Corny jokes - Page 32

Brisa · 07-28-2016, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ksrainbow

On a shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece
jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally,
the puzzle was finished.

“Look what I’ve done, Jess,” he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.

“That’s surely somethin’, Willard. How long it take you?”

“Only two weeks.”

“Never done a puzzle myself,” Jess said. “Is two weeks fast?”

“Darn tootin’,” Willard said. “Look at the box. It says, ‘From two
to four years.'”

Hahahaaaaa

Happy_Go_Lucky · 08-03-2016, 03:48 PM

*What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.

*Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

*How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

*I wrote a song about a tortilla, actually it was more of a wrap.

gotoseagrl · 08-26-2016, 12:44 PM

What's a dogs favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni

Wrang1er · 08-26-2016, 07:56 PM

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer.

How does a rancher keep track of his cattle?
With a cow-culator.

Talon · 09-13-2016, 10:59 AM

Guy: Why ride a rollercoaster when you can ride me?

Girl: Because rollercoasters actually make me scream.

A friend has good news for you.....

So what's the news?

I'm not your friend.

That is good news.

Happy_Go_Lucky · 09-14-2016, 05:39 PM

Happy_Go_Lucky · 10-25-2016, 02:21 PM

The illustrator had a sketchy past.

The cab had a checkered past.

Jesse · 10-25-2016, 04:42 PM

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Jesse · 10-26-2016, 04:41 PM

I tried to catch fog once.

Mist.

Why did the scarecrow get a raise?

He was outstanding in his field.

cricket26 · 10-26-2016, 05:13 PM

why didnt the skeleton go to the halloween party?

he did not have the guts!

Happy_Go_Lucky · 11-30-2016, 09:28 AM

What do you say when you're comforting a grammar nazi?

There, Their, They're

deeds · 12-01-2016, 05:16 AM

Two guys walk into a bar and one yells for the bar tender "Hey jackass get us two beers" They finished, and again- same guy yells out at the bar tender "hey jackass! Get us two more beers"
He downed his beer and left, but the other guy was perplexed as to why the bartender didn't get enraged at someone calling him a jackass..So he asked him..Don't that piss you off when people call you names? The bartender spoke up and said.."Hee Haw, hee haways talk to me that way..

Stone-Butch · 12-01-2016, 06:24 AM

Why did the chicken cross the road? For foul reasons.

Stone-Butch · 12-01-2016, 06:37 AM

How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card.

Bèsame* · 12-01-2016, 08:02 AM

Why did the elf go to school?

To learn the Elfabet..

legally_b10nde · 12-01-2016, 08:09 AM

Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

A. Spectre · 12-01-2016, 08:20 AM

When I was a kid, my English teacher looked my way and asked, "name two pronouns."

I said, "who, me?"

girlin2une · 12-01-2016, 11:44 AM

What disease do you get when you put up the Christmas decorations?

Tinselitus.

Bèsame* · 12-02-2016, 10:44 AM

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?

He checks his calen-deer

Bèsame* · 12-03-2016, 08:17 PM

What did the Gingerbread man put on his bed?

Cookie sheets!

08-03-2016, 03:48 PM	#622
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 676 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,190 Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common. How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it. I wrote a song about a tortilla, actually it was more of a wrap. __________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

08-26-2016, 12:44 PM	#623
gotoseagrl Senior Member How Do You Identify?: old-fashioned queer stone submissive girl Preferred Pronoun?: mermaid, very lucky babygirl Relationship Status: Saltwater mermaid ♡ Join Date: May 2010 Location: CA Posts: 2,209 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,192 Thanked 6,116 Times in 1,726 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	What's a dogs favorite kind of pizza? Pupperoni __________________ Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot. D. H. Lawrence

09-14-2016, 05:39 PM	#626
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 676 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,190 Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	__________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

10-25-2016, 02:21 PM	#627
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 676 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,190 Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	The illustrator had a sketchy past. The cab had a checkered past. __________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

10-25-2016, 04:42 PM	#628
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,793 Times in 3,939 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot." __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

08-26-2016, 07:56 PM	#624
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,085 Times in 1,355 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer. How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.

09-13-2016, 10:59 AM	#625
Talon Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Divine Feminine Preferred Pronoun?: . Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: . Posts: 4,921 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,246 Thanked 10,230 Times in 3,305 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Guy: Why ride a rollercoaster when you can ride me? Girl: Because rollercoasters actually make me scream. A friend has good news for you..... So what's the news? I'm not your friend. That is good news.

10-26-2016, 04:41 PM	#629
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,793 Times in 3,939 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I tried to catch fog once. Mist. Why did the scarecrow get a raise? He was outstanding in his field. __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

10-26-2016, 05:13 PM	#630
cricket26 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: must be love on the brain Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Texas Posts: 1,582 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 969 Thanked 4,249 Times in 1,297 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	why didnt the skeleton go to the halloween party? he did not have the guts! __________________ Life is a long lesson in humility. James M. Barrie

11-30-2016, 09:28 AM	#631
Happy_Go_Lucky Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?: Handsome devil you. Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Anywhere I want to be Posts: 676 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,190 Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	What do you say when you're comforting a grammar nazi? There, Their, They're __________________ Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.

12-01-2016, 05:16 AM	#632
deeds Senior Member How Do You Identify?: G-d made Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Ohio Posts: 2,588 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 711 Thanked 401 Times in 254 Posts Rep Power: 7194438	Two guys walk into a bar and one yells for the bar tender "Hey jackass get us two beers" They finished, and again- same guy yells out at the bar tender "hey jackass! Get us two more beers" He downed his beer and left, but the other guy was perplexed as to why the bartender didn't get enraged at someone calling him a jackass..So he asked him..Don't that piss you off when people call you names? The bartender spoke up and said.."Hee Haw, hee haways talk to me that way.. __________________

12-01-2016, 06:24 AM	#633
Stone-Butch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonebutch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 3,202 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,189 Thanked 8,469 Times in 2,635 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	corny jokes Why did the chicken cross the road? For foul reasons.

12-01-2016, 06:37 AM	#634
Stone-Butch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonebutch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 3,202 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,189 Thanked 8,469 Times in 2,635 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	corny jokes How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card.

12-01-2016, 08:02 AM	#635
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: ☀️☀️☀️ Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 14,777 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 28,404 Thanked 39,539 Times in 10,209 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	Why did the elf go to school? To learn the Elfabet.. __________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.

12-01-2016, 08:09 AM	#636
legally_b10nde Member How Do You Identify?: femme woman - Hello Daddy, hello mom. I'm your ch-ch-ch cherry bomb! Preferred Pronoun?: female/she/her Relationship Status: Single by choice Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: the earth Posts: 433 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 127 Thanked 635 Times in 233 Posts Rep Power: 5404776	Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out. __________________

12-01-2016, 08:20 AM	#637
A. Spectre Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch dominant lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She, Baby Boi Relationship Status: She is my sunrise and sunset. Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: North Shore Chicago Posts: 1,523 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,737 Thanked 10,783 Times in 1,440 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	When I was a kid, my English teacher looked my way and asked, "name two pronouns." I said, "who, me?" __________________ * * *Joy and Sorrow are Inseparable

12-01-2016, 11:44 AM	#638
girlin2une Senior Member How Do You Identify?: submissive queer stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,752 Thanked 3,845 Times in 856 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	What disease do you get when you put up the Christmas decorations? Tinselitus. __________________ How do you define courage? Is it the absence of fear? You might think, under the weight of your fears, "I am not courageous." But maybe you have the wrong perspective. Courage can be measured in many ways, and is not the absence or denial of fear, but the willingness to act vulnerably. When you're faced with the unknown and then you stand on the edge of risk, courage brings you to the point where you are able to take flight, though you might be unsure of your wings.

12-02-2016, 10:44 AM	#639
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: ☀️☀️☀️ Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 14,777 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 28,404 Thanked 39,539 Times in 10,209 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He checks his calen-deer __________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.

12-03-2016, 08:17 PM	#640
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: ☀️☀️☀️ Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 14,777 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 28,404 Thanked 39,539 Times in 10,209 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	What did the Gingerbread man put on his bed? Cookie sheets! __________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.