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Old 08-16-2020, 01:17 PM   #201
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you're wrong..grrls want nice butches in the street, a Tiger in the sheets...it's what in your heart that matters most, are you kind, intense, give her your undivided attention that's sexy..
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Old 08-16-2020, 01:29 PM   #202
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Perhaps that old saying is right, nice guys finish last!?
No way. They only finish last with the type of femme nobody needs anyway. Better to find out before investing too much time, energy, $$$ - or whatever else on them. There are good femmes out there. They're worth the wait.
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Old 08-16-2020, 04:06 PM   #203
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I respectfully disagree. They do not only want nice butches, Tomcats in the sheets, and undivided attention. They want to be wined and dined, and the butches to foot the bill. I'm with Stone on this one.

P.S. I am sorry that happened to you Stone.
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Old 08-16-2020, 04:37 PM   #204
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I don't really fear but I am now much more aware. My last relationship was around two years. We decided to put things on an equal page. I had never put someone elses name on my property or vice versa except my 22 yr relat.) Anyway I woke up one morning and my "partner" was gone. Totally moved out. I was asleep in the living room. I got a note to pay up over $10,000 of bills we had accumulated as she was suppose to be paying them off with our joint account. Well, NOT. It took a good chunk of my bank account to pay it all off which I did right away as this can ruin your borrowing power. I have recouped most of that money and am back where I was but I will never ever do that again. She sent an email telling me I was an inconsiderate person and she could not stay with me. OMG. I guess I forgot to put down my coat the last time it rained and she had to cross a puddle.
What a shit,sorry that happened mate.

I trust one person-ME

as a homeless street kid,I grew up knowing,their is one person here for me all the time.ME

Also I have heaps of red flags now
And actually like being single.
4 yrs of therapy helped,but I enjoy being alone and I'm 100% content and happy.
I actually feel sad for folks who can't be alone
Ive had 4 r'ships in my life,with sometimes 7 and 10 yr breaks.

For me money you can replace,but the feeling of being betrayal, that leaves a bad taste.
anyway dude,says more bout her than you.

I do trust my dog though LOL

once again,your story sux man.
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Old 08-16-2020, 10:35 PM   #205
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I respectfully disagree. They do not only want nice butches, Tomcats in the sheets, and undivided attention. They want to be wined and dined, and the butches to foot the bill. I'm with Stone on this one.

P.S. I am sorry that happened to you Stone.
Hmm, I don't know who you're dating, but I would say to head in another direction. That's not the way any of my friends or I think. I'm sorry about your experiences, but that's not indicative of a whole segment of the population.
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Old 08-16-2020, 10:41 PM   #206
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I have a lotttt of relationship anxieties, particularly related to a previous abusive relationship. Looking back, I feel dumb for being so easily manipulated and controlled, but I still struggle to trust myself enough to trust others. What if my judgment is wrong again?

I wonder if that line of thought has to do with blaming myself for the abuse that took place, but I do still feel so stupid for not ending things earlier, especially when every single one of my family and friends expressed concern.

It's interesting that trusting oneself can be a huge issue, not only trusting others.
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Old 08-17-2020, 12:19 AM   #207
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waking from a bad dream..but i feel i should say at least a few things..first i can't argue with a person's experience..we've all made mistakes and should fine tune our expectations and disappointments...hopefully moving forward and trying to do better..i'm an old school femme in a Gen X world i don't expect butches to play by my rules nevertheless, i'm deeply appreciative of being able to choose what is perfect for me..may we all find our way into paradise
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Old 08-17-2020, 05:36 AM   #208
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I am wound so tightly it seems I’m scared of almost everything when it comes to a relationship.

And that’s okay.

For now.
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Old 08-17-2020, 12:11 PM   #209
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Narcissistic behaviors. I can see the red flags now.

Do what you say. Don't even leave a question hanging. Go ahead contradict yourself...I can see it.
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Old 08-17-2020, 04:19 PM   #210
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Hmm, I don't know who you're dating, but I would say to head in another direction. That's not the way any of my friends or I think. I'm sorry about your experiences, but that's not indicative of a whole segment of the population.
Perhaps you are right, and I am dating the entirely wrong demographic. Maybe I made the mistake of dating too old school.. you know where women stayed home and took care of her man? I think I just might start dating more my age range. Thanks clementine!!!
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Old 08-17-2020, 04:23 PM   #211
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Perhaps you are right, and I am dating the entirely wrong demographic. Maybe I made the mistake of dating too old school.. you know where women stayed home and took care of her man? I think I just might start dating more my age range. Thanks clementine!!!
you date old school?!? then i agree with clementine, stay in your lane ok....(more then)a little amused..i actually think it's lit when you figure out what turn's you on...and off Peace

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Old 08-17-2020, 06:49 PM   #212
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OMG Build A Bridge. Buddy you got a lot wrong there I hate to say. I myself profess to be old school and proud of it. I had a wonderful 22 yr relationship back in the day and we lived 100%-100%. My lady sure did not stay home and cook for any man or any butch LOL. We both looked after things needing to be done. (I am a pretty good cook eh). I do dishes. I do laundry (hate it). I walked the dogs. I grocery shop. All this and took time after my work day to bring home flowers to my woman. My other butch friends were about the same. Any butch who downed their ladies were given a good snarl. My old school woman was hard working, smart, funny, a damn good cook and she even let me vaccum once in a while.
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Old 08-17-2020, 07:10 PM   #213
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OMG Build A Bridge. Buddy you got a lot wrong there I hate to say. I myself profess to be old school and proud of it. I had a wonderful 22 yr relationship back in the day and we lived 100%-100%. My lady sure did not stay home and cook for any man or any butch LOL. We both looked after things needing to be done. (I am a pretty good cook eh). I do dishes. I do laundry (hate it). I walked the dogs. I grocery shop. All this and took time after my work day to bring home flowers to my woman. My other butch friends were about the same. Any butch who downed their ladies were given a good snarl. My old school woman was hard working, smart, funny, a damn good cook and she even let me vaccum once in a while.
Stone? really? how do you assume I have a lot going on?? buddy you're the one who had a dame leave you a $10,000 credit card bill. Now you defend her? hmm bro.. really? Such a great gal right.
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Old 08-17-2020, 07:40 PM   #214
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I have a lotttt of relationship anxieties, particularly related to a previous abusive relationship. Looking back, I feel dumb for being so easily manipulated and controlled, but I still struggle to trust myself enough to trust others. What if my judgment is wrong again?

I wonder if that line of thought has to do with blaming myself for the abuse that took place, but I do still feel so stupid for not ending things earlier, especially when every single one of my family and friends expressed concern.

It's interesting that trusting oneself can be a huge issue, not only trusting others.


we all have had experiences that didn't work out ~ don't blame yourself ~ look at the things about your partner at that time that you were attracted too ~ see their eyes in your mind and send them love ~ make sure you are looking through your soul ~ the the hurt part but the part that knows how to love and will share that love you have again. ~ don't be hard on yourself know you know what you want ~ that's what experiencing life offers, experience. stay safe ~
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Old 08-17-2020, 09:21 PM   #215
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Perhaps you are right, and I am dating the entirely wrong demographic. Maybe I made the mistake of dating too old school.. you know where women stayed home and took care of her man? I think I just might start dating more my age range. Thanks clementine!!!
Oh wow, I really didn't mean to start drama with my comment lol. I actually prefer to date more old school myself, but with my being so young, it's not really possible. But old school to me maybe means something different, since I am from a different generation... I do feel that taking advantage of someone is taking advantage of them, period, regardless of roles/mores.

This whole topic of who foots the bill is interesting, though, because I was fully supporting my ex for the entire duration of our relationship. I didn't think much of it because I've always been self-sufficient, so it wasn't a huge burden to take on a dependent (although on a teacher's salary it wasn't exactly the ideal situation!). Anywho it made me think of how in the olden days femmes would typically be the breadwinners due to butches not often being able to work office jobs that necessitated gender conformity. (But in my case, the butch was just lazy lmao.)

Anyway, all in all, finances can be difficult to navigate relationship-wise and I figure open and honest communication at the get-go would resolve at least some issues - if the person isn't intentionally trying to take advantage, that is.
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Old 08-17-2020, 09:25 PM   #216
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This one is a bit intimate, but has anyone ever had a partner use sex as a manipulation tactic? I am easily... persuaded and previous partners have absolutely used that to get whatever they wanted out of me. So now I'm hyperaware of it in relationships.
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Old 08-17-2020, 09:27 PM   #217
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We've had a few reports from this thread. So a few things to please keep in mind:

(1) Try not to make generalizations about femmes vs. butches or transmen. Speak in the "I" and not about a vast group of people. There are good and bad femmes, butches, and transmen, and many in the middle. It irks people to hear generalizations about any group.

(2) If someone is taking issue with someone else, don't pile on. It just increases the drama.

(3) It's fine to discuss things but this is a vulnerable topic, and we really shouldn't be throwing people's words back at them. It's okay to discuss but please be sensitive that this is a place where people are sharing some painful experiences.

Thanks.

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Old 08-17-2020, 09:58 PM   #218
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Oh wow, I really didn't mean to start drama with my comment lol. I actually prefer to date more old school myself, but with my being so young, it's not really possible. But old school to me maybe means something different, since I am from a different generation... I do feel that taking advantage of someone is taking advantage of them, period, regardless of roles/mores.

This whole topic of who foots the bill is interesting, though, because I was fully supporting my ex for the entire duration of our relationship. I didn't think much of it because I've always been self-sufficient, so it wasn't a huge burden to take on a dependent (although on a teacher's salary it wasn't exactly the ideal situation!). Anywho it made me think of how in the olden days femmes would typically be the breadwinners due to butches not often being able to work office jobs that necessitated gender conformity. (But in my case, the butch was just lazy lmao.)

Anyway, all in all, finances can be difficult to navigate relationship-wise and I figure open and honest communication at the get-go would resolve at least some issues - if the person isn't intentionally trying to take advantage, that is.
First, I really enjoyed your posts.

Being an older butch, may I add this to the topic and role of breadwinners.

Back in the day, more often than not, I and a lot of us had factory jobs and those paid very well. Jobs at places in Milwaukee like Briggs & Stratton, Allis-Chalmers Kearney & Trecker, Allen Bradly, Master Lock, Harley-Davidson and of course breweries Pabst, Miller, Schlitz, all offered top pay.

It's a shame American lost most of its manufacturing jobs...
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Old 08-17-2020, 10:02 PM   #219
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Build A Bridge, buddy they were two different women. One about 20 yrs ago and one about 2 yrs ago. Not even close to the same women. I was young and grew with the first woman (well not my first, my longest lol) and the last was the last for sure.
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Old 08-17-2020, 10:38 PM   #220
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To anyone that was upset with my part of this topic of "old school" I was speaking of me, my women and my friends. I think that was clear. It was not inclusive of all old school thoughts or other peoples women or anything else and frankly, I am tired of apologizing for making an entry. I will not personalize again unless it is for what I had for dinner.
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