Terminology question

TossedNTurned · 03-14-2012, 10:34 AM

Hello!

Ok, so this is my first post and question. Something I am unfamiliar with is terminology when it comes to how some are described.

Prior to my boi and I getting together, I had never considered being with a butch. Since then, I have been referred to as a straight girl. Which...while I was until my new relationship, seems like a contradiction.

Is there something I am missing? Please explain to the noob. Thanks!

apretty · 03-14-2012, 10:41 AM

I don't get it, either.

LaneyDoll · 03-14-2012, 10:59 AM

I would not try to describe anyone except myself. If you are unsure of how someone identifies (here we have it our profiles if we choose), then ask. Personally, I would rather someone ask me how I identify than to assume that they know me well enough to "label" me.

Welcome to the Planet!

Thinker · 03-14-2012, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TossedNTurned

Hello!

Ok, so this is my first post and question. Something I am unfamiliar with is terminology when it comes to how some are described.

Prior to my boi and I getting together, I had never considered being with a butch. Since then, I have been referred to as a straight girl. Which...while I was until my new relationship, seems like a contradiction.

Is there something I am missing? Please explain to the noob. Thanks!

Who is calling you that?

A lot of folks see butches as "guy-wannabe's", so they figure a girl with a butch must *really* be straight. Ridiculous on many levels, I know...but that's the mentality of some people.

RNguy · 03-14-2012, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TossedNTurned

Hello!

Ok, so this is my first post and question. Something I am unfamiliar with is terminology when it comes to how some are described.

Prior to my boi and I getting together, I had never considered being with a butch. Since then, I have been referred to as a straight girl. Which...while I was until my new relationship, seems like a contradiction.

Is there something I am missing? Please explain to the noob. Thanks!

Here's what I do ...

I look at the section on the mini profiles and I look to see how people identify and the pronoun they prefer to use and that's how I address them. That away you never get bashed for using the wrong term

however I'm a weirdo so maybe this wasn't a good answer for you

have a nice day

ruffryder · 03-14-2012, 11:03 AM

You still may be straight? How do you identify? I was with a lady for 4 years she identified as straight.

JustJo · 03-14-2012, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TossedNTurned

Hello!

Ok, so this is my first post and question. Something I am unfamiliar with is terminology when it comes to how some are described.

Prior to my boi and I getting together, I had never considered being with a butch. Since then, I have been referred to as a straight girl. Which...while I was until my new relationship, seems like a contradiction.

Is there something I am missing? Please explain to the noob. Thanks!

Hi Tossed, and welcome to the Planet!

I think "what you're missing" has more to do with other peoples' issues.

How you identify, as far as I'm concerned, has nothing to do with who you sleep with or are in a relationship with....it has to do with how you feel inside. I think you can be with a boi/butch/trans/femme/whomever and still call yourself straight or queer or butch or femme or bi or....you get the idea.

I wouldn't worry too much about what people call you. You decide how you identify and what you want to be called...and then you tell them.

girl_dee · 03-14-2012, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TossedNTurned

Hello!

Ok, so this is my first post and question. Something I am unfamiliar with is terminology when it comes to how some are described.

Prior to my boi and I getting together, I had never considered being with a butch. Since then, I have been referred to as a straight girl. Which...while I was until my new relationship, seems like a contradiction.

Is there something I am missing? Please explain to the noob. Thanks!

Trying to find the right *label* is confusing.

Many times in my journey i have felt like a straight woman because i thought the opposite if me (what i am attracted to personally) = heterosexual. That's not always the case!

Sites like this have helped me to see that! Welcome to the Planet!

Hollylane · 03-14-2012, 11:50 AM

Welcome to The Planet...

I get this reaction a lot from people. There is frequently the assumption that because I have dated masculine women (ie...stone, butch, and trans), that I must be straight. It irks me quite a bit, especially because more often than not, for me, it comes from people in the queer community. No matter who I date or how they ID, I will always be the same person, a strong femme woman. No one gets to decide who I am inside.

Quintease · 03-14-2012, 11:51 AM

I don't get it.

Surely the point of 'butch' is either a masculine woman or a gay male identity.

Unless your partner is a gay male I don't see that you could possibly be heterosexual.

Perhaps whoever said it to you is the noob.

JAGG · 03-14-2012, 12:10 PM

Here is how I think about titles labels etc. I look like a guy , I walk like a guy (so I'm told) I think like a guy, but I have a few female body parts. I guess I fit into the butch label or trans maybe but really no title fits me. No label is correct, I'm just me , I was born this way . I have always been like this if other people like to put me in a catagory or assign me a label it makes no difference to me. Some people like things to be clear cut, so they can try to see where they fit in and how they relate to everything in there world. Its just not that important to me. One time when my nephew was about 8 we were on our way to the lake and he said are you a guy or a girl? Very honest and just wanting to know . I said does it matter? He thought about for a second and said no I guess it doesn't. That's my spin on it. Does it matter?

LaneyDoll · 03-14-2012, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JAGG

I look like a guy , I walk like a guy (so I'm told) I think like a guy, but I have a few female body parts.

Sounds like Riley. Walks/dresses/acts/thinks like a guy but he has a few female body parts.

We refer to those parts as "upgrades."

To me, Riley *is* a guy. No question at all. The masculine energy he has is far stronger than any female body part that happens to be there. To me, he is the best of both worlds.

Corkey · 03-14-2012, 12:37 PM

Try human, works for me. My pronoun is he, your milage may vary.

Toughy · 03-14-2012, 01:12 PM

Here let me confuse you some more..............

There is gender identification and there is sexual orientation/attraction. Two different critters although many folks do confuse them.

sooooooooooooo...............

butch and woman are my gender identifications (you can have one or more)

my sexual orientation is lesbian and more specifically I am, 99% of the time, sexually attracted only to those who are femme.

Gender Id and sexual orientation are what you pick for yourself. No one else can tell you who you are and who you wanna fuck. Have fun!

macele · 03-14-2012, 03:15 PM

from what i am understanding, those who are calling you straight, ... thinks that butch just means a-wanna-be-man. that reflects a closed mind.

i'm up in age lol. sometimes i get really tired of all the labels. but i suppose, we do need them, ... to sort things out for ourselves. in all honesty, i don't care. been there, done that. i've always told myself that i am aloud to fall in love with whomever. a label won't deny me that. like the old saying goes, the heart doesn't ask permission. i may very well fall in love with a man before i leave this ole world lol. and that would make me bisexual or straight or something. we figure things out as we go, ... pick up bits and pieces along the way. some we keep, ... some we throw back. it's a great feeling when the light bulb clicks to the on position and we see folks "like me".

whatever the label, it's yours. in the end, it only benefits you. just traveling along, figuring things out. good luck, toss.

(little side note lol. i know a heterosexual butch woman, or two, three, ect.)

EnderD_503 · 03-14-2012, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TossedNTurned

Hello!

Ok, so this is my first post and question. Something I am unfamiliar with is terminology when it comes to how some are described.

Prior to my boi and I getting together, I had never considered being with a butch. Since then, I have been referred to as a straight girl. Which...while I was until my new relationship, seems like a contradiction.

Is there something I am missing? Please explain to the noob. Thanks!

Some people in some portions of gay communities and more likely in the hetero world still see feminine queer women as "not really gay" or "actually straight," because they can't get their brains out of the traditional mentality of masculine = lesbian/queer, feminine = really a straight girl.

I also noticed your id says bi, unfortunately there are still ignorant people out there who see bisexual women as "straight women who have sex/make out with other women to turn guys on" (in the hetero world), or "not really gay" (in the gay world). And of course, they're the same people who think bisexual men are an impossibility and only means the guy is in denial of being exclusively into guys.

Yay for heteronormativity...

aishah · 03-14-2012, 04:44 PM

how you refer to yourself and how you identify is your choice. other people might disrespect it but that doesn't make them right, it just makes them over-opinionated assholes.

i'm a queer femme regardless of who i am with. my partners are both masculine. that doesn't make me straight.

as others have said, it's safest to ask others how they identify without assuming or judging. (so that you don't end up doing the same thing to them that is being done to you! lol.)

Christy51274 · 03-22-2012, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toughy

Here let me confuse you some more..............

There is gender identification and there is sexual orientation/attraction. Two different critters although many folks do confuse them.

sooooooooooooo...............

butch and woman are my gender identifications (you can have one or more)

my sexual orientation is lesbian and more specifically I am, 99% of the time, sexually attracted only to those who are femme.

Gender Id and sexual orientation are what you pick for yourself. No one else can tell you who you are and who you wanna fuck. Have fun!

Nicely put, Toughy!

03-14-2012, 10:34 AM	#1
TossedNTurned Junior Member How Do You Identify?: bi Relationship Status: taken Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: DC Posts: 2 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 9 Times in 2 Posts Rep Power: 0	Terminology question Hello! Ok, so this is my first post and question. Something I am unfamiliar with is terminology when it comes to how some are described. Prior to my boi and I getting together, I had never considered being with a butch. Since then, I have been referred to as a straight girl. Which...while I was until my new relationship, seems like a contradiction. Is there something I am missing? Please explain to the noob. Thanks!

03-14-2012, 10:59 AM	#3
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,689 Times in 1,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I would not try to describe anyone except myself. If you are unsure of how someone identifies (here we have it our profiles if we choose), then ask. Personally, I would rather someone ask me how I identify than to assume that they know me well enough to "label" me. Welcome to the Planet! __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible.

03-14-2012, 11:51 AM	#10
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,816 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10345577	I don't get it. Surely the point of 'butch' is either a masculine woman or a gay male identity. Unless your partner is a gay male I don't see that you could possibly be heterosexual. Perhaps whoever said it to you is the noob. __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.

03-14-2012, 12:10 PM	#11
JAGG Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: JAGG Relationship Status: =) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tulsa (cat free zone) Posts: 6,093 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,651 Thanked 17,545 Times in 4,142 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Here is how I think about titles labels etc. I look like a guy , I walk like a guy (so I'm told) I think like a guy, but I have a few female body parts. I guess I fit into the butch label or trans maybe but really no title fits me. No label is correct, I'm just me , I was born this way . I have always been like this if other people like to put me in a catagory or assign me a label it makes no difference to me. Some people like things to be clear cut, so they can try to see where they fit in and how they relate to everything in there world. Its just not that important to me. One time when my nephew was about 8 we were on our way to the lake and he said are you a guy or a girl? Very honest and just wanting to know . I said does it matter? He thought about for a second and said no I guess it doesn't. That's my spin on it. Does it matter? __________________ I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without.

03-14-2012, 12:37 PM	#13
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Try human, works for me. My pronoun is he, your milage may vary. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

03-14-2012, 10:41 AM	#2
apretty Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: sea shell Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: san diego Posts: 1,687 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,927 Thanked 4,377 Times in 1,015 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I don't get it, either.

03-14-2012, 11:03 AM	#6
ruffryder Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: guy ones Relationship Status: ... Join Date: May 2011 Location: chillin' in FL Posts: 3,690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,951 Thanked 9,678 Times in 2,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	You still may be straight? How do you identify? I was with a lady for 4 years she identified as straight.

03-14-2012, 11:50 AM	#9
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,373 Times in 5,877 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	Welcome to The Planet... I get this reaction a lot from people. There is frequently the assumption that because I have dated masculine women (ie...stone, butch, and trans), that I must be straight. It irks me quite a bit, especially because more often than not, for me, it comes from people in the queer community. No matter who I date or how they ID, I will always be the same person, a strong femme woman. No one gets to decide who I am inside.

03-14-2012, 01:12 PM	#14
Toughy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: pervert butch feminist woman Preferred Pronoun?: see above Relationship Status: independent entity Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Oakland Posts: 1,826 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,068 Thanked 7,656 Times in 1,522 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Here let me confuse you some more.............. There is gender identification and there is sexual orientation/attraction. Two different critters although many folks do confuse them. sooooooooooooo............... butch and woman are my gender identifications (you can have one or more) my sexual orientation is lesbian and more specifically I am, 99% of the time, sexually attracted only to those who are femme. Gender Id and sexual orientation are what you pick for yourself. No one else can tell you who you are and who you wanna fuck. Have fun! __________________ We are everywhere We are different I do not care if resistance is futile I will not assimilate www.butchfemmesocials.com/

03-14-2012, 03:15 PM	#15
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,239 Times in 849 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	from what i am understanding, those who are calling you straight, ... thinks that butch just means a-wanna-be-man. that reflects a closed mind. i'm up in age lol. sometimes i get really tired of all the labels. but i suppose, we do need them, ... to sort things out for ourselves. in all honesty, i don't care. been there, done that. i've always told myself that i am aloud to fall in love with whomever. a label won't deny me that. like the old saying goes, the heart doesn't ask permission. i may very well fall in love with a man before i leave this ole world lol. and that would make me bisexual or straight or something. we figure things out as we go, ... pick up bits and pieces along the way. some we keep, ... some we throw back. it's a great feeling when the light bulb clicks to the on position and we see folks "like me". whatever the label, it's yours. in the end, it only benefits you. just traveling along, figuring things out. good luck, toss. (little side note lol. i know a heterosexual butch woman, or two, three, ect.)

03-14-2012, 04:44 PM	#17
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	how you refer to yourself and how you identify is your choice. other people might disrespect it but that doesn't make them right, it just makes them over-opinionated assholes. i'm a queer femme regardless of who i am with. my partners are both masculine. that doesn't make me straight. as others have said, it's safest to ask others how they identify without assuming or judging. (so that you don't end up doing the same thing to them that is being done to you! lol.)