For those for whom Mother's Day is not a Good Day

[ruthie14]

Thanks God this day is almost over. Just got back from dinner with mom. I love her, but it is difficult to go out and see all those kids with their Moms. Heard my mom talking with my sister. Then heard her talking with her Grandson. 2 things I will never have. Hard, very hard.

[nycfem]

Hugs to all.

Also take a look if interested: http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com

Jennifer

[chefhottie25]

Originally Posted by evolveme

Synchronistic, maybe, that I accidentally clicked the BFP thumbnail on Google Chrome and saw this thread had been started. I'd just completed an obituary and vital record search on my mother from one set of sites (something I do from time to time) and was about to try others, because I don't know where-or-if she is. (I've a feeling that she isn't.) And occasionally, like tonight, the thought of her rises up in me, and I feel an absence like a chasm. Like a space I cannot breach or bridge. That no kind of knowing will mend. It isn't that I wish to be in her life, or to have her in mine (I know that I cannot), but I suffer an ache at the idea of not knowing when she will die.

Here is something I've written about this process:

Already Haunted

I wonder when she dies
if I will know--
whether an absence will open in me,
a void shaped by her past or departing
energies--
or if anyone will know to write me.

Whether she will have left mad instructions
scrawled on a yellow legal pad
like the year of her other almost suicide:
36 hours before they found her,
naked,
unconscious,
the Comfort Inn.

How she'd signed over her car title to someone,
wanted me to have her antique pieces
and two framed and matted cross-stitched angels
(how she loved them),

but more likely now:
an angry, cursing letter,
a reminder how like my father I am--
a distortion: calling me his name, her mother's name,
someone else long dead--

or nothing at all

no phone call
no notice
no cold breath
no sense of her gone

only the still present question of her,
of whether and when
she'll finally and for the last time
just leave me.

jjordanavritt ©

Evolveme I know my words can't take away your pain...but I hope you are able to find peace. I love you strong woman.

[Miss Scarlett]

On Sunday I went over to see my stepmother. Gave her the card and a gift (scented candles - something she really likes). She acted sort of odd and I couldn't figure out why except that maybe she felt funny about me acknowledging her.

The other day I got a beautiful thank you note from her. Apparently my gesture caught her completely by surprise and touched her deeply. Hence her behaviour Sunday.

[Bad_boi]

I always make time to give my Dad a call on mother's day (after I do something with my mom of course) because he lost his mother (my grandma) when I was little. I always make sure he does not get too bummed out. I just try and get him to remember the good times he had with his mother and that those memories won't fade.

[Lady_Wu]

My mother died in Katrina. Before that, however, she had cut me completely out of the family after my father died. I am still not sure why. Not the queer thing-she herself was bi-sexual. Wasn't that I didn't keep in tough-I wrote and tried to call -(she refused to speak to me) and sent thoughtful presents on holidays. Both she and my brother told me that I was no longer to call, write, or send presents. No contact-zip!
Now I have a wonderful woman who also thinks I am wonderful for a mother. The mother of one of my husbands, she adopted me into the family early on. As she is the matriarch, her word is law. So I am a member of the family just as if I had been born into it. If J dies before me, Michael is supposed to take care of me just as he would J. Having a mother who loves me and treats me like this makes up for a large part of the damage dome by my biological mother!
Lady_Wu

[lipstixgal]

I too have no mother any longer she died 4 years ago. Its hard because I live in her house and even though I didn't live with her I visited often. So yeah Mother's day and her birthday are hard for me. I think of her often....

[Andrew, Jr.]

It is coming back around next week. Just a heads up.

Peace,
Andrew

[Ms. Meander]

I was just having a little cry over something inconsequential (okay, a BIG cry) and I was searching deep for the true reason. I had cause today, to recount years of traumatic experience to a stranger - of which, my mother was a part. Then I realized that it is almost Mother's Day.

Although I have a living mother and a breathing (grown) son (who rarely speaks to me), I feel like a motherless child and a childless mother. As much as I try to ignore this holiday, and all others for that matter, I can't help but feel the loss and exclusion.

In an effort to distract myself, I signed into BFP only to find this thread. Perhaps I really just needed to share. So thank you for the space to do so.

[Abigail Crabby]

Mothers day can be hard for me - I lost my Mom in 2002 and I miss her all the time -

We had a odd relationship - but I even miss that.... She always seemed to have time to listen to me and even tho she never understood me she tried to.

Mother's Day is just another Sunday in my house -

[Miss Scarlett]

i'm not sure how Mother's Day will affect me this year...Mom died in March 2007 and Dad remarried in August 2008. my stepmother is a lovely woman but she's just not my Mom.

Back in March i finally had some significant closure over Mom's death - one of the reasons why i am not sure how i will feel this year. i know i am going to place some new and much nicer flowers on her grave. In fact, i need to look into that tomorrow.

One thing is certain...no matter how i feel i am determined to feel and not suppress/ignore/deny my emotions.

[MsTinkerbelly]

My Mom passed away last year on May 22nd; this is my first year without her smiling face.

I just had a Birthday, my 50th. I always thought she would be here to tease me about being 50...but no one was there to tell me the story of my birth as was her custom on our birthdays...I'm not sure how I will make it through the day.

[JustJo]

My mother is alive, but Mother's Day is still one I prefer to ignore.

Yes, I'll call her and wish her a happy Mother's Day, but it's almost painful to do, and it's out of responsibility and to set an example for my son rather than any genuine feeling.

I was not ever "mothered" by anyone...and, as a mother, I find myself making it up as I go along.

Difficult day that pushes all kinds of buttons for me.

[justkim]

Being a mommy has been my greatest joy and my biggest heartache...
I came back home to help my parents and in the process I am watching my mother slowly slip away...
Mother's Days are hard for many of us for various reasons...
My daughter will be 24 this year...
My own mother has NEVER acknowledge the fact that I am a mother myself...
This year I am certain it will be no different...

MsTinkerbelly, you will make it through this... You are a strong and wonderful women... She is smiling down on you and applauding all of your accomplishments...

For those who will struggle with this day... You can and will make it through...For I am sure that somewhere there is someone who looks at you and says... I wish she was my mom... I wish she was my daughter...

[Diva]

I'm a very strong woman, but Mother's Day can bring me to my knees.....and often does.

But, as I told Ms. T, living through it beats the alternative.

So I am hoping my daughter will spend some time with me, but I doubt that she will, as she will probably be working. It's a big day in the restaurant biz.

My Mom has been gone for 12 Mother's Days now....and I've missed her every day.....she was the most perfect and sweet~spirited woman I have ever known.

So would I love to enjoy a "normal" Mother's Day? Breakfast in bed? Taken to lunch? Goofy presents with "Mom" written all over them? Sure.......it's a dream of mine.

I had almost forgotten that Mother's Day was soon approaching.

[Glenn]

OMG!!! I thought I was the only one. That was my mother's custom every birthday also lol. I would give my house and everything I own to hear her tell the story again in her special way

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

My Mom passed away last year on May 22nd; this is my first year without her smiling face.

I just had a Birthday, my 50th. I always thought she would be here to tease me about being 50...but no one was there to tell me the story of my birth as was her custom on our birthdays...I'm not sure how I will make it through the day.

[Goo]

Thank you for starting this thread.

Mothers Day for the last 8 years has been a hard time for me. I get to thinking about my daughter who I lost when I was 6 months pregnant with her. I get to looking at the sonograms of her when she was in the womb and start to cry, because I feel some how robbed of her being in my life.

*hugs to all who have experienced loss of children/mothers*

[Kobi]

My Mom will turn 82 next month. Since the beginning of the year
I have been seeing her memory failing, her comprehension waxing
and waning.

Decisions will need to be made soon. I am not looking forward to this.
I cant tell if I am angry or sad or something in between.

But to watch someone physical capable but fading mentally is something
I never envisioned having to deal with. I feel very unprepared and a little
lost.

Have to find someway to make this Mother's Day special before it is too
late.

[MaggieBluIze]

I am already feeling an ache that is associated w/this Mother's day.

I lost my mother to a bout of cancer back in 1994 (7 months total from finding it to her passing) ... Miss her horribly every single day ... And this will be my first year in 17 years that I will most likely not be celebrating this day with my own daughter.

Having my beautiful daughter is such a true joy in my life and such a complete ache in my heart while she is taking her journey that does not include contact with me.

I miss you Mom, you are in my heart always ... I miss you my darling daughter ... I wish you nothing but success and triumph with this journey you are taking in life ... I will always be here for you and love you, even if from a distance.

((((hugs)))) to A/all!!!

[Apocalipstic]

I have been pretty down today too, then I realized this Sunday is Mother's Day. Not sure what I will do Sunday. Maybe take flowers to the cemetary and cry.