Butches Cruel Joke?? *The Change*

[Chazz]

Masculine folk, aboard.

Originally Posted by Strappie

I am not hear to debate whether or not you know how one feels towards this issue. I am merely trying to ask other masculine folks whether or not they too have issues with the fact that we have to once again go through this sort of thing.

perhaps nobody else has these mental feelings towards "the change" perhaps it is just me?

Yet, here is a compilation of you doing just that - debating how it feels for masculine folks to go through menopause....

Originally Posted by Strappie

Mentally it it screws with me. I am butch I am masculine yet I have to go through this the same way as a g/f or a partner. And to hear those words say after you tell someone you can't sleep or you cry at the drop of a hat and they say... Oh you are going through menopause... uggghhh that's hard to hear!

It's a mental game being played... it's as if I have started puberty all over again in a butches body.


Mentally it it screws with me. I am butch I am masculine yet I have to go through this the same way as a g/f or a partner. And to hear those words say after you tell someone you can't sleep or you cry at the drop of a hat and they say... Oh you are going through menopause... uggghhh that's hard to hear!

It's a mental game being played... it's as if I have started puberty all over again in a butches body.


Physically... I say yes... we all go through it basically the same...

Mentally... Hell NO

As a tres masculine butch (albeit a woman IDed one), I feel my experience with menopause is probably no different than any other woman's experience with menopause.

To the extent that it feels different psychologically - and allowing for the fact that every women experiences menopause somewhat differently - it's me severing my mind from my body.

Not that I don't know that this is a reality for some, I'm just suggesting it may make the experience worse that it might otherwise be.

The good news is that reliable research indicates that menopause has an upside, too. Studies show that it alleviates, even resolves, intractable depression.

I guess I'm saying all this to say, NO, not all masculine butches experience menopause as dissonant from our experience of ourselves as butches.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Thinker

Just saw this a few minutes ago on CNN's page...

http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/08...hes/index.html

Yup, since I went through menopause, the debate about soy has been studied further. Looks like newer info just doesn't support what I relied on 10-12 years ago as possibly being helpful. This reminds me of the glucose mine controversy and joint support. Problem is- there is a billion dollar industry in supplements!

Goes to show that it is important to read/research things. It gets confusing with differing results as well as what a physician might recommend. Then there is our individual differences.

I sure do understand Strap pie’s feelings about how difficult the emotional roller-coaster feels on top of changes in our bodies. I had horrible cluster headaches. Made me really empathize with people that have dealt with migraines throughout their lives. but, mine subsided and really were only around for about 18 months).

Strappie- do you have a good gynecologist that you feel comfortable talking with? Also, seeing an endocrinologist might be in order if it gets really bad (outside of what is "normal" for menopausal women).

I am glad you started this thread- many butches need to be able to talk about this with each other.

[Strappie]

Hey Guys and gals...

Thanks for all your support!! I do want to let you know I made an appointment. Going in to get an oil change!! lol It's been about 8 yrs so it's high time to get an over haul and hopefully get these emotions in check.

I do hope that you all at least go to the doctor, it's important! I hope you take it serious and get yourself checked also!!

Thanks again for the encouragement!

[Ryobi]

Strappie I'm happy you're going to the Dr. Peace to you on this unwanted journey.

For me:

Much like Daywalker, I don't think of my given body as a means to determine or declare my gender. I don't think I could ever change my belief in that, I do however, think that very thing lends a little bit to the frustration I have with it. (self imposed rock and a hard place? lol)

I also agree that SOME butches (no matter how they ID), TG butches and FtM's have great difficulties in dealing with what is a "woman thing". (before anyone jumps on me for saying "woman thing", please point me to a bio male that gets a period or goes through menopause.) I can have all the understanding, compassion, and offer support to a friend, partner, etc that is going through this. For me to have to deal with it personally, is quite a different story. That's where the mind fuck comes in, forced compliance. I loathe forced compliance in any sense, in any aspect of my life. To HAVE TO comply with my body for reasons of having a period or going through all the crap menopause has to offer, feels to me like betrayal deluxe.

I think it's important for people who have similar feeling to this, talk with eachother. It is hard to find people that understand the feelings. Most other people I have tried to talk to about this, have either laughed at me or said something to the effect of "EVERY woman goes through it. What makes you special?" To me those statements are stifling. And for my feelings to be laughed at, causes an abrupt end to most conversation after that.

Crying jags, aren't they fun? I like to think of it as crying like a baby. Often times a baby cries for no apparent reason. No matter what you do, they cry and cry and cry. Until, they stop. All seems right in their world. I hope adults have more awareness to the folks around them and the affects this "event" can have on others. (more awareness than a baby, anyway.) After a few days of being a weepy hot flash mess, when all is right in my world again, I like to make sure I'm right in my loved ones' world again too, if necessary.

I wish peace to everyone going through this bit of joy in their life, especially the ones that feel fucked with.

(and btw, *I* am what makes me special.)

[LaneyDoll]

Once againg, this site has opened my eyes to something that had not occurred to me. Personally, I have not been through menopause and God help anyone who is with me when I do. Hormones messed me with horribly when I was on them a few years ago so HRT may not be an option for me.

BUT!!! My (ex) mother-in-law and I are pretty close so I have been a little knowledge of what happens to a (straight, femme) woman. As such, I can only imagine what a butch woman goes through. My m-i-l used to take St Johns Wort and the effect was noticeable. I used to tell her that if she ever ran out, to call me and I would get her some. Her attitude, mental well being, and general outlook etc were so much better.

At any rate, I do want to thank everyone who has shared their experiences. I literally devour threads like this-anything to help me better understand the flip side of the B/F coin.

[Scorp]

Hey Strappie,

I feel your pain buddy. I'm actually going through peri-menopause and speaking openly about my situation here.

So you don't feel bad posting in here, I'll share my story which is a little more complicated.

I have poly cystic ovaries which started in my mid 30’s. I’ll be 46 in a few months. They also found about 6 years ago that I have endometriosis so I’m tripled whammied. I would get "the devil" (as you put it) off and on and then didn’t get one for 3 or 4 years. I thought it was awesome not getting one and loved every minute of it! Little did I know it’s dangerous for me to NOT get one at my age.

I ‘ve been seeing an Endocrinologist every 6 months for the past 10 years for my PCOS. I already have a natural high volume of testosterone in my body and moreso my hormones are already fucked up because of all of the above. A long time ago they put me on birth control (imagine me on birth control, how funny is that!) to have my evil monthly friend regulated. Bottom line at that time I was told that I was too young to NOT be having a visit from Auntie Flo which put me at high risk for uterine cancer.

My understanding is that my maternal grandmother went through the change of life at 36 years old. Because of that, there was a good chance that I was having an early change too, so I had a blood test done to see if that was the case (that was about 3 years ago and it came back negative). I recently had another test done 2 months ago and again it came back negative.

My body just hasn’t felt right as the years go on and I notice more and more things. Needless to say, I’m not going through the change right now. I have hot flashes and my mood swings can be occasionally bad. A lot of it also has to do with the progesterone I have to take the first 10 days of each month in order to get Auntie Flo and it sucks! I’m already a hot blooded ginzo and this adds to it. Within 8 days of taking it, I feel the rage throughout my body more so than the norm. At one point and time Julie would say “Here we go, it’s roid rage time”. When I feel myself get like this, I usually give her a heads up and apologize ahead of time and ask that she bear with me if I’m a loose cannon. Thankfully she’s understanding and so supporting. I’m blessed with having her I tell you that (more ways than one).

In any case, you’re not alone with stuff, remember, we were born women and this is how it goes. You have support here so don’t feel uncomfy talking about it in here. We know you’re that big ole strappin’ butch So just hang in there buddy and make that appointment to get checked. It will put you in the clear of things and also for piece of mind.

Keep us posted and good luck!

Originally Posted by Strappie

The tears at the drop of a hat, the sweats (not just at night mind you) The mood swings god I feel like I'm losing my mind..... Menopause

I mean growing up finding myself as a "female identified Butch" was in it self a hard thing to grow into. Walking into a women's bathroom and being told "sir you are in the wrong bathroom", I was mortified as a young adult to hear that and it still happens to me on a wkly basis. I'm better equipped to handle those words now at my age. But Menopause, god help me!

Lets not forget how I as a Butch tried to say the words Menstrual Cycle it just wouldn't come out of this mouth so I came up with my own word for it the "devil" The things that little thing does to a Butch every month is painstakingly hard to accept at a young age, hell even now. It's as if it's been a cruel joke for us Butches, Ftm's and anyone else that does not identify as femme.

I have been putting off going to the Doctor for a very long time and well I know I have to swallow my pride and go. Because if I don't I may just lose my friends, family and possibly my job because of my emotions. Ok it's really not that bad but holy cats I can't stop crying.. lol I love my friends dearly and they know I'm going through this but I don't think they understand what it's "really" doing to me as far as my masculinity.

Do any other Butches think it's a cruel joke?

The mind games it plays on a butch, I can't even describe or put into words the mind games it plays.