The Loft: Butches and Femmes in their 40s, 50s and over.

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

Happy birthday cuddlyfemme!! Yeah I'm on dating sites too, met a woman wanted to meet for coffee then she emails and says she has to go on a business trip for 3 weeks am I suppose to wait for her? I don't know why she contacted me in the first place, can't wrap my mind around this one either. So Ruthie I feel for you. I don't understand why people even bother. Well for me I think I'm glad that nothing happened because I plan on moving out of fucking NJ can't stand it here any longer!! don't like the winters and don't like the people in the area. tomorrow is gay pride in NY going alone of course, no one to go with. Tired of being alone already

thank you very much for the birthday wishes. i just really don't get some of these people on dating sites, not at all. i know that feeling really well of tired of being alone...so am i. where are you going to move to? i just moved from va to sc so i understand your reasonings on moving

[Jet]

I rarely stop in at length but today I'm taking a few minutes to say hey and hope this note finds you all well.

I'm involved in major exercise regimen; I reworked my routine to lose more weight and thin out, and the best program is P90X. Terrific for cardio, abs and the rest.

It's taken about 3 weeks to actually start liking cardio. Now I'm into all 45 minutes of that part of the program. Every day is different and i'm excited to have found something that I can gain results from.

There is a work out thread here, I know, but I'm posting this in here because I'm 53 and I'm able to keep up with a program more so now than when I was in my 30s. I quit smoking at 50 and I still have problems breathing with in tense cardio segments, so I just take a break and wait to catch up.

P90X uses bands, dumbells and a chair occasionally. So you don't have to invest in a lot of equipment to do the program. And I have found that being in my 50s is not too old to be healthy and fit.

I have a problem with cardio that directly engages the knees because I stressed mine a couple of weeks back and now jumps really hurt. Also, I have issues with balance; it feels like my equilibrium is off.

I added P90x because I needed cardio to go along with my gym and weightlifting. So now I think i have everything I need.

Hope this find you all well.
Take it easy,
j

I'm posting this in the workout thread.

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

thank you very much for the birthday wishes. i just really don't get some of these people on dating sites, not at all. i know that feeling really well of tired of being alone...so am i. where are you going to move to? i just moved from va to sc so i understand your reasonings on moving

Hi Cuddly, yeah moving to a gay area I hope. Either Arizona or Florida where its warm and sunny all year around. Can't stand the winter time anymore too hard on my asthma. don't want to be alone anymore. Would like to meet someone and settle down with that special person. Do you like where you moved to?? Is that South carolina? Is it gay oriented? Thats the most important thing to me. I live in northern NJ and everything is in the City thats NYC too time consuming to go into and too expensive also. Would like an area that is less expensive and has somewhat of a gay environment! I only have 3 months left to school and then I'm out of here. As far as that women goes. I don't think I will meet with her. Maybe just for coffee but thats it.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by ruthie14

I am such an idiot. Apparently I have trouble figuring out if someone is interested in me or not. Been dating this one woman... told me she was interested.. Asked me for dates... flirted.. etc etc.. now she tells me she is not "ready for a relationship". Is she? or is she just NOT interested. We found each other on a dating site for heavens sake. WTF... do I have a sign on my head? Having a stiff drink. My head says its her issue... but the rest of me is thinking there is something wrong with me. I give up.

Sorry Ruthie,
but I don't get why you're upset. Did she tell you at the onset that she wanted a relationship and then changed her story? Can u just date and have a good time without commitments? If I'm way off the mark, it's because I don't see the issue with her not wanting a relationship. jus' sayin'

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

Hi Cuddly, yeah moving to a gay area I hope. Either Arizona or Florida where its warm and sunny all year around. Can't stand the winter time anymore too hard on my asthma. don't want to be alone anymore. Would like to meet someone and settle down with that special person. Do you like where you moved to?? Is that South carolina? Is it gay oriented? Thats the most important thing to me. I live in northern NJ and everything is in the City thats NYC too time consuming to go into and too expensive also. Would like an area that is less expensive and has somewhat of a gay environment! I only have 3 months left to school and then I'm out of here. As far as that women goes. I don't think I will meet with her. Maybe just for coffee but thats it.

I hear you about wanting some place less expensive, I lived in DC and prices there were outrageous! I've heard that both Arizona and Florida are nice...never been to Arizona but I have been to Florida. Yes, SC is South Carolina. Columbia (I live right outside Columbia) is gay friendly....its supposed to be one of the most gay friendly place in the South but thats just hearsay, I haven't been out much to discover things yet. The SC Pride is in Sept and I'll be going to that

[Oneida]

Originally Posted by ruthie14

I am such an idiot. Apparently I have trouble figuring out if someone is interested in me or not. Been dating this one woman... told me she was interested.. Asked me for dates... flirted.. etc etc.. now she tells me she is not "ready for a relationship". Is she? or is she just NOT interested. We found each other on a dating site for heavens sake. WTF... do I have a sign on my head? Having a stiff drink. My head says its her issue... but the rest of me is thinking there is something wrong with me. I give up.

I get it, Ruthie. It stinks, but you have to dust yourself off and remain positive. She wasn't the one. Better to find that out sooner than later (i.e., after a lot of invested time, etc. That's my theory anyway.)

Be good to you!

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

I hear you about wanting some place less expensive, I lived in DC and prices there were outrageous! I've heard that both Arizona and Florida are nice...never been to Arizona but I have been to Florida. Yes, SC is South Carolina. Columbia (I live right outside Columbia) is gay friendly....its supposed to be one of the most gay friendly place in the South but thats just hearsay, I haven't been out much to discover things yet. The SC Pride is in Sept and I'll be going to that

Hi Cuddly so SC is gay friendly I would think that the south would be conservative but I guess I'm wrong, how's the weather? Is it warm? I looking for warmth and sun!! Go to pride and let me know before I move I'm interested..you've peaked my interest I really need to move out of NJ I can't stand it here anymore and to boot they are antisemtic. I'm Jewish and the area I live in is very antisemetic!! I need a gay temple and a gay oriented place to live in

[Jet]

*a toast*

L'Chaim

[Galahad]

Hi everyone. Summer is hitting everyone pretty hard I guess. It's been really lovely here for a change. We are usually just a little cooler than Palm Springs. So balmy 90's are blissful. Our turn will come.
I don't know about the dating thing Ruthie. I think going on dates with different people from time to time would be fun. But then I am not looking for more either. I'm sure you'll find someone to build that bond with. Don't give up.
I am trying to build some muscle too, Jet. I have dumbells and a workout on youtube I'm following. It's slow going, but I didn't get in this shape overnight either.Trying not to get too excited and tear something and wait forever for it to heal is a huge challenge.For cardio walking is about all I can manage. I'm glad you shared your program here. We share some different challenges trying to keep in shape that not everyone on the workout thread does.

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

Hi Cuddly so SC is gay friendly I would think that the south would be conservative but I guess I'm wrong, how's the weather? Is it warm? I looking for warmth and sun!! Go to pride and let me know before I move I'm interested..you've peaked my interest I really need to move out of NJ I can't stand it here anymore and to boot they are antisemtic. I'm Jewish and the area I live in is very antisemetic!! I need a gay temple and a gay oriented place to live in

I thought that south would be conservative also and in many ways it is. I'm not sure if all of SC is gay friendly (I doubt it) but from everything I've heard Columbia SC is but probably not as gay friendly as it is up north but i could be wrong. It is hot in SC and humid, I moved here last month and it was strange being able to wear shorts all the time so soon. I will go to Pride and report back to you what I find out and see.

[TexZen]

Hey everyone-I'm stopping in and facing it... yes, I'm 43 and proud!

Seriously, I just wanted to say hi. Oh, and Florida is great fun and gay friendly too!

Take it easy... Sam

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Galahad

Hi everyone. Summer is hitting everyone pretty hard I guess. It's been really lovely here for a change. We are usually just a little cooler than Palm Springs. So balmy 90's are blissful. Our turn will come.
I don't know about the dating thing Ruthie. I think going on dates with different people from time to time would be fun. But then I am not looking for more either. I'm sure you'll find someone to build that bond with. Don't give up.
I am trying to build some muscle too, Jet. I have dumbells and a workout on youtube I'm following. It's slow going, but I didn't get in this shape overnight either.Trying not to get too excited and tear something and wait forever for it to heal is a huge challenge.For cardio walking is about all I can manage. I'm glad you shared your program here. We share some different challenges trying to keep in shape that not everyone on the workout thread does.

I'm concentrating on losing weight, but it may weird considering I've started T and there's weight gain and redistribution. That's why I have to really do more cardio now so I can tackle my midsection...or at least try.

Good luck with your workout,
j

[Jet]

Hey EF, are you still around? Is it as hot in carolina as it is in Georgia? Very humid here.

[ruthie14]

Originally Posted by Jet

Sorry Ruthie,
but I don't get why you're upset. Did she tell you at the onset that she wanted a relationship and then changed her story? Can u just date and have a good time without commitments? If I'm way off the mark, it's because I don't see the issue with her not wanting a relationship. jus' sayin'

Well, my own 2 cents is.... that if you are NOT ready for a relationship.. then you should NOT be dating. Dating to me means that you are trying to find someone who you might want a LTR with. Doesn't mean you will find them, or that you won't date ppl that you don't fit with. That is to be expected. We met on a dating site and , quite frankly, I wasn't really sure we were going to date at all. I was perfectly content to do the friend thing and get to know her. She made the approach, wanting to call it dating, sexy talk, asking questions that, INHO , you ask a potential partner, not a friend. She kept asking for sleep overs and when push came to shove, well, she just wanted to sleep and nothing more. If she just wanted a friend or a cuddlepartner... then just tell me. I would have let her know that friendship would be fine but anything more leads to gfs for me. I am always upfront with how I am. No pretense. No games. If I like you, I like you, If I don't , I don't lead you to believe otherwise. I dunno, maybe time will give me a perspective I just can't see in this moment. Right now I am confused and hurt. Hard to look to much beyond that right now.

[cuddlyfemme]

Night night Lofters...sleep well

[Jet]

Originally Posted by ruthie14

Well, my own 2 cents is.... that if you are NOT ready for a relationship.. then you should NOT be dating. Dating to me means that you are trying to find someone who you might want a LTR with. Doesn't mean you will find them, or that you won't date ppl that you don't fit with. That is to be expected. We met on a dating site and , quite frankly, I wasn't really sure we were going to date at all. I was perfectly content to do the friend thing and get to know her. She made the approach, wanting to call it dating, sexy talk, asking questions that, INHO , you ask a potential partner, not a friend. She kept asking for sleep overs and when push came to shove, well, she just wanted to sleep and nothing more. If she just wanted a friend or a cuddlepartner... then just tell me. I would have let her know that friendship would be fine but anything more leads to gfs for me. I am always upfront with how I am. No pretense. No games. If I like you, I like you, If I don't , I don't lead you to believe otherwise. I dunno, maybe time will give me a perspective I just can't see in this moment. Right now I am confused and hurt. Hard to look to much beyond that right now.

you make some good points. Instead of everyone making assumptions or risking miscommunication, maybe you just come out with your expectations in the beginning. What's wrong with saying "I'm looking for a relationship eventually"?

I'm sorry you're hurting, I know what that feels like. For me, I'll date only—no relationships or commitments which I make very clear. Anyway, I hope you'll feel better. But you're not an idiot—just seems to me, there was lack of clear communication.

take care ruthie,
j
it always gets better

[lipstixgal]

Good evening lofters just watching TV and relaxing too hot and humid to do anything else. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!! tomorrow strong storms are headed this way in NOrthern NJ...

[Jet]

Jus sayin' hey. Cleaned my apartment, had dinner and thought i would drop in.
Yanno, for starting this thread I think I come in here the least. lol
Anyway everyone have a good upcoming week.

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by ruthie14

Well, my own 2 cents is.... that if you are NOT ready for a relationship.. then you should NOT be dating. Dating to me means that you are trying to find someone who you might want a LTR with. Doesn't mean you will find them, or that you won't date ppl that you don't fit with. That is to be expected. We met on a dating site and , quite frankly, I wasn't really sure we were going to date at all. I was perfectly content to do the friend thing and get to know her. She made the approach, wanting to call it dating, sexy talk, asking questions that, INHO , you ask a potential partner, not a friend. She kept asking for sleep overs and when push came to shove, well, she just wanted to sleep and nothing more. If she just wanted a friend or a cuddlepartner... then just tell me. I would have let her know that friendship would be fine but anything more leads to gfs for me. I am always upfront with how I am. No pretense. No games. If I like you, I like you, If I don't , I don't lead you to believe otherwise. I dunno, maybe time will give me a perspective I just can't see in this moment. Right now I am confused and hurt. Hard to look to much beyond that right now.

good morning Lofters.......... speaking of dating sites.... heh
I met someone last fall thru one..... we talked on the phone and on line.... for few months.. flirted , got into some heavy serious conversations and some fun flirty ones..she lived 1 hr from my house... then 1 day... on FB.. she has in a relationship on her status. im scratchng my head.. wondering ok is there something I mised??
turns out she got involved in someone else..... yep i was a bit on the ok what is wrong with me , thing.... then she just wanted to be my friend.. i said .. no not at this time.. maybe later.. well a couple months ago.. she contacted me asking me what i was up to these days... wanted to know if i wanted to meet her and if i was in town..cuz the thing she had with this someone else didnt work out..
I told her....... i was busy.

[cuddlyfemme]

Good Morning Lofters! I hope everyone has a wonderful week and stays cool