New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Cid

I haven't been with a lot of different partners so maybe that's why I think differently, but I did have a problem with one partner that I had. She hated hearing about my ex in any way, shape or form. I couldn't talk about places that I had been to, concerts that I enjoyed or things that I did in the past if they included my ex.
However, it was ok for her to keep the part of her that involved her ex and their sex life. I didn't get how that was ok. To me, it wasn't.

Here's what I'd like to know. If a femme had her own cock (seriously, I hate that word, but it seems to be the most popular) would her butch partner wear it knowing someone else had worn it before?

I'm guessing not. And the butch that wore it before didn't even have it inserted into their body.

Well I'm not a butch and I do have dicks that other people wear. they can wear their own, or they can wear mine (I'm a size queen. I love them very fat and lots of butches bring the medium sized one one the first date/day of play - also many of my partners haven't used a strap on before, so my harness and dicks are the ones they first use).

I've had two of the ones in my collection of a modest five for almost 10 years. they are in very good condition, I take very good care of them and they are high quality and very expensive. I have slept with about 15 or so butches/MoC women in the last 10 years. None, not one of those, objected to using them, nor did they ask or think about who had used them before. I don't think that's what they were thinking about when passions were running high and the toys were brought out.

My wife used them and they had been worn by several people before and after her. She never asked or wondered who had used them in the whole time we were together.

When she brought her dick to the relationship, she had bought it in her last long term r'ship. No, I did not consider what she had done with M with the dick. I just don't care.

But I've had many partners and I also actually love hearing about their past r'ships. I actually truly do. Especially the positive stuff. Stories about travel and adventure and hilarious sex accidents I like a lot. exes do not threaten me. I know what it is like to have loved and lost and miss people but not want them back. I like sharing that human aspect of experience. I like hearing how much someone loved someone else because it shows they have the same capacity for me.

I may be a bitch, I may not be politically correct/sensative, I take the piss and tease people, mock in a friendly way, be a smartass/sarcastic for affection, I may speak very bluntly and not give a flying fuck about other people's feelings around what I have to say - how they feel is their issue - but I do love stories of love and adventure. especially if they inspire pathos and love or a great venting rant that makes me laugh.

I will not walk on eggshells when it comes to these things. If people are not comfortable with me talking about my exes then I have nothing to talk about. I have spent the majority of my life in the company of those I have loved and I like telling the stories and hearing them.

The sex toys (bondage gear, cocks, harness, flogger, crop, pinwheel, vibrators, rubber opera gloves, portable sling) would cost a small fortune to replace and since I sleep around when I'm single with friends that I like, it's not appropriate for butches to get diva-rific about this. they use mine or bring their own. I don't care who they've used it on. I hope it was fun.

I'm here now and I have a hard time believing they'd be thinking about anything else but my snatch when it's in front of them, to be perfectly honest.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by s0litude

While I'd be okay with her speaking about her ex-- hell, that's part of your past, part of who you are and how you've been shaped over time,-- I wouldn't use someone else's cock. It's not a matter of where it's been or who's worn it, etc. It's not MINE-- mentally though, it would be like inviting someone else to the party if it weren't just hers and mine together. I think it boils down to how you personally view relationships.

I think it boils down to what you attach to things. I care about the people I've been with. However, I don't really associate them with the item why are wearing. perhaps it's just the way I have grown up with sex.

If someone was with someone for 15 years and they bought a dick together and that's the only toy they had and the person feels uncomfortable using it with someone else? ok. fine. go out and buy yourself another cock. come back with one that's yours. I'd like it if it was on the massive fat size, but you know, buy more than one if you want, it's your collection, you are paying for it.

During the separation, I took all the sex toys. most of them were mine to start with anyway and I figured since she got a brand new sex toy, ten years younger than me, she had no right to bitch. And pointed this out. She raised her eyebrows and nodded and said "fair enough."

I've been with a few people since. No one has cared. They've just been happy to be there. As have I. So...

But yeah, if one is serially monogamous and goes from 4 year relationship to 4 year relationship, then I guess they just may see things differently. And hey if that's how people swing it, good for them. And they wouldn't be interested in getting muddy with a tart like me in the first place. so, no issue.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I think it boils down to what you attach to things. I care about the people I've been with. However, I don't really associate them with the item why are wearing. perhaps it's just the way I have grown up with sex.

If someone was with someone for 15 years and they bought a dick together and that's the only toy they had and the person feels uncomfortable using it with someone else? ok. fine. go out and buy yourself another cock. come back with one that's yours. I'd like it if it was on the massive fat size, but you know, buy more than one if you want, it's your collection, you are paying for it.

During the separation, I took all the sex toys. most of them were mine to start with anyway and I figured since she got a brand new sex toy, ten years younger than me, she had no right to bitch. And pointed this out. She raised her eyebrows and nodded and said "fair enough."

I've been with a few people since. No one has cared. They've just been happy to be there. As have I. So...

But yeah, if one is serially monogamous and goes from 4 year relationship to 4 year relationship, then I guess they just may see things differently. And hey if that's how people swing it, good for them. And they wouldn't be interested in getting muddy with a tart like me in the first place. so, no issue.

WOOF!!!

[s0litude]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I think it boils down to what you attach to things. I care about the people I've been with. However, I don't really associate them with the item why are wearing. perhaps it's just the way I have grown up with sex.

If someone was with someone for 15 years and they bought a dick together and that's the only toy they had and the person feels uncomfortable using it with someone else? ok. fine. go out and buy yourself another cock. come back with one that's yours. I'd like it if it was on the massive fat size, but you know, buy more than one if you want, it's your collection, you are paying for it.

During the separation, I took all the sex toys. most of them were mine to start with anyway and I figured since she got a brand new sex toy, ten years younger than me, she had no right to bitch. And pointed this out. She raised her eyebrows and nodded and said "fair enough."

I've been with a few people since. No one has cared. They've just been happy to be there. As have I. So...

But yeah, if one is serially monogamous and goes from 4 year relationship to 4 year relationship, then I guess they just may see things differently. And hey if that's how people swing it, good for them. And they wouldn't be interested in getting muddy with a tart like me in the first place. so, no issue.

It's a matter of each person's comfort-- whether it's two people or ten having sex. I wouldn't be comfortable without my own. I wouldn't be comfortable using one that I'd used with another partner. That is what makes me comfortable. If I had a different view and had been using a cock that I was particularly fond of it and she had an issue with it having been used on someone else, then I'd get another, offer to wear a condom, etc., because I'd want her to be comfortable too.

After all, NO ONE is going to enjoy the experience if there's something your brain's focused on rather than the one you're having sex with.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I wouldn't be comfortable using one that I'd used with another partner.

like I said, I understand that however I think for those of us that have a LOT of various partners, a) the cost would be exponentially prohibitive (!!!!!!) and b) have kinda learned through a lot of active use not to associate individual people with individual cocks/vibes/cuffs/feather dusters.

I'm not saying one is better than the other - but one IS more practical when one sleeps with 8 people a year, hey?

I've slept with 10 in the last 18 months. I don't have the cash to be uncomfortable with it! That would have cost me... 3,000 dollars??? *just* in dildos. not counting all the other vibes, plugs and bondage items!

that's kind of what I'm saying. Of course it's up to the two people involved, but it's WAY less likely to bother those of us that sleep with multiple people.

and jeeze of course a condom is involved!!! :O !!!
if it's not silicone and I can't use virilex (medical spray that kills viruses and bacteria) on it, it's gotta have a condom on it!!

So I do think numbers actually make a difference in perception of this kind of thing.

[puddin']

i always wanted to be thought o' as a muddy tart.

jus' sayin'...

[puddin']

yet i might segue into another muddy story...

[Loren_Q]

Originally Posted by Cid

Here's what I'd like to know. If a femme had her own cock (seriously, I hate that word, but it seems to be the most popular) would her butch partner wear it knowing someone else had worn it before?

I would have no problem using whatever was brought along... err as long as it was clean.

Like some here I don't ascribe anything to the item; it's just a tool, a means to an end. It facilitates a connection, but it's not me.

If I started dating someone who said they weren't comfortable or wouldn't want me to use what I already had, I'd request they buy what they want me to use.

I have bought sex toys with lovers/partners, but I couldn't tell you what thing was bought with whom.

...and still that value judgement of 'respect' is being correlated with buying new lumps of silicone for each sexual partner.

What is it about buying new that makes it respectful?
I assume ya'll buy new mattresses and new bedding for each new partner too right?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Daktari

...and still that value judgement of 'respect' is being correlated with buying new lumps of silicone for each sexual partner.

What is it about buying new that makes it respectful?
I assume ya'll buy new mattresses and new bedding for each new partner too right?

I've been thinking about why, why are we placing value on an item that we are purchasing to fuck with.


I feel and am guessing that this kind of mentality is engrained sexism, puritan like thinking attached to our attachments.

We don't get new breasts, new mouths, new vaginas, new houses, new towns when we begin to get intimate or have casual sex. There's an almost pushed upon thought of virtue placed upon the cock as if it's some kind of holy grail that is going to enter our bodies and that it should be pure and virginal just like the person who is gettting entered.

We all know it's not true, each time we are penetrated by a lover it's a new experience, new feeling it's not the cock that is invading our space it's a person be they spreading our legs wide open, throwing them over their shoulder or coming at you from behind. It's a person orchestrating each and every thrust, that's what we should be concentrating on.

The person who is thrusting a cock in you (general you) is the one who should have all the *values*, *ethics*, *morals* etc etc. If those things are a must to fuck then evaluate that before a piece of silicone that can be so easily replaced.

People not so much. I wonder if this thinking is talked about here more online because the dating pool is so small and if this is where you date then the 6 degrees of seperation could be a mind altering situation when one begins to think about fucking.

The constant reminder is visually there, be it the ex, posts, songs etc. Maybe that's why.

I don't run into this particular conversation outside of this forum.. Just a thought.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I've been thinking about why, why are we placing value on an item that we are purchasing to fuck with.


I feel and am guessing that this kind of mentality is engrained sexism, puritan like thinking attached to our attachments.

We don't get new breasts, new mouths, new vaginas, new houses, new towns when we begin to get intimate or have casual sex. There's an almost pushed upon thought of virtue placed upon the cock as if it's some kind of holy grail that is going to enter our bodies and that it should be pure and virginal just like the person who is gettting entered.

We all know it's not true, each time we are penetrated by a lover it's a new experience, new feeling it's not the cock that is invading our space it's a person be they spreading our legs wide open, throwing them over their shoulder or coming at you from behind. It's a person orchestrating each and every thrust, that's what we should be concentrating on.

The person who is thrusting a cock in you (general you) is the one who should have all the *values*, *ethics*, *morals* etc etc. If those things are a must to fuck then evaluate that before a piece of silicone that can be so easily replaced.

People not so much. I wonder if this thinking is talked about here more online because the dating pool is so small and if this is where you date then the 6 degrees of seperation could be a mind altering situation when one begins to think about fucking.

The constant reminder is visually there, be it the ex, posts, songs etc. Maybe that's why.

I don't run into this particular conversation outside of this forum.. Just a thought.

It's not a conversation I've ever come across outside this internet forum either Snowy.

Not once have I come across a woman in my life who insisted I bought new silicone for her either. Far from it. Not one has even implied it. Whilst I did a lot of oat sowing along the way, like many of us, I found being uber open and honest about sex along with all the lovely stuffs around it, seems to engender trust and a level of respect from those women I personally seem to come across. Am I unusual in this? I doubt it.

The first lump of silicone I strapped most days, was given to me by a femme friend who had bought it because it was her 'ideal' cock to be used with her. Well, yasee, this was the first toob of bendy silicone fun that I actually 'bonded' with and I felt wanted to be considered a part of me. It was a new experience. Up to that point all my 'cocks' were actually just black silicone, non-realistic, dildos. All of which I still own. Can't have too many in the collection eh! It was this femme who eventually introduced Ex.Mrs.D and me.

'My Cock', the inanimate lump of silicone, then became instilled with my values and moral code because I chose to ascribe it such. I consider that lump of pinkish silicone (A different one than the original) to be part of my body, despite it's detachability. This includes the other detachable softy lump of silicone that gets attached in the morning. Just like putting on specs each day really. Or being able to take out a plate of teeth.

I know I'm just rehashing what many of us say about our lump of silicone being part of us. I guess what I want to so is...because I'm a respectful sorta person, so is my willy.

I'm enjoying thinking around the subject and hearing everyone's point of view, even when I don't agree with that pov.

[imperfect_cupcake]

you ain't kiddin. I've got a date from Seattle coming up for a few days (which is lovely. Everyone always expects me to come to them. Er... intensified school program?? I can't go *anywhere* for the next year and a half except between terms! I haven't even seen my own mom in a month and she only lives an hour from me!) and her best mate knows my soon to be ex wife. One of my exes in London that I lived with wound up being a close friend of an ex-fling of mine in san fran... jeeeeezzzzusss. Seven lesbians in the world and the rest is done with mirrors
The globe be TINY.

I did write something earlier about concepts of purity.

And my guess is that straight girls would LOVE to tell men to change their cocks from their last gf.

But we did fight for a very long time to have the right NOT to be a virgin before marriage, to not have that "purity" be "spoiled"... no penis can so unalterably change our vagina that we can never become proper lesbians, nor make it impossible to have new and wonderful sex with someone else, after someone else has been there.

That said, I do get a large percentage of my long term partners making cracks about how many people I've slept with. Most of the time, I'll admit it's funny. But when it's mixed in with insecurity about how they compare, it gets kinda deadly. And they start getting mean. And asking a lot of questions about how they compare.
Imagine of someone, right after having sex said "is my ass fat?"
"no."
"no really, is my ass fat"
"no."
"it's ok, if my ass is fat, cause it's ok to tell me."
"your ass is not fat"
"I mean I'd totally understand if you thought it was."
"it's not"
"If my ass was fat would you tell me?"
"jesus wept, would you shut the fuck up?"

after every time you had sex? it would drive you nuts, right? Same goes with the insecurity around sex. And people get very insecure about it. And take that out on other people/inanimate objects.

It honestly doesn't occur to me that other people are thinking about their exes when screwing me. I don't. so why would they. I am, however, reminded that people project a hell of a lot. And that when people fear judgement from others, it's USUALLY because they are doing a lot of judging themselves.

So I know that if someone is worried about me associating ___ with my ex (or one of the unwashed many before hahaha) then more than likely, they are actually thinking about their own. Or have been with others. Or when they wank. That's a big cluedo for me.

I've done it, right after a break up. When still reeling and trying to get my bearings and trying to get my self back. It happens. But it had nothing to do with who's willy they wore, in fact the last person that happened with, it was in their bed, with their toys, in a different city. I was just unable to comprehend it wasn't my wife, quite suddenly. And the poor sod, I started crying.

but she distracted me with a story,calmed me down, then got back on the horse (so to speak) and the second attempt, the eagle landed. So knew what I was upset about. She also had enough empathy to understand how hard it was for me, her being the first person after my wife left.

She was not jealous. She did not mind I struggled but really wanted to be there. My desire for her was enough.

it didn't matter who's cock it was. And personally I think if they other person fears an ex present on some genitals, that ex is in the room already, watching.

but I suppose concepts of purity also has something to do with it. Lots of men don't want "sloppy seconds" from a girl who has just broken with her boyfriend. Hetero gals I know would love to change his dick cause they want a pure cock that is their alone.

So it's also concepts of ownership. People don't want to own some used genitals. They want fresh, pure ones that are fresh from the store and theirs alone.

so, yeah, ownership. This dick is "ours".

Vs this dick is "Mine."

concepts such as that. my pussy is mine. anything anyone brings to the table is theirs. I don't want to own it. I mean, if we are monogamous then I would be very happy if they didn't put their hands, face, clit, dick in anyone else's vagina, but I certainly don't own them. I don't own their detachables either. If they are bought during the relationship, I'll probably take it haha

I did, however get really fucked off at the thought of my wife fucking around on me with that dick. so I made sure that particular item was not ever able to be inserted anywhere ever again. So, I can succumb to ownership myself, at highly emotional and stressful times.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Daktari

It's not a conversation I've ever come across outside this internet forum either Snowy.

Not once have I come across a woman in my life who insisted I bought new silicone for her either. Far from it. Not one has even implied it. Whilst I did a lot of oat sowing along the way, like many of us, I found being uber open and honest about sex along with all the lovely stuffs around it, seems to engender trust and a level of respect from those women I personally seem to come across. Am I unusual in this? I doubt it.

The first lump of silicone I strapped most days, was given to me by a femme friend who had bought it because it was her 'ideal' cock to be used with her. Well, yasee, this was the first toob of bendy silicone fun that I actually 'bonded' with and I felt wanted to be considered a part of me. It was a new experience. Up to that point all my 'cocks' were actually just black silicone, non-realistic, dildos. All of which I still own. Can't have too many in the collection eh! It was this femme who eventually introduced Ex.Mrs.D and me.

'My Cock', the inanimate lump of silicone, then became instilled with my values and moral code because I chose to ascribe it such. I consider that lump of pinkish silicone (A different one than the original) to be part of my body, despite it's detachability. This includes the other detachable softy lump of silicone that gets attached in the morning. Just like putting on specs each day really. Or being able to take out a plate of teeth.

I know I'm just rehashing what many of us say about our lump of silicone being part of us. I guess what I want to so is...because I'm a respectful sorta person, so is my willy.

I'm enjoying thinking around the subject and hearing everyone's point of view, even when I don't agree with that pov.

no. I never ran cross it. I only ever saw it on forums. Never with people I was ever with. not once. But like I said, me and the kind of people that do long term serial monogamy don't seem to cross paths in the bedroom much.

Ok, that's a lie. but it's on such a casual basis that they just don't ask who else I'm screwing - they know I am - and it's their decision to be there. And either they bring their own or they haven't got one and mine is fine.

[pinkgeek]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

........And they wouldn't be interested in getting muddy with a tart like me in the first place. so, no issue.

.......and now I think I have a crush on you and this sentence.... when I grow up I want someone to call me a muddy tart!!

[pinkgeek]

Originally Posted by Daktari

It's not a conversation I've ever come across outside this internet forum either Snowy..

Oh let us call a spade a shovel and put on our asbestos panties....apparently my filter is at the repair shop today..or perhaps closer to the truth is I've finally been offended by an internet conversation..

In a public person to person forum the likelihood a room of queers is going to tolerate slut shaming and the other unsaid crap from this thread is close to zero, in fact I'd bet on it being zero. The blatant moral attachments to having a new willy for reasons other than "It's Monday I feel like cock shopping!" would go down like a lead balloon.

People who are ashamed of sex (read: potentially even suffer from internalized homophobia) are not talking in a public person to person forum, they are at home on the internet. They aren't at a queer conference discussing or celebrating sex and gender.

The internet provides a lovely veil for those who have issues around sex to climb on a ladder and wave their cocky morals for applause.. Get on with your bad self, but my queer, fat, sex positive, loud mouth self is prepared to go tit to tit or cock to cock about why I disagree with placing moral value on an object or that you are somehow a more virtuous human than I.

So here's to being a slut. To having fun, enjoying sex, and not being ashamed that my cock or your cock has had action. Dirty, filthy, steamy, lewd, lascivious, brutal, sweet, muddy, strutting, amazing fucking action.

[imperfect_cupcake]

oh I dunno, I'm waving a bit of cocky morals myself, probably.

I don't think all of it is about slut shaming, though I think it probably has a slice of the pie.

I am more thinking it's about ownership. "our" cock (as a couple) rather than "my" or "their" cock as an individual.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

oh I dunno, I'm waving a bit of cocky morals myself, probably.

I don't think all of it is about slut shaming, though I think it probably has a slice of the pie.

I am more thinking it's about ownership. "our" cock (as a couple) rather than "my" or "their" cock as an individual.

I agree with this.

[Chancie]

Once an ex asked what I was cooking for dinner for a new beau, and

After I described it, she said,

You never cooked like that for me.

:Idownloadedanewrecipe:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

oh I dunno, I'm waving a bit of cocky morals myself, probably.

I don't think all of it is about slut shaming, though I think it probably has a slice of the pie.

I am more thinking it's about ownership. "our" cock (as a couple) rather than "my" or "their" cock as an individual.

My willy is mine. Not ours. Definitely not yours generic yours. How very dare you! generic you.


I'm so stoked that the fantastic, schexy, sluts, whores, gigolos and muddy tarts I know in real life and here are nigh on impossible to shame