Corny jokes - Page 45

A. Spectre · 04-23-2020, 08:19 AM

* A woman calls the fire department screaming that her house is on fire.

The fireman asks “how do we get there”?
The woman says, “why don’t you still have those big fire trucks”?

* Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

* Did you already hear about the zoo that only has a dog?

It was a Shih-tzu

* Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

* Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

The retail store.

charley · 04-24-2020, 08:29 AM

Because of the Coronavirus and being shut down for a month, the Vancouver Aquarium is now facing bankruptcy

The above is actually happening now here in B.C. as per:

https://globalnews.ca/news/6825917/v...irus-shutdown/

"Ocean Wise, which operates the facility, has applied to governments for $9.5 million, but has not heard back yet."

Perhaps, the Vancouver Aquarium could get help from a loan shark.

Kätzchen · 04-24-2020, 11:24 AM

Q: Why was the little Strawberry crying?
A: His mom was in a jam.

Q: Who earns a living while driving their customers away?
A: A Taxi driver.

Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match.

homoe · 04-25-2020, 08:49 AM

~~
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

homoe · 04-25-2020, 08:59 AM

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

Bèsame* · 04-25-2020, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by homoe

~~
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

I'm still laughing

Kätzchen · 04-30-2020, 09:14 AM

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?
A: Ten-tickles.

Q: What's the easiest way to get straight A's?
A: Use a ruler.

Q: What's a balloon's least favorite type of music?
A: Pop.

Bèsame* · 05-08-2020, 08:18 PM

With so many sporting events being canceled, they're televising the World Origami Championship.

It's on Paperview.

Kätzchen · 05-08-2020, 10:43 PM

Q: Why could'nt the bicycle stand up on its own?

A: It was too tire'd.

Kätzchen · 05-08-2020, 10:46 PM

Q: What do you call a sad strawberry?

A: A Blue berry.

Stone-Butch · 05-09-2020, 01:06 PM

A flea and a fly in a flue were imprisoned so what could they do?
Let us flea said the fly. Let us fly said the flea. SO, they flew through the flaw in the flue.

Kätzchen · 05-16-2020, 05:13 PM

Q: How did the Introvert react to Social Distancing?

A: Now you're talking.

A. Spectre · 05-17-2020, 06:38 AM

C, EB and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

A pun, a play on words and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.

Bèsame* · 05-17-2020, 08:46 AM

I got mugged by six dwarves last night...

Not happy.

C0LLETTE · 05-17-2020, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A. Spectre

C, EB and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

A pun, a play on words and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.

Corny jokes for smart folks. Still not sure if I got them. lol

C0LLETTE · 05-17-2020, 05:12 PM

I hate it when people get all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they've never even seen one of his paintings.

C0LLETTE · 05-17-2020, 05:16 PM

The three hardest things to say are:

1. I was wrong.

2. I'm sorry.

3. Worcestershire Sauce.

C0LLETTE · 05-17-2020, 05:18 PM

Told my gf I wanted to be cremated.
She made me an appointment for Thursday.

C0LLETTE · 05-17-2020, 05:19 PM

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time she does.

Stone-Butch · 05-17-2020, 09:11 PM

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back.

A stick

My 3 favorite things: eating my family and not using commas.

04-23-2020, 08:19 AM	#881
A. Spectre Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch dominant lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She, Baby Boi Relationship Status: She is my sunrise and sunset. Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: North Shore Chicago Posts: 1,523 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,737 Thanked 10,783 Times in 1,440 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	* A woman calls the fire department screaming that her house is on fire. The fireman asks “how do we get there”? The woman says, “why don’t you still have those big fire trucks”? * Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months. * Did you already hear about the zoo that only has a dog? It was a Shih-tzu * Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat. * Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store. __________________ * * *Joy and Sorrow are Inseparable

04-24-2020, 08:29 AM	#882
charley Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: gentle stonebutch [vanilla] Relationship Status: single Join Date: Dec 2017 Location: canada Posts: 497 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 906 Thanked 1,204 Times in 422 Posts Rep Power: 0	Vancouver Aquarium faces bankruptcy Because of the Coronavirus and being shut down for a month, the Vancouver Aquarium is now facing bankruptcy The above is actually happening now here in B.C. as per: https://globalnews.ca/news/6825917/v...irus-shutdown/ "Ocean Wise, which operates the facility, has applied to governments for $9.5 million, but has not heard back yet." Perhaps, the Vancouver Aquarium could get help from a loan shark.

04-24-2020, 11:24 AM	#883
Kätzchen Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: He’s my One & Only Join Date: May 2010 Location: In the arms of my One & Only Posts: 15,095 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 35,995 Thanked 32,012 Times in 9,950 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Q: Why was the little Strawberry crying? A: His mom was in a jam. Q: Who earns a living while driving their customers away? A: A Taxi driver. Q: What lights up a soccer stadium? A: A soccer match. __________________ Kätzchen _____ ______

04-30-2020, 09:14 AM	#887
Kätzchen Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: He’s my One & Only Join Date: May 2010 Location: In the arms of my One & Only Posts: 15,095 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 35,995 Thanked 32,012 Times in 9,950 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Q: *How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?* A: Ten-tickles. Q: *What's the easiest way to get straight A's?* A: Use a ruler. Q: *What's a balloon's least favorite type of music?* A: Pop. __________________ Kätzchen _____ ______

05-08-2020, 08:18 PM	#888
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: ☀️☀️☀️ Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 14,779 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 28,405 Thanked 39,546 Times in 10,211 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	With so many sporting events being canceled, they're televising the World Origami Championship. It's on Paperview. __________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.

04-25-2020, 08:49 AM	#884
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,587 Times in 14,919 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	~~ Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

04-25-2020, 08:59 AM	#885
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,587 Times in 14,919 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

05-08-2020, 10:43 PM	#889
Kätzchen Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: He’s my One & Only Join Date: May 2010 Location: In the arms of my One & Only Posts: 15,095 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 35,995 Thanked 32,012 Times in 9,950 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Q: Why could'nt the bicycle stand up on its own? A: It was too tire'd. __________________ Kätzchen _____ ______

05-08-2020, 10:46 PM	#890
Kätzchen Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: He’s my One & Only Join Date: May 2010 Location: In the arms of my One & Only Posts: 15,095 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 35,995 Thanked 32,012 Times in 9,950 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Q: What do you call a sad strawberry? A: A Blue berry. __________________ Kätzchen _____ ______ Last edited by Kätzchen; 05-08-2020 at 10:53 PM.

05-09-2020, 01:06 PM	#891
Stone-Butch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonebutch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 3,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,199 Thanked 8,476 Times in 2,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Silly jokes and sayings A flea and a fly in a flue were imprisoned so what could they do? Let us flea said the fly. Let us fly said the flea. SO, they flew through the flaw in the flue.

05-16-2020, 05:13 PM	#892
Kätzchen Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: He’s my One & Only Join Date: May 2010 Location: In the arms of my One & Only Posts: 15,095 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 35,995 Thanked 32,012 Times in 9,950 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Q: How did the Introvert react to Social Distancing? A: Now you're talking. __________________ Kätzchen _____ ______

05-17-2020, 06:38 AM	#893
A. Spectre Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch dominant lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She, Baby Boi Relationship Status: She is my sunrise and sunset. Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: North Shore Chicago Posts: 1,523 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,737 Thanked 10,783 Times in 1,440 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	C, EB and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors." A pun, a play on words and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke. __________________ * * *Joy and Sorrow are Inseparable

05-17-2020, 08:46 AM	#894
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: ☀️☀️☀️ Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 14,779 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 28,405 Thanked 39,546 Times in 10,211 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	I got mugged by six dwarves last night... Not happy. __________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.

05-17-2020, 05:12 PM	#896
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,262 Times in 4,345 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I hate it when people get all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they've never even seen one of his paintings. __________________ ______________________________ ______________________________

05-17-2020, 05:16 PM	#897
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,262 Times in 4,345 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	The three hardest things to say are: 1. I was wrong. 2. I'm sorry. 3. Worcestershire Sauce. __________________ ______________________________ ______________________________

05-17-2020, 05:18 PM	#898
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,262 Times in 4,345 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Told my gf I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Thursday. __________________ ______________________________ ______________________________

05-17-2020, 05:19 PM	#899
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,262 Times in 4,345 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time she does. __________________ ______________________________ ______________________________

05-17-2020, 09:11 PM	#900
Stone-Butch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonebutch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 3,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,199 Thanked 8,476 Times in 2,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Corny Jokes What do you call a boomerang that won't come back. A stick My 3 favorite things: eating my family and not using commas.