; giddy, faint, or qualmish: to feel queer.
4.mentally unbalanced or deranged.
5.Slang: Disparaging and Offensive .
a.homosexual.
b.effeminate; unmanly.
6.Slang . bad, worthless, or counterfeit.
–verb (used with object)
7.to spoil; ruin.
8.to put (a person) in a hopeless or disadvantageous situation as to success, favor, etc.
9.to jeopardize.
–noun
10.Slang: Disparaging and Offensive . a homosexual, especially a male homosexual.
11.Slang . counterfeit money.
—Idiom
12.queer the pitch, British Informal . to spoil the chances of success.
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Origin:
1500–10; perhaps < German quer oblique, cross, adverse

—Related forms
queer·ly, adverb
queer·ness, noun

—Synonyms
1. unconventional, curious, freakish, eccentric, weird. See strange.

—Antonyms
1. ordinary.

When I claimed the identity/label of queer several years ago I did it because of definition #1. I am not conventional and my viewpoint, especially as far as my sexuality goes varies from the norm. By norm, I mean in both the straight world and the homosexual world. I also chose it because of it's synonyms, which all describe me, and because of it's antonym, "ordinary", which is something I have never wanted to be. As far back as my memory goes I have been working to be anything but ordinary. I feel I've been successful in that endeavor.

All the other definitions of queer pertain to me in some way if I'm being honest, and depending on who you ask. I don't consider myself shady, and try to be just the opposite. I do however, feel I am born from a questionable nature. I am the big rainbow phoenix that has dared to rise up from the dysfunctional ashes of my childhood.

I am not physically right. I don't fit into societal norm of what beauty is. I am a queer fat femme-ish deviant. I may have a big ass, but honey, I have a big heart, and a big laugh, and I can rock my husband's world. It has taken me so many years to see my beauty, and to own it. I always thought if I loved myself as fat, then I would never lose weight. Self acceptance doesn't equal complacency. I still would like to lose some weight and be healthier. That is all that will happen to me though. I will be healthier. I will not be any more beautiful or more attractive to my husband.

"Mentally Unbalanced"... again, if I'm being honest, actually, if we're all being honest, aren't we all just a little? I know I certainly have my days.

"Disparaging"?? Ohferfuckssake! Of course I am disparaging. If you don't love the word fuck, if your tongue doesn't tingle the word fuck rolls off the tip of it, if you're ears don't perk when you hear spoken, then you probably won't enjoy my company.

"Homosexual" Well, I am not a lesbian. I am married to a man. Right? However, I am married to a transsexual man. I could never, and would never be married to a biological man again. I was though for 13 years. I was then in a relationship with a woman for two. Then I found my soul mate, who as fate would have it, was a transman. I am married to man, so I must be straight then. Right? Wrong!! I am far from straight. Ask any of the friendly dancers at our favorite strip club how much I love a good lap dance. Ask my husband how "not straight" I am.


As far as the last two, I may be effeminate, but that's a good thing, and I am certainly not worthless, and I'm not sure why that is even under the definition of queer. I think someone needs to rewrite that shit.

For me, being queer isn't just my label, it's my identity. It's my total package wrapped up in a big rainbow flag. To me it is a powerful word. Nobody could ever use it against me in a negative way because I love it too much.

So if you ID as Queer like I do, I'd love to hear from you. I searched the forums and didn't find any threads about this. So I hope I'm not stepping on any toes by starting this. I just thought we needed a place to have some big queer conversations about big queer issues or whatnot.

This is probably my longest post ever.
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