New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[DapperButch]

Ok, so I admit I haven't read the last 10 posts, but I don't have time. I am guessing no one mentioned this:

I would suggest that if we did a poll that those butches that see their cocks as "toys", rather than extensions of themselves would have less trouble tossing their cocks than those who see their cocks as extensions of themselves (if we take cost, "principle", and every other variable out of it).

As I said, the way I managed it in the long ago past was to get a new one, but of the same type. This sort of worked, but I admit I was happy when I got into a relationship where this was not necessary. As stated earlier, I think I would hold the line with doing this again.

I am always open to looking to add to the "cock line" with a partner. One cock does not fit all and if she would like a different size to use at times that is fine with me. As Toughy said, I "own" every cock I put on. For me, however, I have one that is truly a part of me.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I have to ask because it's puzzling to me...


How do you know the hygiene routines of your lover/partner/hook up? Do you have that talk prior to fucking? How do you really know that just because it's new that it's being sanitized properly? How do you know for sure?

It's puzzling to me because in this particular community a lot of relationships are long distance so how do you really know that the toys just newly purchased aren't having sexy times with others? Do you take the toys with you so that it doesn't happen?

It's really disconcerting reading the judgmental sex shaming that's going on about people who aren't dropping $300.00 on new equipment so the other person can say "it's mine,ours"..

For me there is a difference between 'me' and the rest of the dildos that I have at my disposal.

If a girl/woman/et al doesn't want 'me' then there's plenty of other options for her to choose from...I'd be wary of someone who didn't want 'me' though and that encounter would likely be the last. Crikey if there's that much of a problem then I have my hands...hopefully I remember to wash them and wear the purple nitriles.


Thinking out loud - So, your chap buys new toys and/or 'me' cock; do you require a new harness to go with them? You have no idea how many little nooks and crannies there are on harnesses to trap germs, girl jizz and lube and...if not scrupulously looked after and cleaned after every use. Don't think they've made a whole harness condom yet.

Silicone is waaaaay easier to sterilise than a leather harness.

[The_Lady_Snow]

This is how I (notice the I) view sexy time with new prospects.. If your bathroom, kitchen sink, floors are dirty and you eat like a slob is happening, my automatic thoughts are gonna go to

"Jesus, I can't imagine the rest"


Cause if ya can't handle a dish how the hell are they gonna be with everything else.

[Katniss]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I have to ask because it's puzzling to me...


It's puzzling to me because in this particular community a lot of relationships are long distance so how do you really know that the toys just newly purchased aren't having sexy times with others? Do you take the toys with you so that it doesn't happen?

Maybe it's too early in the morning, maybe I've been on too many cold meds. for too long....but this is funny as h@ll. Do you know how many straight women would love to be able to pack up their lover's cock and keep it on lock-down when they are out of town? LoL! (I won't go into the fact men used to do this for years with chastity belts.)

Of course imagine the um, deflated feeling, when one steps off the plane only to realize that while their heart may be in San Francisco the cock got left back in San Antonio. I think a country-western song could be in order here.....

Katniss~~(derail momentarily over while I work on a haiku of the above....)

[StoneOne]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Sometimes though, you meet someone and you are sexually attracted and you end up having sex with them, there isn't going to be time to *get to know details* it's just about two people having consentual adult sex.



Should either party go and get new toys just because they started dating someone a week later seriously?

Why are Femme's not expected to get new vaginas?


The problem with the question when it comes to queer cock is:

For some butches.guys.bois.boys.ze's.trans, and femme folk is the cock they have is part of them. Something that is part of who they are and their identity and if someone is safe they should not have to throw away all their toys just because they dated someone new. If it's something that it is talked about and agreed upon and costs are even shared since they are now a couple I understand.

But to have the expectation that someone get a new cock or cocks just because they used them before and have done so safely is to much. Toys are expensive, cocks ain't cheap.


What about those who are kinky?

Does everyone here who is kinky replace each toy they have played with past liasons?


I would think that would get highly expensive..


Let's talk lube. Is your lube replaced with each parnter? Do you use different lube for anal and vaginal sex?

Blessings to your family

Kinky here more so everyday smile always in flux and growing
Not bio male here
my cock is not a "toy" it is part of me who, I am, my identity
however I am not bio and I can buy and pack a new cock for My lover
have I always bought everything new
masks. whips ,chains, bedding, knives, belts, fire equip, new and diff lube yes by choice expensive you bet so on
equip such as Saint Andrews Cross I love to build for my new lover not worried about its use on others
have I always left "everything.... yes by choice because I choose to give them everything exception personal clothing ,other "stuff"
Play partners yes my alter ego different Toys
lol 1 ex signed over my home for a doller
I know I know
This is no longer how extreme I will go I am now 50/50
I am clean to extreame OCD not worried about "transfer"
My mind is always, who I share this personal part of me
When I was young One Night stands Yes
Now Never Dangerious VERY
But do I have Toys and my cock for events and only events Thunder, Dark Odyssey yeppers do I meet and play yeppers there is lots of sceaning and different play to start out doing and playing without My cock, get to know build trust if there is a click or spark
So I am rambling
I respect All of your personal choices, I respect All you choose to do with all your partners
I guess it comes down to what you want, your likes and dislikes I am good with them as it does not affect Me or My life
And W/we are whats makes this world go round and it is also what sparks any relationship we enter into it is a W/we thing W/we do what fits us best
so
Thank you for thiis thread it is a great back and forth

[Hollylane]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

It's puzzling to me because in this particular community a lot of relationships are long distance so how do you really know that the toys just newly purchased aren't having sexy times with others? Do you take the toys with you so that it doesn't happen?

Gaige's cock didn't make it to the airport after her last visit, and I know she will be appalled when I tell all of you, that the lovely fellow has indeed been having "sexy time" with a local temptress...Me. Heh.

I'd feel a little bad about it, but I know she knows/fantasizes about it, and it not-so-secretly turns her on.

[Gaige]

Originally Posted by Hollylane

Gaige's cock didn't make it to the airport after her last visit, and I know she will be appalled when I tell all of you, that the lovely fellow has indeed been having "sexy time" with a local temptress...Me. Heh.

I'd feel a little bad about it, but I know she knows/fantasizes about it, and it not-so-secretly turns her on.

..........

[CherylNYC]

Wow. There are some very serious negative judgements being thrown around every time anyone writes that buying a new cock for a new relationship is about 'respect'. As Daktari wrote, the opposite of respect is disrespect.

It's good for me to read that clearly here because those of you who judge me and see my behaviour as somehow disrespectful will never get anywhere NEAR my bedroom.

[macele]

there's nothing wrong with wanting new sex toys. if it turns a person off to use toys that others have used, ... and they do use them anyway, ... now that is indeed wrong.


as far as germs, we all have them. no way to totally be germ free. for me, not using a toy that someone else has used has nothing to do with germs. it is a turn off, my reason.

i know that a toothbrush and underwear don't compare to the price of sex toys. but i'm not using someone elses personal items. i don't care what kind of personal items.

definitely turns me off.

[always2late]

I think that perhaps one of the problems here is that we all have different definitions of what "toys" are. To clarify my feelings on this matter....toys can be replaced, organs can not (and if you are wondering if I think that a cock that a person strongly identifies with, a cock that is theirs, is an organ...yes, I do). And, just for the record, I think that asking, or expecting, someone to replace a part of themselves is the very OPPOSITE of respect! I use condoms, and my partners have all been scrupulously clean when it comes to their cocks AND their toys. However, if your partner has no issue with replacing either, and you desire a replacement...then have at it!

[Jess]

I used to have a rule... Girl cleans the toys. Not only was it part of the ritual, it was my way of assuring the toys were cleaned to her satisfaction. After all, if they are going inside her then she sets the standard of cleanliness when she cleans them , ( I am stone so it doesn't happen that way, though I know some butches/ ftm's also enjoy penetration, so that wasn't an assumptive statement, simply my history) ... My cock, I clean.

[Toughy]

First: One night stands are NOT dangerous. Practice safer sex and you are just fine. Serial monogamy without safer sex is far more dangerous.

Second: Yikes!! This is in the Femme Forum..........I never look.

There is a whole bunch of sex negative and body negative stuff going on in here.

Ok what I am trying to figure out is this idea that you go buy new equipment together BEFORE you have sex. Talk about ruining the spontaneity of the moment. So we have been on a couple of dates and the attraction is obvious and I take you home and it gets hot and heavy........STOP.....cannot have sex.......don't have new equipment, would be disrespectful. Do folks sit down and talk about sex and equipment and all that stuff before they fuck? That would make me nuts. Sex is spontaneous in my world. I don't need to talk about boundaries and all that before the first time. I pay attention to my partner and her reactions to every single thing I do. I can tell if she likes it or does not like it. If she sees my cock and thinks it's wrong for her then hers comes out.....that is not much more than two or three sentences. I promise she can tell the same thing about me....whether I like what she is doing or do not like it. If this is going to continue then of course there will be longer conversations.

I am kinky and boundaries are critical in our world. I don't ever play with someone without having a basic hard no conversation....which can last less than 5 minutes. If play is going to happen more often then it gets more serious about the yes/no list.

What's that you say honey? You've had other chaps cocks in your mouth and you want me to kiss you?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Hollylane

Gaige's cock didn't make it to the airport after her last visit, and I know she will be appalled when I tell all of you, that the lovely fellow has indeed been having "sexy time" with a local temptress...Me. Heh.

I'd feel a little bad about it, but I know she knows/fantasizes about it, and it not-so-secretly turns her on.

I am going to bounce of your post Holly because I feel it's important and it isn't being talked about.


*I* personally if I was in a long distance relationship would not consent to my girl/boy keeping "my" cock.

For *ME* (notice I am talking about me, not anyone else but me) I would not be comfortable with my fuck buddy. partner.submissive.plaything.hook up. if they asked me to leave my cock or toys there. I would wonder why? I would be like um no, I would look at them and wonder why they had the need to keep something that is mine there. (this is different than toothbrushes, t-shirts or any other item that some folks need to be connected).


The reason I bring this up is because I'd like to keep this conversation *real* if I wanted to fuck, there is nothing that is going to stop me. Me leaving my cock at X's house isn't going to stop me from fucking if the urge rises up. Just because I left my cock at O's house is not going to deter me from sexy time. I can:

A. purchase another one

B. use my hands, mouth, or a banana if I want

C. I can use who I am with cock or toys

D. I may have other cocks at home to use


I don't know if for some people the "buy new stuf for me" is a security issue, a value issue, a trust issue, or they just really want a new cock stuff.


It's really a shame we can not have a conversation about the preferences of cock without having to shame those who do partake in one night stands, weekend fucky fucky time, went to Little Rock and got me some time, or any other kind of consentual adult relationship. We're adults as Toughy pointed out if you are going to replace all the toys I hope that these talks are being had BEFORE the actual fucky fucky, if not then I hope you plan a trip to the cock store so everyone is happy. I also hope that while people are getting to know one another the first thing one should be asking is are they tested because nothing ruins a good time like disease or two.


The myth that people who happen to like to fuck without having to be in a monogamous relationship are classless, disrespectful, dirty, dangerous needs to stop. I assure you I am disease free, OCD clean, am never without gloves, condom, damn, saran wrap, I am so sure of this I can put a money bet that my doctors bag is a safe sex haven compared to most people's idea or drawer of safe sex.

[Sachita]

I don't exchange any body fluids, not even kissing unless I'm in a committed relationship or have a firm understanding. This means we know each other, there is history and we practice safe sex. I also have a three month rule. You can learn a lot about someone in three months.

So my final answer is it would be a case by case basis. I'm pretty picky about what I'll allow inside of me. I'm usually in control, especially in the bedroom so I purchase the toys I'd like to have used on me. This doesn't mean I won't listen and consider. I'm not sure how I feel about someone bringing their own because it really hasn't happened. I'd want to see and know about it before they used it on me.

[Bard]

This has got me thinking and I did get new to be with Desd more because it was a new start leaving the past behind but I would never judge anyone for what they do or do not do it is a very personal thing for both parties involved. I know when I broke up with my ex( Gooses mother) she um went into the spare bedroom where I was staying and found my harness and a new cock that I had purchased before we even broke up she cut them both up and left it on my bed. It is import and that as we discus this topic that remember that yes some are toys some are extensions of the person themselves and that we don't give someone that icky feeling that they are being slammed or shamed. Be Happy and love well. on that note I am waiting for Desd to get home so we can shop for some new items we try to do this together so that it is the best fit for both of us

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by pinkgeek

Disclaimer: I ask this in a most respectful fashion and in no way am I attacking you. I'm by nature a very curious person (ask anyone on BFP who knows me IRL) and articulate, respectful discourse with people who don't share my points of view, politics, etc. is incredibly interesting and valuable to me. Additionally I use the term "queer(s)" in it's academic meaning: to include the whole gender/LGBT spectrum.

Question: How do you reconcile being wherever you place yourself on the queer spectrum and being OK with/embracing of patriarchal and puritanical ideologies that have been and continue to be responsible for the subjugation, stratification and repression of minorities, very specifically targeting women and queers.

(I'm assuming because this is a butch/femme site that you do place yourself on the LGBT spectrum and don't identify as str8.)

<---nerdy pink is nerdy

Okay, back with a fresh pair of eyes and clearer thoughts...

I take the systems as a whole and realize they are limited and flawed because humans are limited and flawed (this is just my opinion, not tossing this toward or on anyone else - ).

I don't accept/support/overlook what has been done in the course of humanity to minorities/children/animals/Earth/those deemed 'lesser than' for whatever reason. I can't reconcile it to the point of being comfortable with living in a system that harms/disregards others. However, I am certain that if there were matriarchal systems that dominated history, there would be other problems too. I don't think female/feminine identities are without flaws/inherent limits. Both male and female as we know it are balancing agents. One alone is not enough and there is a 'checks and balances' undercurrent to life. Call it whatever you want (karma, justice)- it seems to be there to some degree. Without rambling too much more, I just think the answer to the crimes against humanity/life in general does not lie in male persecution or male subjugation. Two wrongs do not make a right. I am not a feminist as such. I don't think women should rule. I think men/women should rule fairly and in harmony.

I go to church and am saddened that my sexuality is an issue. But, I also understand where people are coming from and I do not think God condemns me. If people do, that's on them, in the end. Getting weary with the battle does mean I have, at this point in my life, set aside formal church settings for the most part. It's a flawed system. But, still one I accept as my truth.

You don't trust me and so want to keep a part of my body, then I shall put you into chastity until I see you again. If you don't trust me then why are we fucking to start with?

Keeping a part of me will not stop me playing with my most potent sexual 'organ', m'brain. Or other cocks.

I don't buy new impact play implements for each girl, partner, fuck buddy, casual club play girl. However, I'm zealous about the care of my 'tools' as well as my cock, other dildos, other harnesses and those humans who put their hides in my hands. Sane and consensual as well as risk aware.

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by Sachita

I also have a three month rule. You can learn a lot about someone in three months.

This is my rule also, for many reasons, not just the safe sex thing.