What Cracked You Up Today? - Page 19

Blade · 01-28-2011, 06:16 PM

I went to Aldi's to shop today. You have to pay a quarter for a cart and when you return it and hook it back to the other carts it gives you your quarter back.

I go to the buggy area and put my quarter in and it wouldn't let me have a buggy but it let me have 2 buggies. I fought and fought with the buggy to try to get my quarter back so I could get a single buggy.

A lady came up and she held one end of the buggies and I had the other end, at the same time we jerked the shit out of the buggies in opposite directions, all to no avail the buggies didn't come apart and I couldn't get my quarter back so I could get another buggy.

The lady went on into the store and suddenly I realized I had stuck the quarter in the 2nd buggy not the first one that is why it gave me 2 buggies instead of one. DUH!!!! Did I feel like a dork or what? I went on inside and the lady saw me and said oh I see you finally got a buggy. I said yes Ma'am. She said how'd you get it? I told her and we both about wet the floor in the store. I raised up my bangs and said do I have STUPID written up there?

Kobi · 01-28-2011, 08:46 PM

Was standing in the checkout line at the pharmacy today.
There is a guy behind me. His phone rings.
His 'ringtone' is Oh shit, it's my wife..

Leigh · 01-28-2011, 09:13 PM

My sister asking My mom to turn on the xmas lights (yes our tree is still up), and then she tells My mom what to say back to her LOL

thats My sister for you

dixie · 01-28-2011, 09:36 PM

TickledPink · 01-28-2011, 09:45 PM

Shad and I on our way to Best Buy after dinner.....hy gets over in "another lane" to turn right or pass a car, not sure, and it was "The Bus Stop." We laughed for long time, the guy beside us laughed too!

Venus007 · 01-28-2011, 11:24 PM

I just watched the Frasier episode 11-03 "The Doctor is Out" wherein the director of the Seattle Opera (Patrick Stewart) mistakes Frasier for gay and courts him, It was HILARIOUS, I woke up the dog I laughed so hard.

lionpaw · 01-29-2011, 11:37 PM

The song on youtube called "take my drunk ass home."

lionpaw · 01-29-2011, 11:40 PM

A scrapbooking video called: "this is why my desk is a mess." It had a little dog playing with the owner in a tug of war with a scrapbooking flower on top of her desk.

Random · 02-02-2011, 12:30 PM

Last night after getting home from work... grin...

I had showered, changed into one of Mitmo's Bob Marly tshirt,a pair of paint stained sweats and christmas socks...

I swayed into the living room, climed into her lap and announced...

"I'm dressed to seduce you..."

It made both of us just crack the hell up...

Mitmo01 · 02-02-2011, 04:19 PM

Yesterday I fell horizontally with all my body weight on my left ribs, my legs went out from under me but lucky for me im large and have padding in a lot of places so nothing broke thankfully lol.....but large does go booooooom!!!

this morning i woke up and went and shoveled snow because its just kind of bruised but nothing major....

I was actually laughing after it happened because i must've looked like a total dooofus and you know when you trip its always kind of funny....its like im more embarrassed about looking like an idiot than getting hurt..

but my love took quite good care of me and im fine but it was a trip and fall for the record books lololol

Rook · 02-03-2011, 08:01 PM

Miss Scarlett · 02-03-2011, 09:27 PM

The new wallpaper on my computer...

Kobi · 02-05-2011, 04:32 PM

Sticker, upside down, across the back window of a Ford
Explorer.....

If you can read this, please flip me over.

Blade · 02-07-2011, 07:20 PM

yesterday while working on Blaze's dog pen, Skippy followed me down there. He came running down there with his 8 pound chest bowed out and ran right up to Blaze's pen growling at Blaze. LOL yeah.. I went to the front and said what are you doin? Get your little butt back up that hill, go on! So he runs up the hill. Dang fool dog...Blaze could eat him in one bite and burp. But ole Skippy doesn't know he's only 7 or 8 pound he thinks he's 100 pounds.

THEN

I get back in the pasture to work on the pen. All of a sudden I hear Skippy yap yap yapping and I look up and his 6 inch tall self is running fast as he can, kickin up leaves and rocks as he goes. Running toward the property line fence...there is a dirt road there. Barking to the top of his lungs....I look up and one of my neighbors is coming home from his afternoon walk....shakin my head I yell at Skip to get on the porch....I swear the little fart, as Sweet calls him, as he has matured he thinks he is 10' tall and bullet proof. It just cracks me up to see him acting like such a big shot.

Kobi · 02-09-2011, 02:20 PM

Sheldon Cooper to Leslie Winkle on The Big Bang Theory:

"I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive
so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is
reflected off of me, returns on it's original trajectory
and adheres to you."

Guaranteed to render the other speechless for a few.

Kobi · 02-09-2011, 11:08 PM

Rook · 02-10-2011, 12:01 AM

A man walks into a Bar, {yes, a bar joke}, and the Bartender asks
-"What's your poison?"
The man asks for 3 drinks..The bartender, slightly confused, asks
-"Why 3? U're alone"
-"I want 3"
The bartender is slightly annoyed at this point..
-"Ok, but why?"
The guy says -" One for me...One for u...And one for the Cunt u call Mom"
Naturally the bartender beats him to a Pulp and kicks him out...
2 nights later, Same guy, same questions, the bartender glares when he asks for 3 again..
-"Why??"
-" One for me, one for u, and one for the Whore u call Mom"
Another asswhoopin', and a few missing teeth....
On the third time, the guy walks in bruised, bent out of shape, Slurring...
-"I want 2 drinks"
Now he's really confused...
-"Why 2?"
-"Every time I ask for 3, u always beat the fucking shit outta me....So, I want 2 drinks...1 for me, and one for the Bitch that gave birth to u"

{ sounds funnier in spanish

}

Kobi · 02-10-2011, 07:09 PM

girl_dee · 02-10-2011, 07:59 PM

the ending is the best part!

girl_dee · 02-11-2011, 10:10 AM

Still cracking up over that dang video...

01-28-2011, 06:16 PM	#361
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I went to Aldi's to shop today. You have to pay a quarter for a cart and when you return it and hook it back to the other carts it gives you your quarter back. I go to the buggy area and put my quarter in and it wouldn't let me have a buggy but it let me have 2 buggies. I fought and fought with the buggy to try to get my quarter back so I could get a single buggy. A lady came up and she held one end of the buggies and I had the other end, at the same time we jerked the shit out of the buggies in opposite directions, all to no avail the buggies didn't come apart and I couldn't get my quarter back so I could get another buggy. The lady went on into the store and suddenly I realized I had stuck the quarter in the 2nd buggy not the first one that is why it gave me 2 buggies instead of one. DUH!!!! Did I feel like a dork or what? I went on inside and the lady saw me and said oh I see you finally got a buggy. I said yes Ma'am. She said how'd you get it? I told her and we both about wet the floor in the store. I raised up my bangs and said do I have STUPID written up there? __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

01-28-2011, 08:46 PM	#362
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,661 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	Was standing in the checkout line at the pharmacy today. There is a guy behind me. His phone rings. His 'ringtone' is Oh shit, it's my wife.. __________________

01-28-2011, 09:13 PM	#363
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,026 Times in 4,786 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	My sister asking My mom to turn on the xmas lights (yes our tree is still up), and then she tells My mom what to say back to her LOL thats My sister for you __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

01-28-2011, 09:36 PM	#364
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,385 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	hmm...don't think workers comp covers this...LOL

01-28-2011, 11:24 PM	#366
Venus007 Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Serene Highness ;} Relationship Status: Dreamily contemplating some outrage against conventional morality Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Houston area Posts: 1,362 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,417 Thanked 4,767 Times in 1,144 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I just watched the Frasier episode 11-03 "The Doctor is Out" wherein the director of the Seattle Opera (Patrick Stewart) mistakes Frasier for gay and courts him, It was HILARIOUS, I woke up the dog I laughed so hard. __________________ . "I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. " Ayn Rand, Anthem "So you'll die happily for your sins. You'd rather die in guilt then live in love?" Timothy Leary

01-28-2011, 09:45 PM	#365
TickledPink Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Girly Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Pink Relationship Status: Shacked UP Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Holt-Mason Chateau Decherd/I'm a NashVegas Girl! Posts: 1,041 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 586 Thanked 1,998 Times in 607 Posts Rep Power: 9218475	Shad and I on our way to Best Buy after dinner.....hy gets over in "another lane" to turn right or pass a car, not sure, and it was "The Bus Stop." We laughed for long time, the guy beside us laughed too!

01-29-2011, 11:37 PM	#367
lionpaw Member How Do You Identify?: very married lesbian couple-there are two of us that use this site Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: pa Posts: 734 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,585 Thanked 1,579 Times in 517 Posts Rep Power: 2193028	The song on youtube called "take my drunk ass home."

01-29-2011, 11:40 PM	#368
lionpaw Member How Do You Identify?: very married lesbian couple-there are two of us that use this site Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: pa Posts: 734 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,585 Thanked 1,579 Times in 517 Posts Rep Power: 2193028	A scrapbooking video called: "this is why my desk is a mess." It had a little dog playing with the owner in a tug of war with a scrapbooking flower on top of her desk.

02-02-2011, 12:30 PM	#369
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,379 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Last night after getting home from work... grin... I had showered, changed into one of Mitmo's Bob Marly tshirt,a pair of paint stained sweats and christmas socks... I swayed into the living room, climed into her lap and announced... "I'm dressed to seduce you..." It made both of us just crack the hell up... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

02-02-2011, 04:19 PM	#370
Mitmo01 Member How Do You Identify?: Disobedient Thing... Preferred Pronoun?: Rebel Soul in the blood..Heathen as well Relationship Status: Marked and Loved....I Belong to Her.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Omaha Posts: 984 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,523 Thanked 1,354 Times in 579 Posts Rep Power: 927727	Yesterday I fell horizontally with all my body weight on my left ribs, my legs went out from under me but lucky for me im large and have padding in a lot of places so nothing broke thankfully lol.....but large does go booooooom!!! this morning i woke up and went and shoveled snow because its just kind of bruised but nothing major.... I was actually laughing after it happened because i must've looked like a total dooofus and you know when you trip its always kind of funny....its like im more embarrassed about looking like an idiot than getting hurt.. but my love took quite good care of me and im fine but it was a trip and fall for the record books lololol

02-03-2011, 08:01 PM	#371
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,183 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	__________________

02-03-2011, 09:27 PM	#372
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,949 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	The new wallpaper on my computer...

02-05-2011, 04:32 PM	#373
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,661 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	Sticker, upside down, across the back window of a Ford Explorer..... If you can read this, please flip me over. __________________

02-07-2011, 07:20 PM	#374
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	yesterday while working on Blaze's dog pen, Skippy followed me down there. He came running down there with his 8 pound chest bowed out and ran right up to Blaze's pen growling at Blaze. LOL yeah.. I went to the front and said what are you doin? Get your little butt back up that hill, go on! So he runs up the hill. Dang fool dog...Blaze could eat him in one bite and burp. But ole Skippy doesn't know he's only 7 or 8 pound he thinks he's 100 pounds. THEN I get back in the pasture to work on the pen. All of a sudden I hear Skippy yap yap yapping and I look up and his 6 inch tall self is running fast as he can, kickin up leaves and rocks as he goes. Running toward the property line fence...there is a dirt road there. Barking to the top of his lungs....I look up and one of my neighbors is coming home from his afternoon walk....shakin my head I yell at Skip to get on the porch....I swear the little fart, as Sweet calls him, as he has matured he thinks he is 10' tall and bullet proof. It just cracks me up to see him acting like such a big shot. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

02-09-2011, 02:20 PM	#375
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,661 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	Next time you need a good comeback...... Sheldon Cooper to Leslie Winkle on The Big Bang Theory: "I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on it's original trajectory and adheres to you." Guaranteed to render the other speechless for a few. __________________

02-09-2011, 11:08 PM	#376
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,661 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	__________________

02-10-2011, 12:01 AM	#377
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,183 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	A man walks into a Bar, {yes, a bar joke}, and the Bartender asks -"What's your poison?" The man asks for 3 drinks..The bartender, slightly confused, asks -"Why 3? U're alone" -"I want 3" The bartender is slightly annoyed at this point.. -"Ok, but why?" The guy says -" One for me...One for u...And one for the Cunt u call Mom" Naturally the bartender beats him to a Pulp and kicks him out... 2 nights later, Same guy, same questions, the bartender glares when he asks for 3 again.. -"Why??" -" One for me, one for u, and one for the Whore u call Mom" Another asswhoopin', and a few missing teeth.... On the third time, the guy walks in bruised, bent out of shape, Slurring... -"I want 2 drinks" Now he's really confused... -"Why 2?" -"Every time I ask for 3, u always beat the fucking shit outta me....So, I want 2 drinks...1 for me, and one for the Bitch that gave birth to u" { sounds funnier in spanish } __________________

02-10-2011, 07:09 PM	#378
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,661 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	__________________

02-10-2011, 07:59 PM	#379
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	the ending is the best part!

02-11-2011, 10:10 AM	#380
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Still cracking up over that dang video...