Reactions to Embracing Your Femme(ness)

Medusa · 08-20-2012, 11:27 AM

Hey Fellow Femmes!

I have been reading the sweet stories in the Butch Reactions thread and thought it would be nice to talk about how we ourselves and the people around us reacted to us embracing our Femme(ness).

This can be either coming out as Femme or just embracing our hyper-Feminine (or differently-Femmed) way of being.

Would love to hear your stories!

Novelafemme · 08-20-2012, 11:30 AM

I love this and thought I'd share it here!

princessbelle · 08-20-2012, 11:33 AM

Well, let's see.

I sure did think i was a freak, being girly and being gay. Never saw a femme or rather, didn't know you could be femme and be gay. All the gay peeps i had ever seen were butch.

THEN i came online. THEN i found the dash site. What a wonderful thing to find out you are....

not alone
not a freak
some gay people were actually attracted to femmes.

Oh and yeah, found out i had an ID...femme.

How truly wonderful it is to be a part of so many beautiful and strong women.

Just ...lovely.

Novelafemme · 08-20-2012, 11:42 AM

I was in a meeting a few weeks ago (wait, what month is it again??

) and somehow it came up that I am gay. No biggy, but after the meeting an older male co-worker came up to me with a very startled look on his face and started going on and on about how he had no idea I was gay...I looked like a librarian, I looked so wholesome, if he had to pick a gay woman out of a line-up he would never think it was me, blah,blah,blah.

I let him finish and managed to keep a polite look on my face (I think) and when he was done I said, "Well, now you know the horrible truth!"...and walked away. I think he was attempting to give me a backhanded compliment, but dude!!!!

Novelafemme · 08-20-2012, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Well, let's see.

I sure did think i was a freak, being girly and being gay. Never saw a femme or rather, didn't know you could be femme and be gay. All the gay peeps i had ever seen were butch.

THEN i came online. THEN i found the dash site. What a wonderful thing to find out you are....

not alone
not a freak
some gay people were actually attracted to femmes.

Oh and yeah, found out i had an ID...femme.

How truly wonderful it is to be a part of so many beautiful and strong women.

Just ...lovely.

AY-MEN and Hallelujah!!!

Artdecogoddess · 08-20-2012, 12:31 PM

Hello Folks -

I was at the Femme Conference this weekend in Baltimore - It made me miss the Planet MADLY! Can't wait for reunion.

That is all (for now)
xoxox
ADG

mariamma · 08-20-2012, 01:37 PM

Thank you Medusa for starting this thread and thank you Novelafemme for the great link. Love the image of a busty bevy of curvy femmes laughing, singing and tearing apart a pinata.
I came out in a gentle, accepting Nor Cali town that had 4 womyn's lands and a history of Back to the Land communities that started out with hippie hetero couples and women who then discovered they loved each other more than they loved their husbands. But no femmes.
My first GF was my one and only butch I've been with and I still ache for the sweet and tender way she looked at me and treated me. I am femme mostly because I love butch women so much, I love how they make me feel in body and soul.
I spent many years with men (by choice, I wanted black kids who knew and loved their father and being with men was the best way I could accomplish this) but when I saw a butch EMT lope towards me at work one day, the sight of her broke me of my habit of men. Why have serve a man hamburger when you can eat caviar off the bicep of a butch?
When I was single again, many men came forward to court me (I'm sure y'all know what I'm talking about). They were surprised when I said I was a lesbian, had been for years and that I was with men by choice. No man has said anything as narrow-minded as what the elder gentleman said to Novelafemme but they are puzzled. At one point I subscribed to the belief that wanting a butch woman and wanting a strapping butch woman was really wanting a man. But for me, men are a poor substitute for butch women. There's an emotional quality in butch women that I crave that men don't have. There is a huge difference between wanting a butch woman or even butch male ID person and wanting a bio-male. It's not about physical structures as much as it is about biology and energy.
The men who had come forward hoping to date me listened to my story and asked if it was because my ex broke my heart, or because I really didn't like men. I told them all the story of the butch EMT who broke me of my habit of men in full detail and they would often see the delight and change in my mannerisms and go 'Aha! She really, really likes butch women! I know she likes me as a friend but...she's lighting up at the thought of a woman's muscled arm, the golden hairs on her muscled arms and the twinkling of forearm muscles. I can't compete with that. She likes me as a friend but loves butch women'. They would 'get' what I meant. I wasn't rejecting the men by loving women. Usually once we get past that point, they realize it was never about men or how an individual male treated me. It was more about embracing the full beauty of a person and loving the beauty of butch women.

Martina · 08-20-2012, 07:14 PM

I am not hyper feminine (nor differently femmed). Just femme. I never was androgynous or alternative. Certainly not butch.

I ID'd as femme because I wanted to fuck and be fucked by butches and wanted to feel like a woman (not a gay boy) while I was getting it. That's honestly how it started.

Then it grew to be part of me. It made sense. It acknowledged the natural connection I felt with my mom and other women while allowing me to be the queer that I am. (I am so oblivious to guys that I have been accused of being a 6 on the Kinsey scale.) It made sense for me.

I also fuck femmes. I like femmes sexually. That is unusual in butch-femme. I do not fuck femmes who try to bring out the boy in me. If I don't feel like a woman in bed, it ain't gonna happen twice.

I like Femme Tops and hungry girl bottoms. Right now, I'd say my preference is for femmes, but that stuff shifts around.

I try not to talk about femme in terms of how I dress or do my hair although it's almost impossible to avoid. But I am femme. I feel my grace, and to a special few, I have communicated it.

Sachita · 08-31-2012, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Well, let's see.

I sure did think i was a freak, being girly and being gay. Never saw a femme or rather, didn't know you could be femme and be gay. All the gay peeps i had ever seen were butch.

THEN i came online. THEN i found the dash site. What a wonderful thing to find out you are....

not alone
not a freak
some gay people were actually attracted to femmes.

Oh and yeah, found out i had an ID...femme.

How truly wonderful it is to be a part of so many beautiful and strong women.

Just ...lovely.

OMG me too! I was this big hair, BIG breasted ultra fem in 4 inch heels. Bold an vivacious. My best friend talked me into wearing 501's and boots with a pull over. No matter how hard to tried to butch it up it just wasn't happened. I intimidated queers and I can't even tell you how many times I was asked if I was in drag.

thedivahrrrself · 09-03-2012, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

OMG me too! I was this big hair, BIG breasted ultra fem in 4 inch heels. Bold an vivacious. My best friend talked me into wearing 501's and boots with a pull over. No matter how hard to tried to butch it up it just wasn't happened. I intimidated queers and I can't even tell you how many times I was asked if I was in drag.

LMAO this cracked me up because I went through a (very short) phase where I tried to "butch it up" to stop being invisible. I felt (and looked) pretty stupid with my slicked back hair and button up shirt... ROFL I'd almost forgotten about that summer!

Going to dig through old pics and see if I can find any of my ridiculousness!

lettertodaddy · 09-03-2012, 05:12 PM

I had a brief moment where I tried being butch - wearing Queer Nation t-shirts, cut off denim shorts, and Doc Martens - but even then, I wore lots of makeup and had very girly mannerisms. It just wasn't meant to be.

princessbelle · 09-03-2012, 05:25 PM

I remember my first girlfriend and i still didn't know about femmes. I remember apologizing to her about being girly. I told her if she would help me try and be more butch i would try. Thinking i was a disappointment to her.

She laughed and told me i was just perfect the way i was. I was so naive. She went on to tell me there are gay women like me, i wasn't by myself. I felt relieved, not sure i believed her though lol.

Had no clue about the butch/femme dynamic.

Femme is how i was born and i am so glad i never had to change. I am so thankful there are others like me.

Belonging somewhere feels beautiful!!!

08-20-2012, 11:27 AM	#1
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,872 Times in 7,835 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	Reactions to Embracing Your Femme(ness) Hey Fellow Femmes! I have been reading the sweet stories in the Butch Reactions thread and thought it would be nice to talk about how we ourselves and the people around us reacted to us embracing our Femme(ness). This can be either coming out as Femme or just embracing our hyper-Feminine (or differently-Femmed) way of being. Would love to hear your stories! __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

08-20-2012, 11:33 AM	#3
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,503 Times in 5,201 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Well, let's see. I sure did think i was a freak, being girly and being gay. Never saw a femme or rather, didn't know you could be femme and be gay. All the gay peeps i had ever seen were butch. THEN i came online. THEN i found the dash site. What a wonderful thing to find out you are.... not alone not a freak some gay people were actually attracted to femmes. Oh and yeah, found out i had an ID...femme. How truly wonderful it is to be a part of so many beautiful and strong women. Just ...lovely. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

08-20-2012, 12:31 PM	#6
Artdecogoddess Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She - but read me however! Relationship Status: Blissfull! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Baltimore Posts: 399 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,596 Thanked 888 Times in 199 Posts Rep Power: 5087998	Hello Folks - I was at the Femme Conference this weekend in Baltimore - It made me miss the Planet MADLY! Can't wait for reunion. That is all (for now) xoxox ADG __________________ [ Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you...it means that you do not treat your body as a commodity with which to purchase superficial intimacy or economic security; for our bodies to be treated as objects, our minds are in mortal danger. It means insisting that those to whom you give your friendship and love are able to respect your mind. It means being able to say, with Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre: "I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all the extraneous delights should be withheld or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give. Responsibility to yourself means that you don't fall for shallow and easy solutions--predigested books and ideas...marrying early as an escape from real decisions, getting pregnant as an evasion of already existing problems. It means that you refuse to sell your talents and aspirations short...and this, in turn, means resisting the forces in society which say that women should be nice, play safe, have low professional expectations, drown in love and forget about work, live through others, and stay in the places assigned to us. It means that we insist on a life of meaningful work, insist that work be as meaningful as love and friendship in our lives. It means, therefore, the courage to be "different"...The difference between a life lived actively, and a life of passive drifting and dispersal of energies, is an immense difference. Once we begin to feel committed to our lives, responsible to ourselves, we can never again be satisfied with the old, passive way." Adrienne Rich

09-03-2012, 05:12 PM	#11
lettertodaddy Member How Do You Identify?: dorky queer femme bottom Preferred Pronoun?: feminine ones Relationship Status: single, dammit. Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: vancouver, bc Posts: 240 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 157 Thanked 716 Times in 158 Posts Rep Power: 8075872	I had a brief moment where I tried being butch - wearing Queer Nation t-shirts, cut off denim shorts, and Doc Martens - but even then, I wore lots of makeup and had very girly mannerisms. It just wasn't meant to be. __________________ "If I'm in a room full of cookies, the cookies ain't got no damn chance." - Charles Barkley The meaning behind my screen name:

09-03-2012, 05:25 PM	#12
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,503 Times in 5,201 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I remember my first girlfriend and i still didn't know about femmes. I remember apologizing to her about being girly. I told her if she would help me try and be more butch i would try. Thinking i was a disappointment to her. She laughed and told me i was just perfect the way i was. I was so naive. She went on to tell me there are gay women like me, i wasn't by myself. I felt relieved, not sure i believed her though lol. Had no clue about the butch/femme dynamic. Femme is how i was born and i am so glad i never had to change. I am so thankful there are others like me. Belonging somewhere feels beautiful!!! __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

08-20-2012, 11:30 AM	#2
Novelafemme Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ........ Posts: 2,402 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,981 Thanked 8,925 Times in 1,834 Posts Rep Power: 0	I love this and thought I'd share it here!

08-20-2012, 11:42 AM	#4
Novelafemme Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ........ Posts: 2,402 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,981 Thanked 8,925 Times in 1,834 Posts Rep Power: 0	I was in a meeting a few weeks ago (wait, what month is it again?? ) and somehow it came up that I am gay. No biggy, but after the meeting an older male co-worker came up to me with a very startled look on his face and started going on and on about how he had no idea I was gay...I looked like a librarian, I looked so wholesome, if he had to pick a gay woman out of a line-up he would never think it was me, blah,blah,blah. I let him finish and managed to keep a polite look on my face (I think) and when he was done I said, "Well, now you know the horrible truth!"...and walked away. I think he was attempting to give me a backhanded compliment, but dude!!!!

08-20-2012, 01:37 PM	#7
mariamma Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2011 Location: Oregon Posts: 352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,458 Thanked 1,116 Times in 281 Posts Rep Power: 9628889	Thank you Medusa for starting this thread and thank you Novelafemme for the great link. Love the image of a busty bevy of curvy femmes laughing, singing and tearing apart a pinata. I came out in a gentle, accepting Nor Cali town that had 4 womyn's lands and a history of Back to the Land communities that started out with hippie hetero couples and women who then discovered they loved each other more than they loved their husbands. But no femmes. My first GF was my one and only butch I've been with and I still ache for the sweet and tender way she looked at me and treated me. I am femme mostly because I love butch women so much, I love how they make me feel in body and soul. I spent many years with men (by choice, I wanted black kids who knew and loved their father and being with men was the best way I could accomplish this) but when I saw a butch EMT lope towards me at work one day, the sight of her broke me of my habit of men. Why have serve a man hamburger when you can eat caviar off the bicep of a butch? When I was single again, many men came forward to court me (I'm sure y'all know what I'm talking about). They were surprised when I said I was a lesbian, had been for years and that I was with men by choice. No man has said anything as narrow-minded as what the elder gentleman said to Novelafemme but they are puzzled. At one point I subscribed to the belief that wanting a butch woman and wanting a strapping butch woman was really wanting a man. But for me, men are a poor substitute for butch women. There's an emotional quality in butch women that I crave that men don't have. There is a huge difference between wanting a butch woman or even butch male ID person and wanting a bio-male. It's not about physical structures as much as it is about biology and energy. The men who had come forward hoping to date me listened to my story and asked if it was because my ex broke my heart, or because I really didn't like men. I told them all the story of the butch EMT who broke me of my habit of men in full detail and they would often see the delight and change in my mannerisms and go 'Aha! She really, really likes butch women! I know she likes me as a friend but...she's lighting up at the thought of a woman's muscled arm, the golden hairs on her muscled arms and the twinkling of forearm muscles. I can't compete with that. She likes me as a friend but loves butch women'. They would 'get' what I meant. I wasn't rejecting the men by loving women. Usually once we get past that point, they realize it was never about men or how an individual male treated me. It was more about embracing the full beauty of a person and loving the beauty of butch women.

08-20-2012, 07:14 PM	#8
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,366 Times in 4,171 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I am not hyper feminine (nor differently femmed). Just femme. I never was androgynous or alternative. Certainly not butch. I ID'd as femme because I wanted to fuck and be fucked by butches and wanted to feel like a woman (not a gay boy) while I was getting it. That's honestly how it started. Then it grew to be part of me. It made sense. It acknowledged the natural connection I felt with my mom and other women while allowing me to be the queer that I am. (I am so oblivious to guys that I have been accused of being a 6 on the Kinsey scale.) It made sense for me. I also fuck femmes. I like femmes sexually. That is unusual in butch-femme. I do not fuck femmes who try to bring out the boy in me. If I don't feel like a woman in bed, it ain't gonna happen twice. I like Femme Tops and hungry girl bottoms. Right now, I'd say my preference is for femmes, but that stuff shifts around. I try not to talk about femme in terms of how I dress or do my hair although it's almost impossible to avoid. But I am femme. I feel my grace, and to a special few, I have communicated it.