Bravehearts: FTMs who cannot or choose not to medically transition

thedivahrrrself · 03-15-2012, 02:19 PM

Thanks so much for this thread. As the GF of a Trans-ID'd, Stone Butch sweetheart, this helps me to understand him more.

He is 49 and medically unable to go on T. He'd like top surgery, but is not satisfied with the bottom surgery options, and feels like without a complete transition, it would be meaningless to him.

One thing I love about him is that he is not offended when people call us "lesbians" (we're queer, but whatever), he doesn't mind that my family and his own will probably call him "her" for the rest of their lives. We switch pronouns depending on who we're speaking to. He doesn't feel like he has to explain his gender to anyone. I am not a straight woman, and I don't ID as bisexual, and he doesn't pressure me to put those labels on myself.

One of the things some of you mentioned were the ladies, thanks for the shout-out. It is not always easy to be a femme, whether you date butches, transmen, or both. I've been called "anti-feminist", "not a real lesbian", and people have no clue what the word Queer really means. At a gay bar, I occasionally get mistaken for a drag queen! But this is nothing compared to his struggle.

Mostly the world sees him as male (until he speaks). He cares very little about what people think of him, so getting called "ma'am" doesn't phase him a bit. What he does struggle with is internal. Some days he doesn't "feel like much of a man". (I can't help but scoff at this - he is SUCH a man! LOL and not always in flattering ways!) At times, he despises his body. I wish there was more I could to to reinforce his internal masculinity and help him be at ease with exactly who he is standing in his own skin...

Until the world realizes that gender is a spectrum, not a dichotomy, there will always be a struggle. I think many are pressured to transition just because they feel male. That is not the answer for everyone, and I'm glad there is a safe space here in the interwebs for those wonderful guys like my beau.

Kisses to all you bravehearts!

03-15-2012, 02:19 PM	#11
thedivahrrrself Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status: Mrs. Grumpy Cat Tournaments Won: 4 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes Posts: 2,640 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,519 Thanked 11,662 Times in 2,292 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	thank you! Thanks so much for this thread. As the GF of a Trans-ID'd, Stone Butch sweetheart, this helps me to understand him more. He is 49 and medically unable to go on T. He'd like top surgery, but is not satisfied with the bottom surgery options, and feels like without a complete transition, it would be meaningless to him. One thing I love about him is that he is not offended when people call us "lesbians" (we're queer, but whatever), he doesn't mind that my family and his own will probably call him "her" for the rest of their lives. We switch pronouns depending on who we're speaking to. He doesn't feel like he has to explain his gender to anyone. I am not a straight woman, and I don't ID as bisexual, and he doesn't pressure me to put those labels on myself. One of the things some of you mentioned were the ladies, thanks for the shout-out. It is not always easy to be a femme, whether you date butches, transmen, or both. I've been called "anti-feminist", "not a real lesbian", and people have no clue what the word Queer really means. At a gay bar, I occasionally get mistaken for a drag queen! But this is nothing compared to his struggle. Mostly the world sees him as male (until he speaks). He cares very little about what people think of him, so getting called "ma'am" doesn't phase him a bit. What he does struggle with is internal. Some days he doesn't "feel like much of a man". (I can't help but scoff at this - he is SUCH a man! LOL and not always in flattering ways!) At times, he despises his body. I wish there was more I could to to reinforce his internal masculinity and help him be at ease with exactly who he is standing in his own skin... Until the world realizes that gender is a spectrum, not a dichotomy, there will always be a struggle. I think many are pressured to transition just because they feel male. That is not the answer for everyone, and I'm glad there is a safe space here in the interwebs for those wonderful guys like my beau. Kisses to all you bravehearts! __________________ Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families. You can help! Click here to learn about Kiva.