The Price of Necessity

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Diva

HA!
I have my own.....I know where they've been.

And I'm SO not wiping with strips of newspaper.....I just must draw the line SOMEwhere....

I'm looking into getting a small wind turbine to generate electricity....I love the idea of having so much electricity, the electric company would pay ME for a change!

maybe where you are there's good wind. Here there isnt but a combination of things and having them pay you for a change is good.

So that leads us to a real necessity "ELECTRICITY"

Its one of those things that truly is luxury that we turned into a necessity. So much so that many power bills equal a mortgage payment for others. Is the cost of being cool or warm when it's cold worth a few hundred a month?

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Sachita

omg! lol

I insist on my own but I'm with Susan.. I don't change lovers that often and it's not a major priority. when it becomes one then we decide together.

but really is a dildo a necessity? What say you?

It's necessary for me, and that's why I have my own. It fits just right, too. If someone were to have a problem using mine we could go shopping together.

Derail:
I'm non-monogamous, and a big advocate of safer sex for lesbians. I always use a condom. That way it's fresh every time. Gloves, too. There are many women in our community who have Hepatitis C. Please don't scrimp on safety in the pursuit of minimising waste.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

It's necessary for me, and that's why I have my own. It fits just right, too. If someone were to have a problem using mine we could go shopping together.

Derail:
I'm non-monogamous, and a big advocate of safer sex for lesbians. I always use a condom. That way it's fresh every time. Gloves, too. There are many women in our community who have Hepatitis C. Please don't scrimp on safety in the pursuit of minimising waste.

I am SO glad to see you post about Hep C!!! The stats most certainly back you up! Derail here, not a problem to me at all!

And I agree absolutely that safer-sex techniques ought to be and remain on our necessity lists! Sometimes, I am baffled at the neglect in our community concerning our responsibilities with sexual activity. And this has no bearing whatsoever on being poly, monogamous, stone, liking BSDM.. not one thing! Hep C is alive and well in terms of its threat. New data was recently published that we really need to pay attention to.

Also, you are actually bringing something I tyried to gety across in another post---- each of us have our sexual necessities and I really a woman/femme that I am or might want to be sexual with to make her desires, likes, dislikes known. I may not find dildoes/strapping, et. al. necessary (for myself), but a lover might. Just because I don't does not mean I don't enjoy a lover's joy with getting what she wants and likes.


Gloves are grand.... and hey, can be a great part of sensuality... and hotness! They come in long, short... different colors with patterns that rawk, flavors, and it is always good to have some non-latex gloves, dental and damns around! Some people are alergic to latex. Once, I did see a woman that had reactions to silicone... and there are dildoes made of other products available.


LOL.. be prepared!

[christie]

Originally Posted by Sachita

omg! lol

I insist on my own but I'm with Susan.. I don't change lovers that often and it's not a major priority. when it becomes one then we decide together.

but really is a dildo a necessity? What say you?

Just a thought -

To me, its a dildo. To Jess, its a cock. Specifically, Hys cock.

To me, not a necessity. To Jess, yep, it is.

Does that make any sense? We identify the same object very differently which makes it an accessory (as AHL mentioned) to me yet its a necessity for Jess.

I think that also brings about necessity vs. luxury as being very subjective. What I might deem a luxury might be quite necessary for someone else.

I do like the idea of the thread - I think it will be interesting to see the different perspectives.

Here's one for you - Swiffer. To me, a necessity. To someone else, it might seem a luxury and a waste. I have pointed out to someone specifically that if they would like to bring that dust rag and furniture polish over and have at it, I certainly wouldn't stop them!

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Sachita

maybe where you are there's good wind. Here there isnt but a combination of things and having them pay you for a change is good.

So that leads us to a real necessity "ELECTRICITY"

Its one of those things that truly is luxury that we turned into a necessity. So much so that many power bills equal a mortgage payment for others. Is the cost of being cool or warm when it's cold worth a few hundred a month?

I agree in part with this. I have been able to cut my electric and gas bills by about 50-60 percent with CFI's, less use, timed thermostat, insulation, new windows, more energy efficient appliances, etc. I like candle and oil lamp light anyway. Have a very small house anyway and my PG & E runs maybe $40/month on the average. LOL, but I recently rented out a studio I have on my property in which the tenet has to use the bathroom/shower and kitchen in the main house. Sooooo... we will see!

I compost, chip (make gardening mulch) and recycle. Big savings and I like doing these kinds of things. Besides, stirring and flipping compost builds muscles! And kick butt in my garden- getting a lot of great veggies this year! Of course, the drought ended in CA... Last couple of years having a garden was not the thing to do.

One thing to remember is that some people do have to use electricity for medical appliances. Here, in CA, PG & E will give an electricity break for this. can be things like oxtgen machines, C-PAPs, special vaporizers and humidifiers, etc. Home health-care for Hospice patients have certain power needs. Not a luxury for some folks or in some situations. The elderly as well as litle babies have some very real needs with heating and cooling, too.

Overall, I really wish we all did more to use less power and oil based products like gasoline. It does make a difference! And there are a lot of things I find I really don't need that use power.

[Rockinonahigh]

after a fue months out of the closet I met a femme who said all butches had to have sex toys,so I went to Dejavu (strip club/sex toy store) spent a ton of bucks on some very expensive toys and safe sex materals.Yes,ive ued them but I have always been possitive that whom ever I was with at the time understoood that I used safe sex.What has amazed me is at the women who think im nuts....really...some have been down right put out about it.All I can say is sorry ladies this is how it is.

[Rockinonahigh]

P.S...Some of he most mind blowing sex ive had was without the additions...no doubt about it.

[asphaltcowboi]

Originally Posted by betenoire

I hope to god you don't buy ones made of rubber. Do you know how porous and cootie-hold-on-to rubber is?

yes im sure of this... i dont know what they are made of.. i was just wondering what do they do with um are they a recycle item? or is there a huge pile of them at the dump like the plastic bottels.. lol no cooties here.. and no its not nessecary to use them all the time.
it would be weird to think i was driving on them

[Selenay]

Originally Posted by cody

yes im sure of this... i dont know what they are made of.. i was just wondering what do they do with um are they a recycle item? or is there a huge pile of them at the dump like the plastic bottels.. lol no cooties here.. and no its not nessecary to use them all the time.
it would be weird to think i was driving on them

Please please please investigate what they are made of...
Some sex toy materials are REALLY unsafe.

For example...
Pure silicone, glass, metal, acrylic, ceramic, wood and plastic are way at the top of the safety index.

After that is nonprous TPR, elastomer and silicone comosites.

Down at the bottom is thermoplastic rubber, rubber and jelly.

With anything below plastic really NEEDING condoms for every single use.

You can check out a materials guide >here<

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

I'll say it again... no it is not. I know this is a personal thang for each of us.... which is kewl. What can get me miffed is having the dildo as every butches necessity stereotype. We are (as well as femmes) different about this stuff.

LOL... yup, thinking choosing one's own is part of positive self-care! Plus, shopping together can be a very erotic and sensual part of the dance between us. And one that can reveal a lot of important information that any lover would like to know about someone they are sharing intimacy with.

OK... yes, I am a monogamous, pretty much vanilla, non-stone, FIB... and am aware of the fact that everyone is different about this stuff. Enjoy whatever you find enjoyable! Bar none!

What irks me about the whole strap-on/dildo thing is that it is equated with masculinity and maleness. As if a woman cannot enjoy it as a woman.

It also irks me that it is a shocker for a Femme to use.

With that said, I am not sure that I'd call it a necessity. I'm creative, and could sustain quite the healthy sexual relationship w/o one, but I do *likey*.

So I suppose that makes it a luxury since it's not in the do or die category.

On the other hand, my beloved is a lot like Jess in regards to the necessity portion.

How's that for an explanation?

I also feel like computers and cell phones are a luxury. I am a mean mean mommy who laughs when her children ask for cell phones. My rule is that nobody on earth under 16 needs a cell phone. Too much b/s happens with them and children to the point that I feel 16 to be the youngest (and a mature 16 at that) a kid should have a phone. It can be a good financial lesson for a teen as well as convenient because you can GPS where the child is.

We've had to pay attention to necessities due to high dollars spent on medication for me.

So: no "convenient" food. that means no stick it in the microwave for 3 minutes and have dinner. instant gratification in the kitchen is costly. i like to plan meals anymore and have the family work together to cook the meal plans. it saves us over $100 a week and gives us good family time.

No fancy cable channels. You'd be amazed at how much more time the kids spend with us when there are not so many choices. We end up playing board games.

Vacations. Not a necessity. Staycations have become fun, which can include camping in the backyard, slumber parties, and free things close to home,. I can't even tell you how much we save.

Newspapers and magazines: luxury (use the library)

Super fancy hair dresser: luxury. same for mani-pedi., it's fun to do at home with the girls and just go to a salon once every three months.

Extra Hot Double Mocha Upside Down Skinny Caramel Macchiato: Luxury.
I quit Starbucks and saves over $25 a week.

Using appliances any old time: Luxury. We wait it out for non-peak hours.

Movies: luxury to go to theater. we wait for dvd's to come out rather than spend $13 per person. With the exception of that damned Twilight because my kid got the grades necessary to make me utilize an exception.

i am rambling now. blah blah blah i could go on for hours. and hours.

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

What irks me about the whole strap-on/dildo thing is that it is equated with masculinity and maleness. As if a woman cannot enjoy it as a woman.

Two things. First this.

I hear this trotted out now and again and I have to wonder who is equating it with masculinity and maleness? I ask because I just ran through my mental dating data bank and well over half of the femmes I've dated have had their own dildo(s) and probably about half had their own harness.

Second. Really? Even for folks who very intimately associate with their cock, dick, etc... it's a necessity? Cause, last time I checked a cock wasn't even a necessity for a bio-male: See Eunuch.

A necessity is that which without, would significantly hamper our ability to make it through our lives, our day to day, as it were. A cock doesn't really seem to fall into this. You may say "but I can't have sex with out..." to which I will say that people the world over take vows of chastity and/or live a celibate life. Sex, despite what we all might like to think, is not a necessity to live. (But ugh, can you imagine a life without it?)

Now, feeling that a cock or anything else is significant to your life and enhances or supplements it in a way that means you put a priority on it... that's still a want, but it's something that you prioritize because you feel it's significant to the way in which you live.

For me those WANTS which I prioritize include a computer and Internet access. I might even go as far as to say they are a necessity considering that this is how I make my living. However, I could make a living in another way which did not include these items. Of course my standard of living would change dramatically but that's another thread.

Finally (oops, guess it wasn't just two things after all, was it?) - years ago I dated a woman who'd lived for a time in Africa doing peace corp work. At the time I had a real shoe thing. I bought shoes ALL THE TIME. I probably had going on 40 pair or so. She had three pair. A pair of sneakers, a pair of Chaco sandals and a pair of boots. It really bothered her that I had so many shoes. She asked why and I said "well, you need shoes". To which she answered... "Do you?. There are countless people the world over who not only don't have shoes and they get along just fine. And the shoes that we consider a necessity are really just luxury. We need something to protect our feet, sure - but could we not just strap some rubber to our feet and call it good?"

Needless to say, that gave me much to think about. I live an extremely comfortable life. I want for very little. But the best part about that is that it's not because I have every toy under the sun, it's because I do not desire every toy under the sun.

[betenoire]

Cellphones are a huge luxury, I haven't had one in about 3 years and I haven't died. And, really, they are fairly new. Those people who absolutely "need" a cellphone - what do they think people did before motorola started kicking out those giant brick-shaped things? Seriously.

Bottled water is an unnecessary luxury. I shouldn't even have to make a case for that, it should be obvious.

And I know people hate when I get harping on about this....but. If you live in an area that has public transit and are physically able to make it to and from the bus stop - cars are a luxury. There, I said it. A huge percentage of car owners do not need them. Not owning a car EASILY saves me between 200-500 a month (between gas, car payments, insurance, parking). All the walking I do adds a zillion years to my life, and I've got really athletic legs. I win.

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Cellphones are a huge luxury, I haven't had one in about 3 years and I haven't died. And, really, they are fairly new. Those people who absolutely "need" a cellphone - what do they think people did before motorola started kicking out those giant brick-shaped things? Seriously.

Bottled water is an unnecessary luxury. I shouldn't even have to make a case for that, it should be obvious.

And I know people hate when I get harping on about this....but. If you live in an area that has public transit and are physically able to make it to and from the bus stop - cars are a luxury. There, I said it. A huge percentage of car owners do not need them. Not owning a car EASILY saves me between 200-500 a month (between gas, car payments, insurance, parking). All the walking I do adds a zillion years to my life, and I've got really athletic legs. I win.

For me? It's the other way around. I haven't had a land line in so many years I can't remember them. Now, I have an iPhone and that is a luxury. I *could* get by with a standard phone. But my life lives in that phone. Thankfully my work no longer does. For now.

And WORD! about cars. I have my six year old Honda in the drive and have been thinking seriously about getting rid of it. I put more miles on it getting to and from the airport than I do the rest of the month. I live in an extremely walkable neighborhood and I ride my bike. But I've decided not to sell it because I'd hate to find myself in need of one and having to buy an unknown entity. I bought this one new and it's paid off. I know everything about it and (knock on wood) it's a perfectly good car.

[CherylNYC]

I agree with much that has been said here, but I do take exception to the idea that sex is not a necessity. People do take vows of celibacy, but keeping those vows often proves difficult or impossible. Unexpressed sexuality can lead to really sick, twisted psyches. Pedophilic Catholic priests, for example.

Even though I live in the city I have a beautiful garden, I compost religously, and I recycle everything I can. I try my best to keep from wasting at home. I don't buy anything new if I think I can get it used. I don't replace electronics until they're well past their useful life span. Even though I loathe the quality of light they give, I've been switching over to CFL's.

I'm extra conscientious about all this because I am an environmental criminal at work. I make sculptural scenery for theatre, film and television. I'm most likely to make that scenery out of styrofoam. Big giant blocks of styrofoam, 2'w x 9'l x 6" thick. There is no other product that can replace it, and this is what I get paid to do. I can create a dumpster full of non-biodegradable waste before lunch. If I wanted to make a ton of money I would invent an environmentally sustainable, yet economical product to replace styrofoam. Sigh.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Finally (oops, guess it wasn't just two things after all, was it?) - years ago I dated a woman who'd lived for a time in Africa doing peace corp work. At the time I had a real shoe thing. I bought shoes ALL THE TIME. I probably had going on 40 pair or so. She had three pair. A pair of sneakers, a pair of Chaco sandals and a pair of boots. It really bothered her that I had so many shoes. She asked why and I said "well, you need shoes". To which she answered... "Do you?. There are countless people the world over who not only don't have shoes and they get along just fine. And the shoes that we consider a necessity are really just luxury. We need something to protect our feet, sure - but could we not just strap some rubber to our feet and call it good?"

I so get this.

Now that I'm an adult (up until age 25 I bought stuff all the time - but there's a whole thread's worth of discussion concerning what that was all about) I very rarely buy new clothes for myself - to the point where I had to get frog-marched to Old Navy to pick up jeans for myself a few months ago (both of my pairs of jeans had worn thin at the thigh and I was talking about patching them). I can count on two hands the new articles of clothing I have purchased in the last 12 months. (A pair of black capris, a pair of jeans, a new sundress, 2 shirts, a winter coat, a new pair of sneakers for work, a pair of converse chuck taylors) And, really, most of that stuff was purchased with gift cards that I got for Christmas or my Birthday. (the chucks, the sundress, and the winter coat I bought for myself - that's it.)

I just don't see new clothes as a necessity all the time. I really don't. I own exactly 7 pairs of shoes. Two pairs of flipflops, a pair of Mary Janes, my giant scary black platforms, my work sneakers, my red faux snakeskin heels, a pair of charcoal grey chucks. That's it. And sometimes I even feel like THAT is excessive.

When you're still growing you need clothes all the time, I get that. But as an adult? Most (not all, I get that there are exceptions to that) people have bodies that don't make drastic changes from the time they are 25 onward. I have clothes that fit me 10 years ago that still fit me now - and since I take care of them they are still in good condition. Since I don't shop "trendy" and have very specific "rockabilly" tastes in clothing - I don't have to worry about how silly I'll look 4 years from now wearing some god-awful shirt that people thought was cool in 2010.

I do admit, however, that I own like 30 pairs of underware. It's a sickness.

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I agree with much that has been said here, but I do take exception to the idea that sex is not a necessity. People do take vows of celibacy, but keeping those vows often proves difficult or impossible. Unexpressed sexuality can lead to really sick, twisted psyches. Pedophilic Catholic priests, for example.

Even though I live in the city I have a beautiful garden, I compost religously, and I recycle everything I can. I try my best to keep from wasting at home. I don't buy anything new if I think I can get it used. I don't replace electronics until they're well past their useful life span. Even though I loathe the quality of light they give, I've been switching over to CFL's.

I'm extra conscientious about all this because I am an environmental criminal at work. I make sculptural scenery for theatre, film and television. I'm most likely to make that scenery out of styrofoam. Big giant blocks of styrofoam, 2'w x 9'l x 6" thick. There is no other product that can replace it, and this is what I get paid to do. I can create a dumpster full of non-biodegradable waste before lunch. If I wanted to make a ton of money I would invent an environmentally sustainable, yet economical product to replace styrofoam. Sigh.

Ouch. That is a hard thing to try to offset. Good for you for trying.

I'm not entirely comfortable with your assertions tying celibacy to pedophiles. I believe the overwhelming number of people who have taken such vows or who voluntarily live a life free of sex are good upstanding people. It's a shame that the relative few "bad apples" have made us question chastity in this manner.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Two things. First this.

I hear this trotted out now and again and I have to wonder who is equating it with masculinity and maleness? I ask because I just ran through my mental dating data bank and well over half of the femmes I've dated have had their own dildo(s) and probably about half had their own harness.

Maybe we hang out in different crowds? Because I see it and I'm not crazy. Well...

Second. Really? Even for folks who very intimately associate with their cock, dick, etc... it's a necessity? Cause, last time I checked a cock wasn't even a necessity for a bio-male: See Eunuch.

While I am aware of the Eunuchs (mostly in China and India) I kind of question your comparison of necessity. It's not like Eunuchs live a life of your every day bio-male.

A necessity is that which without, would significantly hamper our ability to make it through our lives, our day to day, as it were. A cock doesn't really seem to fall into this. You may say "but I can't have sex with out..." to which I will say that people the world over take vows of chastity and/or live a celibate life. Sex, despite what we all might like to think, is not a necessity to live. (But ugh, can you imagine a life without it?)

Respectfully, I might disagree with you here. I am not transgender, but from my understanding when one is born into the wrong body and something is missing? Replacing it very well my be a necessity. Not necessarily for sexual reasons, but I don't think we're going to tell an amputee to skip the artificial limb because it's not necessary, are we?

Now, feeling that a cock or anything else is significant to your life and enhances or supplements it in a way that means you put a priority on it... that's still a want, but it's something that you prioritize because you feel it's significant to the way in which you live.

See above.

For me those WANTS which I prioritize include a computer and Internet access. I might even go as far as to say they are a necessity considering that this is how I make my living. However, I could make a living in another way which did not include these items. Of course my standard of living would change dramatically but that's another thread.

What about cell phones?

Finally (oops, guess it wasn't just two things after all, was it?) - years ago I dated a woman who'd lived for a time in Africa doing peace corp work. At the time I had a real shoe thing. I bought shoes ALL THE TIME. I probably had going on 40 pair or so. She had three pair. A pair of sneakers, a pair of Chaco sandals and a pair of boots. It really bothered her that I had so many shoes. She asked why and I said "well, you need shoes". To which she answered... "Do you?. There are countless people the world over who not only don't have shoes and they get along just fine. And the shoes that we consider a necessity are really just luxury. We need something to protect our feet, sure - but could we not just strap some rubber to our feet and call it good?"

Needless to say, that gave me much to think about. I live an extremely comfortable life. I want for very little. But the best part about that is that it's not because I have every toy under the sun, it's because I do not desire every toy under the sun.

I admire your minimalism and strive to get there myself. One useless thing at a time (and sometime much more).

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by betenoire

I do admit, however, that I own like 30 pairs of underware. It's a sickness.

See this makes perfect sense to me. Again, it's all in what is valuable to me. I used to loathe doing laundry because I had to go to the laundry to do it. So I got in the habit of keeping 20+ pair. Same with socks. To me my time is more valuable. It made more sense to me to save up X number of pair and do them all at once than having to go do laundry just because I needed knickers.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Waldo

And WORD! about cars. I have my six year old Honda in the drive and have been thinking seriously about getting rid of it. I put more miles on it getting to and from the airport than I do the rest of the month. I live in an extremely walkable neighborhood and I ride my bike. But I've decided not to sell it because I'd hate to find myself in need of one and having to buy an unknown entity. I bought this one new and it's paid off. I know everything about it and (knock on wood) it's a perfectly good car.

Not having a car is a pretty big lifestyle choice. When I first got rid of the car (forever ago!) I was living a 2 hour bus commute from work - not such a great idea. But since then I've gotten smarter and have intentionally chosen apartments that are within reasonable distance of work, a grocery store, on the bus route, etc.

Even in the town where I now live (which is a far cry from Toronto, I tell you) where the bus stops running at 11 Monday-Friday and 6 on Saturdays and Sundays I'm doing more than fine. The money I save each month by not owning a vehicle can certainly afford me the luxury of taking a taxi once or twice a month if I'm going to be out real late and in an area of town that I can't walk home from.

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Two things. First this.

I hear this trotted out now and again and I have to wonder who is equating it with masculinity and maleness? I ask because I just ran through my mental dating data bank and well over half of the femmes I've dated have had their own dildo(s) and probably about half had their own harness.

Second. Really? Even for folks who very intimately associate with their cock, dick, etc... it's a necessity? Cause, last time I checked a cock wasn't even a necessity for a bio-male: See Eunuch.

A necessity is that which without, would significantly hamper our ability to make it through our lives, our day to day, as it were. A cock doesn't really seem to fall into this. You may say "but I can't have sex with out..." to which I will say that people the world over take vows of chastity and/or live a celibate life. Sex, despite what we all might like to think, is not a necessity to live. (But ugh, can you imagine a life without it?)

Now, feeling that a cock or anything else is significant to your life and enhances or supplements it in a way that means you put a priority on it... that's still a want, but it's something that you prioritize because you feel it's significant to the way in which you live.

For me those WANTS which I prioritize include a computer and Internet access. I might even go as far as to say they are a necessity considering that this is how I make my living. However, I could make a living in another way which did not include these items. Of course my standard of living would change dramatically but that's another thread.

Finally (oops, guess it wasn't just two things after all, was it?) - years ago I dated a woman who'd lived for a time in Africa doing peace corp work. At the time I had a real shoe thing. I bought shoes ALL THE TIME. I probably had going on 40 pair or so. She had three pair. A pair of sneakers, a pair of Chaco sandals and a pair of boots. It really bothered her that I had so many shoes. She asked why and I said "well, you need shoes". To which she answered... "Do you?. There are countless people the world over who not only don't have shoes and they get along just fine. And the shoes that we consider a necessity are really just luxury. We need something to protect our feet, sure - but could we not just strap some rubber to our feet and call it good?"

Needless to say, that gave me much to think about. I live an extremely comfortable life. I want for very little. But the best part about that is that it's not because I have every toy under the sun, it's because I do not desire every toy under the sun.

I agree with you wholeheartedly that it's a tired stereotype and all around assumption to associated cock solely with male/masculinity.

I also agree with the way you've determined necessity vs. want.

But I disagree that anyone can tell me my cock isn't a necessity, as if it were only something purchased at a store, as if it were only some appendage who's sole purpose is sex. My cock isn't store bought, but it's existence is fundamental to mine. One might just as well as if breasts are a necessity (to other than nursing mothers).

I'm tired, and not entirely certain this is coming across as I wish it, but there it is. Nor did I mean to turn this into a conversation about dick, but I really wanted to address that little nugget.