A look at Polygamy - Future Family Model

[Sachita]

I have invited a few people to partake in a discussion about polygamy. In this past year I know at least a few couples who have added additional partners to their family. These were people I would never suspect in a million years. There is a huge misconception that polygamy is about sex or reserved for Mormon principles. The people that I've talked to, close friends, all declare that although intimate it is not just about sex but the extension and creation of family. A loving bond among a collective of people who share.

Many many years ago during my BDSM-Femdom hay day I shared my life with a few people. back then I had no idea of polygamy. It just kinda of fell into place and for its time it was a beautiful experience. I am no expert on this subject but would like to begin an intelligent discussion and hoping that those of you who have lived the lifestyle will also present commentary.

Do you feel that polygamy is immoral or wrong? If so, why?

Would you ever consider being part of a triad or polygamous family?

If you are in a polygamous family please tell us how you met, what formed your decision and a little about the dynamics of your family.

Thank you!

[girl_dee]

Wonderful thread Sachita!!

Well most of you know that I am in a Poly relationship with two wonderful people. We are unlike most poly relationships. Yes there is a BIG misconception that Poly is all about sex and just having sex with multiple partners. I love the family unit, and ours is a wonderful bond.

Poly is WORK. It takes lots of understanding and patience. It is also the most rewarding relationship I have ever been in.

I can't wait to get this discussion going.

[Sachita]

Thank you Ms Sassy! I love the concept of it all and admit that there is something very attractive about it for me and it isn't sexual but the ability to love more.

As you know I'm gonna pick your brain and of course others are welcome to ask questions and share their point of view in a respectful fashion.

Ms Sassy prior to meeting your Daddi had you been in a poly relationship or considered one?

How did you meet the people you are with now?

By work, what exactly do you mean? What are the biggest challenges and the greatest joys? Maybe a list of pro's and con's?

How many people are in your family and what roles do they play?

Do you all sleep together or take turns like in Big Love?

Do you get jealous or do others get jealous of you?

Does you family talk about adding others?

Are there any gay poly groups or support venues out there?

That's it for now! Thanks!

[Apocalipstic]

How exciting! It seems like you are reading my mind lately Sachita

I have tried the Poly thing a couple of times and while things did not work out, I can see where with the right combination of people it could be wonderful and filled with love and respect and harmony and freedom.

I like the idea of the Poly family more than living alone and seeing several people....which I have also done.

Maybe it is that I am not close with or to my own family.

But the idea of having more than one person to share my life with in a family setting sounds wonderful. or to be in a family setting with one person and us have other partners who are agreed on and come and go would work too.

I have no clue how it will play out, but I am so excited to have a place to discuss and ponder the infinite possibilities!

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

How exciting! It seems like you are reading my mind lately Sachita

I have tried the Poly thing a couple of times and while things did not work out, I can see where with the right combination of people it could be wonderful and filled with love and respect and harmony and freedom.

I like the idea of the Poly family more than living alone and seeing several people....which I have also done.

Maybe it is that I am not close with or to my own family.

But the idea of having more than one person to share my life with in a family setting sounds wonderful. or to be in a family setting with one person and us have other partners who are agreed on and come and go would work too.

I have no clue how it will play out, but I am so excited to have a place to discuss and ponder the infinite possibilities!

Thank you for sharing. Yes, there are wonderful perks about it.

Sooooo what's the difference between a group of like minds forming a family without the sexual intimacy? What truly defines poly?

For instant let's say myself and 4 others get together, manage a household, eat together, hang out like friends, plan together and share responsibilities. We own property together, make all decisions collectively, yadda yadda... the only thing we don't do is fuck. We go to our bedrooms, sometimes we cuddle as friends but we don't bump. Are we poly?

Thanks everyone!

[Sachita]

Also those of you who are into Poly BDSM, please also chime in. Thanks


Those of you not in a poly relationship I'm curious about how you see it. Do you think it's immoral? What would you do if your partner or lover came to you and said, "I'd like to add another person to our relationship?"

[NorCalStud]

After four years my partner said she wouldn't mind having a sister wife thing. In otherwords she would be fine if I took another wife because she would have a sister. I understand the benefit for her having a sister and I can't figure out how she is okay with me making love to someone else. I'm concerned we are now not on the same page!

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by NorCalStud

After four years my partner said she wouldn't mind having a sister wife thing. In otherwords she would be fine if I took another wife because she would have a sister. I understand the benefit for her having a sister and I can't figure out how she is okay with me making love to someone else. I'm concerned we are now not on the same page!

have you heard of the term compersion? If not google it.


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Compersion is a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion.
The concept is now widespread within the polyamorous community, and was originally coined by the now defunct Kerista Commune in San Francisco.[1][2][3] The related adjective is compersive.
It is common for people within the polyamorous community to state that jealousy comes with the territory of open romantic relationships.[4] Compersion has often been referred to as "the opposite of jealousy"[2][5] and some advocates state that through time and experience, it becomes an efficient method for combating jealousy.

I'm not really a jealous person. I am naturally dominant and controlling but rarely do i get jealous over another. This doesnt mean I'll put up with deception. Oh no!

If I were in a poly family I would be like a Mom- head of household just because it's my nature. Not really a bdsm type of thing but my family members might need to enjoy being submissive and being in that type of dynamic.

Would you get jealous if she had sex with sister wife?

[girl_dee]

Thank you Ms Sassy! I love the concept of it all and admit that there is something very attractive about it for me and it isn't sexual but the ability to love more. EXACTLY. Although I do love the perks!!!

As you know I'm gonna pick your brain and of course others are welcome to ask questions and share their point of view in a respectful fashion. I welcome all questions, I love this!

Ms Sassy prior to meeting your Daddi had you been in a poly relationship or considered one? Had never been in one, neither had Daddi, it was a surprise when my Slave Sister asked Syr to keep me! Their marriage was solid, not broken or needing to fill a void when I came along. I have always adored how they love each other. I would have never ventured into a relationship that needed to be *fixed*.

How did you meet the people you are with now? I met Syr years ago on BF! We fell instantly into a D/s relationship and I have thrived on Her as my Syr for a long time. We took a break from the D/s relationship but never once did the bond break, I missed her SO much during that 3 months. I felt lost and broken. Once it was the right time we fell right back into the D/s at my begging her to be my Syr once again. She came to see me and the physical presence of Her was one I felt so wonderful in, and I think she liked me too! Still we were very very platonic! She was and is very happily married for a long time to my Spirit Sister aurora, who I have been in constant contact with over these few years. Syr and I always respected the marriage and we never ventured past a platonic D/s relationship. Their marriage always came first to me, respecting it and making sure it was honored at all time. I was needing so much of my own work to do I never wavered from that, and Syr was strictly business too. I came here as needing a place to stay in the winter from the resort that I was living in and once here, I knew I was *home*. Syr is my real life hero over and over. Once here and my Sister and I clicked instantly, she asked Syr to keep me and informed both of us that we have loved each other very deeply for a long time, that it was wonderful and OK. We were both like , Huh? Well she was RIGHT! I did love Syr very deeply only I had no idea what it was. I remember telling friends, *what is this connection I feel to Syr? It's so deep! *
From there, getting that permission and gift from my Sister to allow love to flow, it has, we are all three quite in love and happy. I love my Sister very deeply as she is one of the finest human beings I have ever known, and Syr, What can I say, I absolutely LOVE my Syr. Syr took me walking one day when I got here and I was so down and sad, she sat me on a rock and sat next to me, I asked if I could lay my head on her lap, she said yes and I did. That very moment I felt the zing that I knew would be forever. I am so blessed!

By work, what exactly do you mean? What are the biggest challenges and the greatest joys? Maybe a list of pro's and con's?

Work.. ahh work... well my Sister explained it quite well. Poly is like a spider web, if you get a tug on one side, the whole things shifts and moves. If one of us is *off*, we are all off. AND we have this very big need to *help* each other in this family, we are learning that not all words need an action, and sometimes just being heard is all that is needed. We never go around an issue, we plow right thru it the hard way. The plowing is hard work, words don't come easy and it's very hard to convey feelings without hurting someone, but sometimes we have to learn it's not all about us.

Challenges - Not wanting to save or help the others unless they ask for it, sometimes people just have an *off* day or are dealing with their own issues, let them deal with it unless you are asked to help. (TOUGH!)

Also sharing one bathroom can be a lil hectic for poor Syr.


Joys- The companionship and bond. I have a wonderful Sister who understands me and is patient and caring. There is NOT a mean or malicious bone in her body. She has given me the greatest gift, sharing her wonderful Syr with me on this level.

Play! We are in BDSM so enjoying play with my Sister and our very amazing Master is a new level for me. My Sister and I enjoy time with her apart and together, it's a very deep level of intimacy. When we engage together, the bond gets deeper each time.

Family- We are a family unit of 5, 3 of us are nuclear family. The bois do not live here or engage in any type of play. Daddi is Daddi to 5, Master of two slaves. The bois would do anything for any of us. The bois go back as friends with Syr before the girls came along. I love that my Syr is capable of very long term relationships, I look forward to a future of being part of this wonderful life. Syr looks after one Boi in town with the help of us girls. Syr provides a wonderful place for her to live and makes sure she has everything she needs as she needs this. This boi lives a wonderful life because of Syr that she would not have otherwise. The other boi is happily married and lives 5 min from the farm, she comes over just about daily for coffee and Daddi visits. They have both been a great help to the farm as well.

How many people are in your family and what roles do they play? See above.

Do you all sleep together or take turns like in Big Love? We sleep wherever we are told to., We each have a bedroom and we also enjoy time together. The Master has a Master bedroom and She decides where everyone sleeps. That is all I will say about that!

Do you get jealous or do others get jealous of you? I am not jealous because it is made sure that I have no reason to be. When I see my Syr and Sister engaging in anything, it brings me great joy. I get WAY more time with Syr than my Sister so anytime that they are together, I am very happy. They always want me to join them in whatever they are doing but I always try to be sure they have alone time if I can scatter myself for that.

Does you family talk about adding others? Syr says HELL NO. She locked the gate! With a BIG lock!

Are there any gay poly groups or support venues out there? No idea, but we are writing our own rules. It feels so very natural to me. I do believe people can love more than one person, at one time. It's never the same love, but it's a love. There is a lot to be learned on Fetlife and other places I am sure. But we do our own thing here, the way we came to be is very non traditional as far as Poly goes.

That's it for now! Thanks![/QUOTE]

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Sachita

Thank you for sharing. Yes, there are wonderful perks about it.

Sooooo what's the difference between a group of like minds forming a family without the sexual intimacy? What truly defines poly?

For instant let's say myself and 4 others get together, manage a household, eat together, hang out like friends, plan together and share responsibilities. We own property together, make all decisions collectively, yadda yadda... the only thing we don't do is fuck. We go to our bedrooms, sometimes we cuddle as friends but we don't bump. Are we poly?

Thanks everyone!

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.


Cuddlying is intimate to me, so YES !

Polygamy, however is not the same, to me.

[NorCalStud]

The whole everything is hard. I have a farm. Lots of people work there at once sometimes. I love family. I love connecting with people. I dont like sharing. I id as dom. Why would she want to share me. She must be lonely. Thx for listening. I realize this conversation may not be what you are looking to discuss. Please correct my vision...if you.see a chance

[girl_dee]

polyamorous:

pertaining to partipation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships


Polygamy: is a marriage which includes more than two partners

[NorCalStud]

Side bar. I know and live in the same area as around five karista members.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by NorCalStud

After four years my partner said she wouldn't mind having a sister wife thing. In otherwords she would be fine if I took another wife because she would have a sister. I understand the benefit for her having a sister and I can't figure out how she is okay with me making love to someone else. I'm concerned we are now not on the same page!

I feel i should respond to this. I hope it is ok. I was thrown into a poly relationship after being in a monogamous relationship with a woman for seven years. I was a sister wife to this new wife but not by choice exactly. My ex wanted it, i did not. But, in the end, i truely loved her and wanted her happy, so i agreed and went along with it. Long story but, i tried it. It was not a good experience for many, many reasons.

One thing that stands out about that experience more than anything was this promise to me....

If it isn't for you we can stop and go back to being monogamous.

After the first night of my partner being in the next bedroom with her new gf, i knew i didn't want it and couldn't do it. I told her immediately, but it continued. So, the line above given to me was a lie. It went down hill from there.

Four months of me begging and pleading and crying in the fetal position for her to stop, i was packing everything i could into my car and heading East. I've never looked back.

I know poly can work for the right people. I know it. I've seen it work. Communication of course is a key. But, also true detailed what ifs should be set in stone. If it don't work for you, we will stop...very, very important.

Be careful, make sure it is not a fantasy but a true reality and be totally honest with yourself and your partner. Just wanting to fullfill the other one's dreams does not neccessarily mean you can do it in the long run.

I don't mean to be a "debby downer" and again i say it can work. But, the OP is asking for all sides. Just please remember it has to be something you BOTH want and one isn't being talked into it for the sake of the other.

Peace and luck to you both...

[NorCalStud]

No luck. I'm not into it. I'm for it. Way think it is a good practice. I'm very clearly not interested for myself.

[Gráinne]

Not poly myself, but I don't find it immoral. It's obviously right for many others. It's been my experience that when one partner brings up adding a third person, it's really code for "I want to date around, but don't want to break up". As PrincessBelle said, it's down the drain after that, because one of the partners isn't 100% in the relationship.

I would have to bring this subject up with a prospective partner, and no, if she came to me later, I couldn't do it. It's not just sexual jealousy, it's emotional jealousy, too.

[girl_dee]

((((( Belle )))))

I hate that this happened to you, I remember it breaking my heart when we talked about it years ago.

I feel this way,

You are either wired for poly or you are not, either way is fine but there is no wavering from the way you are wired, I don't think one can learn to be poly if it's not in the wiring.

You are either with someone who is wired for poly or they are not. Act accordingly.

[NorCalStud]

I want to thank the responses to some feelings. The explanations have an impact on me...a good one. It gives me a modicum of understanding and quite a lot of empathy!

[sweetfemme247]

I have never been in a poly relationship, not sure I would ever be in one. but I have seen from a far sassy's and another couple here in my town that are, they seem very happy, they all have goals in life, jobs, one even has a kid..... I think its a beautiful thing.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

polyamorous:

pertaining to partipation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships


Polygamy: is a marriage which includes more than two partners

ok- see I didn't really know that.