Being B/F and Under 30

EnderD_503 · 10-22-2011, 12:13 PM

Hey, just making this thread for us under 30 folks to post and talk about how we relate to the dynamic vs. how the mainstream lgbtq community sees our community.

Personally, I still get a lot of mainstream lesbians and gays in particular talking as though the B/F community was strictly a result of the social climate of the early to mid 20th century, and that we pretty much don't/shouldn't exist anymore because of some misnomers on what it means to be butch or femme. There's also this mentality still around that where the community still exists, it is set on upholding the rigid understandings of gender that were present in the mid 20th century. That butch and femme just stop there as a kind of "moment in time."

Butch and femme have come to mean completely different things for the mainstream community than they mean in the B/F community itself today, so I'm interested in hearing how you guys deal with a lot of those beliefs still lingering around out there, trying to dispel those beliefs people might have about your identity and making yourself visible as a twenty-something member of the BF community.

genghisfawn · 01-16-2012, 08:17 AM

I think there's a lot of flack to be had with some of the postmods I know (and I say some because I mean only some!) who would rather see B-F disappear because of its apparent heteronormativity as opposed to embracing its role in diversity. The trouble with disdaining an identity and way of relating to one another (which isn't illegal, harmful or ill-advised) is that it closes the door on education and opens it to the wilderness of propaganda and (horror!) people's "humble opinions" on what they don't really know.

There is a lot of butch-butch and label-free identification where I am because it's a small community and queer/radical visibility is seen as important and necessary in a smaller area. Not being visibly queer as a single femme, I especially feel a double-edged sword in my neighbourhood. It's hard being "the straight girl... is she straight?" at the bar

AlexHunter · 01-18-2012, 11:43 AM

Here, here. Hi!

I have noticed the prevalence of B/F is also a regional thing. In parts of the southern US, it seems more common than in major metropolitan areas. One could say that is because the south is more "traditional" and "old fashioned." *Shrugs*

In DC, where I've spent a majority of my time living, B/F is a highly divided subject. There are plenty of young queers who shamelessly seek that sort of dynamic and just as many who reject it, bash it, or simply don't understand why. I am personally genderqueer and more on the male-identified end of the spectrum, so it's a little harder for me to defend the "mimicry of straight people" argument than someone who is strictly woman-identified. I DO want to "be the man." I want a pretty girl on my arm and I want to treat her like a gentleman treats his lady.

There are certainly a lot of misconceptions on what butch and femme mean within the mainstream community. I have heard, "I'm not into butch, but I like you!" I have met people who I would consider butch or femme but don't identify as such and would be very offended if someone stuck a label on them. I've had people tell me I'm not butch because I'm not "big and scary" or because I'm "more like a guy than a butch lesbian." I've also had people ask me why I have decided to be "so closed minded" by only dating femmes.

I dislike how "butch" is somewhat of a dirty word in certain lesbian circles when it's part of the history that paved the way for them to openly be who they are.

Princess · 01-25-2013, 02:48 AM

Just thought this particular thread should be resurrected, there must be more of us out there under 30!

tara_kerrie · 03-11-2013, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess

Just thought this particular thread should be resurrected, there must be more of us out there under 30!

I dont think that there are very many of us on the planet that are under 30.
I am 29

Asari · 08-05-2013, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kerrie

I dont think that there are very many of us on the planet that are under 30.

I'm afraid that's true... I don't know if the B/F community in Germany is different from the american one, but it seems like most of "us" are even over 40.
And not interested in a youngling (I'm 22).

Venus · 10-14-2013, 07:14 AM

This is an older threat but I still wanted to say HI to everybody. I just turned 29

BoSoxBoi · 04-03-2013, 01:38 AM

I'm almost 27..

odd_boi_out · 04-04-2013, 11:23 PM

Hello other younger folks! I'm 24.

10-22-2011, 12:13 PM	#1
EnderD_503 Member How Do You Identify?: Queer, trans guy, butch Preferred Pronoun?: Male pronouns Relationship Status: Relationship Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 1,329 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,090 Thanked 3,907 Times in 1,032 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Being B/F and Under 30 Hey, just making this thread for us under 30 folks to post and talk about how we relate to the dynamic vs. how the mainstream lgbtq community sees our community. Personally, I still get a lot of mainstream lesbians and gays in particular talking as though the B/F community was strictly a result of the social climate of the early to mid 20th century, and that we pretty much don't/shouldn't exist anymore because of some misnomers on what it means to be butch or femme. There's also this mentality still around that where the community still exists, it is set on upholding the rigid understandings of gender that were present in the mid 20th century. That butch and femme just stop there as a kind of "moment in time." Butch and femme have come to mean completely different things for the mainstream community than they mean in the B/F community itself today, so I'm interested in hearing how you guys deal with a lot of those beliefs still lingering around out there, trying to dispel those beliefs people might have about your identity and making yourself visible as a twenty-something member of the BF community.

01-18-2012, 11:43 AM	#3
AlexHunter Member How Do You Identify?: With a greeting and a handshake, typically Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 150 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 469 Thanked 455 Times in 49 Posts Rep Power: 6000593	Here, here. Hi! I have noticed the prevalence of B/F is also a regional thing. In parts of the southern US, it seems more common than in major metropolitan areas. One could say that is because the south is more "traditional" and "old fashioned." Shrugs In DC, where I've spent a majority of my time living, B/F is a highly divided subject. There are plenty of young queers who shamelessly seek that sort of dynamic and just as many who reject it, bash it, or simply don't understand why. I am personally genderqueer and more on the male-identified end of the spectrum, so it's a little harder for me to defend the "mimicry of straight people" argument than someone who is strictly woman-identified. I DO want to "be the man." I want a pretty girl on my arm and I want to treat her like a gentleman treats his lady. There are certainly a lot of misconceptions on what butch and femme mean within the mainstream community. I have heard, "I'm not into butch, but I like you!" I have met people who I would consider butch or femme but don't identify as such and would be very offended if someone stuck a label on them. I've had people tell me I'm not butch because I'm not "big and scary" or because I'm "more like a guy than a butch lesbian." I've also had people ask me why I have decided to be "so closed minded" by only dating femmes. I dislike how "butch" is somewhat of a dirty word in certain lesbian circles when it's part of the history that paved the way for them to openly be who they are. __________________ Speak your mind even if your voice shakes. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde

10-14-2013, 07:14 AM	#7
Venus Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: US Posts: 14 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 33 Thanked 35 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 11	I see This is an older threat but I still wanted to say HI to everybody. I just turned 29

04-03-2013, 01:38 AM	#8
BoSoxBoi Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Transgender, FTM, Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He (Any male pronouns will work) Relationship Status: Very much taken Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: For now.. Posts: 7 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36 Thanked 20 Times in 6 Posts Rep Power: 0	Under 30.. I'm almost 27..

01-16-2012, 08:17 AM	#2
genghisfawn Member How Do You Identify?: Femme/Gentlewoman Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: Happily married 05/17/14 Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Saskatchewan, Canada Posts: 561 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,056 Thanked 2,157 Times in 403 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I think there's a lot of flack to be had with some of the postmods I know (and I say some because I mean only some!) who would rather see B-F disappear because of its apparent heteronormativity as opposed to embracing its role in diversity. The trouble with disdaining an identity and way of relating to one another (which isn't illegal, harmful or ill-advised) is that it closes the door on education and opens it to the wilderness of propaganda and (horror!) people's "humble opinions" on what they don't really know. There is a lot of butch-butch and label-free identification where I am because it's a small community and queer/radical visibility is seen as important and necessary in a smaller area. Not being visibly queer as a single femme, I especially feel a double-edged sword in my neighbourhood. It's hard being "the straight girl... is she straight?" at the bar

01-25-2013, 02:48 AM	#4
Princess Member How Do You Identify?: princess Preferred Pronoun?: She, her. Relationship Status: One singular sensation! Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Topeka, KS Posts: 1,341 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,082 Thanked 4,581 Times in 1,009 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Just thought this particular thread should be resurrected, there must be more of us out there under 30!

04-04-2013, 11:23 PM	#9
odd_boi_out Junior Member How Do You Identify?: transmasculine, butch Preferred Pronoun?: they Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Bay Area CA Posts: 25 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 74 Times in 17 Posts Rep Power: 1055193	Hello other younger folks! I'm 24.