A mind is a terrible thing to lose

[Diavolo]

A very good, old friend is having some issues. The story is long and sordid, but at the end of the day, she's going through a divorce and has had some sort of break. Apparently she's had some ongoing issues since she married her soon to be ex-husband. (who I will gladly refer to as douchebag) He has hit her, twisted her arm, slammed her against the wall, spit on her, etc. He says she's been diagnosed bi-polar, but he's a pathological liar. I think it's a lot more serious than that. She now has a restraining order against him and he's been sort of an Eddie Haskel charactor throughout this process.

Her behaviors are very disturbing to me. I think she needs some very serious help but I don't know how to proceed. She's torn her house apart looking for listening devices. She's removed all of the fire/smoke alarms and disabled the entire system. She's torn electrical switches out of the socket looking for the listening devices. She has spent literally months going through all of their checking accounts because she is sure he has stolen money from her. She had a large inheritance that's now gone, I suspect she just pissed it away. She has accused her best friend of stealing large sums from her checking account. The very next day she'll tell me the same friend won the exact same amount of money playing slots. In my previous experience with her, she has never lied. I think the personality that told me each of the stories wholeheartedly believes the words that are spoken. She told me the other day that she is 99% sure her car is bugged too. She has torn every single item out of every closet, drawer, cabinet, dresser and laid it all out on the floor. She told me that she knew that her ex and his mother and sister were spying on her because she could hear them talking over the amplifiers in the ceiling late at night.

I'm not going to try and diagnose any of that, but I know something is terribly wrong in her head. She has a 5 year old son. I was concerned about his safety so I called CPS. They sent a cop over there, she appeared ok to the cop and now she's enraged that someone called the cops on her. (I denied calling the cops since I never wanted a cop to go knock on her door, I was hoping for a social worker)

She's definitely off her meds, whatever they are. A couple of weeks ago when she was particularly agitated I asked her if maybe she had some anti-anxiety medication that might help her since she seemed pretty upset but she argued that she didn't need to take anything. I suspect she does need to take something, and probably a big fat time out to get herself back in order. There are a lot of laws that protect folks in her situation, but not much that protects the son. The father (douchebag) is an alcoholic and won't stop drinking long enough to pass the court ordered testing to have custody of his son.

I took her pistol away from her about 5 months ago and gave it to a hunter friend of mine to keep in his gun safe. Occasionally she will ask about it. She has straight up told me that she knows with her previous 5150 she can't get another gun. I am ignoring her requests to get this one back. I sure don't want to be the jackass that gives her back the .357 that she uses when she goes on a rampage against imagined foes.

She came over here about a month ago and wanted to spend the night with her son. My Aunt was here and I didn't have room. Quite honestly I was a little afraid of waking up in the middle of the night with her standing over me with a kitchen knife. She hasn't been violent yet, but her and reality seem to be pretty separated these days.

The State isn't going to step in until she hurts someone. I would like to get her to the correct help without it being a traumatic event for her. Is there a way to reason with someone in this situation? I've never been around anything like this before. It's very hard since I've known this woman for over 20 years. Any suggestions from anyone who's been there would be great.

[nycfem]

Sorry to hear your friend is going through such a tough time and, of course, that her son is likely also experiencing the tumult of this family situation. It sounds like she has paranoid delusions and is putting herself and her son in potential danger. You could try approaching her about getting some counseling for her son. If you have the availability you could even offer to take him to weekly appointments. Of course, it would be best to relate the need for counseling to the difficulties the family has been through and not to her mental health issues. If her son receives counseling, a social worker will be involved, and we can usually quickly tell when all is not well within a family.

[SuperFemme]

I hope this helps: http://www.mhac.org/help/hotlines.cfm

[adorable]

Originally Posted by Diavolo

A very good, old friend is having some issues. The story is long and sordid, but at the end of the day, she's going through a divorce and has had some sort of break. Apparently she's had some ongoing issues since she married her soon to be ex-husband. (who I will gladly refer to as douchebag) He has hit her, twisted her arm, slammed her against the wall, spit on her, etc. He says she's been diagnosed bi-polar, but he's a pathological liar. I think it's a lot more serious than that. She now has a restraining order against him and he's been sort of an Eddie Haskel charactor throughout this process.

Her behaviors are very disturbing to me. I think she needs some very serious help but I don't know how to proceed. She's torn her house apart looking for listening devices. She's removed all of the fire/smoke alarms and disabled the entire system. She's torn electrical switches out of the socket looking for the listening devices. She has spent literally months going through all of their checking accounts because she is sure he has stolen money from her. She had a large inheritance that's now gone, I suspect she just pissed it away. She has accused her best friend of stealing large sums from her checking account. The very next day she'll tell me the same friend won the exact same amount of money playing slots. In my previous experience with her, she has never lied. I think the personality that told me each of the stories wholeheartedly believes the words that are spoken. She told me the other day that she is 99% sure her car is bugged too. She has torn every single item out of every closet, drawer, cabinet, dresser and laid it all out on the floor. She told me that she knew that her ex and his mother and sister were spying on her because she could hear them talking over the amplifiers in the ceiling late at night.

I'm not going to try and diagnose any of that, but I know something is terribly wrong in her head. She has a 5 year old son. I was concerned about his safety so I called CPS. They sent a cop over there, she appeared ok to the cop and now she's enraged that someone called the cops on her. (I denied calling the cops since I never wanted a cop to go knock on her door, I was hoping for a social worker)

She's definitely off her meds, whatever they are. A couple of weeks ago when she was particularly agitated I asked her if maybe she had some anti-anxiety medication that might help her since she seemed pretty upset but she argued that she didn't need to take anything. I suspect she does need to take something, and probably a big fat time out to get herself back in order. There are a lot of laws that protect folks in her situation, but not much that protects the son. The father (douchebag) is an alcoholic and won't stop drinking long enough to pass the court ordered testing to have custody of his son.

I took her pistol away from her about 5 months ago and gave it to a hunter friend of mine to keep in his gun safe. Occasionally she will ask about it. She has straight up told me that she knows with her previous 5150 she can't get another gun. I am ignoring her requests to get this one back. I sure don't want to be the jackass that gives her back the .357 that she uses when she goes on a rampage against imagined foes.

She came over here about a month ago and wanted to spend the night with her son. My Aunt was here and I didn't have room. Quite honestly I was a little afraid of waking up in the middle of the night with her standing over me with a kitchen knife. She hasn't been violent yet, but her and reality seem to be pretty separated these days.

The State isn't going to step in until she hurts someone. I would like to get her to the correct help without it being a traumatic event for her. Is there a way to reason with someone in this situation? I've never been around anything like this before. It's very hard since I've known this woman for over 20 years. Any suggestions from anyone who's been there would be great.

Wow that is a lot. I'm not sure why CPS would send the cops. That is kind of odd. Do you know any of her other relatives that maybe could watch her son, or could you offer to watch her son for a week or so?
It's hard when people are psychotic to convince them they're psychotic. It is possible to reason with someone who is psychotic in my experience....sometimes. Other times it is downright dangerous. What they are seeing and hearing is not at all what you are seeing or hearing.

In the city where I work we have a dedicated person who actually responds to calls regarding mental illness. I think they are called an emergency outreach worker and the program is run through the county mental health department. If you call the mental health department, they will send this worker to the person. The worker does normally respond with the police, but the police stand off to the side. Then the worker determines whether the person needs to go to the hospital.

I have done this at work twice for people who showed up in our lobby with obvious mental health issues. It is a better alternative to having to call the police who really don't have specialized training to identify what the person might be suffering from.

Both times the worker spent over an hour talking to the people. The people did leave in the ambulance to go to the hospital. In one case because it was involuntary, they were put in handcuffs first to be transported.

[Diavolo]

Originally Posted by nycfembbw

Sorry to hear your friend is going through such a tough time and, of course, that her son is likely also experiencing the tumult of this family situation. It sounds like she has paranoid delusions and is putting herself and her son in potential danger. You could try approaching her about getting some counseling for her son. If you have the availability you could even offer to take him to weekly appointments. Of course, it would be best to relate the need for counseling to the difficulties the family has been through and not to her mental health issues. If her son receives counseling, a social worker will be involved, and we can usually quickly tell when all is not well within a family.

I like your thinking on this one. She is currently pretty lucid where her son is concerned. I think I'm going to try this tack and see if I can help at all. Thanks you so much. Thank you SuperFemme and adorable for your help.