So what does being Bisexual, mean to you ?

[MsMerrick]

Note, first of all.. This is a question for people who have identified as Bisexual, currently id as such, and or those that think they may be, but aren't sure.
My question, really has more to do with..
Does it mean you are attracted to both males & females.. and if co, sexually, emotionally, a bit of both, just one.. or ..neither or..something else altogether?
I have always thought of myself as bisexual and , in what I call..strict Kinesyian definition, I am. I have enjoyed sex with and been attracted to, both males & females.. On the other hand, I am a tad mature.lol and at this stage of the game, aka life.. I am rarely attracted to anyone..
Also, several years ago, talking to a Butch friend, s/he was talking about having enjoyed sex with men, in hir younger days.. but finding that emotionally, who she went to, for comfort, to talk about a triumph, etc etc, were her female lovers, not her male ones.. a light bulb went off in my head, and I though ohmigawd, maybe I really am a Lesbian !
And yet.. .. I really don't know, if someone were to put a metaphysical gun to my head and say Ok, WHICH IS IT ...
A couple people were defining themselves as bisexual, and others talking about defining as bisexual, early on..then that changing ...
I hope I don't have to say this too often but
If you define bisexual as a disease ridden whore.. You might want to not post in this thread, though reading it, might be a n education ..
At least I hope it will

I guess part of what I am getting at..is it all about sex?
Seriously ..
Or is there something else, and if so, is that always divided as equally or randomly, as it were..
Is it about who we go to ? Who we date, who we are attracted to ?
Anybody want to go next ?

[The_Lady_Snow]

I think it means you are fluid about your sex...

[MsMerrick]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I think it means you are fluid about your sex...

Could you add a bit more ?
Do you mean.. fluid about your sex as in your gender.. ?
or fluid about , who you have sex with ?
or..something else that I missed entirely ( which happens way too much but it does )

[Andrew, Jr.]

30 some years ago I dated a femme who was bi. She explained to me that she was oriented to both genders, male and female. It was more about personality, and gender in finding a mate. She just couldn't settle on one or another. It was unsettling for me.

She dated both bio-males, and ftm's along with femmes. Then she ended up with a woman, and has had children with this woman. They are were once happy.

When I saw her last, she was in a crisis. She felt the need/desire to be with a man (physically). It wasn't about wearing a strap, or being fucked by one. It was something in her soul. She crossed genders and barriers. I am very proud of her.

I really haven't seen her in a couple of years now. I am not sure of how she resolved her situation. Plus the children who are now in the situation.

Andrew

[Ms.Lizzy]

I hate to put a label on myself but I use to say I was Bi.I was always curious about other girls growing up but also attracted to men.I got married and had two children but was never truly happy.Eventually we divorced and I met someone who identified as a butch lesbian.After dating for three years she decided that she/he was actually transgender.I was fine with this and tried to be supportive as I could but was always screwing up w-the pro-nouns.Eventually she began an emotional affair online that crossed over into realtime.This woman really fed into her/his trans identity as it was the only way she knew her/him.I actually found out about the affair and left the relationship and began to date a man.I quickly realized biological men can just be gross.There were so many things about being with someone who was raised as a female. So whether its a butch or ftm I prefer them over bio men.I got back together w-her/him only to continously catch this person lying.Now I am taking time for me and when I meet the right person it wont matter their sex as much as their integrity.

[Random]

When I first became sexual, I identified as bisexual..

I was attracted to a small percentage of women, and they scared the HELL out of me.. They generally were in the military, had short hair, and wore guys clothes.. They made my palms sweat and made me nervous and self aware in a way that I had never been before... I was actually aware of my skin, body...

I had absolutly no idea what to do with them.. I couldn't talk to them, look them in the eye... But I was aware...

Guys, I knew what to do with... From my first experience, I knew how to drive them insane... Knew my power and used it... I had no problem playing with them, talking to them, teasing them... I did have a problem connecting emotionally with them... It was about sex and power... There was tenderness, but that was not the norm..

So I called myself bisexual... Because of this awareness for a certain type of woman.. (I had no word/lable/knowledge of anything. My *gay* world was the world of the gay man...) I knew I couldn't be straight.

Fast forward 15 yrs later... A failed marriage, a couple flirtations, and I came out to myself... Gay.. Queer...

It's funny... A couple years ago, I felt bisexual again... Lol.. My partner was Gender Fluid with GID and straight... Most of the time it felt like I was in a hetrosexual relationship..

[Sassy]

Originally Posted by Ms.Lizzy

I hate to put a label on myself but I use to say I was Bi.I was always curious about other girls growing up but also attracted to men.I got married and had two children but was never truly happy.Eventually we divorced and I met someone who identified as a butch lesbian.After dating for three years she decided that she/he was actually transgender.I was fine with this and tried to be supportive as I could but was always screwing up w-the pro-nouns.Eventually she began an emotional affair online that crossed over into realtime.This woman really fed into her/his trans identity as it was the only way she knew her/him.I actually found out about the affair and left the relationship and began to date a man.I quickly realized biological men can just be gross.There were so many things about being with someone who was raised as a female. So whether its a butch or ftm I prefer them over bio men.I got back together w-her/him only to continously catch this person lying.Now I am taking time for me and when I meet the right person it wont matter their sex as much as their integrity.

I've enjoyed this thread. And found this particular entry very helpful to me.
((And yes, BioMen are just gross. ))
Thank you!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by MsMerrick

Could you add a bit more ?

What would you like for me to add?
Do you mean.. fluid about your sex as in your gender.. ?

I am fluid with my gender, my sex, the way my mind viewed the man I was with
or fluid about , who you have sex with ?

When I did have sex with my husband, we negotiated, children were born from that, other than that I did not have to nor did I want to, UNLESS it was anal and I was taking his ass.

Then it wasn't really like I was all turned on but my sadistic side was and my mind, I had sex with other guys in the manner and it was during a D/s exchange so some would say I was bisexual where I was like I am queer cause it's 2 queers having sex except when it was me and my husband then some would say it was not, I don't see it as so.
or..something else that I missed entirely ( which happens way too much but it does )

Does that help?

[nicetgurl_30]

I think this is a great topic, that doesn't get explored to often. Alot of the time time bisexuality has been played up by media and alot of myths. I think its great for everyone to express what it was or how it related to them now.

Great Thread!

[Julie]

I was told for many years that I was Bi-Sexual... And my response was no, I am a Lesbian, even though I was married. My ex-husband was my best friend and Gay -- We really did have this amazing friendship and loved one another, and through this love, we had two children. Even when I was sleeping with him, I did not feel Bi-Sexual - I still believed in my entire being, that I was a Lesbian.

Even today... People will say, but you were Bi-Sexual, you slept with a man and were married...and for me... It is not about the act of sex - it is about the internal part of my soul that is touched by another woman. That cannot nor has ever been touched by a man. If you took away my ability to be sexual, you could not take away who I am inside. Would I become A-Sexual? Simply, NO!

I am not sure I should have even posted, since I have never felt or identified this way - only labeled as such by my community.

Great topic Merrick - and certainly one we can all learn from.

Julie

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by MsMerrick

Note, first of all.. This is a question for people who have identified as Bisexual, currently id as such, and or those that think they may be, but aren't sure.
My question, really has more to do with..
Does it mean you are attracted to both males & females.. and if co, sexually, emotionally, a bit of both, just one.. or ..neither or..something else altogether?
I have always thought of myself as bisexual and , in what I call..strict Kinesyian definition, I am. I have enjoyed sex with and been attracted to, both males & females.. On the other hand, I am a tad mature.lol and at this stage of the game, aka life.. I am rarely attracted to anyone..
Also, several years ago, talking to a Butch friend, s/he was talking about having enjoyed sex with men, in hir younger days.. but finding that emotionally, who she went to, for comfort, to talk about a triumph, etc etc, were her female lovers, not her male ones.. a light bulb went off in my head, and I though ohmigawd, maybe I really am a Lesbian !
And yet.. .. I really don't know, if someone were to put a metaphysical gun to my head and say Ok, WHICH IS IT ...
A couple people were defining themselves as bisexual, and others talking about defining as bisexual, early on..then that changing ...
I hope I don't have to say this too often but
If you define bisexual as a disease ridden whore.. You might want to not post in this thread, though reading it, might be a n education ..
At least I hope it will

I guess part of what I am getting at..is it all about sex?
Seriously ..
Or is there something else, and if so, is that always divided as equally or randomly, as it were..
Is it about who we go to ? Who we date, who we are attracted to ?
Anybody want to go next ?

No, it isn't all about sex... wasn't and isn't for me, anyway. Even in the throws of raging hormones back in the day.

I did go through "that transitional” period of being bi when I was really lesbian many years ago as a young adult (early 20's- I know, I was actually slow!). It was really about denial and fear at that time.

I was heterosexual prior to this and continued to be sexual and loved men until nearly 30. Then, it was the combination of the physical and emotional energy that was most satisfying with women for me ht took hold. It remains that way, however, I have never felt negative about my relationships with men. Sex was good with them, too. Probably because I had good relationships with them outside of the sexual as well just as I have with women. And while I was bi, I was poly. This changed when I was with a particular woman and reached a developmental stage in which monogamy and commitment merged in a positive way for me (No, I don‘t hold that commitment is only within monogamous relationships). Been that way ever since.

To me, bisexuality is just one mode on the continuum of sexuality. I have even had a period in my life that I felt asexual - and it felt right. LOL, I guess I don't have a great need to badger myself about where I am sexually and never have since I became sexually active with others, or outside of myself (we come to sexual experience long before sharing it with someone else- pun intended ! Unless, unfort6unately, we are abused). As I look back (as well as today), I have just never been alarmed about any stage/mode of sexuality I have gone through.

I do know that I am at the core, lesbian and simply prefer women most of all on all of the levels of relating intimately (which goes beyond the physical for me) and have for many years now. This has been what I have personally felt to be sexual maturity for myself- a multi-dimensional array of sensation (including all of the senses) and perception physically, emotionally and spiritually with a woman. It’s not the same for everyone. Could that change? I doubt it, but, one never knows. I have arrived at a place (yes, it is about aging) in which I believe anything is possible.

One's character, content and carriage is what brings eroticism to me. So, I believe that may be part of why my sexual history has been heterosexual, bisexual, asexual and lesbian- it always hinged on these essential features of attraction and synergy for me, not necessarily one's gender.

Since I have become comfortable with what puts me in a state of butch, I would have to say that it is the state of femme that draws me more at this time of my life. Again, a late comer.

I had a wonderful fairly long-term relationship with a bi woman that was married and had an "open" marriage. It simply fit that particular time of my life and I believe that this was her natural and real state of sexuality. She really was equally attracted to and interested in both men and women and remains so. During this time, I was not bi.

I also think I am just more fluid in matters of sexuality and sex due to age and life’s experiences.

This will be an interesting thread, I think! And I also hope that there is no bi bashing.

[Lynn]

Even though I was married for 20 years to a man, and I had other significant relationships with men before that, I do not consider myself to be bisexual. In all of those relationships, there was love and affection, but, finally, no real sexual attraction after the first rush. To me, love is something I can feel for anyone, regardless of sex or gender. But, sexual attraction, especially sustained and able to grow deeper, is quite specific. After so many years of lukewarm sexual feelings, which had a great deal to do with how I ended up feeling about myself and my body, it is a relief and joy to feel the intensity of sexual attraction that I experience in my relationship. Love in a relationship is important, but so is sex, for me. Being identified as a lesbian describes me as someone who prefers to partner with women, on all levels, even if I'm also someone who could love a man. In the past, there have been times that I considered myself bisexual, but I've become more aware of the distinctions in my feelings and realize that this doesn't describe me, truly.

[Gemme]

As I evolved in my sexuality, I identified as bisexual as a bridge, I suppose. I can't say for sure if I was truly bisexual or just afriad to give up something familiar....comfortable, if not exactly what I wanted and needed.

For me, men (FD, bio, as is...whatever term you feel comfortable with) were easy. I knew what I had to do do get what I wanted from them and I could easily remove myself emotionally from them.

Women.....butches......transgenders of one flavor or another.....were very new to me. Frightening and exciting, like being in an open field during an intense lightning storm. The hairs on the back of my neck raised, slightly breathless, knowing that it is dangerous, but not giving a damn because it. felt. good. Right.

I know some folks say bisexuals are indecisive and just can't choose one or the other and some folks say bisexuals are greedy and want it all, and those folks may be right in specific cases but it's not for anyone else to judge. We have different friends for different reasons.....some make us happy and content and some are exciting and push us past our known limits.....why can't it be the same for lovers?

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

To me, bisexuality is just one mode on the continuum of sexuality. I have even had a period in my life that I felt asexual - and it felt right. LOL, I guess I don't have a great need to badger myself about where I am sexually and never have since I became sexually active with others, or outside of myself (we come to sexual experience long before sharing it with someone else- pun intended ! Unless, unfort6unately, we are abused). As I look back (as well as today), I have just never been alarmed about any stage/mode of sexuality I have gone through.

I do know that I am at the core, lesbian and simply prefer women most of all on all of the levels of relating intimately (which goes beyond the physical for me) and have for many years now. This has been what I have personally felt to be sexual maturity for myself- a multi-dimensional array of sensation (including all of the senses) and perception physically, emotionally and spiritually with a woman. It’s not the same for everyone. Could that change? I doubt it, but, one never knows. I have arrived at a place (yes, it is about aging) in which I believe anything is possible.

.

This soooooo resonated with me. I have not been with a lot of bio-men but I never shut that door not even today and its been over 20 years. I was married to a wonderful man. I loved him dearly but spiritually I couldnt connect. In fact he told me. He sat me down and told me I was lesbian. I always labeled myself as bisexual. Nothing soared me like the connection I had with women but at some point I missed masculine energy and would start spending time with men. My time with men was always more sexual then affectionate. Through the years I tapped into butch-femme and that has been a whole other journey. There has been many roads in my sexual evolution and today I try and avoid labels. At this point I'm in the middle and don't write anything out. Its all about the connection. The one thing that is constant, or so it seems, is my alpha presence. I don't feel like I need to control anyone but I also dont want any tension over it. This has been a battle no matter which sex I've been with. It's took me into a asexual space before. There does seem to be an energy that ignites me and it can be a man or woman- adoration, devotion and a desire to please me. That always seems to "wake" me up. It doesnt even have to be bdsm, anything hardcore. But I do notice that with biomen, its more a comfort zone, loving the energy but not taking it sexual per se beyond mind fuckery. With women, butches, etc it is always leading to serious fucking.

[WheelieStrong]

i seemed very much ashamed of even trying to tell people i'm bisexual, so because my interest in men is much harder to hide i tell people i'm gay and often even go out of my way not to allow myself to find any sort of woman attractive.

The whole world and surprisingly especially the gay community seem to be very anti bi folk, i even objected about the t-shirt stall at a pride event a few years ago selling anti bi t-shirts.

Most people seem to see bi folk as greedy, even completely slutty and incapable of a 1 on 1 relationship, an ex gf and i were even told by a friend that neither of us could still consider ourselves bisexual if we were in a relationship.

i am the worst kind of bisexual person, i have often been the third person in a relationship etc, but that has never been by intent.

Every time i consider finding a female friend in the hopes of more, i feel shamed into secrecy and have a complete lack in confidence of the understanding of the friends i have in real life (instead of online, not imaginary friends lol)

[Livepoetry66]

I identify as Bi. I have been in long term monogamous relationships with females, males, butches, ftm's and mtf's. I have come to the conclusion that people are people. To me we are all walking, talking bags of hormones subject to the stimulation life hands us from birth to death. I could go into the nature/nurture debate, genetic debate, social/peer circle, media nutrition/lifestyle and etc but why? I don't want drama nor do I want debate. I just want someone who gets me, someone I get. Not about sex for me. I want a good fit like a comfortable pair of slippers, I want to be able to laugh with someone, eat in front of someone..just be myself. All the other things will fall into place regardless of how they might identify, including trust. If there is chemistry..we'll feel it. If we have an intellectual connection..we'll talk about it.

Perhaps one could say I want it all, yes! if all means happiness, not just sex (strap on or bio) If someone I am dating does not trust me when I say I am happy with that person then it is not my issue. Maybe there is past hurt and trauma with someone whom could not be trusted in a committed relationship. To me being Bi is just as natural as someone who is gay or straight, there was no preference or choosing, it is just me and it always has been.

[D Phryxus]

I identify as Bisexual. By this I mean that I am attracted to both men and women.

I think I have always been this way but growing up in a very hetero household I was always more comfortable flirting with and dating guys. I simply didn't know how to 1. tell if another woman was interest in girls or 2. how to figure out if she might be interested in me.
In fact, I still have issues with this.
I wasn't actually able to act on my interest in women until after I was married, ironically. My husband helped me out a lot, having been in poly relationships with bi women before. You could say he is my best wingman haha.

I can genuinely say I enjoy being in a romantic relationship with the few women I have dated as much as I enjoy the romance between my husband and I . I also equally enjoy sex with women as much as with men. Each person is different of course. Some are better than others, but that's part of the experience.

[Daniela]

I've just recently started thinking of myself as bisexual but I'm currently married to a man (bio-male). I'm definitely not looking to start anything with a woman because I'm completely against cheating. But I admit that I definitely have an attraction to very masculine-of-center women. Looking back, I realize that I've always been attracted to both men and "masculine" women, although I've never been attracted to anyone that presents in a traditionally feminine way.

[Tuff Stuff]

I don't know.I do know that I have these mad crazy affairs with bio-man every 15 years apart.I had my first sexual experience with a man at age 11,around that time I also had my first sexual encounter with a woman.I have never been divided who I should have a relationship with,its always been with women.I guess my clit doesn't descriminate.Never been married,never had children.

Hey,why am I telling you this? (i must be high)

Brings a song to mind...Bluebeard by The Cocteau Twins

Did i mention I like my men with beards..oh yes

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by Livepoetry66

I identify as Bi. I have been in long term monogamous relationships with females, males, butches, ftm's and mtf's. I have come to the conclusion that people are people. To me we are all walking, talking bags of hormones subject to the stimulation life hands us from birth to death. I could go into the nature/nurture debate, genetic debate, social/peer circle, media nutrition/lifestyle and etc but why? I don't want drama nor do I want debate. I just want someone who gets me, someone I get. Not about sex for me. I want a good fit like a comfortable pair of slippers, I want to be able to laugh with someone, eat in front of someone..just be myself. All the other things will fall into place regardless of how they might identify, including trust. If there is chemistry..we'll feel it. If we have an intellectual connection..we'll talk about it.

Perhaps one could say I want it all, yes! if all means happiness, not just sex (strap on or bio) If someone I am dating does not trust me when I say I am happy with that person then it is not my issue. Maybe there is past hurt and trauma with someone whom could not be trusted in a committed relationship. To me being Bi is just as natural as someone who is gay or straight, there was no preference or choosing, it is just me and it always has been.

I just want to say that your idea of keeping it simple, is simply beautiful. The way you describe your identity, as an bisexual, is such a breath of fresh air.

I have partnered with those who identify on the male side of the identity spectrum. And, each time I've either dated or partnered with those particular individuals, it was because I too like to keep it simple. Feeling entirely comfortable with someone is a really big deal in my world. When you said that you wanted the relationship to feel like a good fitting pair of slippers, that you wanted someone who totally gets you and vice versa, then I definitely resonate deeply with that point of view because my sexual identity is not up for debate, nor is theirs. I've never been public about it before but bisexuality is a part of my identity.

What matters most to me is how well we fit together (full stop).

Thanks for painting an articulate picture about what bisexuality means to you.