A question for the butches....

fludderbies · 06-11-2012, 02:47 PM

I'm wondering... What would be the easiest, nicest way to hear that your femme would like to try new things/spice it up in the bedroom? I love my wife very much and the last thing i want to do is hurt her butch ego. Thanks in advance! :-)

Fludderbies

Mr Nice Guy · 06-11-2012, 02:58 PM

Role play is usually good. Like if your into Bdsm then I would dress in leather and those come F me shoes. Hopefully that didn't offend you. Or if your into ??? I would dress the part and surprise hym. A Butch likes those kind of surprises. I know I would. Hope it helps.

Teddybear · 06-11-2012, 03:35 PM

The only thing that hurts my ego is the fact my girl is afraid to talk to me. We talk bout everything. I don't know how long yall have been together so I would suggest a nice quiet day or evening where it let's explore each other. Make a game of it if need be. Take an place different things u want to try on little pieces of paper ask them to do the same then place urs and theirs in 2 bags u draw from theirs and them from urs. Then talk bout how u feel about theirs and vise versa. I think it will open up the lines of communication and could be HOT and very enjoyable

Have fun and good luck

fludderbies · 06-11-2012, 03:59 PM

Thank you very much for the replies! Looking forward to more!

The_Lady_Snow · 06-11-2012, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fludderbies

I'm wondering... What would be the easiest, nicest way to hear that your femme would like to try new things/spice it up in the bedroom? I love my wife very much and the last thing i want to do is hurt her butch ego. Thanks in advance! :-)

Fludderbies

I feel anyone should be able to ask, inquire, want to explore with sex without hurting egos. A Femme's sexual needs, wants, and desires should be able to be talked about with ones sexual/romantic partner since sex is and should be pleasurable for both parties!!

Sexual compatability are an important part of a healthy relationship! Good luck

boobookitty · 06-11-2012, 04:17 PM

If my girl is feeling shy... its nice to hear, "I read about something,
and I want to know what you think about _____________"

If she is not feeling shy, then something more like,
"Hey, I want ....(lean in close to my ear to whisper)... ______________"

If she is feeling playful, climb onto my lap, then...
"Hey, what if I want to _____________"

or if it is a really difficult thing to talk about, then a letter, is really good.

CherylNYC · 06-11-2012, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Nice Guy

Role play is usually good. Like if your into Bdsm then I would dress in leather and those come F me shoes. Hopefully that didn't offend you. Or if your into ??? I would dress the part and surprise hym. A Butch likes those kind of surprises. I know I would. Hope it helps.

I don't want to nitpick Mr Nice Guy, but you just did something that always makes me uncomfortable. Fludderbies used female pronouns for her wife. "I love my wife very much and the last thing i want to do is hurt her butch ego."

It would be better to use the pronoun which fludderbie's wife prefers. Changing the pronoun to 'hym' creates the expectation that butches use pronouns that are other than female on this site.

As for the OP, I agree with what everyone else already wrote.

Teddybear · 06-11-2012, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teddybear

The only thing that hurts my ego is the fact my girl is afraid to talk to me. We talk bout everything. I don't know how long yall have been together so I would suggest a nice quiet day or evening where it let's explore each other. Make a game of it if need be. Take an place different things u want to try on little pieces of paper ask them to do the same then place urs and theirs in 2 bags u draw from theirs and them from urs. Then talk bout how u feel about theirs and vise versa. I think it will open up the lines of communication and could be HOT and very enjoyable

Have fun and good luck

Ok I need to correct something here. My girl is NOT afraid to talk to me. What I meant to say is it would hurt my ego if she was. Sorry for any confusion

SleepyButch · 06-11-2012, 07:45 PM

I guess if it were me, I'd say to just maybe introduce whatever it is that interests you into the bedroom. See how she reacts. All you can do is try and if she doesn't like it, I'm sure she will tell you. But if she sees how you react to whatever it is.. va va va voooom...

Just_G · 06-11-2012, 08:53 PM

If it were me, I would hope that whomever I was dating or considered my girlfriend would just come to me and say "hey, I've been thinking and I would like to explore things with you...." or something along those lines. Someone wanting to spice things up in the bedroom isn't going to hurt my ego.

Communication is the key....but that is just my opinion.

Besides that, talking about it gets the wheels turning and there is no telling where it would go from there!

(that's when the fun texts start flying back and forth....lol)

fludderbies · 06-12-2012, 07:49 AM

Thanks again everyone for all of the replies! I am just going to talk to her about it. We talk about everything, i was just wondering how to do it without hurting her feelings, or making her feel like she isn't already great-- which she is. So... i guess if I want more/ different things, i have to ask for them. I can't expect her to read my mind!

Thanks again!!

Fludder

Ginger · 06-12-2012, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fludderbies

Thanks again everyone for all of the replies! I am just going to talk to her about it. We talk about everything, i was just wondering how to do it without hurting her feelings, or making her feel like she isn't already great-- which she is. So... i guess if I want more/ different things, i have to ask for them. I can't expect her to read my mind!

Thanks again!!

Fludder

Fludder,

I'm glad you're going to talk to your partner about what you want, sexually.

It's about you; what you want, not about her, and what she lacks.

I hope she can hear it that way.

Also, I hope she can hear that your voicing of what you want, is a vote of confidence in her.

The fact that you can even bring it up says that you believe she wants to hear it, you believe that she wants the sexual bond between the two of you to be stronger.

Scout

Tres · 06-27-2012, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fludderbies

I'm wondering... What would be the easiest, nicest way to hear that your femme would like to try new things/spice it up in the bedroom? I love my wife very much and the last thing i want to do is hurt her butch ego. Thanks in advance! :-)

Fludderbies

I think its awesome that you feel so passionate about your butch that you want to keep those fires burning! You obviously care deeply about her. Sometimes its hard to talk about things that are uncomfortable for our partners, but discussing those uncomfortable things gets us to the soft spots too.

And for me I think it is essential that my wife feels like she can talk to me about ANYTHING - If I knew she couldn't, then that would sting worse than any suggestions/wishes she might have to spice up our sex life.

On sensitive subjects the time and place are just as important as the subject itself - Play a game with her - Play out her fantasy

~~ If you dont know what it is ASK her - Sometimes role playing is just what is needed to get that fire burning, and more importantly, keep it burning! Send some sexy text messages, write her a sexy love letter, strip for her to some hot ass music, handcuffs, blindfolds. You get the picture. Discusss with her the things that turn you both on and remember the key here is communication. Good luck to you!

Tres

fludderbies · 06-27-2012, 08:35 PM

Just wanted to update you all:
We talked about it, and the result has been amazing. I feel closer to her than ever. And... we are doing more stuff-- more often

<3

jac · 07-19-2012, 06:11 PM

I like to leave the door of communication open and with invite. This has not always been the case with past relationships but I have learned from those experiences and have changed my patterns. Granted I was open and willing to hear what other past relationships had to say but I never went at it with this approach "Tell me whatever you want to experiment with..." I've mentioned this to her from the beginning and remind her periodically that "if she has something new she wants to try just let me know."

I enjoy the simple talks we have about sex and what it means to us as well I enjoy hearing it whispered in my ear what she wants. I really like it when we're in the throws of passion and something strikes her liking and she just says it out loud and with demand! However she presents her desires to me is how she will receive them...

I do however like the many other ideas that have been thrown out here.... role play is flippin' hot!! Uh huh!!

alexri · 07-31-2012, 06:39 PM

Have you thought about doing a checklist to bring up the conversation? I know it sounds administrative but it can be helpful. You can find some online or make your own, and on the checklist have different activities you might want to try, and you each circle yes/no/maybe. Another couple I know did this... they each had to come up with 10 new things they wanted to try in the bedroom. They typed/wrote out the things on pieces of paper, folded them up, and then each night they were going to be intimate/have sex, they picked a different thing out of the bowl. Each partner had veto power if the item picked was totally out of one's personal interest.

Or, you could buy each other some erotica books, or read some stories online, and then go over what you liked in certain stories...

06-11-2012, 02:47 PM	#1
fludderbies Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Happily Married Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Baltimore, MD Posts: 5 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 15 Times in 5 Posts Rep Power: 0	A question for the butches.... I'm wondering... What would be the easiest, nicest way to hear that your femme would like to try new things/spice it up in the bedroom? I love my wife very much and the last thing i want to do is hurt her butch ego. Thanks in advance! :-) Fludderbies

06-11-2012, 04:17 PM	#6
boobookitty Member How Do You Identify?: I like the tag Lipstick Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: not picky, but male pronouns are soothing to the psyche Relationship Status: not looking for more than friends Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: central USA Posts: 119 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 70 Thanked 215 Times in 59 Posts Rep Power: 1451774	If my girl is feeling shy... its nice to hear, "I read about something, and I want to know what you think about _____________" If she is not feeling shy, then something more like, "Hey, I want ....(lean in close to my ear to whisper)... ______________" If she is feeling playful, climb onto my lap, then... "Hey, what if I want to _____________" or if it is a really difficult thing to talk about, then a letter, is really good. __________________ [I]LOL...yeah, I'm a cisgender heterosexual male crossdresser trapped in a womans body. [/I]:sunglass:

06-11-2012, 08:53 PM	#10
Just_G Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Switch, Comedian...G...whichever. Preferred Pronoun?: He....with an e! Relationship Status: I'll take kinky & twisted for $200, Alex!! Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in the middle Posts: 2,281 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 874 Thanked 6,165 Times in 1,450 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	If it were me, I would hope that whomever I was dating or considered my girlfriend would just come to me and say "hey, I've been thinking and I would like to explore things with you...." or something along those lines. Someone wanting to spice things up in the bedroom isn't going to hurt my ego. Communication is the key....but that is just my opinion. Besides that, talking about it gets the wheels turning and there is no telling where it would go from there! (that's when the fun texts start flying back and forth....lol) __________________ Happy are those who dream and are ready to pay the price to make them come true! Last edited by Just_G; 06-11-2012 at 08:56 PM.

06-27-2012, 08:35 PM	#14
fludderbies Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Happily Married Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Baltimore, MD Posts: 5 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 15 Times in 5 Posts Rep Power: 0	Update Just wanted to update you all: We talked about it, and the result has been amazing. I feel closer to her than ever. And... we are doing more stuff-- more often <3

06-11-2012, 02:58 PM	#2
Mr Nice Guy Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Kind, sweet, loving, romantic and a rare Butch. :) Relationship Status: I don't drive a Uhaul. :) Join Date: May 2011 Location: Another New Englander Posts: 1,768 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,035 Thanked 4,894 Times in 1,307 Posts Rep Power: 0	Role play is usually good. Like if your into Bdsm then I would dress in leather and those come F me shoes. Hopefully that didn't offend you. Or if your into ??? I would dress the part and surprise hym. A Butch likes those kind of surprises. I know I would. Hope it helps.

06-11-2012, 03:35 PM	#3
Teddybear Senior Member How Do You Identify?: by my name Preferred Pronoun?: He, him Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Here there everywhere. Posts: 2,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,620 Thanked 6,239 Times in 1,687 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	The only thing that hurts my ego is the fact my girl is afraid to talk to me. We talk bout everything. I don't know how long yall have been together so I would suggest a nice quiet day or evening where it let's explore each other. Make a game of it if need be. Take an place different things u want to try on little pieces of paper ask them to do the same then place urs and theirs in 2 bags u draw from theirs and them from urs. Then talk bout how u feel about theirs and vise versa. I think it will open up the lines of communication and could be HOT and very enjoyable Have fun and good luck

06-11-2012, 03:59 PM	#4
fludderbies Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Happily Married Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Baltimore, MD Posts: 5 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 15 Times in 5 Posts Rep Power: 0	Thank you very much for the replies! Looking forward to more!

06-11-2012, 07:45 PM	#9
SleepyButch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dude Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him Relationship Status: Taken Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Hidden Valley Ranch Posts: 3,510 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,220 Thanked 11,244 Times in 2,753 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I guess if it were me, I'd say to just maybe introduce whatever it is that interests you into the bedroom. See how she reacts. All you can do is try and if she doesn't like it, I'm sure she will tell you. But if she sees how you react to whatever it is.. va va va voooom...

06-12-2012, 07:49 AM	#11
fludderbies Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Happily Married Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Baltimore, MD Posts: 5 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 15 Times in 5 Posts Rep Power: 0	Thanks again everyone for all of the replies! I am just going to talk to her about it. We talk about everything, i was just wondering how to do it without hurting her feelings, or making her feel like she isn't already great-- which she is. So... i guess if I want more/ different things, i have to ask for them. I can't expect her to read my mind! Thanks again!! Fludder

07-19-2012, 06:11 PM	#15
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	I like to leave the door of communication open and with invite. This has not always been the case with past relationships but I have learned from those experiences and have changed my patterns. Granted I was open and willing to hear what other past relationships had to say but I never went at it with this approach "Tell me whatever you want to experiment with..." I've mentioned this to her from the beginning and remind her periodically that "if she has something new she wants to try just let me know." I enjoy the simple talks we have about sex and what it means to us as well I enjoy hearing it whispered in my ear what she wants. I really like it when we're in the throws of passion and something strikes her liking and she just says it out loud and with demand! However she presents her desires to me is how she will receive them... I do however like the many other ideas that have been thrown out here.... role play is flippin' hot!! Uh huh!!

07-31-2012, 06:39 PM	#16
alexri Member How Do You Identify?: - Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: - Posts: 549 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,209 Thanked 2,799 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	Have you thought about doing a checklist to bring up the conversation? I know it sounds administrative but it can be helpful. You can find some online or make your own, and on the checklist have different activities you might want to try, and you each circle yes/no/maybe. Another couple I know did this... they each had to come up with 10 new things they wanted to try in the bedroom. They typed/wrote out the things on pieces of paper, folded them up, and then each night they were going to be intimate/have sex, they picked a different thing out of the bowl. Each partner had veto power if the item picked was totally out of one's personal interest. Or, you could buy each other some erotica books, or read some stories online, and then go over what you liked in certain stories...