Mental Illness - Page 4

Andrew, Jr. · 05-29-2010, 12:32 PM

I was thinking of the HBO series "Six Feet Under" when Nate's girlfriend's brother (I cannot remember his name) was put in a psych. hospital and adm. electric shock treatments. Mind you this is HBO or Hollywood.

In reality electric shock is still used today to help those who cannot be helped with western medicines. I never have received electric shock before. I know that there is a lot of research being done on magnitics and the Vegas Nerve Stimulator.

WheelieStrong · 05-29-2010, 12:52 PM

Andrew, my dad's gf had ECT years ago due to major depression, when my sister was facing the possibility, she was reassuring my sister that it actually works.

lilapache · 05-29-2010, 07:35 PM

ok i soooo didn't mean for it to take on that meaning... i personally haven't done shock therapy... aside of what i accidently do at my job... i do play with electricity at work...

but i do have a few friends that have... and for them its worked quite well...

jedi... yes i have tried to *shock* myself out of it... and most times i do succeed cause i start realizing what my brain is doing verses what is actually happening... believe me its taken a long time to learn that... and many many battles...

Scorpyobutch · 05-29-2010, 08:27 PM

I have often thought about shock therapy back in the days when I couldn't get out of bed. I also heard of this color therapy whereby the doctor inundates your eyes with color panels. Colors supposedly induce mood changes so if one received the color orange, for instance, it could induce peace or at least a cessation of anxiety. I did this in my head through visualization and it does work.

So far, the only drug that did not work for me was Paxil. I experienced the brain zap, which I call a lightning storm in my head. I literally "saw" the crevices in my brain light up like lightning. I woke up hysterical crying and had a hard time going back to sleep. Funny enough, for the next three days I felt an incredible ease up in the symptoms.

I, too, despise when someone in my family tells me to "get over it" or "take a walk, you'll feel better." Shit! I couldn't even get out of bed at one time; how was I ever going to take a walk? Walking to the bathroom and back was a one hour process that involved every bit of strength I had.

I live with depression now and have good days and bad moments. My partner has been incredibly patient -- sometimes she will slip and say something disparaging, but it's only her frustration and she's entitled to it. it can't be easy for her. Things have improved dramatically with medication and therapy. I have terrible short term memory, frequent vertigo and some sleepless nights. But I can get up, take a shower, go out for a drive, enjoy a movie, do a crossword puzzle and return to my writing. I thank the Universe for medications.

I am also on SSD. I encourage all to apply. I also got a whopping settlement as I proved I have been disabled since 2001. I had to go to a lawyer to get it, but it was well worth it. If you have any questions, let me know!

Jedi · 05-30-2010, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WheelieStrong

Please Please Please don't think i am trying to attack anyone or anything, but i really have a problem with this question, because ok lilpache quite litterally used shock treatment.

The question implies control over mental health and i genuinely beleive if there was any, those of us who needs meds, wouldn't need meds.
Also the question makes me think of all those people who have no understanding of mental health issues, say snap out of it, and even tell us we chose/choose to be unwell when we are.
i hope i made sense without souning nasty

Your opinion can never be nasty here. This place is for us to have a voice. I find that there are times that I can control my symptoms and de-escalate myself and there are times I can not. That was all I meant by "shocking" yourself. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone.

Andrew, Jr. · 05-30-2010, 09:59 AM

Words tangle me up all the time. I even struggled with getting back online here. I had to have Jack, Medusa, and Linus help me. With that said, I say no worries. If we have to worry about what cards we are dealt with in life, and the medicines, doctors, treatment plans, and so on, the least we can do is help each other, and bend over to pick each other up when someone falls down. There isn't anything anyone has done or said that is not forgiveable. I forgive everyone every thing. At least I try too. Some things that are said or done to me, I just don't understand at all in all honesty. Including my bio-parents. I just pity them. They have missed out on what life is truely about. The simplicity of watching a child grow into a bride or groom. Or a garden being grown and eating the wonderful veggies in a salad. That to me is life.

Andrew

lilapache · 05-30-2010, 11:24 AM

*big heavy sigh of relief* i am soooo glad no one takes offense to things said here... because sometimes... *shrugs* i'm not the best at communicating what i really want to say... or... it makes sense in my head the way i say it... but not others... i'm getting a little more comfortable here... because yes... i have been known to walk away from sites... and people... that either took offense or.. hell i don't know... and i really want to come back to the online life to a degree... just don't want to be judged ... or labeled having a mental illness so stay away... she's nuts... *sighs* just because i don't think like other people... doesn't mean i don't have feelings and understand.... my mind just plays tricks with it for awhile... eventually i straighten out... ok... i'm done spewing now... my apologies

Sachita · 05-30-2010, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I can't stand it when people belittle me for taking meds for my depression and anxiety. I just think about those folks, and what makes them tick. And if they really understand my situation or are just ignoring my past or if they are only children who always got whatever it was they wanted, needed, or desired.

Andrew

no one is immune of mental illness regardless of their childhood. Do what you need to do for yourself because ultimately its your journey and the people that advocate a holistic approach because they are FED UP over the pharmaceutical and FUCK UP medical field, well have their journey too. I'm the ladder.

I was talking to a friend today for a long time who suffers from a serious mental illness. I was explaining about a period I went through where i was deeply depressed and even suicidal. It scared me how I could slip into that space and although no one that knew me would believe it, I damn sure did. Anyhow, I came out of it after a few years naturally and with a lot of work. But the point is that when I described my current emotions, needing more time for myself, free my spirit, etc. Hy said to me, "So what are you going to do about it?"

These are power words. I climbed on my lawn tractor, mowing and deep thinking about those words and the effect they had on me. My personal conclusion is that want something different then I've got to do something different. Even with all the information I have on health, nutrition and holistic healing I still struggle. Why? well I am my own worse enemy and my healing is a daily process of action, meditation and learning not to beat myself up. What I do know is this... when I work really hard at what I eat, drink, sleep, etc. every fiber of my being starts to feel better. This is a fact.

You have probably read all this shit before but I did some research:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...1216130718.htm

and what I believe

http://www.foodforthebrain.org/conte...d_Content=1638

I knew a guy that was serious bipolar and depression. He was on meds and yet he consumed vast amounts of sugar and had the worse diet. No omegas and also did things that promoted more mental illness. It was just crazy. It's like one of those little wind up toys against a brick wall. It moves because that's the program but its going no where.

It's like seeing someone that has type 2 diabetes taking insulin but still drinks a six pack of soda a day, eats chips and way too many carbs. Someone can give them the information and even show them examples of what happens to people- dying early, aging, amputation, blindness, etc. but for some reason it just doesn't click or stay constant. We all suffer from this but "What are we going to do about it?"

My mom lives next to this woman that is younger then I am and in a wheelchair suffering from bipolar, diabetes and auto-immune disease. She takes so many fucking pills and every week she's at the doctor getting checked and more pills. She eats a quart of ice cream a day. I have never had a conversation with her where she didn't use her illnesses as a the highlight of the conversation. So what is she going to do about? Probably nothing.

I am convinced that had it not been for my stubborn spirit I would have sunk into hell. In 52 years I never cried more then I did those 2 years. It's was one step at a time and sometimes I slipped backwards but I just had to keep taking them a little at a time. Drugs is not an option for me. Doctors are not an option for me. My way works for me and its working well.

The advice I gave my sweet little friend was not to stop taking meds, even though they make hy feel bad and the side effects are awful, will shorten his life, BUT to start making small changes. Take some fish oil caps, cut back on sugar, get outside, play a bit, laugh and look for reasons to want you life to be better.

You're an amazing humane being. Get to the core of that and do what I plan on doing every single day from this day forward- ask yourself when you dont feel good, when you ache, hurt, sad, mad, challenged "What are you going to do about it?" Then really think about it.

Love

WheelieStrong · 05-30-2010, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JediMaster

Your opinion can never be nasty here. This place is for us to have a voice. I find that there are times that I can control my symptoms and de-escalate myself and there are times I can not. That was all I meant by "shocking" yourself. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone.

Thank you, i hope i didn't upset you.

i guess i understand what you mean, there are times i know i'm heading for problems and then there are times i just am having problems, sadly i haven't figured out any ways to change my moods.

Darth Denkay · 05-30-2010, 02:21 PM

Hi Andrew.

Interesting topic, electric shock therapy. Sounds so horrific but when done right in the right cases it can be really effective.

You mention Vagus Nerve Stimulator - I too am following that closely. Meds seem to be working at the moment, and it seems to be used primarily when nothing else has worked at this point, but I wonder if it would work as well or better than meds and would mean I wouldn't have to go through the periodic med changes. Also wonder if it would avoid the side effects of depression meds - particularly reduced libido. Really amazing things happening for sure!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I was thinking of the HBO series "Six Feet Under" when Nate's girlfriend's brother (I cannot remember his name) was put in a psych. hospital and adm. electric shock treatments. Mind you this is HBO or Hollywood.

In reality electric shock is still used today to help those who cannot be helped with western medicines. I never have received electric shock before. I know that there is a lot of research being done on magnitics and the Vegas Nerve Stimulator.

Andrew, Jr. · 05-30-2010, 07:44 PM

Did anyone watch the episode on TV about this? I think it was a Dateline special. A man was an utter wreck after his only son died (he was a soldier in Iraq I think). Well, he never could get over the grief. He ended up separated from his wife and lost his job, and everything in his life went out of control. He volunteered to be a test subject for the vagus nerve implant. Within hours of this device being turned on, he claims to have snapped out of his depression/grieving. He gave up all his meds & everything.

Sachita,

I am not bi-polar. I suffer from neurological based disorders that cause my depression and anxiety. My left temporal lobe is damaged. There is nothing that can be done to fix it. Once you have tbi (traumatic brain injury) you have it for life. What do I do about this? I seek out medical treatment of all kinds for relief. I have seizures, learning disabilities, and so on. I use my time to fill up with relationships that I value. It can be from volunteering, or playing badmitton with the kids in the neighborhood, or teaching the little guy next door how to throw a spiral football pass.

What makes me sad? Reading and re-reading about everyone here. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to never have been dropped on my head at a day old. What would it be like to be labeled normal instead of as a wacko or nut case or constantly having people ask me if I am bi-polar. After a while I get tired of it. It isn't the sarcasm or the critisism others toss my way. I am used to it. They just don't get it. And that is ok.

I am sad because I have to rely on others for help. I am not able to live alone. I am just me. I have my limitations and it isn't fun or a happy place to be. That is the selfish side of me.

Those words you said...what are you going to do about it? are powerful words. Everyone should think that way.

Namaste,
Andrew

Jedi · 06-02-2010, 09:35 AM

I had a medication change...they gave me something to help me sleep so I don't find the need to drink so much. They think I need to give my liver a break. They ordered labs....to check my liver and thyroid and blood sugar. To be perfectly honest, I'm on a downward spiral. I'm trying to snap out of it and it doesn't seem to be happening. I find talking about it, which I have been doing, kinda helps. And I'm hopeful this won't last forever. It has to get better.

lilapache · 06-02-2010, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JediMaster

I had a medication change...they gave me something to help me sleep so I don't find the need to drink so much. They think I need to give my liver a break. They ordered labs....to check my liver and thyroid and blood sugar. To be perfectly honest, I'm on a downward spiral. I'm trying to snap out of it and it doesn't seem to be happening. I find talking about it, which I have been doing, kinda helps. And I'm hopeful this won't last forever. It has to get better.

Jedi i know totally where Your at... to bad my phones gone right now til the move or i would say give me a call if you still have the number... i hate med changes... fixin to have to go through it again myself soon... what did they give you for sleep... they put me on elavil... slows my head down enough to sleep and works as an antidepressant during the day... sometimes they work... sometimes they don't... didn't realize you were drinking so hard... but look at me... can't say nothing... my herbal self medication isn't so good either... you know if you need me... i'm only a click away... and when i get settled up there i'll shoot you the number... i don't use aohell much anymore... but here if you need me...

chefhottie25 · 06-02-2010, 08:34 PM

Jedi you have to find your back from your downward spiral. I know how you feel. I use to medicate my symptoms with drugs...only when I gave them up did I find the strength and courage to heal. I went through a lot of med changes...and I did them without drugs or alcohol. It wasn't easy...but I knew it would get better. My dear friend please believe that it will get better. I will be thinking about you and sending you much love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JediMaster

I had a medication change...they gave me something to help me sleep so I don't find the need to drink so much. They think I need to give my liver a break. They ordered labs....to check my liver and thyroid and blood sugar. To be perfectly honest, I'm on a downward spiral. I'm trying to snap out of it and it doesn't seem to be happening. I find talking about it, which I have been doing, kinda helps. And I'm hopeful this won't last forever. It has to get better.

chefhottie25 · 06-04-2010, 10:39 PM

I just wanted to drop in and see how everyone is doing. I have had a few really good days this week. I hope everyone has a great weekend...especially you Jedi. Hang in there buddy.

lilapache · 06-05-2010, 08:11 PM

well today was my official last day at work... i know i'm making the right choice and they are all supporting me in it... wishing i wasn't resigning and just taking a medical leave... its strange when you find out... how people you work with really feel about you...

my head is just spinning... so much to do between now and thursday night when my big Bro and sis get here to help me move... and sometimes its just so hard to stay on task... i get side tracked so easily... how the hell am i suppose to get anything done that way... or i get interupted and then... yeah there i go again... and forget... my memory sucks here lately... sad thing... i couldn't even remember if i had eaten lunch yesterday... i had to check my car... i remembered goin to taco bell... but i don't remember eating... *sighs*...

sometimes i'm so afraid i'm goin to break before i can get up there... and be in an environment that... if that happens i know i'm safe and will be taken care of... but like i was tellin a friend... i'm allowing myself 2 weeks of nothing but break... i need to get my bearings and figure out what i'm doin... and if i take longer than that... i know i will lose it... and i can't... i just can't...

i have to get on meds that actually WORK... this is insane... sometimes i would rather have nothing... but that's what got me here in the first place was being off of them for so long... *sighs*... geez why can't i be... ok i won't say normal.... but with a better degree of normality at least...

ok i'm through venting some of the thoughts in my head now... *laughs*

chefhottie25 · 06-11-2010, 12:20 AM

just stopping by to see how everyone is doing. i am having a good week. had a great session with my therapist today. she asked me if i would be interested in being the client liason to the board of directors. i am honored that she asked me to do it.

Andrew, Jr. · 06-11-2010, 10:39 AM

Just a drive by hello. I hope everyone is doing well.

lilapache · 06-12-2010, 08:12 PM

just stopping by to say my move is complete i'm now relocated to Indiana!!!! now to start the rest of my journey.... hope all is well... as can be...

Jedi · 06-16-2010, 03:34 PM

My meds are messed up. I'm not feeling right. I'm having troubles in almost every aspect of my life. As I struggle, I keep thinking it has to get better. I finally got my meds straightened out today. It will take the rest of the week for levels to get up to where they belong. It was a rough couple of weeks. And clinics aren't the best places to go. With my regular dose back and in effect, I will stop hearing voices which will be wonderful. I have been plagued by them ever since I went down to a lower dose. My friends have been detrimental to me through this. They have been there and have listened to me and let me cry and let me do whatever I needed to do.

05-29-2010, 07:35 PM	#63
lilapache Member How Do You Identify?: DONE Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: forever away Posts: 1,374 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,015 Thanked 3,880 Times in 1,025 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	ok i soooo didn't mean for it to take on that meaning... i personally haven't done shock therapy... aside of what i accidently do at my job... i do play with electricity at work... but i do have a few friends that have... and for them its worked quite well... jedi... yes i have tried to shock myself out of it... and most times i do succeed cause i start realizing what my brain is doing verses what is actually happening... believe me its taken a long time to learn that... and many many battles... __________________ Don't get mad when a girl cares too much. Worry when they start to not give a fuck.

05-29-2010, 08:27 PM	#64
Scorpyobutch Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2010 Location: New York City Posts: 5 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post Rep Power: 0	I have often thought about shock therapy back in the days when I couldn't get out of bed. I also heard of this color therapy whereby the doctor inundates your eyes with color panels. Colors supposedly induce mood changes so if one received the color orange, for instance, it could induce peace or at least a cessation of anxiety. I did this in my head through visualization and it does work. So far, the only drug that did not work for me was Paxil. I experienced the brain zap, which I call a lightning storm in my head. I literally "saw" the crevices in my brain light up like lightning. I woke up hysterical crying and had a hard time going back to sleep. Funny enough, for the next three days I felt an incredible ease up in the symptoms. I, too, despise when someone in my family tells me to "get over it" or "take a walk, you'll feel better." Shit! I couldn't even get out of bed at one time; how was I ever going to take a walk? Walking to the bathroom and back was a one hour process that involved every bit of strength I had. I live with depression now and have good days and bad moments. My partner has been incredibly patient -- sometimes she will slip and say something disparaging, but it's only her frustration and she's entitled to it. it can't be easy for her. Things have improved dramatically with medication and therapy. I have terrible short term memory, frequent vertigo and some sleepless nights. But I can get up, take a shower, go out for a drive, enjoy a movie, do a crossword puzzle and return to my writing. I thank the Universe for medications. I am also on SSD. I encourage all to apply. I also got a whopping settlement as I proved I have been disabled since 2001. I had to go to a lawyer to get it, but it was well worth it. If you have any questions, let me know! __________________ The happy writer, Keevz aka Akiva!

05-30-2010, 07:44 PM	#71
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Vagus Nerve Stim. Did anyone watch the episode on TV about this? I think it was a Dateline special. A man was an utter wreck after his only son died (he was a soldier in Iraq I think). Well, he never could get over the grief. He ended up separated from his wife and lost his job, and everything in his life went out of control. He volunteered to be a test subject for the vagus nerve implant. Within hours of this device being turned on, he claims to have snapped out of his depression/grieving. He gave up all his meds & everything. Sachita, I am not bi-polar. I suffer from neurological based disorders that cause my depression and anxiety. My left temporal lobe is damaged. There is nothing that can be done to fix it. Once you have tbi (traumatic brain injury) you have it for life. What do I do about this? I seek out medical treatment of all kinds for relief. I have seizures, learning disabilities, and so on. I use my time to fill up with relationships that I value. It can be from volunteering, or playing badmitton with the kids in the neighborhood, or teaching the little guy next door how to throw a spiral football pass. What makes me sad? Reading and re-reading about everyone here. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to never have been dropped on my head at a day old. What would it be like to be labeled normal instead of as a wacko or nut case or constantly having people ask me if I am bi-polar. After a while I get tired of it. It isn't the sarcasm or the critisism others toss my way. I am used to it. They just don't get it. And that is ok. I am sad because I have to rely on others for help. I am not able to live alone. I am just me. I have my limitations and it isn't fun or a happy place to be. That is the selfish side of me. Those words you said...what are you going to do about it? are powerful words. Everyone should think that way. Namaste, Andrew

06-02-2010, 09:35 AM	#72
Jedi Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: they are my world Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In a galaxy far, far away Posts: 959 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,002 Thanked 1,763 Times in 549 Posts Rep Power: 12678952	Medication change... I had a medication change...they gave me something to help me sleep so I don't find the need to drink so much. They think I need to give my liver a break. They ordered labs....to check my liver and thyroid and blood sugar. To be perfectly honest, I'm on a downward spiral. I'm trying to snap out of it and it doesn't seem to be happening. I find talking about it, which I have been doing, kinda helps. And I'm hopeful this won't last forever. It has to get better.

06-11-2010, 10:39 AM	#78
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	TGIF! Just a drive by hello. I hope everyone is doing well.

05-29-2010, 12:32 PM	#61
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I was thinking of the HBO series "Six Feet Under" when Nate's girlfriend's brother (I cannot remember his name) was put in a psych. hospital and adm. electric shock treatments. Mind you this is HBO or Hollywood. In reality electric shock is still used today to help those who cannot be helped with western medicines. I never have received electric shock before. I know that there is a lot of research being done on magnitics and the Vegas Nerve Stimulator.

05-29-2010, 12:52 PM	#62
WheelieStrong Junior Member How Do You Identify?: transman on Wheels Preferred Pronoun?: his, him, he, bitch, MINE lol Relationship Status: Hopeful, longing aching for her touch Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Stafford England Posts: 97 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 264 Thanked 142 Times in 57 Posts Rep Power: 57545	Andrew, my dad's gf had ECT years ago due to major depression, when my sister was facing the possibility, she was reassuring my sister that it actually works.

05-30-2010, 09:59 AM	#66
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Words tangle me up all the time. I even struggled with getting back online here. I had to have Jack, Medusa, and Linus help me. With that said, I say no worries. If we have to worry about what cards we are dealt with in life, and the medicines, doctors, treatment plans, and so on, the least we can do is help each other, and bend over to pick each other up when someone falls down. There isn't anything anyone has done or said that is not forgiveable. I forgive everyone every thing. At least I try too. Some things that are said or done to me, I just don't understand at all in all honesty. Including my bio-parents. I just pity them. They have missed out on what life is truely about. The simplicity of watching a child grow into a bride or groom. Or a garden being grown and eating the wonderful veggies in a salad. That to me is life. Andrew

05-30-2010, 11:24 AM	#67
lilapache Member How Do You Identify?: DONE Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: forever away Posts: 1,374 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,015 Thanked 3,880 Times in 1,025 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	big heavy sigh of relief i am soooo glad no one takes offense to things said here... because sometimes... shrugs i'm not the best at communicating what i really want to say... or... it makes sense in my head the way i say it... but not others... i'm getting a little more comfortable here... because yes... i have been known to walk away from sites... and people... that either took offense or.. hell i don't know... and i really want to come back to the online life to a degree... just don't want to be judged ... or labeled having a mental illness so stay away... she's nuts... sighs just because i don't think like other people... doesn't mean i don't have feelings and understand.... my mind just plays tricks with it for awhile... eventually i straighten out... ok... i'm done spewing now... my apologies

06-04-2010, 10:39 PM	#75
chefhottie25 Member How Do You Identify?: boi Preferred Pronoun?: hy Relationship Status: happily taken Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: ohio Posts: 1,406 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26 Thanked 889 Times in 477 Posts Rep Power: 1175216	I just wanted to drop in and see how everyone is doing. I have had a few really good days this week. I hope everyone has a great weekend...especially you Jedi. Hang in there buddy.

06-05-2010, 08:11 PM	#76
lilapache Member How Do You Identify?: DONE Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: forever away Posts: 1,374 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,015 Thanked 3,880 Times in 1,025 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	well today was my official last day at work... i know i'm making the right choice and they are all supporting me in it... wishing i wasn't resigning and just taking a medical leave... its strange when you find out... how people you work with really feel about you... my head is just spinning... so much to do between now and thursday night when my big Bro and sis get here to help me move... and sometimes its just so hard to stay on task... i get side tracked so easily... how the hell am i suppose to get anything done that way... or i get interupted and then... yeah there i go again... and forget... my memory sucks here lately... sad thing... i couldn't even remember if i had eaten lunch yesterday... i had to check my car... i remembered goin to taco bell... but i don't remember eating... sighs... sometimes i'm so afraid i'm goin to break before i can get up there... and be in an environment that... if that happens i know i'm safe and will be taken care of... but like i was tellin a friend... i'm allowing myself 2 weeks of nothing but break... i need to get my bearings and figure out what i'm doin... and if i take longer than that... i know i will lose it... and i can't... i just can't... i have to get on meds that actually WORK... this is insane... sometimes i would rather have nothing... but that's what got me here in the first place was being off of them for so long... sighs... geez why can't i be... ok i won't say normal.... but with a better degree of normality at least... ok i'm through venting some of the thoughts in my head now... laughs

06-11-2010, 12:20 AM	#77
chefhottie25 Member How Do You Identify?: boi Preferred Pronoun?: hy Relationship Status: happily taken Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: ohio Posts: 1,406 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26 Thanked 889 Times in 477 Posts Rep Power: 1175216	just stopping by to see how everyone is doing. i am having a good week. had a great session with my therapist today. she asked me if i would be interested in being the client liason to the board of directors. i am honored that she asked me to do it.

06-12-2010, 08:12 PM	#79
lilapache Member How Do You Identify?: DONE Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: forever away Posts: 1,374 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,015 Thanked 3,880 Times in 1,025 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	just stopping by to say my move is complete i'm now relocated to Indiana!!!! now to start the rest of my journey.... hope all is well... as can be... __________________ Don't get mad when a girl cares too much. Worry when they start to not give a fuck.

06-16-2010, 03:34 PM	#80
Jedi Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: they are my world Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In a galaxy far, far away Posts: 959 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,002 Thanked 1,763 Times in 549 Posts Rep Power: 12678952	My meds are messed up. I'm not feeling right. I'm having troubles in almost every aspect of my life. As I struggle, I keep thinking it has to get better. I finally got my meds straightened out today. It will take the rest of the week for levels to get up to where they belong. It was a rough couple of weeks. And clinics aren't the best places to go. With my regular dose back and in effect, I will stop hearing voices which will be wonderful. I have been plagued by them ever since I went down to a lower dose. My friends have been detrimental to me through this. They have been there and have listened to me and let me cry and let me do whatever I needed to do.