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Old 10-25-2013, 05:13 PM   #121
Cin
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I have tossed around the definition of stone butch for myself. Ultimately I decided it didnít exactly fit and might be a bit of false advertising. Although truthfully it seems that in my life not identifying as stone has caused more problems. If you donít say you are stone the expectation is that you are open with your body, at least to some degree. In my opinion I am to a degree, but that is subjective and others have disagreed. I guess I would say Iím 85/15 stone.

But I would hesitate to take the definition of stone because I donít seem to fit some of the criteria that might be an expectation should I claim the identity. For example I donít cum getting someone else off. I enjoy it immensely but that is all. For me not being touched is to a degree about not caring to surrender and it is also about not enjoying the focus on my body. But I still canít get off focusing on hers and sometimes I need a release. I do identify with not taking my clothes off easily. I need to trust before that can happen. I'm not sure what that is about except control. Another piece that is missing for me that I hear many stone butches talking about is butch cock. I donít have a butch cock which is probably why it doesnít get off fucking someone. I very much enjoy strapping on and fucking my femmeís brains out, but I am not capable of viewing it as an extension of my body and I donít cum doing it. Interestingly enough I can easily cum if I leave off the dildo and just fuck cunt to cunt but it doesn't work to call it my cock. Another aspect of being stone for some butches seems to be getting head on their butch cock. I donít have a butch cock so I canít feel it that way but beyond that I donít care for receiving oral sex. I can live with it, but I find it a rather focused process that makes me a tad uncomfortable. It requires more attention to my clit than I am able/willing to live with a good percentage of the time. However I rather enjoy being penetrated every now and again. That 15% is mostly about that. I have no problem with penetration in any form. Iím just more interested in pleasing than I am in being pleased. More interested, but not dead to the idea of getting some for myself once in awhile.

So stone was never something I felt comfortable taking as an identity. But I have always been open and willing to engage in conversation about what I need and what I am capable of bringing sexually to a relationship. I am also willing to hear what my partner needs and is capable of bringing as well. Iím lucky to have found someone I am compatible with but we are both willing to make some compromises some times. Thatís important I think. Being able to be comfortable making a compromise for your partner without the personal cost being too high. There are some things that it is impossible for me to compromise on, some stuff is just a no go, but I am always willing to consider stretching and extending my limits. Getting outside my comfort zone is pretty rewarding. I guess that is also why I feel I canít take the identity of stone. However, not saying hey Iím stone has caused me some problems with expectations and Iíve been a source of disappointment to a few femmes in my life, but thankfully thatís over.

Iím just posting this here in case there are others like me who feel they might be stone but donít feel they exactly fit the definition and hesitate to disappoint or confuse by claiming it. Youíre not alone. Itís a challenge as how to identify. Fortunately we have our words and an open honest dialogue with a potential partner goes a long way.
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Old 10-25-2013, 06:16 PM   #122
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The one thing I truly love about the butch/femme dynamic is that there are no clear boundaries on what is what, what matters is what you feel inside and how you see yourself. People who identify as stone may all have a different no go area or something they feel defines them and allows them to identify that way. Ultimately it is what you feel. If you believe that you are stone then don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I do not meet all the expectations of what people believe stone is either but I can say that yes I am Stone, and if you ask Julie I am sure she would agree with me. So be true to yourself and your partners and be who you are.
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Old 10-26-2013, 07:16 PM   #123
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Bumping because I have found this thread informative.
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Old 06-24-2018, 04:30 PM   #124
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Bumping because the last of this conversation was almost 5 yrs ago. A lot of new people are here. What's your story?
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