Is there a space for women like me?

[The_Lady_Snow]

I just want to speak up for the femmes who loved their butches the way they were born.

I can't go further, emotionally, it is too hard.

Is there a space for women like me?
__________________________________________________ ________________

I'd like to create this space for Femme's who have gone/ are going/ thought about the transitioning phase of their lives when their lovers/partners/boyfriends begin transition/are transitioned/transitioning.


I'd like for the Femme's/Women to come in and share their positive and negative experiences about this subject. Please no transphobic shenanigans and no taking pot shots at your exes.


PLEASE KEEP THIS A FEMME RESPONSES ONLY THREAD.

[julieisafemme]

Lady Snow do you think this should be a no cross talk thread? Also I would like to ask if it is ok that femmes who have never dated someone who has transitioned do not post. What do you think about that?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

Lady Snow do you think this should be a no cross talk thread Also I would like to ask if it is ok that femmes who have never dated someone who has transitioned do not post. What do you think about that?

I think this would be a great idea julie, I feel the boundaries are needed when it comes this particular subject... There's not need for folks who haven't dealt with this post in here, it feels hurtful when someone says "I WOULD NEVER" I get it and hear you


So in addition to being a Femme only response thread what I bolded above is important..

[Martina]

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

Lady Snow do you think this should be a no cross talk thread? Also I would like to ask if it is ok that femmes who have never dated someone who has transitioned do not post. What do you think about that?

Maybe only femmes who have dated someone while transitioning or somewhere in the process?

[The_Lady_Snow]

My hope for Femmes is that they can come in here if they date, fuck, are partnered with FTM's that are NOT transitioning (as in body modification), FTM's that are in process of transitioning, and FTM's that are done transitioning.


I personally have a hard time with the word *transitition* because not everyone is going from one phase to another, currently I am with someone who is not choosing to do any kind physical modification because he's a guy, he's not going from one state to another he just is. Then again I get it because for some folks they had no other verbiage to use so they may use *butch* because that is the only word they could maybe identify with, so the next phase of their gender discovery would be FTM. Anyways all I know is when Soon posted in the other thread I understood her state of grief because I have gone through it like she has a couple of times and each time there is a sense of loss for not only what you had or thought you had but because the person you thought you knew suddenly is someone else and you can't figure out why or when or how.

Anyways it's not easy talking this out because it's uncomfortable and honest and sometimes if not all it's us Femmes who once again are dismissed because someone else's shit is more important. That's what is irritating to me is that the continual expectation is that a Femme take a step back for someone else. I say bullshit because as a Femme my shit is just as important as anyone's I am with if not MORE....

[feminality]

Thank you for this thread ... As I begain to put my thoughts down and try to tell my story of transistion the anixity became to much for me. I'm not sure I will ever have in me what it would take to tell my story ...
Just wish to say .... I know there were times when I felt alone, that there was no one else that had gone through what I was going through. It's in times such as this when I stumble on a thread, artical or a blog I relize that I'm not alone ... I am Femme Just a part of a BIG BEAUTIFUL sisterhood ... all you have to do it reach out

Yes there is a space...

[Soon]

The anxiety is really huge for me too, feminality.

Snow, thank you for starting this thread.

[Words]

All I will say at this point is that there are times when I'm painfully aware of the fact that while my face and body go in the opposite direction of what I'd like them to look like Blue's grow ever more in synch and that that realization carries with it a certain amount of jealousy and shame. It's something for which I was totally unprepared.

Great (and very welcome) idea for a thread.

Words

[dreadgeek]

This is the first time I've spoken about this publicly. Twenty years ago, I met this butch who rang my little power-femme bell six ways from Sunday. Sam was magnificent. A little taller than me, thick and healthy, short hair, and very very smart. He was moving to Berkeley to attend seminary there.

Right around the end of our first year, he started making noises about transition. I didn't want him to but, of course, given that I had done my own transition only four years prior to meeting him, I couldn't stand in his way. But lesbian was then (and still is) a core identity for me and I couldn't tell myself that we weren't really a heterosexual couple. Being part of what we euphemistically called the women's community was a very important thing for me in my late twenties and early thirties. I wanted my butch, I didn't want a man!

So I broke up with him. I felt guilty for a few years. Then I had the last two women I got interested in while still in SF say that we're I post operative than my being a trans woman wouldn't matter but lesbian meant a lot to them, and while they saw me as a woman they saw my body--well one very specific part--as not. They both said they would probably regret it at some point but I hope not. It's flattering that they said it, but I wish them no ill. How could I? Hadn't I just done the same thing a few years before to Sam? Yes.

I haven't spoken about this because, for the first decade or so, I was ashamed and for the last decade I was afraid of being labeled transphobic. But having finally come out publicly as trans because surgery is so close, I feel I can say this. Leaving Sam, taking him at his word that he is every bit a man as I am a woman was the least transphobic thing I could do. It meant I took him as a man not as a 'man'. If nature hadn't given me the mother-of-all-birth-defects, and I had married a man and then realized I was a lesbian we'd have divorced for the same reason that I had to leave Sean.

It was the only way I could be true to myself, honor Sam being true to himself, and not advocating a position that does violence to the language.

[bright_arrow]

I am bumping this because I feel like it is an important thread.

[girl_dee]

It is important!!

I am one femme who loves her butches just the way they were born.

I love them for where they came, who they are now, and the long road in between.

[Femminator]

I am glad this thread exists. I am married to a handsome MOC Butch, who recently(last year) brought up that they "don't know where they fit on the Butch spectrum" That son turned to "I don't like my breasts" and "I don't feel female, but not male either". They have settled on Nonbinary Butch. I am struggling with the possible T usage coming up and the body hair sure to follow, but I love my Butches masculinity and want them to be happy with who they are. I worry all the time because they don't look female 100% but they don't pass for the males bathroom either. I love them for who they are an always will.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Femminator

I am glad this thread exists. I am married to a handsome MOC Butch, who recently(last year) brought up that they "don't know where they fit on the Butch spectrum" That son turned to "I don't like my breasts" and "I don't feel female, but not male either". They have settled on Nonbinary Butch. I am struggling with the possible T usage coming up and the body hair sure to follow, but I love my Butches masculinity and want them to be happy with who they are. I worry all the time because they don't look female 100% but they don't pass for the males bathroom either. I love them for who they are an always will.

i get this, i would struggle too.