The Fat Positive Lounge

[Soft*Silver]

I met the most wonderful woman today at my shop. She was in her late 70s. I have seating arrangements in the front and back of my store for people to rest and socialize. I was sitting at the front one, and she came to join me. She was some kind of whippersnapper, for sure! LOL. She was asking me about my tattoos and told me she was planning on getting one. Her children didnt want her to, but (as she pointed to her five earrings in one ear) she said they didnt want her to pierce her ears either but she did anyway. We sat for quite some time and this rebel amused me. I told her I wanted to be just like her in a few years. She smiled that inward amazon kinda smile and winked at me.

Its amazing how transformed I am day by day...

[PearlsNLace]

I decided to drop weight watchers. I allready know what I need to do with my food, Im done (just for today) for feeling guilty about not writing it down, for any ounce of guilt over what I eat. The adverage weight loss for a WW memeber is 12 pounds a year. Seriously. I am done with paying 600 a year with the likelyhood that I will loose 12 pounds.
Today Im tired of the weight of the GUILT over what Im not doing, or am doing, in order to get more social milage out of my body.
I quit the gym I dont go to as well. Thats another savings of 550 a year.

Maybe I will buy a kayack or some other thing I actually enjoy with that money next year. Hopefully it wont be on some gimmick to help me lie to myself that I am making changes.
I either am, or am not. Every single damn day. And right now I dont need a group membership to know it.

Funny, when I looked at a recent picture, full body one, from last weekend I thought DAMN I look GOOD! And I am almost the heaviest I have ever been, yet I feel better than I have in a long time.

I know that there are many many people who feel that gyms and WW have made all the difference in the world for them, and Im so happy they have that.

For right now, I am not buying or drinking the Koolaide cause its just leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Just for today Im keeping it simple, and letting the guilt go. It may not mean I lose much weight, but I sure as heck feel lighter.

Love the thread!

[Tcountry]

I tried to read all before posting...but got lost in there somewhere...
so what the heck ...
Hi...I'm T...I am a fat-aholic..I think big cuddly squishy hugs are the best in the world !!

Yes I am doin an exercise challenge currently...not to lose weight ...my goal is to play on the company softball team again this next summer...& not feel like I want to pass
out after running the bases...lol

Not that political, but thanks for the thread glad to have read & keep reading the pages


*tip hat*

[SingularNYCFemme]

Hi, the above post made me think I should introduce myself since I've subscribed to this thread and just reading a portion of the posts here has done me a lot of good!

I want to love my body as it is (large, with plenty of squish and cuddle) and not sit waiting for some fictional day when I will have some other type of body. This is the body I have, and I want to own it and love it and take care of it as best I can.

Thank you so much for being here!

[Soft*Silver]

I am thrilled to see posts coming in about loving ourselves no matter what numbers we own. Age, poundage, dress size, etc. does not equal self worth.

Pearls, I also applaud your idea of getting a kayak with your money rather than spend it on the skinny industry. Spend it on something you have a passion for, to make you active.

[Leigh]

I, too, love this thread ~ SO much positivity coming from everyone here, I just LOVE the love that is in here from absolutely everyone

[Tcountry]

So I was reading this thread at work and thinking this whole time I have this cool book at home that I bought like 10 yrs ago...
SOoooo I had to find it as soon as I got home.
I haven't clicked on all the links, so don't know if someone posted it or not, but ... it is:
Lesbian Sacred Sexuality
by Diane Mariechild & Marcelina Martin

It is stories, and poems, and pictures

IT is passionate and beautiful. And the women are of all body types and it is a sexy book!
Anyway...I was thinking about it all night and had to share.

[lettertodaddy]

This may be a sensitive/triggering topic for some of you, and if it is, I apologize in advance.

How many of you have spent most of your lives trying to run away from the "slutty fat girl" stereotype? I know I have.

I've had partners - mostly male, but some female too - who only hit me up because they were under the assumption that because I'm fat, that I'm easier to get into bed. To counter that, I became rigid about my body and relationship boundaries, and convinced myself somewhere along the way that I only did real relationships, not one-two-or three night stands.

Now that I'm a little older and a little wiser, and now that I'm finding my relationship prospects dimming as I get older, I'm starting to challenge my beliefs. I think mutual fun sexytimes are beneficial to the people involved, regardless of how long those times last. I'm at the point in my life where if a relationship came along, great, but I don't want to block a sweet, good time if she sweeps me off my feet!

What about you? What sort of negative ideas around fat and sexuality are you holding on to and how are you letting them go?

[nycfem]

This may be controversial too but I don't like the idea that it's creepy for certain people to prefer fat girls. Why can't that be sexy and even feminist to have a preference that's outside of the patriarchal mainstream? I'm tired of it being thought of as perverse, creepy, nerdy, sick, objectifying, and "just as bad." Similarly, I use the title "BBW," and I know a lot of people apply the same descriptions to that term. However, I take it for what it is, a big beautiful woman. To me it conveys that I'm big while also conveying that I'm a confident woman, one who aims to embrace my body. I think that when people are more attracted to fat bodies that it usually comes from one's unconscious psychological life experience all the way back from childhood (Disclaimer: I'm a therapist.). Black men are much more accepting/attracted to my body, and I wonder is it because they have mamas they love who are big and confident too. I like to go to Craigslist and put in a search for "BBW" in the title (must be in the title, because if it's the whole ad, it will be because of a "no BBWs" clause written at the end of the ad). I like to read the descriptions of people craving a fat woman for a relationship or sex or whatever. It's sexy to me, and I don't think I have to feel that I'm gross for feeling that way.

[Spirit Dancer]

LTD
One thing comes to mind, what about the fat girl who others
think will always be the filler friend with nothing better to do.
Assuming they have no commitments or engagements and are always there for them.

[Kätzchen]

I really like what BB and BBW and others here are promoting and that's the idea that we can be positively healthy in the ideas we hold about what the term Fat means and to borrow the term BB used: not cave into social stereotypes built around what it means to be fat.

I really like how Spirit Dancer brought up the idea that often people who are fat are not valued in our culture and society and that people seem to trend toward the idea that people who are fat have no life, no romantic prospects in their past, present or future. And, I also like what BBW said about how creepy it is that being fat is not throught of in terms of being a feminist stance or sheer sexiness.

I've lost a considerable amount of weight over the past six months, due to a very hectic on-the-run job I used to have, which demanded that I keep running even when I didn't feel like I could run another step of the way.

Does that mean I'm skinny, since I lost that much weight? No.

I'm built like a tank: In other words, no matter how weight I might like to lose, I will always appear on the larger side of the weight spectrum just because of my height (I am nearly 5' 10" -barefoot) and because of the density of my bone structure, which is pervasively German: with a twist of this and that elsewhere.

I felt sexy when I was 60 pounds heavier, but I still rock this body of mine even though I'm sixty pounds lighter. I like it when individuals in our community can come together with a feminist attitude and feel super about who we are - not matter what we look like or how heavy we are.

Sending big love to all of you,

[lettertodaddy]

Right, I see where you're coming from nycfembbw, but I'm not talking about preferences. I'm talking about the kind of people who don't want to date you in daylight, who deny they know you if they see you out while they're with their friends, who make cutting, negative comments about fat women in public, but who ask you for your number when nobody else is looking.

I hope with all my might that I can find a butch in this town that prefers my larger body, but until that happens, I'll just keep wishing.

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

LTD
One thing comes to mind, what about the fat girl who others
think will always be the filler friend with nothing better to do.
Assuming they have no commitments or engagements and are always there for them.

Yes, I've been there too. Less so now that most of my friends are partnered/coupled, but I've had it happen. I'm usually happy to see my friends regardless of their motivations, but this does sting a little.

[Tcountry]

"...this was a woman who loved my body. I never really loved my body. I was comfortable with it. I knew where all its parts were and that it was functional. But I was always somewhat overweight. I never thought I was pretty, and to this day, you know, eight hundred people can say you're gorgeous and you're never going to believe it. But here was a woman who, when she touched me, trembled, and god-- the world opened up...." pg 262


The book is The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader Edited by Joan Nestle...I actually have sticky tabs marking my favorite lines/paragraphs/pages.

*tip hat*

[Leigh]

I had someone share something on my facebook and I had to share it because I absolutely LOVE it:

The words *I am fat* is crossed out with a big red line through it and next it says "No, i am not.I just have fat. My weight does not define me. Neither does yours define you".

THAT is absolutely true!

[Spirit Dancer]

“I’ve always thought of fat as just a descriptive word.”
- Camryn Manheim

“If nature had intended for our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies.”
- Elmer Rice

[lettertodaddy]

I had so many passages marked in my copy of this book. I just hate I lost it during a move.

[nycfem]

I totally get what you are saying, lettertodaddy and agree with you. My post wasn't in response to what you posted about the "slutty" fat girl. It was in response to your question at the end of your post:

"What about you? What sort of negative ideas around fat and sexuality are you holding on to and how are you letting them go?"

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Right, I see where you're coming from nycfembbw, but I'm not talking about preferences. I'm talking about the kind of people who don't want to date you in daylight, who deny they know you if they see you out while they're with their friends, who make cutting, negative comments about fat women in public, but who ask you for your number when nobody else is looking.

I hope with all my might that I can find a butch in this town that prefers my larger body, but until that happens, I'll just keep wishing.

[Tcountry]

In response to the "slutty" fat girl comments.
Question ...is it actually because fat girls are perceived as "slutty" or is the perception that she must have a low self-esteem & therefore going home with whomever is better than going home alone ..?
I experienced the latter Fri night. This newly divorced lady with not great self-esteem almost went home alone with this guy she didn't kno anything about just because he wanted her to.
& she admitted that she would have & regretted it later.
But instead she had about a 3 hr chitchat with a new friend we watched the sun come up.

So is it the "slutty" perception or the lower self-esteem that makes her an "easy target"?

[Spirit Dancer]

Originally Posted by Tcountry

In response to the "slutty" fat girl comments.
Question ...is it actually because fat girls are perceived as "slutty" or is the perception that she must have a low self-esteem & therefore going home with whomever is better than going home alone ..?
I experienced the latter Fri night. This newly divorced lady with not great self-esteem almost went home alone with this guy she didn't kno anything about just because he wanted her to.
& she admitted that she would have & regretted it later.
But instead she had about a 3 hr chitchat with a new friend we watched the sun come up.

So is it the "slutty" perception or the lower self-esteem that makes her an "easy target"?

From my space, I do believe there's a stigmata placed by "some" people that FAT equates LOW self esteem. Which in turn could lead those to perceive Fat women are easy targets.

Here's the thing not every woman fits into one mold we all come in different shapes and sizes, and no matter what there can be a self esteem issues. Which in itself can make any women an easy target, when I was younger there was a self esteem issue and once again several years ago I allowed someone to create that icky feeling of FAT=low self esteem, but now when I look back and get that icky feeling I slap Queens of comedy into the DVD hit the FF>>>>button to Sommore and i'm reminded that women of all shapes
and sizes are beautiful.