FTM place to vent and talk - Page 12

Bad_boi · 08-03-2013, 11:54 PM

Random boners are now a thing. Fun but annoying.

Nic · 09-02-2013, 11:18 AM

Been a while since I've been online. Thanks to everyone who sent opinions and advice.

Update:
The femme I've been interested in is still on the horizon. She's started to be pretty important to me over the last 4 weeks and given me 100 more reasons to think well of her. Been trying to give her a few reasons to think well of me also. (Fingers crossed for success)

She likes Indian food so I took her to a place I like. We had a great time. Went for coffee afterward and sat downtown to people watch. Took her home and realized I hadn't said anything because we'd been having such a good time. So I told her before I got out of the car to walk her to her door. I'm thinking, "Ridiculous to have this discussion in the car" but she's easy to talk to so I just went for it. Turns out she knew I was Trans without me telling her. Put it together based on some pretty subtle clues. She says she didn't say anything because she thought the story was mine to tell if I wanted to and not hers to pursue without invitation. The conversation that followed was pretty amazing. I haven't connected with someone like this since my wife died.

Maverick · 09-09-2013, 01:17 PM

I think my 16 year relationship is ending soon because I am a transman. She just can't deal with it. I've been very hopeful that we could work it out and come to some compromise point or figure out a way for us to both be happy but I now believe that all hope is lost. Feeling very sad today. :'-(((

Maverick

DMW · 09-09-2013, 02:07 PM

Sorry Maverick. That is rough.

I will share a bit.
In regards to a past relationship that i had.
(a woman that has never been to the bf sites.)
What helped me...
I had to acknowledge, accept and appreciate that, like me, she had her evolution, as well. (I do believe that all relationships and people do.)
I was part of that process. And honestly, I am glad that she went on to be with a biomale. It is what was right for her. And also, kept her from going to another butch or transman.

She loved me and both our hearts broke.

It is not easy to partner with a transmen.

I wish the best for both of you.

Maverick · 09-09-2013, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMW

Sorry Maverick. That is rough.

I will share a bit.
In regards to a past relationship that i had.
(a woman that has never been to the bf sites.)
What helped me...
I had to acknowledge, accept and appreciate that, like me, she had her evolution, as well. (I do believe that all relationships and people do.)
I was part of that process. And honestly, I am glad that she went on to be with a biomale. It is what was right for her. And also, kept her from going to another butch or transman.

She loved me and both our hearts broke.

It is not easy to partner with a transmen.

I wish the best for both of you.

Thank you DMW. I really did find your words comforting. And I agree with you that we all, even our relationships, have our own evolution. My partner does love me. I know this. I suppose this is the reason this is so hard because we both still love each other very much. Our hearts are breaking as you said. I guess I always thought that if there was love than there was hope. I am seeing now that this is not necessarily true.

Thanks again.

Nic · 09-09-2013, 07:46 PM

Trying to distract myself tonight. Feeling on edge. Read pretty much every thread I could click on to get my mind off my day. Not angry. Just restless. Tomorrow's on my mind.

Today I get a text from the woman I'm seriously interested in that says "I planning on telling him, I'm just not ready! I need a few more days to decide what I'm going to say. Leave it will you?!" First thing I think is, "Damn am I about to hear "We need to talk"? Second thing I think is "This text wasn't for me."

She has another friend named Nick that she hangs out with pretty often so I think maybe it's for him. I've met him. Nice guy, funny, smart, good looking, but she never indicated an interest in bio-males and I didn't get the vibe they had more than friendship going on. I haven't dated any one person seriously since my 20's so maybe I'm dense but I'm 99.9% sure that she's not hooking up. Still couldn't help running worst case scenarios in my head. The only thing that stuck was there's someone else and he's pressuring her to break up with me sooner rather than later. Even if it's not that, she's getting advice from someone else regarding something that sounds like it's about us. If she needs a friend as a sounding board that's all good but since the story's out I figure I should be part of the conversation now. I think eventually she's going to notice she sent the text to the wrong person so I quit spinning, do a fast search for my huevos, and shoot a message back saying "Don't think this was meant for me. Do we need to make time to talk about something?" I get nothing in the next 10 minutes and then I'm swamped so I leave it alone. About an hour later she replies with, "I'm very sorry. That was meant for Nick. Yes, we do need to talk."

After some more back and forth all I know is that she honestly doesn't know if I'll think what she has to talk to me about is good or bad, it's just important that she tells me. She's been babysitting since noon for friends so they could go to Boston for their anniversary and won't be home until late tomorrow morning. Neither of us wants to have the conversation via text or phone so I told her we could table the discussion as long as the rest of it happened in 24 hours or less. Instead of dinner out tomorrow as planned, she's coming to my place to BBQ and talk. Didn't ask if she's breaking up with me. I want that face to face if it's coming.

Tried to relax tonight but I can't focus on my book. Still sorting worst case scenarios in my head. Reading threads tonight made me wonder if she's reluctant to get serious because I'm trans. I know she was in love with a transman at some point so I want to say no. Occurred to me about an hour ago that maybe she was still married to someone. She won't discuss in depth details of past relationships. She just says things like her long term relationships were all with good people. I know she's been married before and once she said that her most significant relationship ended because she didn't do what she should have. None of that bothers me. Past is past. I don't talk about Aubrey much but for different reasons. But if she's married, obviously there's a problem.

Something she said a while back that makes me wonder if she's afraid of commitment. Months ago when I told her I wanted us to date more seriously she told me 1) she wasn't ready to be serious with anyone and 2) if she ever wanted to change her mind it wouldn't happen unless she knew without a doubt she wasn't going to be #2 or 3 or 4 on someone's priority list ever again. At the time she knew I was going on occasional dates with other friends but that it wasn't serious with anyone. The night she said this she wasn't majorly upset but it was obviously an emotional issue for her. I asked some questions but she wouldn't go into more detail which translated into "past relationship issue" in my book. Didn't pressure her but I walked away 100% clear that continuing to date other women was a deal breaker if I wanted to move ahead with her. Made sure I was completely single by the next day and made sure she knew it. Told her to her face that I wouldn't be dating another woman as long as I was seeing her. Made her cry but we never talked about it again and I just went on trying to be someone she could trust and look up to. Now she's afraid to talk to me and I don't know why. First time I've worried that I could lose out on something good because of something I don't know. Going in circles. Really need to stop. Just keep re-reading that text and trying to see something less ominous in it.

We've fallen into mutual silence. Maybe we both needed time for reflection. Talked it over with my own sounding board who asked if I was angry. I'm not. Not even a little. She's never avoided hard conversations before. She's been open about everything from opinions about world events and her ignorance about politics to her own faults, mistakes and regrets and things she's done that she's ashamed of so if she's keeping something from me it makes me think she's afraid. Fear does a number on logic every time. I want to make a permanent place in my life for this girl if she'll have me. Haven't faced any big issues together but if we've arrived at the first one I'm ready to show up every day until it's over. Guess I'm worried for myself but more worried about her. No matter what happens, I hate the idea of her going to bed afraid. I'm going to break the silence and make my usual good night call. I want to tell her that all she has to do is make it to tomorrow.

DapperButch · 09-09-2013, 08:04 PM

Hey, Nic. I have no words of wisdom, just wanted to acknowlege the struggle you are in right now. I hope that tomorrow goes well for you. Take care.

Nic · 09-11-2013, 08:17 AM

Update:
1) There's a femme in my house while I'm at work! It was almost 4:30 by the time "the talk" (which was VERY GOOD) was over so I put my favorite quilt on the guest bed and had her do her dreaming at my place rather than go the 8 miles to hers after such an intense evening.
2) I'm the happiest man in the world!

DapperButch · 09-11-2013, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nic

Update:
1) There's a femme in my house while I'm at work! It was almost 4:30 by the time "the talk" (which was VERY GOOD) was over so I put my favorite quilt on the guest bed and had her do her dreaming at my place rather than go the 8 miles to hers after such an intense evening.
2) I'm the happiest man in the world!

Hey, this is great! I was hoping you would come back and post!

Nic · 10-14-2013, 10:15 AM

WTF is wrong with abusers? Seriously.

Liam · 10-20-2013, 09:24 PM

This evening I noticed that several of my friends on Facebook, had made comments in response to a blog written by a butch. As I skimmed over the post, I thought, "oh, so and so, has a new name, but is still spewing the same old transphobic hate talk." She felt sad that guys like me, (she called us sisters,) had become convinced by the patriarchy, that we couldn't be women, and dress as we wanted to. I wanted to tell her, "sister, I dressed like this when I was a big bull dyke, the patriarchy didn't convince me of anything about the clothes I choose to wear." The sad truth about her rant, was that it was just as misogynistic as the patriarchy. She was mourning the "loss" of another butch, who chose to transition, but what did she lose? I didn't stop being a feminist when I transitioned. I didn't walk away from my lesbian friends. My friends don't speak about my choice to do with my body, what I have done, in such a hateful manner. If she were one of my friends though, I would walk away, and not look back. She would lose me, for sure.

Corkey · 10-20-2013, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liam

This evening I noticed that several of my friends on Facebook, had made comments in response to a blog written by a butch. As I skimmed over the post, I thought, "oh, so and so, has a new name, but is still spewing the same old transphobic hate talk." She felt sad that guys like me, (she called us sisters,) had become convinced by the patriarchy, that we couldn't be women, and dress as we wanted to. I wanted to tell her, "sister, I dressed like this when I was a big bull dyke, the patriarchy didn't convince me of anything about the clothes I choose to wear." The sad truth about her rant, was that it was just as misogynistic as the patriarchy. She was mourning the "loss" of another butch, who chose to transition, but what did she lose? I didn't stop being a feminist when I transitioned. I didn't walk away from my lesbian friends. My friends don't speak about my choice to do with my body, what I have done, in such a hateful manner. If she were one of my friends though, I would walk away, and not look back. She would lose me, for sure.

I saw that and thought to myself just who made her pontiff over other peoples identities? She's entitled to her opinion of course, but not the judgement.

Nic · 10-27-2013, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liam

This evening I noticed that several of my friends on Facebook, had made comments in response to a blog written by a butch. As I skimmed over the post, I thought, "oh, so and so, has a new name, but is still spewing the same old transphobic hate talk." She felt sad that guys like me, (she called us sisters,) had become convinced by the patriarchy, that we couldn't be women, and dress as we wanted to. I wanted to tell her, "sister, I dressed like this when I was a big bull dyke, the patriarchy didn't convince me of anything about the clothes I choose to wear." The sad truth about her rant, was that it was just as misogynistic as the patriarchy. She was mourning the "loss" of another butch, who chose to transition, but what did she lose? I didn't stop being a feminist when I transitioned. I didn't walk away from my lesbian friends. My friends don't speak about my choice to do with my body, what I have done, in such a hateful manner. If she were one of my friends though, I would walk away, and not look back. She would lose me, for sure.

Sorry about your disappointing experience Weird that she chooses to oppose behavior that dictates identity rules to women and then employs the same patriarchal tactics she decries to dictate identity rules to trans folk. Sounds like a very confused person.

Sheridan · 11-02-2013, 06:06 AM

Has anyone had this experience?

I have to share Days of Sheridan’s Haircut, it’s like Days of Our Lives but with more drama (and homophobia and/or transphobia). But it is kinda of humorous because I think they wanted me to drop my pants to check and find out which they needed to go for.

I had a fun time getting my hair cut today (which pissed me off ). A haircut with a side order of homophobia and/or transphobia (I am not even sure which way the woman was going, because this woman was bat shit nuts and so was her friend, but her haircut turned out ok after the drama).

I was starting to look like a sheep dog (or Josh Groban on crack)

and decided: Hey it’s time to make a donation to the hair fairies. I went into a place I had gone before because the gal that cut my hair before was really funny and talked about all kinds of stuff and about her family and gave a good haircut without any drama. Well, I went in (and of course she was not there). But I thought, hey anyone can do the whacking (yes my hair needs deep discipline and probably a deep conditioner). :P

So the gal that was there was going to take me back right away but I told her I wanted to look at styles of haircuts and I had just picked up the guy’s haircut book to look at (which I do every place I go). She stated that that book would do me no good (will I had used this book once before and the cut I picked was awesome). I said I wanted a style from that book (so she stood and waited, eyeing me up and down, not in a flirtatious way and glancing at my crotch). I almost walked out but finding a place open and not a full on women’s salon or without an appointment in my area at almost 5pm was going to be a pain in the ass and I still had to shop (which I hate).

So I picked my style and swaggered back to the whacking chair. So the drama began. She told me the style I picked was too long (it really was pretty short) and that I needed to get a buzz cut. I told her I did not want a buzz cut. She told me I needed a buzz cut because it would look better on me. I said I wanted the style I picked. She said if you want to look more male you should get a buzz cut. I said the haircut I wanted was perfect for my face and my curly hair. I was thinking to myself “I don’t want to look like a white supremacist, but thanks for the advice lady”. But I closed my mouth. So she kept hounding me about it and I knew that she was not going to allow me to get my pick. So I looked through the book again and found one that was almost the same but just a little shorter (it had better bangs, so I got a better cut anyway). I said this is the one I want. So finally I got my cut with her bitching all the way that it was too girlie for me (I never pick girlie cuts) but a buzz cut was out of the question (I hate them). I sat in the chair meditating, wanting to leap and run, while she bitched and giggled with other woman that worked there about me and my hair.

I am not sure if she thought I was a bull dyke (which I get a lot) or a transgendered man or she thought I was a possible transgendered woman or gay man that needed to man up to fit his genitals, whatever it was it pissed me off. I am never going back there again. WTF????? The area I live in has a nice size community of LGBTQ people and this behavior just pisses me off and it just continues on and on. And as I was leaving she was still looking at my crotch (I wanted to moon her, but that would be socially unacceptable).

So how was your day?

LoyalWolfsBlade · 12-06-2013, 10:00 PM

I was going to post this in the listening to each other thread ( excuse the wrong name please) then decided that it really belongs here or at least I hope so.

I have been on T for three or four months now. Not nearly long enough but thanks to already having my histro 16 years ago I have had some amazing and faster than usual results in some areas. I recently was hospitalized for phenomena (sp) and all kinds of tests were ran due to how bad it was. Anyways to make a long story short they found two large masses on each of my adrino glands during the testing. Right now I wish they had found anything else but that. I was told today that there is a large chance that I will have to stop taking my T due to this.

It is not official yet and I have another appointment with another Dr next Thursday about it nit I feel like my whole world has evaporated. I have been fighting the system and society for 40 years to look like the man I know I am and I am only 46 years old. I moved across the country and let go of everyone I knew in order to officially start my transition in January of this year.

I waited 5 months to see a doctor to start the T only to find out a month before the appointment that she was retiring and then another two months to get a doctor that was willing to treat me after having one that said he was until I asked so when do we start talking about hormone replacement therapy. Then all of a sudden I was speaking a foreign language it appears that he is willing to treat transgender individuals as long as hormones aren't involved. WTF especially since I mentioned hormones in the first appointment.

Anyways eventually I got a doctor willing to treat me and I some how figured pit how to afford to pay for the T out of my own pocket. I tell you I was one happy man. Even with the discomfort involved with the first couple of months I was a happy man. However I was not a stupid man I kept the words from the guys here like Greyson (sp) and others that told me to be cautious and there may be higher risks because of my age. I also kept the words of encouragement from so many of you throughout my journey when I was posting in the Bravehearts thread. Today though I felt so alone and so defeated.
I keep telling myself that the other specialist may not have the same opinion about having to stop my T. I even tell myself at least they didn't find cancer in my lungs to be honest guys there are seconds today that I wish they had.
Ok stepping off my venting everything and making no sense box now.

DapperButch · 12-06-2013, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~KnightsBlade~

I was going to post this in the listening to each other thread ( excuse the wrong name please) then decided that it really belongs here or at least I hope so.

I have been on T for three or four months now. Not nearly long enough but thanks to already having my histro 16 years ago I have had some amazing and faster than usual results in some areas. I recently was hospitalized for phenomena (sp) and all kinds of tests were ran due to how bad it was. Anyways to make a long story short they found two large masses on each of my adrino glands during the testing. Right now I wish they had found anything else but that. I was told today that there is a large chance that I will have to stop taking my T due to this.

It is not official yet and I have another appointment with another Dr next Thursday about it nit I feel like my whole world has evaporated. I have been fighting the system and society for 40 years to look like the man I know I am and I am only 46 years old. I moved across the country and let go of everyone I knew in order to officially start my transition in January of this year.

I waited 5 months to see a doctor to start the T only to find out a month before the appointment that she was retiring and then another two months to get a doctor that was willing to treat me after having one that said he was until I asked so when do we start talking about hormone replacement therapy. Then all of a sudden I was speaking a foreign language it appears that he is willing to treat transgender individuals as long as hormones aren't involved. WTF especially since I mentioned hormones in the first appointment.

Anyways eventually I got a doctor willing to treat me and I some how figured pit how to afford to pay for the T out of my own pocket. I tell you I was one happy man. Even with the discomfort involved with the first couple of months I was a happy man. However I was not a stupid man I kept the words from the guys here like Greyson (sp) and others that told me to be cautious and there may be higher risks because of my age. I also kept the words of encouragement from so many of you throughout my journey when I was posting in the Bravehearts thread. Today though I felt so alone and so defeated.
I keep telling myself that the other specialist may not have the same opinion about having to stop my T. I even tell myself at least they didn't find cancer in my lungs to be honest guys there are seconds today that I wish they had.
Ok stepping off my venting everything and making no sense box now.

Hang in there, guy. I hope it all works out and you don't have to get off of T since it has made such a positive difference in your life.

Greyson · 12-08-2013, 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~KnightsBlade~

I was told today that there is a large chance that I will have to stop taking my T due to this.

However I was not a stupid man I kept the words from the guys here like Greyson (sp) and others that told me to be cautious and there may be higher risks because of my age. I also kept the words of encouragement from so many of you throughout my journey when I was posting in the Bravehearts thread. Today though I felt so alone and so defeated.

KnightsBlade, nothing can change who you believe yourself to be. With or without the T, you are still you. I think I can empathize with you but each person's idea of their identity is not a cookie cutter matter. I hope things work out for you. Try to love and accept yourself no matter what.

Respectfully,
Greyson

Jet · 12-08-2013, 01:20 AM

I live as a straight man among straights. This is the only [FTM] site I am on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMW

This is a space for FTM's to talk about anything they would like to. Especially, FTM's that live as males, in their everyday lives, and are not seen by societyas anything other than a biomale.Please go along with the websites guidelines of decorum and respect for others. The TOS or what have you.
At the moment, i have a killer migraine and will not be posting for a bit.

However,
Feel free to vent.
Welcome Dudes...

I do understand that we live in a closet somewhat. I suppose i don't want to have to live in the closet here. I am not always...In The Closet and i don't want to be in a closet here.

09-09-2013, 07:46 PM	#226
Nic Member How Do You Identify?: Male (FtM) Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: I am her North and she is my Star. Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Northampton, MA Posts: 195 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,029 Thanked 766 Times in 131 Posts Rep Power: 16841394	Trying to distract myself tonight. Feeling on edge. Read pretty much every thread I could click on to get my mind off my day. Not angry. Just restless. Tomorrow's on my mind. Today I get a text from the woman I'm seriously interested in that says "I planning on telling him, I'm just not ready! I need a few more days to decide what I'm going to say. Leave it will you?!" First thing I think is, "Damn am I about to hear "We need to talk"? Second thing I think is "This text wasn't for me." She has another friend named Nick that she hangs out with pretty often so I think maybe it's for him. I've met him. Nice guy, funny, smart, good looking, but she never indicated an interest in bio-males and I didn't get the vibe they had more than friendship going on. I haven't dated any one person seriously since my 20's so maybe I'm dense but I'm 99.9% sure that she's not hooking up. Still couldn't help running worst case scenarios in my head. The only thing that stuck was there's someone else and he's pressuring her to break up with me sooner rather than later. Even if it's not that, she's getting advice from someone else regarding something that sounds like it's about us. If she needs a friend as a sounding board that's all good but since the story's out I figure I should be part of the conversation now. I think eventually she's going to notice she sent the text to the wrong person so I quit spinning, do a fast search for my huevos, and shoot a message back saying "Don't think this was meant for me. Do we need to make time to talk about something?" I get nothing in the next 10 minutes and then I'm swamped so I leave it alone. About an hour later she replies with, "I'm very sorry. That was meant for Nick. Yes, we do need to talk." After some more back and forth all I know is that she honestly doesn't know if I'll think what she has to talk to me about is good or bad, it's just important that she tells me. She's been babysitting since noon for friends so they could go to Boston for their anniversary and won't be home until late tomorrow morning. Neither of us wants to have the conversation via text or phone so I told her we could table the discussion as long as the rest of it happened in 24 hours or less. Instead of dinner out tomorrow as planned, she's coming to my place to BBQ and talk. Didn't ask if she's breaking up with me. I want that face to face if it's coming. Tried to relax tonight but I can't focus on my book. Still sorting worst case scenarios in my head. Reading threads tonight made me wonder if she's reluctant to get serious because I'm trans. I know she was in love with a transman at some point so I want to say no. Occurred to me about an hour ago that maybe she was still married to someone. She won't discuss in depth details of past relationships. She just says things like her long term relationships were all with good people. I know she's been married before and once she said that her most significant relationship ended because she didn't do what she should have. None of that bothers me. Past is past. I don't talk about Aubrey much but for different reasons. But if she's married, obviously there's a problem. Something she said a while back that makes me wonder if she's afraid of commitment. Months ago when I told her I wanted us to date more seriously she told me 1) she wasn't ready to be serious with anyone and 2) if she ever wanted to change her mind it wouldn't happen unless she knew without a doubt she wasn't going to be #2 or 3 or 4 on someone's priority list ever again. At the time she knew I was going on occasional dates with other friends but that it wasn't serious with anyone. The night she said this she wasn't majorly upset but it was obviously an emotional issue for her. I asked some questions but she wouldn't go into more detail which translated into "past relationship issue" in my book. Didn't pressure her but I walked away 100% clear that continuing to date other women was a deal breaker if I wanted to move ahead with her. Made sure I was completely single by the next day and made sure she knew it. Told her to her face that I wouldn't be dating another woman as long as I was seeing her. Made her cry but we never talked about it again and I just went on trying to be someone she could trust and look up to. Now she's afraid to talk to me and I don't know why. First time I've worried that I could lose out on something good because of something I don't know. Going in circles. Really need to stop. Just keep re-reading that text and trying to see something less ominous in it. We've fallen into mutual silence. Maybe we both needed time for reflection. Talked it over with my own sounding board who asked if I was angry. I'm not. Not even a little. She's never avoided hard conversations before. She's been open about everything from opinions about world events and her ignorance about politics to her own faults, mistakes and regrets and things she's done that she's ashamed of so if she's keeping something from me it makes me think she's afraid. Fear does a number on logic every time. I want to make a permanent place in my life for this girl if she'll have me. Haven't faced any big issues together but if we've arrived at the first one I'm ready to show up every day until it's over. Guess I'm worried for myself but more worried about her. No matter what happens, I hate the idea of her going to bed afraid. I'm going to break the silence and make my usual good night call. I want to tell her that all she has to do is make it to tomorrow. Last edited by Nic; 09-09-2013 at 07:54 PM. Reason: spelling

09-09-2013, 08:04 PM	#227
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,893 Times in 5,771 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Hey, Nic. I have no words of wisdom, just wanted to acknowlege the struggle you are in right now. I hope that tomorrow goes well for you. Take care. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

10-14-2013, 10:15 AM	#230
Nic Member How Do You Identify?: Male (FtM) Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: I am her North and she is my Star. Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Northampton, MA Posts: 195 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,029 Thanked 766 Times in 131 Posts Rep Power: 16841394	WTF is wrong with abusers? Seriously. __________________ "Trust is a verb." Street Buddha.

10-20-2013, 09:24 PM	#231
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,909 Times in 1,862 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	This evening I noticed that several of my friends on Facebook, had made comments in response to a blog written by a butch. As I skimmed over the post, I thought, "oh, so and so, has a new name, but is still spewing the same old transphobic hate talk." She felt sad that guys like me, (she called us sisters,) had become convinced by the patriarchy, that we couldn't be women, and dress as we wanted to. I wanted to tell her, "sister, I dressed like this when I was a big bull dyke, the patriarchy didn't convince me of anything about the clothes I choose to wear." The sad truth about her rant, was that it was just as misogynistic as the patriarchy. She was mourning the "loss" of another butch, who chose to transition, but what did she lose? I didn't stop being a feminist when I transitioned. I didn't walk away from my lesbian friends. My friends don't speak about my choice to do with my body, what I have done, in such a hateful manner. If she were one of my friends though, I would walk away, and not look back. She would lose me, for sure. __________________ <3 Love is weird.

11-02-2013, 06:06 AM	#234
Sheridan Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Transmasculine Preferred Pronoun?: Just call me Sheridan Relationship Status: Single and looking Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: California Posts: 36 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 78 Thanked 99 Times in 27 Posts Rep Power: 1501901	Haircut From Hell: With A Side Order of Homophobia and Transphobia Has anyone had this experience? I have to share Days of Sheridan’s Haircut, it’s like Days of Our Lives but with more drama (and homophobia and/or transphobia). But it is kinda of humorous because I think they wanted me to drop my pants to check and find out which they needed to go for. I had a fun time getting my hair cut today (which pissed me off ). A haircut with a side order of homophobia and/or transphobia (I am not even sure which way the woman was going, because this woman was bat shit nuts and so was her friend, but her haircut turned out ok after the drama). I was starting to look like a sheep dog (or Josh Groban on crack) and decided: Hey it’s time to make a donation to the hair fairies. I went into a place I had gone before because the gal that cut my hair before was really funny and talked about all kinds of stuff and about her family and gave a good haircut without any drama. Well, I went in (and of course she was not there). But I thought, hey anyone can do the whacking (yes my hair needs deep discipline and probably a deep conditioner). :P So the gal that was there was going to take me back right away but I told her I wanted to look at styles of haircuts and I had just picked up the guy’s haircut book to look at (which I do every place I go). She stated that that book would do me no good (will I had used this book once before and the cut I picked was awesome). I said I wanted a style from that book (so she stood and waited, eyeing me up and down, not in a flirtatious way and glancing at my crotch). I almost walked out but finding a place open and not a full on women’s salon or without an appointment in my area at almost 5pm was going to be a pain in the ass and I still had to shop (which I hate). So I picked my style and swaggered back to the whacking chair. So the drama began. She told me the style I picked was too long (it really was pretty short) and that I needed to get a buzz cut. I told her I did not want a buzz cut. She told me I needed a buzz cut because it would look better on me. I said I wanted the style I picked. She said if you want to look more male you should get a buzz cut. I said the haircut I wanted was perfect for my face and my curly hair. I was thinking to myself “I don’t want to look like a white supremacist, but thanks for the advice lady”. But I closed my mouth. So she kept hounding me about it and I knew that she was not going to allow me to get my pick. So I looked through the book again and found one that was almost the same but just a little shorter (it had better bangs, so I got a better cut anyway). I said this is the one I want. So finally I got my cut with her bitching all the way that it was too girlie for me (I never pick girlie cuts) but a buzz cut was out of the question (I hate them). I sat in the chair meditating, wanting to leap and run, while she bitched and giggled with other woman that worked there about me and my hair. I am not sure if she thought I was a bull dyke (which I get a lot) or a transgendered man or she thought I was a possible transgendered woman or gay man that needed to man up to fit his genitals, whatever it was it pissed me off. I am never going back there again. WTF????? The area I live in has a nice size community of LGBTQ people and this behavior just pisses me off and it just continues on and on. And as I was leaving she was still looking at my crotch (I wanted to moon her, but that would be socially unacceptable). So how was your day?

08-03-2013, 11:54 PM	#221
Bad_boi Member How Do You Identify?: Transman (male) Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His ect. Relationship Status: Handsome bastard. Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Seattle Posts: 727 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 122 Thanked 1,824 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 0	Random boners are now a thing. Fun but annoying.

09-02-2013, 11:18 AM	#222
Nic Member How Do You Identify?: Male (FtM) Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: I am her North and she is my Star. Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Northampton, MA Posts: 195 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,029 Thanked 766 Times in 131 Posts Rep Power: 16841394	Been a while since I've been online. Thanks to everyone who sent opinions and advice. Update: The femme I've been interested in is still on the horizon. She's started to be pretty important to me over the last 4 weeks and given me 100 more reasons to think well of her. Been trying to give her a few reasons to think well of me also. (Fingers crossed for success) She likes Indian food so I took her to a place I like. We had a great time. Went for coffee afterward and sat downtown to people watch. Took her home and realized I hadn't said anything because we'd been having such a good time. So I told her before I got out of the car to walk her to her door. I'm thinking, "Ridiculous to have this discussion in the car" but she's easy to talk to so I just went for it. Turns out she knew I was Trans without me telling her. Put it together based on some pretty subtle clues. She says she didn't say anything because she thought the story was mine to tell if I wanted to and not hers to pursue without invitation. The conversation that followed was pretty amazing. I haven't connected with someone like this since my wife died.

09-09-2013, 01:17 PM	#223
Maverick Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Transman Preferred Pronoun?: they/them Relationship Status: encumbered Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: eastern US Posts: 48 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 361 Thanked 179 Times in 34 Posts Rep Power: 1216947	I think my 16 year relationship is ending soon because I am a transman. She just can't deal with it. I've been very hopeful that we could work it out and come to some compromise point or figure out a way for us to both be happy but I now believe that all hope is lost. Feeling very sad today. :'-((( Maverick

09-09-2013, 02:07 PM	#224
DMW Member How Do You Identify?: FTM/Male (Will 14) Relationship Status: Caught An Angel and she doesn't lie! Join Date: May 2012 Location: @ Posts: 784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,256 Thanked 1,861 Times in 614 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	Sorry Maverick. That is rough. I will share a bit. In regards to a past relationship that i had. (a woman that has never been to the bf sites.) What helped me... I had to acknowledge, accept and appreciate that, like me, she had her evolution, as well. (I do believe that all relationships and people do.) I was part of that process. And honestly, I am glad that she went on to be with a biomale. It is what was right for her. And also, kept her from going to another butch or transman. She loved me and both our hearts broke. It is not easy to partner with a transmen. I wish the best for both of you.

09-11-2013, 08:17 AM	#228
Nic Member How Do You Identify?: Male (FtM) Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: I am her North and she is my Star. Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Northampton, MA Posts: 195 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,029 Thanked 766 Times in 131 Posts Rep Power: 16841394	Update: 1) There's a femme in my house while I'm at work! It was almost 4:30 by the time "the talk" (which was VERY GOOD) was over so I put my favorite quilt on the guest bed and had her do her dreaming at my place rather than go the 8 miles to hers after such an intense evening. 2) I'm the happiest man in the world!

12-06-2013, 10:00 PM	#235
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I was going to post this in the listening to each other thread ( excuse the wrong name please) then decided that it really belongs here or at least I hope so. I have been on T for three or four months now. Not nearly long enough but thanks to already having my histro 16 years ago I have had some amazing and faster than usual results in some areas. I recently was hospitalized for phenomena (sp) and all kinds of tests were ran due to how bad it was. Anyways to make a long story short they found two large masses on each of my adrino glands during the testing. Right now I wish they had found anything else but that. I was told today that there is a large chance that I will have to stop taking my T due to this. It is not official yet and I have another appointment with another Dr next Thursday about it nit I feel like my whole world has evaporated. I have been fighting the system and society for 40 years to look like the man I know I am and I am only 46 years old. I moved across the country and let go of everyone I knew in order to officially start my transition in January of this year. I waited 5 months to see a doctor to start the T only to find out a month before the appointment that she was retiring and then another two months to get a doctor that was willing to treat me after having one that said he was until I asked so when do we start talking about hormone replacement therapy. Then all of a sudden I was speaking a foreign language it appears that he is willing to treat transgender individuals as long as hormones aren't involved. WTF especially since I mentioned hormones in the first appointment. Anyways eventually I got a doctor willing to treat me and I some how figured pit how to afford to pay for the T out of my own pocket. I tell you I was one happy man. Even with the discomfort involved with the first couple of months I was a happy man. However I was not a stupid man I kept the words from the guys here like Greyson (sp) and others that told me to be cautious and there may be higher risks because of my age. I also kept the words of encouragement from so many of you throughout my journey when I was posting in the Bravehearts thread. Today though I felt so alone and so defeated. I keep telling myself that the other specialist may not have the same opinion about having to stop my T. I even tell myself at least they didn't find cancer in my lungs to be honest guys there are seconds today that I wish they had. Ok stepping off my venting everything and making no sense box now.