Friends of Bill W.

[tomboystud]

June 24
Tolerance
“...ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”
Tradition Twelve
––––=––––
Sometimes it’s hard to accept others’ character defects. As we recover together, we not only listen to others talk in meetings, we also watch how they walk through their recovery. The more we get to know other members, the more we become aware of how they live their lives. We may form opinions about how they “work their program.” We may find that certain members upset us, or we may even hear ourselves say, “If I worked their program, I would surely use.”
We have found tolerance to be a principle that strengthens not only our own recovery but also our relationships with individuals who are a source of irritation to us. It becomes easier to accept other members’ frailties when we remember that we ourselves rarely turn over our own character defects until we become painfully aware of them.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will strive to accept others as they are. I will try not to judge others. I will focus on the principles of love and acceptance.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 25



For Want of Frith


I feel like I am standing on a trap door, every flex in my footing triggers insecurity. With my arms spread wide, I think the wiser move might be to hold them to my sides. For if the little square did give way my arms might be sheered off with no time served for the tears I’ve cried or the blood now shed sprinkled on the earth. Step from this, I tell myself, do not make delay, for all the ground is not a trap nor all the world a stage. But is it not the trade in pain that sticks me to this spot and keeps me here for all my life just waiting for the drop.




Sweep a path to your goals

*

UTILITY OF EMOTION

I plug into the utility of my emotions
These utilities aid my life as all utilities do.
The duel prong of anger serves to light me up
And gives me strength to set boundaries.

The four line clip cord of pain allows me to keep in touch
With my Higher Power, my friends and my fellows.
I have nothing to share if I can’t stay real about my pain
.
Fear is hard to contain and is carefully piped
Explosions of fear can start so easily,
It’s a good thing its foul odor can be smelled in the air.

The co-axial cable of joy screws neatly into the back of my mind
And gives me delight,
Color and sound are the privileges of sobriety.

Emotions are plainly utilitarian
But they help me survive
And make living into a life.

[tomboystud]

June 25
Not just lucky
“The process of coming to believe restores us to sanity. The strength to move into action comes from this belief.”
Basic Text, p. 25
––––=––––
Coming to believe is a process that stems from personal experience. Each of us has this experience; all addicts who find recovery in NA have solid evidence of a benevolent Power acting for good in their lives. Those of us who are recovering today, after all, are the fortunate ones. Many, many addicts die from our disease, never to experience what we have found in Narcotics Anonymous.
The process of coming to believe involves a willingness to recognize miracles for what they are. We share the miracle of being here clean, and each of us has other miracles that await only our acknowledgment. How many car accidents or overdoses or other near-catastrophes have we survived? Can we look back at our lives and see that we were not just “lucky”? Our experience in recovery, too, gives us examples of a Higher Power working for our good.
When we can look back at the evidence of a loving Higher Power acting on our behalf, it becomes possible to trust that this Higher Power will continue to help us in the future. And trust offers us the strength to move forward.
––––=––––
Just for today: My recovery is more than coincidence. My strength comes from the knowledge that my Higher Power has never let me down and will continue to guide me.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 26

Living as a Megaphone


He whispers in my ear, I part my lips and let it all run out. Vacant tube of a thing, his words pour through me, nothing to stem the flow, no diversions, no catch basin. He hides behind me, the bully that he is. I stand with rings painted bright concentric, bold. I am nothing; I know it and don’t need him to tell me, my inactions speak louder than his words. He is not the one who bore right through my core; he is just the little worm who is living there secure. I will have to purge him out to be his megaphone no more.


Protect your awareness

*
OPTICAL ILLUSION

From the right angle a hat pin can appear
Taller then the Empire State Building
I can skew my perspective to such an extreme
Or let my disease do it to me.

I can believe myself to be other than I am
The sweetest, kindest, smartest quickest,
Smallest, slowest, lowest, meanest.
I can see myself as all this and more.

As long as I squint with one eye
And look at only half of an issue
I can play the parts and act as if
These things are true.

I can even get others to play along
I can make fantasy fact if I lower the floor
I can die in the basement, many do.

I can turn my face from science
And be the center of all that spins
Or climb the stairs to ground level.

I can turn my mind to facts and fractions
Leave my better-than, less-than universe
And see the height of everything
And stand tall with my eyes open.

[tomboystud]

June 26
Surrendering self-will
“Our fears are lessened and faith begins to grow as we learn the true meaning of surrender. We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, self-pity, or depression.”
Basic Text, p. 27
––––=––––
Surrender is the beginning of a new way of life. When driven primarily by self-will, we constantly wondered whether we’d covered all the bases, whether we’d manipulated that person in just the right way to achieve our ends, whether we’d missed a critical detail in our efforts to control and manage the world. We either felt afraid, fearing our schemes would fail; angry or self-pitying when they fell through; or guilty when we pulled them off. It was hard, living on self-will, but we didn’t know any other way.
Not that surrender is always easy. On the contrary, surrender can be difficult, especially in the beginning. Still, it’s easier to trust God, a Power capable of managing our lives, than to trust only ourselves, whose lives are unmanageable. And the more we surrender, the easier it gets.
When we turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power, all we have to do is our part, as responsibly and conscientiously as we can. Then we can leave the results up to our Higher Power. By surrendering, acting on faith, and living our lives according to the simple spiritual principles of this program, we can stop worrying and start living.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will surrender self-will. I will seek knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry it out. I will leave the results in my Higher Power’s hands.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 27


I am not an Island


Upon finding myself alive I decided to throw my life back into the sea. I was not living on this dry and sandy shore. The baking sun does nothing to improve me. I was dis-engorged onto the beach, but never belonged there. I tried to see myself as evolving, tried desperately to sprout some legs. Sucked air through my gills and attempted to sing, but I am not ready for this today. Perhaps this is my future, the way the current will carry me that I can’t yet tell. I do know I need the water on my scales and pressure in my lungs right now. I do not know what tomorrow brings or what I am capable of just that I will not fault myself for not having been born a dove.



Remember that time passes

*


COLD AND FLU SEASON

The spiritual cold and flu season is upon me,
I am awash in reaction and confusion.
I have been overexposed to the dry thinking
And barking orders of the cough
So associated with this disability.

My eyes swell and blur with my refusal to accept reality
The tickle of discomfort from inhaling disagreeable ideas
Is small in comparison with the nausea I suffer when I swallow
Every line put forth from my dizzy and congested mind.

There is no pill to dissuade my symptoms
I must raise the heat on this inertiac little bug
Parasites breed in the stagnant water of my paralysis.

If I move in my sobriety, sweat a little and flush my system
I should be able to shake this insidious germ
Then I can reach my hand out to the people
Who caught the spiritual flu from me.

[tomboystud]

June 27
Change and growth
“When someone points out a shortcoming, our first reaction may be defensive. There will always be room for growth.”
Basic Text, p. 36
––––=––––
Recovery is a process that brings about change in our lives. We need that change if we are to continue our growth toward freedom. It’s important that we remain open-minded when others point out our shortcomings, for they are bringing to light opportunities for us to change and grow. Reacting defensively limits our ability to receive the help they are offering us; letting go of our defenses opens the door to change, growth, and new freedom.
Each day in the recovery process will bring an opportunity for further change and growth. The more we learn to greet change with an open mind and heart, the more we will grow and the more comfortable we will become with our recovery.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will greet each opportunity for growth with an open mind.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 28




Chock Full of Nuts


I am not a coffee maker. I come from a long line of non-coffee drinkers and I don’t drink it myself. I made the coffee for my home group once and was asked not to do it again. This is when I realized my service talents must lay elsewhere, and they do. I am a good sponsor for those who want what I have or at least want to attempt what I am trying to get toward. I am a good representative. I can carry the wishes of my group to the district. I am learning to share my story and carry the message and hope to do it well. So, my question to you is, to what service do you most naturally bend?





Save a key from your past


*

PASTRY

Like French pastry--sobriety gets richer with each layer
As I investigate these layers I approach the buttery center
The fat seeps through the years
Making boundaries crisp and intimacy velvety.

Ingredients which ordinarily wouldn’t mix
Somehow blend and counter point one another in a flaky shell
Fruits and nuts improve every bite.

Though there are times which are a bit crumbly
Most of the structure is strong and invention skillful
Pastry and sobriety are compositions of strength and brilliance
Which are meant to be taken internally.

[tomboystud]

June 28
Group conscience
“Working with others is only the beginning of service work.”
Basic Text, p. 59
––––=––––
Service work calls for a selfless devotion to carrying the message to the still-suffering addict. But our attitude of service cannot stop there. Service also requires that we look at ourselves and our motives. Our efforts at service make us highly visible to the fellowship. In NA, it is easy to become a “big fish in a little pond.” Our controlling attitude can easily drive away the newcomer.
Group conscience is one of the most important principles in service. It is vital to remember that the group conscience is what counts, not just our individual beliefs and desires. We lend our thoughts and beliefs to the development of a group conscience. Then when that conscience arises, we accept its guidance. The key is working with others, not against them. If we remember that we strive together to develop a collective conscience, we will see that all sides have equal merit. When all the discussions are over, all sides will come back together to carry a unified message.
It is often tempting to think that we know what is best for the group. If we remember that it doesn’t matter if we get our way, then it is easier to allow service to be the vehicle it is intended to be—a way to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will take part in the development of group conscience. I will remember that the world won’t end just because I don’t get my way. I will think about our primary purpose in all my service efforts. I will reach out to a newcomer.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 29



When I rise up and when I lay down



In order to be happy with you I have to learn to be happy without you. I gasp at the pain of it and desperately wish that the above statement were not true, but alas, you are gone in a way that I can never reclaim you and to hold on to what of you is still tentatively available I must release my frightened grasp. A wisp of smoke is not the bonfire of our past, but it is what remains and I breathe it in as best I can. Immediately I realize I am holding on again. I breathe you out, let you go. I want to run screaming, throwing you from my bonds, yet another of my attempts at control. So, now it’s time to pray. Not a prayer to get my way, not a prayer to make you stay, not a prayer to make you gone, just a prayer to live on my own. G-d help me please to live my life, please guide me away from strife. I am lost and can’t find my way, Father, hold me til the light of day.





Putty the cracks in your hopes

*

SHIMMER

The water ruffles over metallic sheen
Lap after lap screen the view
And still the gilt reflection shines in my eyes.

Hypnotic, the undulance pulls me near
I stand on the edge, gaze then gawk
I follow the underwater movement and iridescent tremolo

I forget place and time, I lose sight of the fact
Gold isn’t the only thing that shimmers
Sometimes that glint is just a fish
.
Life is full of fins and fantasy
My sponsor suggests--I stop looking for my life
In a wishing well.

[tomboystud]

June 29
Keeping recovery fresh
“Complacency is the enemy of members with substantial clean time. If we remain complacent for long, the recovery process ceases.”
Basic Text, p. 84
––––=––––
After the first couple of years in recovery, most of us start to feel like there are no more big deals. If we’ve been diligent in working the steps, the past is largely resolved and we have a solid foundation on which to build our future. We’ve learned to take life pretty much as it comes. Familiarity with the steps allows us to resolve problems almost as quickly as they arise.
Once we discover this level of comfort, we may tend to treat it as a “rest stop” on the recovery path. Doing so, however, discounts the nature of our disease. Addiction is patient, subtle, progressive, and incurable. It’s also fatal—we can die from this disease, unless we continue to treat it. And the treatment for addiction is a vital, ongoing program of recovery.
The Twelve Steps are a process, a path we take to stay a step ahead of our disease. Meetings, sponsorship, service, and the steps always remain essential to ongoing recovery. Though we may practice our program somewhat differently with five years clean than with five months, this doesn’t mean the program has changed or become less important, only that our practical understanding has changed and grown. To keep our recovery fresh and vital, we need to stay alert for opportunities to practice our program.
––––=––––
Just for today: As I keep growing in my recovery, I will search for new ways to practice my program.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 30



Halfway Home


Too far to turn back to the origin, not quite close enough to my destination; I am halfway home. I sometimes forget where I have come from, forget too where I’m bound. I gently remind myself I’m making progress no matter what I know. I am not where I started, not where I am going, but I am not without. There is plenty to do and much to look forward to. I lift my feet one at a time, left then right. I try to keep the steps equally spaced, to prevent past curves and circles. Lost is not as bad as it sounds though I do dream of clarity, stone free shoes and a home cooked meal when I arrive.






Appreciate the bridges in your life


*

REGENERATION

When I am grabbed by the extremity of my thinking
I drop my mind like a reptilian tail.
My feet believe they are in no need of my brain in order to run
Independent flight is the action of the day.

Far from the time and place of my dissection
I find regrowth the problem to be solved.
Unlike a salamanders toe
Can I regenerate my wits to their former ability
Or must I live out my existence with a docked psyche?

My desire curls like a python
But I dream of becoming a phoenix.

[tomboystud]

June 30
Maintaining the foundation
“Our newly found faith serves as a firm foundation for courage in the future.”
Basic Text, p. 96
––––=––––
The foundation of our lives is what the rest of our lives is built upon. When we were using, that foundation affected everything we did. When we decided that recovery was important, that’s where we began to put our energy. As a result, our whole lives changed. In order to maintain those new lives, we must maintain the foundation of those lives: our recovery program.
As we stay clean and our lifestyles change, our priorities will also change. Work and school may become important because they improve the quality of our lives. And new relationships may bring excitement and mutual support. But we need to remember that our recovery program is the foundation upon which our new lives are built. Each day, we must renew our commitment to recovery, maintaining that as our top priority.
––––=––––
Just for today: I want to continue enjoying the life I’ve found in recovery. Today, I will take steps to maintain my foundation.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 1

Exercising Futility

Asking the confused for explanation is like asking a blind man the color of the sea. It isn’t that he couldn’t tell you, but how could you be sure? To exercise futility is more than just a game or the words to a song your mother sings when lost or far away. To take the fish out of water and train it on a bike is meaner than I need to be, but isn’t it my right? Just to do things because they can be done or try them because they can’t is more the worse for everyday a tragedy in pants. Puzzle out the little things and practice when you can, for putting on the frazzled mind is cruel to the poor sweet-hearted sot.




Don’t get hooked by excuses


*

SPONTANEOUS GENERATION

Dust under the bed turns into bugs
My grandfather believed in these alchemies of myth.
I thought myself free from the small witchcrafts of threat.

The longer I stay sober,
The more real is the insidious nature of my disease
Mental clutter does breed all manner of
Squirming and chattering vermin.
Every intellectual closet I leave uncleaned
Is a brooding box of contempt,
False pride and bloated ego.

The synchronism of hatchling defects and nursing grudges
Fairytale thinking and firebrand action
Mimic grandpa’s bedbug rantings.

I can never turn my back on unswept philosophy
Or the dross of assumptions I’ve left waiting in piles.
Spiritual house cleaning is all that saves me
From the transmigration of blood sucking life draining phantasm.

Supernatural transformations needn’t plague me if I take right action
The difference between blessings and curses
Is the direction in which you are going.

[tomboystud]

July 1
A simple program
“The program is simply sharing, working the Twelve Steps, attending meetings, and practicing the principles of the program.”

––––=––––
Our complicated lives can be made a lot less complicated if we concentrate on a few simple things—sharing our experience, strength, and hope with others, regular meeting attendance, and practicing the principles of the program in our daily lives.
By sharing our experience, strength, and hope with other addicts, we provide a powerful example for newcomers to follow. The effort we put into helping others also helps keep self-centeredness, the core of our disease, at bay.
Many of us pick one group, a “home group,” whose meetings we attend faithfully. This regularity gives some routine to our lives, and lets others know where they can find us if they need us.
Practicing the Twelve Steps in our daily lives makes the difference between a balanced recovery and simply not using. The steps give us some much-needed guidance in managing our everyday affairs.
Yes, we are complex people. But the NA program simplifies our lives, enabling us to live a life free from active addiction. Our lives can be filled with serenity and hope when we live by the guidance of the simple principles of our program.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will remember that, while I am a complex person, NA is the simplest way for me to make my life less complicated.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 2



From Mind to Pen to Paper to Palm



What a relief to have exteriorized all the swirl of thought, which normally swarms my mind, waiting to take the stage and run through their numbers. Then like deciphering a code I was able to cross out all the irrelevant and redundant information, leaving me with a clear answer. Once there standing on its own; it was obvious and easily explained how two plus three is five. I just love anything that can be explained all on one hand and there it was tidy and neatly fitted in the nest of my palm, easy to grasp hold of with my fingers or my mind.



Slip an orange into your dreams

*

NOUN, VERB, ADJECTIVE

Model Sobriety [mode’el sobriite] n,v,adj.
1. Model Sobriety acts like clay
Durable and flexible it molds to any situation.
2. Model Sobriety is like a clotheshorse
Everything you put on it fits and looks good.
3. Model Sobriety is the 24 hour version
Of a life-long process.
4. Model Sobriety is a set of axioms
With which we interpret truth.
5. Model Sobriety is what we put in the window
For other sufferers to see.
6. Model Sobriety is the mirror we use
To learn what is natural.
7. Model Sobriety eliminates extremes
In behavior and thinking.
8. Model Sobriety is the mode
By which we become a channel.
9. Model Sobriety is the definition
In and of my life.

Noun, Verb, Adjective

[tomboystud]

July 2
Comparing
“Our personal stories may vary in individual pattern, but in the end we all have the same thing in common.”
Basic Text, p. 87
––––=––––
We addicts are a varied bunch, coming from different backgrounds, having used different drugs, and recalling different experiences. Our differences don’t disappear in recovery; for some, those differences become even more pronounced. Freedom from active addiction gives us the freedom to be ourselves, as we truly are. The fact that we are all recovering doesn’t mean that we all necessarily have the same needs or goals. Each of us has our own lessons to learn in recovery.
With so many differences from one addict to the next, how do we help one another in recovery and how do we use each other’s experience? We come together to share our lives in light of the principles of recovery. Though our lives are different, the spiritual principles we apply are the same. It is by the light of these principles, shining through our differences, that we illuminate one another’s way on our individual paths.
We all have two things in common: addiction and recovery. When we listen carefully, we hear others tell of suffering from the same disease we have suffered from, regardless of their specific backgrounds. When we open our ears, we hear other addicts talk of applying spiritual principles that promise hope to us as well, regardless of our personal goals.
––––=––––
Just for today: I have my own path to follow, yet I’m grateful for the fellowship of others who’ve suffered from addiction and who are learning to apply the principles of recovery, just like me.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 3


Trouble with Geometry


You are not allowed to get into trouble on purpose, that’s the rule and if you do you will get no sympathy that’s the corollary. Life is too hard to go looking for trouble, running toward danger, whining about self-inflicted pain. The unspoken law of risk taking is that failure is dealt with in silence. Writhing on the ground after sticking your head in a hornet’s nest, leaves me and the world I know to be speechless in your presence. I know you desire consolation from me. All I know to say is that your actions are incongruent with your life.



Stir the atmosphere in your room


*

DISTILLATION
I came into these rooms with a mixed mental makeup
And a polluted physical chemistry.
I have been transformed
But only into tiny droplets.

The drops are not dramatic but the process is.
Distillation of my thinking is a powerful thing
A volatile act of concentration takes place.
As my brain boils over
And the sane is separated from the profane.

Purity is a spiritual gift,
The result of vaporizing my old thoughts.
Many times the night distills the dew
And I am quickly refreshed,
Other times I must cook for quite awhile.

[tomboystud]

July 3
Quiet time
“Many of us have found that setting aside quiet time for ourselves is helpful in making conscious contact with our Higher Power.”
Basic Text, p. 95
––––=––––
Most of us pay lip-service to the value of conscious contact with a Higher Power. Yet how many of us consistently take time to improve that conscious contact? If we’ve not already established a regular regimen of prayer and meditation, today is the day to start one.
A “quiet time” need not be long. Many of us find that twenty to thirty minutes is enough time to quiet ourselves, focus our attention with a spiritual reading, share our thoughts and concerns in prayer, and take a few moments to listen for an answer in meditation. Our “quiet time” need not be lengthy to be effective, provided it is consistent. Twenty minutes taken once a month to pray will probably do little but frustrate us with the poor quality of our conscious contact. Twenty minutes taken regularly each day, however, renews and reinforces an already lively contact with our Higher Power.
In the hustle and bustle of the recovering addict’s day, many of us end up going from morning to night without taking time out to improve our conscious contact with the God we’ve come to understand. However, if we set aside a particular time of the day, every day, as “quiet time,” we can be sure that our conscious contact will improve.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will set aside a few moments, once I finish reading today’s entry, to pray and meditate. This will be the beginning of a new pattern for my recovery.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 4


Origins


At the root of it all is darkness. The place from which I grow, the structure that holds me fiercely upright, is pressed on all sides by dirt. When I get right down to it the ethereal leaves and twigs even the branches, do not exist, except for my foundation in the composted death and recycled life; the ground. For is it G-d who rains down from the heavens light and water or is G-d truly living at the center of the earth, warming my toes and securing me to what is real.



Use a mirror for words on the tip of your tongue



*

KEY

I asked for the key to my problems.
My expectation was a metal instrument
With which to unbolt the lock to my desires.

What I was given is a systematic explanation
Of the symbols of the plan of my life.
This has been a wonderful gift
And I have benefited greatly.

But first I have to stop brooding
About the loss of my wished for trinket.
Putting names on my map helps me
Stay off cliffs and out of rivers

The code is broken
I can decipher direction and intent
The composition of life’s offerings
Fit and harmonize in unimagined ways.

It creates archways strong and unbending
Giving me access to reefs of beauty and rest.
I asked for the means to open a door
But gained entry to the world.