Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

[starryeyes]

Last weekend I was on a working trip which required me to share a close space with a co-worker (I work on cruiseships, and we share an inside room). The two of us never met before, but she seemed nice and I felt it would be a great week sailing the seas! I did not openly discuss my sexuality with her initially, because, why should I?

Anyways, the first two days, we worked closely together, and she started asking me about which guys I liked in the ship, do I have a boyfriend, etc. I just blew it off, told her I am not looking, not wanting to get into my “lesbianism” with her, lol. Anyways, one night another co-worker (gay) and I were at the bar talking and she came up on our conversation about people we were dating. She looked at me funny, and I told her I was a lesbian. She immediately looked horrified and asked me “Do you think I am cute”? I knew it was downhill from there.

After that, sharing our space became a horrible awkward experience. Every time we were in the room, I could feel her looking at me out of the corner of my eye to make sure I was not looking at her changing (lol), and things of that nature. Wow, this was the first time I felt like a “Lesbian Predator”, lol. Being a femme, and being “invisible” most of the time, I have never had to deal with this. It really bothered me, so I just needed to vent.

Love you femme ladies!!
Starry

[Semantics]

Sometimes I scare straight women and sometimes I just scare their husbands.

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by Semantics

Sometimes I scare straight women and sometimes I just scare their husbands.

sounds fun! lol :-)

[dixie]

I totally get what you are saying. Happens to me often for some reason. I just don't get it. With some I think it is a "horror" type thing, some are just apprehensive, and some are just down-right conceited.

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??

[Elijah]

Welcome to what it's like to be a butch...24/7. Uncomfortable, eh?

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by ElijahRene

Welcome to what it's like to be a butch...24/7. Uncomfortable, eh?

Yes, it is, and it gives me more (if thats possible!) adoration for all you beautiful, amazing butches for being who you are and having to deal with such nonsense. Hugs to all of you on the spectrum.



Starry

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by dixielady

I totally get what you are saying. Happens to me often for some reason. I just don't get it. With some I think it is a "horror" type thing, some are just apprehensive, and some are just down-right conceited.

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??

*rolls eyes*... yeah. I thought the same thing when she asked me if I thought she was cute... um NO. I told her I liked "girls who looked like boys" (I had to go elementary on her).. she still didn't get it and was asking me if every hot girl she saw was cute. When we left, I said "peace out".. and went back to my queer folks... ahhh... I don't ever wanna leave again!! :-D

[Dreams]

I try to have fun with the whole you "must want me cause i'm female" thing they have going on in their narrow little minds. once they get to where the subject is even broached about whether i am attracted to them, i simply state "i have standards and you just don't meet them"..i have almost brought a few to tears with that one. not that i need to but, I explain why should i bother with you when there are plenty of what does meet my standards available to me, women that get me.

the part i'm not sure i get is ..normally they will start to flirt with me..WTF is that about..LOL..

[Ms. Meander]

I think part of what scares them is that they didn't see us coming. They were hanging out with us, enjoying our company, thinking that we are pretty cool - and one of them.

Finding out that their neat little definitions of us are completely wrong and that we are the dreaded "other", throws them into a narrow-minded spin.

With such people, I know longer even try to explain to them what my type is, only that it is not them. If someone is already so ignorant, they are not going to get my fondness for gender-benders. Because the next thing out of their mouths is going to be something about what I really want is a real man but I don't know it because I am fucked up in some way. AT THIS POINT - someone is about to be slapped.

Of course, different situations call for different levels of disclosure. And maybe we can educate a few people in situations like these. But sometimes, it's just useless.

[atomiczombie]

When a straight woman assumes you want every woman you see, ask her, well, do you want every man you see? Mebbe then she will get it.

Oh, and sorry for posting here since I am not a Femme, just adding a suggestion.

[Martina]

The irony of that is straight women come on to dykes WAY more often than we come on to them.

i like feminine women too, but i have no desire to introduce someone to lesbian sex. What she probably thinks of as lesbian sex is not the kind of sex i like.

i really have had a number of straight women just express shock that i was not interested in fucking them.

i guess they think they're doing us a favor.

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by ElijahRene

Welcome to what it's like to be a butch...24/7. Uncomfortable, eh?

Really?

It seems to me the femme experience (which is what I believed this thread to be about) has marked differences, and that the OP was speaking in part about the impact of the sudden lifting of the veil of invisibility, which is not a thing any masculine presenting person has to face.

I'm not butch, but as a masculine person, I wouldn't say I much relate to the OP's experience, though I have become the object (uncomfortably so) of others bi-curiosity. Perhaps it's because I'm not trying to occupy "female" space (for example, sharing a room during business travel), or maybe because I do not otherwise engage in "predatory" type behaviors, but I believe my indifference conveys exactly the message I wish.

I think Drew had good advice: "When a straight woman assumes you want every woman you see, ask her, well, do you want every man you see?"

Also, my apologies for sticking my nose in femme space. I'm curious about this aspect of femme invisibility, and the repercussions.

[Ebon]

How about the ones that ask if you are attracted to them then get offended when you say no. "Well why not?!!"


Sorry you have to go through this starry. Maybe she will come around and realize you are still the same person.

[Arwen]

Have had this happen.
I look them in the eye and tell them, "Sorry, but I won't date anyone who would wear my clothes or borrow my makeup on a regular basis."

I get a bit annoyed at the idea that I am so out of control with my sexual preferences that I would pounce on someone.

Agree with the sentiments expressed re: Do you want every man you see?

NO MAS!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by dixielady

I totally get what you are saying. Happens to me often for some reason. I just don't get it. With some I think it is a "horror" type thing, some are just apprehensive, and some are just down-right conceited.

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??

Because she would have already tap danced on my last nerve with the other stuff she's said in your class, I think I would look her directly in the eye and say, "Frankly, no." and then walk away. Her insecurities would take care of the rest.

It doesn't matter that, to me, she'd fall into the 'too pretty' category. I'm just mean enough to prefer the other way.

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by Arwen

I get a bit annoyed at the idea that I am so out of control with my sexual preferences that I would pounce on someone.

This exactly. With the whole queer/lgbt spectrum the general public seem to have this idea that we're all a bunch of out of control sexual predators who are just waiting to pounce on straight people. Centuries of propaganda have done their work on the heterosexual psyche...

[Martina]

One of the weirder experiences i had was with a friend's sister. She would not give up. She is a married straight woman. She had had two affairs with women. Apparently her husband didn't care or didn't count affairs with women to be the same. Then she lost a lesbian friend of hers by constantly hitting on her. Then she ran me off too. In between hitting on us, she bitched about her husband. i am not sure whether we were supposed to fill a need he couldn't or wouldn't, or whether she was trying to convince us that the relationship wasn't that strong.

My god that women would not take no for an answer. i had to stop going to my friend's parties and events because she would be there.

So years later, i thought it must be safe and i went to one of his parties. She was there and introduced me to someone as the woman she almost married. *shaking my head* In her dreams.

[Strappie]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

Last weekend I was on a working trip which required me to share a close space with a co-worker (I work on cruiseships, and we share an inside room). The two of us never met before, but she seemed nice and I felt it would be a great week sailing the seas! I did not openly discuss my sexuality with her initially, because, why should I?

Anyways, the first two days, we worked closely together, and she started asking me about which guys I liked in the ship, do I have a boyfriend, etc. I just blew it off, told her I am not looking, not wanting to get into my “lesbianism” with her, lol. Anyways, one night another co-worker (gay) and I were at the bar talking and she came up on our conversation about people we were dating. She looked at me funny, and I told her I was a lesbian. She immediately looked horrified and asked me “Do you think I am cute”? I knew it was downhill from there.

After that, sharing our space became a horrible awkward experience. Every time we were in the room, I could feel her looking at me out of the corner of my eye to make sure I was not looking at her changing (lol), and things of that nature. Wow, this was the first time I felt like a “Lesbian Predator”, lol. Being a femme, and being “invisible” most of the time, I have never had to deal with this. It really bothered me, so I just needed to vent.

Love you femme ladies!!
Starry

Welcome to a Butches world.... We or at least I go through this almost daily. Not being asked but the gesture's and the looks and yes even the "sir, you have the wrong bathroom."

It's every day living for me.

[Martina]

i kinda agree that this is not exactly the same as what butches deal with. There is that shock of betrayal because they assumed we were straight, and they identify with us more, find it harder to "other" us. They are more likely then to say inappropriate and intrusive things, even people who are not normally like that.

[Elijah]

Sorry folks, it was not My intent to negate or diminish starry's experience. I apologize. I posted because her experience resonated with Me, especially when I first came out. I didn't notice this was posted in "The Femme Zone" until after I had already replied.

~Elijah