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04-14-2011, 06:44 PM
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#1 |
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being disabled....
i haven't seen a thread specifically addressing the difficulties of being disabled in a healthy world so thought i would start one. i'll begin with my situation: i have MS, COPD, Fibromyalgia, and am now losing my sight. (please, when post, use a 5 or larger font, so i can read it!) how does someone like me find a partner? most people seem to want those who are healthy. i am also on SSD, poor, don't drive, don't even have my own place right now. so that puts me in a place where all i have to offer someone is myself. as i am. and i highly doubt that someone is going to want to take on all that comes with me. if such were to pass, twould be wonderful, but, though i am open to possibilities, i really don't expect anything. i'm trying to make my peace with this and think that i have. i like who i am and am at peace with the decisions i have made in my life. my spiritual life gets me through the days and nights. i must admit that this is hard sometimes, dealing w/dr.s a lot, having to make my way through bureaucracies just to get what i need to survive. i am thankful that i am able to do it, however, and am sure that i will adjust to being blind, just as i have to everything else that has come my way. that's a biggie to adjust to, but i'm a strong person! the Tao moves as Tao moves, and i will move with it.
namaste, my friends. i look forward to hearing from others! DamselFly 
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so long as space remains so long as sentient beings remain i will remain in order to help, to serve, to make my own contribution (Buddhist prayer, a favorite of H.H.)  |
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04-14-2011, 08:42 PM
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#2 |
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I have chronic and acute back problems. And fibromyalgia. And a nasty monstrous hiatal hernia that has sapped the life right out of me for over a year. And while I am not losing my sight, I tend to need eye surgery every year or every other year, for retinal detachments and recently, for corneal problems. I also have depression and after living with my medical problems and poverty, I developed anxiety and then, panic attacks. I could go on but you get the picture. I just got on SSDI and it made me rich comparitively to what I have been living on for the past almost three years...which was $115 a month. Yeah. Mercy. So for the past three years I refused relationships or romance. I focused on me. Actually in the past before my health issues, I didnt fair well with relationships and while I would like to believe it was all their faults, it wasnt. Even before my health went bad, I was difficult and I needed to work on myself even then. So now while I havent been working and have had time on my hands, I took the time to better myself. I spent time in therapy and in spiritual practices. Its an ongoing process and I like the results I am getting.
My physical health is also improving. So is my mental and spiritual. (Tho out of all three, I need most help still in the spiritual domain.) I am a better person than I have ever been. But i am still not interested in a romance. Not the "walk down the aisle, I am ready to say forever romance". Hell, I just got my meds right! LOL You know how long that took? Here is a bit of philosophy...I just now realize the real answer to life. Time. And no one wants to give it. I do. I have dug my stilletoes deep into the ground and I am dragging myself slowly thru time. Not because I am disabled. But because I am able to do that....no one can take that away from me. Only me. I have sat for two years on BFP watching people be in love, fall sadly out of love, happily find love, never get over being hurt, never fall out of love, never find love at all....the whole time just sitting and watching and praying for everyone to be happy. What did I pray for myself? to stay out of harms way..and the only way I could do that was to stay single. For me, this was a good decision... we all look for different things in our lives. I hope you find yours, Damsel...
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Pole bachit, a lis chuye.
The field sees, the forest hears |
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04-14-2011, 08:54 PM
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#3 |
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Subscribing 
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04-14-2011, 10:32 PM
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#4 |
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I am differently abled and found someone who just didn't give a rats patoot that I am. 3 herniated disc, arthritis, and fibro, amongst the most serious of issues. We all have flaws, it's how we deal with them that makes us who we are.
When you least expect it, there will be that one right person who will love you for you and not your ableness. Good luck and don't sell yourself short.
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"Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them".
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04-14-2011, 11:26 PM
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#5 |
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I got sick almost 3 yrs ago. In Sept I got my disability because I have Lupus. It has already attacked most of my organs. Besides flare ups which are HORRIBLE and the chronic fatigue I am pretty good for the most part. I went through the whole " I don't need a partner or anyone in my life. Who would want to deal with this" but now I am over it. I firmly believe that we don't find love, love finds us. So just think positive and take care of yourself.
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04-14-2011, 11:34 PM
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#6 |
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I normally post in pink, but decided not to because I have been told it is hard for people with limited vision to read. I am disabled myself. I will post to this thread in a minute, but for now I just wanted to list some other threads on the topic so anyone interested can peruse them,
Smooches Keri Differently Abled (fly your freak flag high) The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People Fibromyalgia/Chronic Illness/Chronic Pain/etc thread Ableism and Ableist Language |
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04-14-2011, 11:58 PM
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#7 |
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It's funny - I don't knpw whether its because my eyes are tired or what, but this big type is HARDER for me to read.
I had polio at age three, walked with crutches for over forty years, and then when my arms began to go bad I switched full time to an electric scooter for mobility. The switch had negatives - no more dancing which I darly missed, and some problems with building accessibility. BUT the benefits have been overwhelmingly good for me. My energy level zoomed. I can use both hands at the same time for a task, I can carry my own tray in a cafeteria, I can do hundreds of activities that were difficult or impossible before, I can hold hands and move forward at the same time ,,, and I can finally "walk" and chew gum at the same time, LOL! I had a wonderful 25 year marriage to my FTM husband who loved me both with crutches and with the scooter. He died seven years ago, and I spent most of that time alone. But it was ME who was not ready. This past year I have had loving relationships with two great people. Both relationships ended short of "forever", but the people I remain in touch with. It's real possible that I am still not ready. But the point is, being disabled did not keep people from finding me attractive. I am incredibly lucky (and incredibly grateful) to be pretty much pain free. Blessings to you all. Single or partnered, may we all be content with our lives or have the ability to change them. Smooches, Keri |
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04-15-2011, 05:37 PM
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#8 | |
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Don't forget Connie Panzarino's The Me In the Mirror
[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Me-Mirror-Connie-Panzarino/dp/1878067451#reader_1878067451"]Amazon.com: The Me in the Mirror (9781878067456): Connie Panzarino: Books[/ame] Connie was one of my dearest friends and I miss her madly... and I will always talk about her book.... I love me some Connie!  Quote:
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 Take care of your body, take care of your health... You never know when the walls cave in and it all changes for good.
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Hybrid Mode
