Friends of Bill W.

[femmsational]

LeftWriteFemme,

I am so hoping that I don't mess up your place of peace with my post....but....(isn't there always a but) I need a place to vent my spleen. And I can NOT do it at the meetings I go to, because this resenment stems from those meetings. So I'm gonna do it here because you guys have been in the program long enough that hopefully you can talk me off my resentment ledge.

Hi, My name is Julie and I am an addict and an alcoholic!!!!


I can not STAND when in meetings people start going on and on and ON about god and religion. Our program is there for everyone who has this disease we call addiction. The belief in a higher power is the cornerstone for all that follows, BUT....It is god as WE understand him. It is NOT....YOUR....general you's, version. It is a very personal thing and many struggle greatly to accept this concept so they can get on with the deal of working the steps.

If, 23 years ago when I entered the rooms for the first time, if someone had told me I had to turn my will and my life over to their god, I would have run screaming back out the door. And I'd still be out there, unless I was 6 feet under with toes up.

Step two even spells it out....a power greater than yourself. Thirds step....god as you understand him. It is worded that way for a reason. But sitting in my meetings lately I have heard all sorts of judgement surrounding this. People with 15 or 20 years not talking about how their god works in their life but actually telling the people in the meetings that the only way to stay sober is to go to church, get on your knees etc. etc. And then of course their sponsees all follow the same line of thinking and spewing.

Over the past month I've seen at least 12 newbies run, and I mean RUN out the doors after hearing these messages. What do I do? I run after them. And try to explain how it works for ME. But after sitting for 20 or so minutes in a room where the majority message is....you must do this, this way or you will fail....I'm just one more crazy person stalking them out of the room. An active addict is not going to have the ability to sort all this out. Remember how crazy headed you were when you first started. I didn't have a rational thought for 4 years for goodness sake. So how can these poor people reason out what I'm trying to say to them?


Why does this make me mad? Because this is a fatal disease!!! How many of those people go straight back to using? Probably a lot. That makes me more insane than I already am.

I know for me, i struggled greatly with the concept of a higher power. I was raised in a religion that was very judgy. I turned my back on it so when I had to get sober in order to live, i fought for years trying to figure out a power greater than myself. I was super lucky because my first sponser just kept working with me. She told me the only thing I could NOT do was pick up.The rest would come. And it did. And after seven years (sometimes quickly....sometimes not LOL) I finally came to grips with a power greater than myself. And I was able to turn it over, about 150 times a day, still, but I DO turn it over to a god of MY understanding.

I've had sponsees over the years who we had to use things like the ocean, the wind, the smell of a flower. One even used the light switch that turned on the light as her higher power for almost two years. And that worked. Because all it is, is something GREATER than yourself.

This is a program that is measured by progress, not perfection. Nobody has to be perfect with a perfect higher power. Each individual addict needs to seek their own. One that works for them. And not everyones is going to look the same. Mine is an evil bitch with a great sense of humor. Usually humor at my expense but that teaches me things I obviously need to be taught.


I'm just so sad that newbies are leaving the meetings because of a bad message that seems to have become the new fad in my area. I know this is my issue. I know that I can only do what I can do or what my higher power shows me to do, but.....hehehe....I have this damn disease that makes me think I need to be in control of everything and MUST save everyone.


LeftWriteFemme, again I hope I'm not messing up your space with my rantings. I just really needed to vent my spleen and the meetings would not be the place for it. Doing it here I hope will get me to a point that I can drop this damn rock I seem bent on dragging around with me. So thank you for this place and the opportunity for me to get rid of it!!!


Take care,
julie

M'name is Scooby and I'm an alkie-addict.

I for one am so grateful that you posted Julie and am purty sure the OP won't have a problem with you posting a 'rant'. I have been hoping that more folks might feel able to post their 'stuff' in here.

It's gettin' late here in UK and it's my bath/film time after attending tonight's meeting and some soberific fellowship afterwards but I do intend to come back to your post with my thoughts about it.

Just remember...we have no control over people, places and things.

as the cyborg said...I'll be back!

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by femmsational

LeftWriteFemme, again I hope I'm not messing up your space with my rantings. I just really needed to vent my spleen and the meetings would not be the place for it. Doing it here I hope will get me to a point that I can drop this damn rock I seem bent on dragging around with me. So thank you for this place and the opportunity for me to get rid of it!!!


Take care,
julie

Hey Julie, I am delighted you shared in here. I assure you this is not my space, this is OUR space........I'm simply the one compulsive enough to post here everyday. I hope you will come often and share. I agree with Daktari, I really wish this to be a place where everyone comes and shares.

By the way I agree with everything you shared and often want to run screaming when folks try to pour their brand of HP on the group! It's wrong and these are the folks I pray most for because they are so missing the boat on what the 12 steps have to offer by trying to proselytize in meetings.

Have a great day!

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 16

ROOFTOP COFFEE



Who is more powerless: the person driving down the road with his cup of coffee on the roof of the car, or the one who sees it happen? Lost in mental chaos, lost to the small things, I set the cup and forget, or content and serene, I am examining details and notice the oddness. When my mind wanders I am helpless in the whirlpool and suction. When I am grounded I am struck by the separate sealedness of the carnival around me. Potential rides on the top; will it fall forward or back? Will there be a sticky haze on the front windshield or the rear? Or I could remember at the stoplight and spare myself everything but the embarrassment. As the observer I try to be helpful, I point and jump and shout, calling the predicament to the attention of others in an attempt to increase my chances of success. We all stand as the coffee speeds away to unknown disaster.


Wear your boldness like a mane.
*

Hand Washing


I live a simple life now;
I handle life as it is dished up.
I no longer need to make use of the dish prison.

Living an orderly active life I find it untenable
to have my favorite spoon or bowl held hostage
until I make enough mess to run the dishwasher through.

I don’t live an ‘Eight is Enough’ type existence
and need not burden my psyche
trying to save my hands a little soap.

I save the Cascade for visits to waterfalls,
Jet Dry for landing strips.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 17

HATCHLING



When the shell gets too tight it’s time to hatch. I can’t tell you it’s safe out there, just that it’s time to go. The leaving is not easy. Exodus fulfilled by the use of one small tooth. This experience may or may not prepare you for the rest of your life, so much still depends on predestination and your attitude. I mean are you a chicken or a hawk? A peacock or dove? Or is there something of which I am unaware? Did someone sit on your nest or was it covered in sand? Are you turtle, lizard or snake? See, so much is out of your hands, but still your actions are your choice.


Touch your books and pet them.

*

Ovoid

I can pretend at this normal life for a period of time
then the plaster starts to crack on this white picket fence
and it’s all down hill from there.

I am better than I was;
I am happier and more well adjusted,
yet I am still far from fitting with the standard fittings,
I am an off size, my threads run counter to the average fixture,

I spent too much time on the rack
to resemble anything from off the rack.
It’s not that I am so special;
it is just that I am Special Ed.

Performance anxiety and paranoia regularly take me out of round
though even with these kept at bay I am not your normal nut.
I assure you that you can dress me up and take me out,
just don’t try to take me home.

[DMW]

My name is...************ and i am an alcoholic. Thank you all for sharing. I am only going to say a few things because i am not as spiritually fit as i need to be...a little self will run riot... And i fear posting,in general, for different reasons. Also, need more coffee.

There is a whole chapter in the book dedicated to the concept of ...basically, the separation of AA and the church or temple or what have you...for a reason.

We Agnostics.
Not everyone has a spiritual experience.
Not everyone believes in a higher power.
It is a power greater than ourselves.
Acceptance is the answer. And by not accepting people that don't have that experience or don't believe in God...is actually...well, i consider that limited and closed minded. I don't think that many people realize how they frighten people away from the rooms because of the God thing. God is written all over the book and in the steps so that is enough for some people to handle.
It is funny...i pray for them to see the light...
And i have to accept them.
Spiritual progress and fitness comes from many different places. Not just God.

In my experience, there are new people that would come and they do run away thinking that the program is not for them... because of some insistance that God be included in each person's process.
I have had similar experiences with new comers and trying to share that sobriety doesn't have to come from God or a higher power. I would introduce and try to share that as quickly as i could so they wouldn't have to listen to more religion. Just to... maybe give them hope to come back and then listen to what they had to say. And they would come back. It was always a nice surprise when the would. And they would find other people like themselves.
It starts with the first step. Try to keep it simple.
Heck, my higher power when i first got sober was a water bottle and then i found chocolate. And on some days...i need it to stay sane.


Femmsational, Maybe you could start a new meeting there. A big book meeting.
Or, suggest reading we agnostics in the meeting.
And also, it only takes 2 people to have a meeting.
I think you are doing a good job. And you do matter there. Just remember that.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 18

SMARTS



Intelligence should be used as a tool not a weapon. Intelligence is as common as silica and can be used to do anything, so, why not as a helping hand, lifeline, foothold? Intelligence doesn’t preclude ignorance, arrogance or stupidity. Nor does it eliminate selfishness, greed or anarchy. Intelligence is not a substitute for wisdom and cannot hold a candle to kindness. Intelligence makes things possible, help and hurt; intention makes the decision. Intelligence is like a hand full of sand.


Pair your books for companionship.
*

Buffoon


Never juggle knives and butter at the same time
or you will just spread your problems around.
Passing on the knives is the first best idea,
leaving the butter in the dish is the second.

I have gotten many funny schemes into my brain;
gotten them in with ease,
it is the getting them out of my brain I struggle with.

Crowbars and coercion have been my favored tools;
ineffective though they may be, I am persistent,
while wishing to be dexterous.

It took me years to realize the problem with juggling is
that it begins with me throwing things
and ends with disaster if I can’t catch it all.

What slips through my fingers
through daily living is hard enough
what I throw into the fray for showmanship is, too much.

I needn’t be the fool flinging my pins
when my goal is to stay on them.

M'name is Daktari/Scooby and I'm an addict-alkie.

Apropos HPs and religion in the rooms.

Yanno, I think folks forget where they came from and what it's like to be in that place that brings us to the rooms in the first place. We were all new and clueless about the programme at one time. Folks get complacent too. Then there's the real kicker, addicts tend to be control freaks and think their way is the only way...I love the imperceptible sharp intake of breath when someone even voices that there might be ways to stay clean and sober other than the fellowships - shock, horror! Devilment makes me utter such at times

There has always been and will always be newcomers who will run screaming for the hills the minute a Higher Power or God is mentioned, they're looking for a excuse to run anyway, we can but hope that the seed was sown before they run.

Are you a group servant at the meeting you mention femmesational? A long time group member. If you are can you bring up this issue at a group conscience meeting.

You say it's a 'fad' in your area. Are there any other members observing the same as you?

Go you for trying to give those newcomers the alternate side of things from your point of view. You can but entreat them to try other meetings because not all meetings are the same.

You cannot 'save' anyone sadly. If only we could right?



Still thinking...

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 19

HUMILITY


A great woman walks my street everyday. She carries a tall walking stick with a loop for her hand. Each morning I see her low crown of hair and the half-smile, her friendly wave when I catch her eye. Each morning when I see her I see the secret play across her face, humility. This is the secret she cannot share. I know she would sing it from the mountaintops if it would help, but humility is not a secret you can tell; it’s a secret you have to live with. As I slowly learn this precious thing I see it shine in others. Recognition of the persons with inborn dignity and a keen understanding of their personal value lights inside me. When I see this fine woman walking with purpose, I appreciate myself better and am so very grateful for those who keep humility alive by living it.


Know your friends well and your books better.
*

Toolbox

I know just how hard it is to pick up the right tools.
It's like I know I have a hammer in the drawer,
in fact I have two, so, why oh, why do I feel compelled
to hit things with the heel of my shoe?

Trust and believe it is ineffective at best;
additionally it is embarrassing.
I wish I could say I have done this a handful of times,
unfortunately, I have done it over and over,
it’s hell on my shoes and worse on my morale.

Using what is at hand or foot may seem practical,
but it is not prudent.
Walking myself through the step by step process;
reading and following directions is easier
but only when I disengage the lie that says it’s harder.

[femmsational]

Originally Posted by Daktari

M'name is Daktari/Scooby and I'm an addict-alkie.

Apropos HPs and religion in the rooms.

Yanno, I think folks forget where they came from and what it's like to be in that place that brings us to the rooms in the first place. We were all new and clueless about the programme at one time. Folks get complacent too. Then there's the real kicker, addicts tend to be control freaks and think their way is the only way...I love the imperceptible sharp intake of breath when someone even voices that there might be ways to stay clean and sober other than the fellowships - shock, horror! Devilment makes me utter such at times

There has always been and will always be newcomers who will run screaming for the hills the minute a Higher Power or God is mentioned, they're looking for a excuse to run anyway, we can but hope that the seed was sown before they run.

Are you a group servant at the meeting you mention femmesational? A long time group member. If you are can you bring up this issue at a group conscience meeting.

You say it's a 'fad' in your area. Are there any other members observing the same as you?

Go you for trying to give those newcomers the alternate side of things from your point of view. You can but entreat them to try other meetings because not all meetings are the same.

You cannot 'save' anyone sadly. If only we could right?



Still thinking...

Control Freaks???? I have NO idea what you're talking about.....hehehe.

I know without a shadow of a doubt we can't save anyone, let alone everyone. It's a personal journey and we, as long time members can only show how it works for us. It's up to the newbie to do the actions they need to in order to work THEIR program. But holy HELL it's sad.

I think the problem I'm having is that I'm used to a different type of meeting. When I got sober, I got sober in the north east, New Jersey to be exact. They didn't play. The old timers told me how it was and nobody patted my head and told me everything would be ok. I had it drilled into my head that...yes, you will in fact die. You have a disease. It is fatal. It's a disease of the thinking....blah, blah, blah. You've all heard it before. But they also showed me the tools I needed to LIVE. It was all about the steps for them so it translated to ME being all about the step.

During my 23 years in the program I've been to meetings all over the United States and in a few other countries. I understand that the "tones" of meetings are different in different regions. I guess I'm comfortable in the more in your face approach because that was the only thing that got through to my crazy brain when I first got sober. When I first moved to Alabama, I realized that it was way different here. I kinda distanced myself from most service work because I really had a problem with the whole god approach down here. I've been around the meetings down here for a couple of years and I have not gotten involved like I normally would. Still working my program. Still an AA Nazi (excuse the term, it's what people call me) But I can't seem to be involved in this area because it allows me to form resentments and that will kill my ass!!!


Yes, the "gasp" heard round the rooms. I always speak about my truth when the topic is a higher power or how it works for you. LOL!!! It's kinda funny the looks I get from the ones who think GOD IS KING!!! But holy cow. Isn't sharing all about talking about what works for you???


And the group concious meetings are mostly about what color to paint the trim at Common Ground and should we get one or two more trash cans. I don't want to create friction where it would do no good other than making me feel better. Cause really, it isn't all about me. DAMMIT!!!

I think I just needed to get this off my chest and the meetings where NOT the place for this particular spleen vent! Others see it but, over the years i've been here, they've kinda pulled away from the meetings because it wasn't feeling right for them either.

I do know that this is my issue and I need to put up or shut up, but.......hehehe.......Bitching about it helps too. And I do feel SO much better after getting it of my chest.


I just have to remember....."It's not all about me," and I'll be good to go.


Take care,
julie

[Dance-with-me]

Hi, I'm Dance, and I'm an enabler. Not a Friend of Bill's in the classic sense, but started attending Nar-anon thinking that my junkie step-daughter was the source of all my problems and finally learned that the problem was me -- and not that I was even enabling her, but that I'd spent 11 years enabling my ex/her mom to make my step-d's addiction the the only thing that mattered. I am a completely changed person now that I'm learning that I cannot fix or control anyone else's addiction - whether that be an addiction to drugs or an addiction to fixing an addict no matter what the price or consequences. I'm also addressing my own addiction to fixing damaged people. And I have to say that it's a HUGE relief after a lifetime of being the Fixer to be able to really see that it's not my job to fix or save anyone.

[Toughy]

I really wish this to be a place where everyone comes and shares.

We Agnostics.
Not everyone has a spiritual experience.
Not everyone believes in a higher power.
It is a power greater than ourselves.
Acceptance is the answer. And by not accepting people that don't have that experience or don't believe in God...is actually...well, i consider that limited and closed minded. I don't think that many people realize how they frighten people away from the rooms because of the God thing. God is written all over the book and in the steps so that is enough for some people to handle.
It is funny...i pray for them to see the light...
And i have to accept them.

I love the imperceptible sharp intake of breath when someone even voices that there might be ways to stay clean and sober other than the fellowships - shock, horror! Devilment makes me utter such at times

There has always been and will always be newcomers who will run screaming for the hills the minute a Higher Power or God is mentioned, they're looking for a excuse to run anyway, we can but hope that the seed was sown before they run.

Our program is there for everyone who has this disease we call addiction. The belief in a higher power is the cornerstone for all that follows, BUT....It is god as WE understand him. It is NOT....YOUR....general you's, version. It is a very personal thing and many struggle greatly to accept this concept so they can get on with the deal of working the steps.

Over the past month I've seen at least 12 newbies run, and I mean RUN out the doors after hearing these messages. What do I do? I run after them. And try to explain how it works for ME. But after sitting for 20 or so minutes in a room where the majority message is....you must do this, this way or you will fail....I'm just one more crazy person stalking them out of the room. An active addict is not going to have the ability to sort all this out. Remember how crazy headed you were when you first started. I didn't have a rational thought for 4 years for goodness sake. So how can these poor people reason out what I'm trying to say to them?

I read this thread fairly regularly. The above posts are about folks who are not doing well with the faith-based program of AA. The basic tenant of AA is a spiritual awakening is required for sobriety and the concept of powerlessness.

Perhaps those folks who leave AA (that is a very large number according to AA's own data) do not feel a spiritual awakening is needed/required for sobriety. There are secular programs out there. Secular meaning a spiritual awakening is NOT required for sobriety. Most secular programs do not have the powerlessness concept either.

If I am not mistaken, the first secular group started was 'Women for Sobriety, Inc' http://womenforsobriety.org . Another secular group is LifeRing Secular Recovery www.lifering.org I know that LifeRing and Women for Sobriety do not have the concept of powerlessness in their programs.

Maybe instead of trying to get them to come back in AA you might suggest they try a secular program. Or you could suggest they try LifeRing (or Women for Sobriety) plus AA.

Just some thoughts that have been running through my head after reading the above posts.

[femmsational]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I read this thread fairly regularly. The above posts are about folks who are not doing well with the faith-based program of AA. The basic tenant of AA is a spiritual awakening is required for sobriety and the concept of powerlessness.

Perhaps those folks who leave AA (that is a very large number according to AA's own data) do not feel a spiritual awakening is needed/required for sobriety. There are secular programs out there. Secular meaning a spiritual awakening is NOT required for sobriety. Most secular programs do not have the powerlessness concept either.

If I am not mistaken, the first secular group started was 'Women for Sobriety, Inc' http://womenforsobriety.org . Another secular group is LifeRing Secular Recovery www.lifering.org I know that LifeRing and Women for Sobriety do not have the concept of powerlessness in their programs.

Maybe instead of trying to get them to come back in AA you might suggest they try a secular program. Or you could suggest they try LifeRing (or Women for Sobriety) plus AA.

Just some thoughts that have been running through my head after reading the above posts.

Personally, I feel a person needs to go and do whatever it is that works for them. What works for me is AA. It is not a "faith based" program. At least not for me. It's a program that requires nothing but what each individual is comfortable doing when trying to understand a power greater than themselves.

I, memememe, was not complaining about having problems with a "faith based" program. I was complaining about the people in my meetings trying to MAKE it a faith based program.

I agree there are other things for people all over the place that can help facilitate sobriety. But again, for mememe, I can't speak to them because all I can do is share MY experience, strength and hope. And that comes from the non-faith based program of AA.


I don't know. Toughy, your post felt wierd to me. Can people not discuss issues in a thread titled "Friends of Bill W," without being told there are other things out there? I mean we all know there are but here in this thread with people talking about the program and how it works for them.....do we need a post that pulls bits and pieces of quotes and seems to be saying we need to get over ourselves????

It may just be me, but I just wanted to let you know it felt wierd reading your post and it reconfirmed for me why I need to not share so much from my soul in public. I'm sensitive and get my feelings hurt too easily:-)

Have a good day Toughy.

julie

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

<snip>


I hope this will be a place that all members of the recovering community will feel welcome here and will post at will!



Yours in service,

Sherrie

julie.........The above is the very first post and I don't think my post is inappropriate.

The post was not out of the blue, it was relevant to what was being said in the thread in the last couple of days.

I was simply suggesting another way to approach sobriety because of the conversation in this thread about folks who leave AA because of the faith-based or spiritual awakening aspects of AA...specifically Steps 2, 3, 6, 7, 11 and 12.

Many many folks new to recovery and some not so new do not know about secular programs....many folks who work in the business don't even know about them. There are secular approaches that each of us could offer to folks struggling with their own sobriety and are having trouble with AA. After all, the point is sobriety.

The more tools in the toolbox, the better off we all are.

I actually agree with julie on this one. Your post felt a bit odd and preachy there Toughy. I guess it's that gap that can happen, particularly on the internet, between intention and perception.

The conversation was actually about how a member of the fellowship(s) felt about something that was happening in her local area. It's something that can happen all over the world, I've seen such behaviour in both fellowships here but those folks are soon bloody stomped on.

I started out nigh on 30yrs ago in the AA fellowship but now, this second time round, I happen to frequent the Narcotic variety in the Anonymous family. - all ultimately founded by Bill and Bob as I'm sure you know.

"NA has no opinion on outside issues." Religion is an outside issue ...yup, really, it is. How someone chooses to get sober/clean is a personal choice. I can't recall a post where any of us of us here has suggested that there aren't other ways to achieve and maintain sobriety, it's just the way that works for us tha's all. So yer preaching to the converted really.

Another piece of the NA literature states "...This is a simple, spiritual, not religious, programme known as N..A.."

Hey there, yanno I'd really like to hear about your experience in a non religious, non spiritual programme or method of achieving and maintaining sobriety. I'm about to undertake some peer mentor training so that I can work as a volunteer in the local recovery services. Hearing a first hand experience would a great piece of information for me in preparation for this training.

[DMW]

I also agree with both Julie and Daktari

[Toughy]

I'm out of this. All of you have misunderstood/ignored my intent and/or my explanations. That feels like you are being really defensive. You have made this personal when there was no personal involved.

Thanks for the learning experience.

[femmsational]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I'm out of this. All of you have misunderstood/ignored my intent and/or my explanations. That feels like you are being really defensive. You have made this personal when there was no personal involved.

Thanks for the learning experience.

Toughy,

Me telling you my feelings about what you posted was not an attack. It was just me putting out there how I felt at the moment. It seemed to me that maybe you weren't reading the previous posts because as I said, It started with me complaining about people who were trying to make my meetings INTO something faith based.


I'm with you. I think there are many different options out here for each individual. And the more info out in the world the better.


It just felt odd. No critizism. No attack. Just telling you my thoughts. I'm good at that....remember. LOL!!!


Don't go away. Please. That was not my intent.


julie

As I said in my post Toughy, there is often a gap between intention and perception. Maybe you could clarify your intention in posting that there are other non religious or spiritual ways of recovery in reference to femmesational's original 'rant' about her local area.

I'm still interested in your experience of the non Anonymous fellowship ways of achieving and maintaining sobriety. I'm not joking. It really would be very useful information.





Julie...I really hope you post again, you too DMV.



Just as folks were coming out of the woodwork too

[BrutalDaddy]

My name is Brute/AJ and I'm an addict and alcoholic.


Lol. I just typed out that the whole "faith based" and "religion" thing has been keeping me from going to meetings but I know that's not true. It's me. I keep myself from going to meetings. Let me be more specific. My DISEASE wants to keep me away from sobriety. Had to tell on myself there because being honest with myself is something that is still new to me.

I still have that quick flickering thought of just up and leaving when they start doing the "God spill" during the meetings but I don't. I stick it out because I want, no, I have to share myself. Not for them. For myself. It's hard sometimes because I don't want to come across as resentful but damn it the ONLY thing that kept me at AA was being lucky enough to have a partner and sponsor (not one and same, two different folks, folks lol) who told me over and over, "Don't forget the part AFTER God that says as you understood him. If it weren't for that, I seriously don't think I'd still be sober today. I've watched newbies get up and walk out in middle of another person ranting about only way anyone can stay sober is by being on their knees praising God for this or that. Grates on my nerves but I can't let that stop me from going.

I wasn't a part of the earlier convo but couldn't help but have to share my thoughts (yes, it's about me damn it cause I'm so smart ya know?)... Don't think anyone was attacking or being defensive, Toughy. Honestly.

For me it's not a faith based program because faith based (down here in this part of the South) particularly means religious. No if's, and's, or but's about it. Lol. There are more church related AA meetings/groups/treatment centers than there are plain ole AA meetings/groups/treatment centers. So it's a huge deal here.

I can see how calling it faith based could be different then just religious based because I have faith that there is a higher power out there. Something greater than myself. Has to be. I sure as hell haven't kept myself sober for two years. Not just sober but actually happy for most part. Granted my Higher Power has been kicking my ass with all the negative karma I've got built up from over the years but that's okay. There are times I laugh about it, times I cry about it and times I say, "Fuck you....just let me be for a minute!" Nothing I can do about it except know it's there and it's keeping me sober along with tools I use.

Shit I'm rambling. I tend to do that at meetings too. Lol.

Anyway, this is good. Cool. I actually have that warm fuzzy feeling I get after sharing at a meeting. Sweet! Oh and with my new job I seriously hope to get to go to a meeting up near New Jersey or Detroit. Heard they're hard core and I want to experience that. Got a taste of it from a guy during my last meeting before I headed back out to work and wow. Blew my mind listening to him.

Done Sharing,
Brute.