Mental Illness

[Andrew, Jr.]

Thanks Jedi, but no I am not. Not by a long shot.

[lilapache]

*sighs* today... not a good day at all...

[Andrew, Jr.]

I know...I have been crying alot today.

[DamonK]

I have bipolar with rapid cycling and traits of borderline personality disorder. Luckily, the only thing that's "confirmed" is bipolar.

There was a time that I would say "I'm bipolar" but eventually, I realized I have bipolar. It doesn't have me. Oh, there are days it wins out, of course. Here lately, those days are diminishing.

I recently went back on meds. About 1 week ago, I did my final step up dose to what I should be to level out.

I've never seen so many "normal" days on my mood chart and it's only the 17th.

Currently I take 200 mg of Lamictal, 25 mg (I think) of Inderal, and Ativan prn. So far, this combination is helping me.

I may consider returning to therapy, but I'm not certain on that part yet.

I have my good days. I have my bad days.

As long as the good outweigh the bad, I have no complaints.

Good luck everyone.

[lilapache]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I know...I have been crying alot today.

well i just stayed at work a few extra hours so as not to think... well i still think... but at least it don't run away from me.. trying to get this under control again after spiraling so bad... and trying to rebuild myself... its very taxing..

but i have to keep in mind... it's progress... and i know i'm gonna make it...

and thats what you need to keep in mind also... and you know where i am...

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes. I understand.

[Darth Denkay]

Originally Posted by lilapache

but please how long did it take before the meds quit working on you...

I take daily meds for depression - I have for over 20 years now. I tend to get anywhere from 2-6 years on a specific drug or combo at a time. This means every 2-6 years I need to change meds. The nice thing is that I can sometimes cycle back to a particular drug that I'd been on before. For instance, I started on prozac many moons ago (was the first anti-depressant I took). I've been on a number of other drugs for varying lengths of time in between, and I am taking it now. In fact, this might be the third round of it I've been on, I don't really remember. As for how long a particular med will work for you (general you) I assume it depends on the drug and your neurochemistry. Prozac has worked well for me. Lexapro worked pretty well. Effexor did not work well for me. It's all individual - different meds work for different people and for different periods of time.

Originally Posted by DamonK

There was a time that I would say "I'm bipolar" but eventually, I realized I have bipolar. It doesn't have me. Oh, there are days it wins out, of course. Here lately, those days are diminishing.

This is absolutely wonderful sentiment Damon. I live with depression, but depression is not who I am. Like you, I have good days and bad days, good weeks and even months. SO even though there are times when it is more of a focus in my daily life, it is still never me. I am not depression.

[lilapache]

ok so i finally have a weekend off... but ya know... its so not good to have so much time alone inside my head... even though some of it has been very cathartic... especially since i've gotten rid of alot of stuff in there... but other times... it sucks...

and not having meds that are working right now really sucks also... man i hope when i get this move done i can find an affordable dr... and get the meds i know work... *sighs*

[Jedi]

Originally Posted by DamonK

I have bipolar with rapid cycling and traits of borderline personality disorder. Luckily, the only thing that's "confirmed" is bipolar.

There was a time that I would say "I'm bipolar" but eventually, I realized I have bipolar. It doesn't have me. Oh, there are days it wins out, of course. Here lately, those days are diminishing.

I recently went back on meds. About 1 week ago, I did my final step up dose to what I should be to level out.

I've never seen so many "normal" days on my mood chart and it's only the 17th.

Currently I take 200 mg of Lamictal, 25 mg (I think) of Inderal, and Ativan prn. So far, this combination is helping me.

I may consider returning to therapy, but I'm not certain on that part yet.

I have my good days. I have my bad days.

As long as the good outweigh the bad, I have no complaints.

Good luck everyone.

Glad to see you here.......thanks for the post.

[Jedi]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I know...I have been crying alot today.

Andrew,

I would hug you and give you all the support I could. I hope you know this. No matter what you are going through, you have my support.

Jedi

[WheelieStrong]

..i'm awake after two hours sleep and i have reading issues, i', having to write this as an email first so i can see the text in a larger format.

i have what seems like bipolar disorder and i rapid cycle, apparently my moods change "too quickly" for me to be bipolar lol my mood can change extremely at any point between a matter of minutes and a matter of months i guess, thankfully it's normally at least weeks..
Anyway i currently don't have an actual diagnosis but meds fit etc.. and i REALLY should be on anti psychotic meds *curses diabetes for messing that up*

Depressive periods are my biggest issue, crying all the time, sleeping constantly and still being tired i'm sure you all know it.. But this is the time my people (hallucinations) and voices in my head are most likely to bother me, at all other times i find a way to ignore them or cope even if its by avoidance.

in another post somewhere i mentioned a man in my bedroom, i meant to say bathroom, anyway he is the only one that actually bothers me for an actual reason (other than just being there) he's nasty and i think he intends to hurt me, when i'm down i tend not to shower just so i don't have to be around him on my own for that long, care/the wench/the ex won't sit with me, i've asked, she doesn't understand my mental health issues unless she is somehow using them as a weapon against me but that's a different matter. All my other people only really upset me because i know i shouldn't be seeing them, that and they just stand there and stare at me.
i normally realise i have big problem when i'm down and actually shouting at them to either go the ffff away and leave me alone, let me sleep, or ffffing talk to me so at least i won't be so lonely.

When on a high i normally just ignore them or with the man in my bathroom i can tell him where to go if he doesn't like me in there.

Before meds, my highs were fabulous i was highly functional on 2-3hours sleep, i'd blitz my flat at 3 in the morning, the wench would wake up to my over enthusiastic use of bleach lol i'd be bouncing around to music and singing *blush* i was even a lot more physically active, often to the point of causing an injury cause i wouldn't even rest when my arms hurt.. i had ideas and contributed to conversations around me, was interested in anything and everything, i was weirdly focused yet distracted by everything at the same time and everything around me seriously seemed slower. And i was generally good company if a little loud and having people trying to keep up with train of thought etc, i even had a lot more confidence with men.

Since meds, even if i am not on them, and i'm often not.. i get the inability to sleep, i get the compulsive behaviours which i had before, shopping, gambling, over eating, the uncreased sex drive, drinking blah blah blah, but the lack of sleep now actually leaves me to tired to do much more than lay awake, my aggression and paranoia seem to be around not just when i'm down any more, i could go on.

So while i'm on meds i'm a lot more stable, i lose the MAJOR downs YaY, don't really get high, cope a lot better with my people, but i really do think the price can be too high, i don't laugh, i don't fight for anything, i just let people walk all over me and often actually say thank you and i'm actually more likely to self harm while on meds.
And i am still left with really scarey and obsessional thoughts

i am really thankful for the stability meds give me, i often keep them as a security blanket even if i don't take them i know i have the option..
But i really do wish i could take them without having lost all the good things

and i can't find the text colour i nomally use!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I can't stand it when people belittle me for taking meds for my depression and anxiety. I just think about those folks, and what makes them tick. And if they really understand my situation or are just ignoring my past or if they are only children who always got whatever it was they wanted, needed, or desired.

Andrew

[WheelieStrong]

Andrew you really seem sweet..
You definately do whatever works for you!!! FFFF everyone else!

[lilapache]

ok... i've been rapid cycling for almost a week now... what gives... any suggestions on relief... still waiting on med changes...

[WheelieStrong]

Originally Posted by lilapache

ok... i've been rapid cycling for almost a week now... what gives... any suggestions on relief... still waiting on med changes...

unfortunately i have no idea or i would do it myself hon, but definately cut out caffine and other stimulants

[lilapache]

Originally Posted by WheelieStrong

unfortunately i have no idea or i would do it myself hon, but definately cut out caffine and other stimulants

its really weird.. and well honestly at least i've been putting the manics to good use.. working alot of overtime.. but even though i think the mind is exhausted because the body is... as soon as i'm alone or... let my mind wander just a tad... i'll just... *sighs*... its honestly driving me nuts... no pun...

[Jedi]

Originally Posted by lilapache

ok... i've been rapid cycling for almost a week now... what gives... any suggestions on relief... still waiting on med changes...

lilapache....have you ever tried to snap yourself out? Like......shock yourself out?.....something of that nature....I don't know how to describe it other than shock yourself. That works for me. It's unsettling but it works as a distraction.

[Jedi]

Originally Posted by lilapache

its really weird.. and well honestly at least i've been putting the manics to good use.. working alot of overtime.. but even though i think the mind is exhausted because the body is... as soon as i'm alone or... let my mind wander just a tad... i'll just... *sighs*... its honestly driving me nuts... no pun...

lil apache....I'm sorry. I have anxiety meds for times like that for me. where my mind won't chill out. I'm sorry you are struggling so. HUGZ

[lilapache]

Originally Posted by JediMaster

lilapache....have you ever tried to snap yourself out? Like......shock yourself out?.....something of that nature....I don't know how to describe it other than shock yourself. That works for me. It's unsettling but it works as a distraction.

yes Jedi that's the only way i've been doing it lately... and yes.. the anxiety meds... sometimes those are hard at work... and *laughs* ok a brighter side but kinda bad to... i work with electricity and i kinda literally shocked myself the other day...

i'm hoping once i get moved and can get everything straightened back out that i can get back to some semblance of normality again... my blood family is wanting me to come back to florida... but... i know the support wouldn't be there... so that's why i'm going where i will have it...

[WheelieStrong]

Originally Posted by JediMaster

lilapache....have you ever tried to snap yourself out? Like......shock yourself out?.....something of that nature....I don't know how to describe it other than shock yourself. That works for me. It's unsettling but it works as a distraction.

Please Please Please don't think i am trying to attack anyone or anything, but i really have a problem with this question, because ok lilpache quite litterally used shock treatment.

The question implies control over mental health and i genuinely beleive if there was any, those of us who needs meds, wouldn't need meds.
Also the question makes me think of all those people who have no understanding of mental health issues, say snap out of it, and even tell us we chose/choose to be unwell when we are.
i hope i made sense without souning nasty