Marriage Titles

Maverick · 03-28-2013, 10:01 PM

I live in one of the states that just recently made it legal for same sex couples to get married. YAY!! As a masculine person I'm having a hard time thinking of myself as anyone's "wife" and I don't think "husband" is fitting either. I am trying to figure out, once I'm legally married what my partner and I will refer to each other as. Any suggestions? Should we stick with the traditional terms or invent some new ones that might fit us better? How wonderful that we are living in an age when these are actual concerns. I'm hoping some of you can come up with some interesting ideas on this subject.

Thanks,
Maverick

always2late · 03-28-2013, 10:09 PM

You could use the gender neutral term "spouse"

firegal · 03-28-2013, 10:17 PM

I think spouse is a great idea! my lil sis and her other half referred to each other as wife...they didn't identify as butch femme.

This site is very familiar with folks being able to choose what fits them or that they identify as.

This is a great topic.

Breezy · 03-28-2013, 11:03 PM

How about husbutch?

clay · 03-28-2013, 11:06 PM

Interesting topic.
My GF & I were discussing this recently. We were talking of what would one call the other, etc. Hers would most likely be "husbutch" for me, and mine for her would be "wife". That is just what feels most comfortable to us.

As my great friend doc mentioned, "spouse" is gender neutral, and a good one.

Another great friend, firegal, had a good suggestion, too.

It really all depends on what others are comfortable with...there are many , many wonderful words that could apply in any given situation.

Greyson · 03-28-2013, 11:13 PM

For me, I am really over the term "My Partner." As a young person I always thought it made my gf and I sound like we were in business together or were partnered to play board games or cards.

I do not see myself as a "husband" because of all the historical misogny wrapped in that term. Spouse works for me. I will admit, I do like the sound of Mr. and Mrs.________.

DamonK · 03-28-2013, 11:32 PM

I'm with Greyson on Mr. and Mrs.

It shows a united front to me. An unshakable bond.

Husband and wife.

Partner is okay for now because there aren't many options out there for us that are fitting. Spouse is not one I care for. Nor is companion or life companion.

o222Good · 03-28-2013, 11:34 PM

I thought I would one day hear the words, "I now pronounce you husbutch and wife!"

Glenn · 03-29-2013, 12:36 AM

Strange..In the thirty or so years I was "married", whenever her family sent us a Christmas card, they would always address the envelope using our first names, but their own family name at the end. When my family send a card, they would use their last names, after our first names. When friends sent us a card or invitation, they used both of our names. We had both of our names on the mailbox.We did'nt call each other anything else besides our own names in all those years. But I still do not see anything at all wrong with the traditional Mr. if you ID as masc/trans for now. I personally, use to like the y used in Syr/Myster.

Chancie · 03-29-2013, 04:07 AM

For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?

The_Lady_Snow · 03-29-2013, 06:28 AM

We use Master and slave, my parents being who they are call him *El Grande* cause my mother has a hard time with calling him slave and pronouncing his name.

Heteronormative titles don't really fit our union, we aren't ever really going to purposefully blend in so what we refer to each other as will be non conventional.

Maverick · 03-29-2013, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chancie

For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?

Good question! I agree, I'm tired of the term "partner" and its blandness. My lady likes the term wife and will use that I believe. Husbutch is a cool idea. I keep trying to picture the person marrying us saying "I now pronounce you ________ and wife!" or "Wife and ________", "Wife and wife"? Eh.. "Husbutch and wife" is better. The cool thing is we get to invent what's right for us and don't have to stick with the traditional hetero wordings if we don't want to. Years ago we made up a secret pet word to use in public for each other where we didn't feel safe or comfortable to say "honey" or 'sweetie" etc. We still use that word a lot but not because we're being stealth anymore. We just love the word now for what it represents to us.

clay · 03-29-2013, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chancie

For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?

To answer your question, yes, I would.
Though personally not really hung up on titles, per se, I am comfortable with anything respectable.

Chancie · 03-29-2013, 02:38 PM

We use partner all the time. I don't think anyone has ever thought we own a business together. Our respective families use it too. I think Pete uses 'old lady' sometimes when she's talking about me, which I find charming and kind of funny.

I'm talking about running into a colleague or a friend from the gym, someone you know but your honey doesn't know. If you were in the supermarket or something, would you use 'husbutch'?

Kobi · 03-29-2013, 03:44 PM

I am very comfortable with partner, significant other, or spouse.

As a woman who loves being a woman and does woman her way, I would not be comfortable with something like husbutch, cuz it doesn't reflect who I am.

The only pronouncement I want to hear after our vows is..... I now pronounce you married in the eyes of the law and God.

Toughy · 03-29-2013, 03:51 PM

I like the term.....beloved

In ceremonies in SF, I have heard folks pronounced spouse and spouse. I believe on the gender neutral CA marriage license (when it was legal), the paperwork said: spouse 1 and spouse 2.

Ascot · 03-29-2013, 04:11 PM

An ex of mine has a sister who refers to her husband as "my friend". The first time we stayed with them and I heard her say that I was a bit taken aback, but only because I found myself thinking, "What? I thought they were married." I asked my girlfriend about it later and she said, "Oh, yeah, they are married, but my sister thinks "friend" is a much more meaningful honorific.". The point is, as others have said, go with what works for you. Let it evolve as it is wont to do.

Me, I like the ol' classic "ball and chain."

o222Good · 03-30-2013, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chancie

For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?

I have given this some thought, and my answer is this. It comes down to whether I am talking to a straight person, in which case, I would not. Only because they wouldn't get it. I actually don't have any straight friends, so I'm not sure if this would happen anyway. Thanks for a good question!

julieisafemme · 03-30-2013, 06:39 PM

I love wife! I am happy to be a wife. Greyson prefers spouse for him. Husbutch is fine within the queer community for him but I would not use it with straight people. He will be my spouse.

MsTinkerbelly · 03-30-2013, 08:20 PM

When we were married we had ourselves pronounced as " I now pronounce you as married in the eyes of God and man", And we call each other wife in public. When we say wife it is immediately understood we are queer.

Not personally fond of husbutch, but to each his own.

03-28-2013, 10:01 PM	#1
Maverick Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Transman Preferred Pronoun?: they/them Relationship Status: encumbered Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: eastern US Posts: 48 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 361 Thanked 179 Times in 34 Posts Rep Power: 1216947	Marriage Titles I live in one of the states that just recently made it legal for same sex couples to get married. YAY!! As a masculine person I'm having a hard time thinking of myself as anyone's "wife" and I don't think "husband" is fitting either. I am trying to figure out, once I'm legally married what my partner and I will refer to each other as. Any suggestions? Should we stick with the traditional terms or invent some new ones that might fit us better? How wonderful that we are living in an age when these are actual concerns. I'm hoping some of you can come up with some interesting ideas on this subject. Thanks, Maverick

03-28-2013, 10:09 PM	#2
always2late Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: m'lady Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 2,000 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,834 Thanked 6,231 Times in 1,462 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	You could use the gender neutral term "spouse" __________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there ~ Rumi

03-28-2013, 10:17 PM	#3
firegal Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Don't let the gal part of my screen name fool ya I,m ALL butch! Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Tacoma,Washington Posts: 2,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,853 Thanked 11,735 Times in 2,469 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	.. I think spouse is a great idea! my lil sis and her other half referred to each other as wife...they didn't identify as butch femme. This site is very familiar with folks being able to choose what fits them or that they identify as. This is a great topic.

03-28-2013, 11:06 PM	#5
clay Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch (Silver Fox) Dom Daddi Preferred Pronoun?: 50 Shades of Clay Darker & Deeper Relationship Status: married to my forever Join Date: May 2011 Location: salt air & sandy beaches Posts: 13,098 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 96,044 Thanked 31,688 Times in 7,716 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	^5 Great topic. Mav! Interesting topic. My GF & I were discussing this recently. We were talking of what would one call the other, etc. Hers would most likely be "husbutch" for me, and mine for her would be "wife". That is just what feels most comfortable to us. As my great friend doc mentioned, "spouse" is gender neutral, and a good one. Another great friend, firegal, had a good suggestion, too. It really all depends on what others are comfortable with...there are many , many wonderful words that could apply in any given situation. __________________ To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. ~Robert Brault

03-28-2013, 11:13 PM	#6
Greyson Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transmasculine/Non-Binary Preferred Pronoun?: Hy (Pronounced He) Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SF Bay Area Posts: 6,589 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,132 Thanked 8,165 Times in 2,007 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	For me, I am really over the term "My Partner." As a young person I always thought it made my gf and I sound like we were in business together or were partnered to play board games or cards. I do not see myself as a "husband" because of all the historical misogny wrapped in that term. Spouse works for me. I will admit, I do like the sound of Mr. and Mrs.________. __________________ Sometimes you don't realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. - Susan Gale

03-28-2013, 11:03 PM	#4
Breezy Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: . Posts: 1,372 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,337 Thanked 4,555 Times in 1,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	How about husbutch?

03-28-2013, 11:32 PM	#7
DamonK Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: May 2010 Location: . Posts: 2,199 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,527 Thanked 7,762 Times in 1,881 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I'm with Greyson on Mr. and Mrs. It shows a united front to me. An unshakable bond. Husband and wife. Partner is okay for now because there aren't many options out there for us that are fitting. Spouse is not one I care for. Nor is companion or life companion.

03-28-2013, 11:34 PM	#8
o222Good Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Lake Worth FL Posts: 89 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 641 Thanked 240 Times in 65 Posts Rep Power: 2561060	I thought I would one day hear the words, "I now pronounce you husbutch and wife!"

03-29-2013, 12:36 AM	#9
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Northwest Wind and Lake Michigan Preferred Pronoun?: Paesano Relationship Status: Solo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore Posts: 1,546 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,597 Thanked 3,732 Times in 1,096 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Strange..In the thirty or so years I was "married", whenever her family sent us a Christmas card, they would always address the envelope using our first names, but their own family name at the end. When my family send a card, they would use their last names, after our first names. When friends sent us a card or invitation, they used both of our names. We had both of our names on the mailbox.We did'nt call each other anything else besides our own names in all those years. But I still do not see anything at all wrong with the traditional Mr. if you ID as masc/trans for now. I personally, use to like the y used in Syr/Myster.

03-29-2013, 04:07 AM	#10
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,697 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,218 Thanked 14,354 Times in 2,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?

03-29-2013, 06:28 AM	#11
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	We We use Master and slave, my parents being who they are call him El Grande cause my mother has a hard time with calling him slave and pronouncing his name. Heteronormative titles don't really fit our union, we aren't ever really going to purposefully blend in so what we refer to each other as will be non conventional. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

03-29-2013, 02:38 PM	#14
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,697 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,218 Thanked 14,354 Times in 2,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	We use partner all the time. I don't think anyone has ever thought we own a business together. Our respective families use it too. I think Pete uses 'old lady' sometimes when she's talking about me, which I find charming and kind of funny. I'm talking about running into a colleague or a friend from the gym, someone you know but your honey doesn't know. If you were in the supermarket or something, would you use 'husbutch'?

03-29-2013, 03:44 PM	#15
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,661 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	I am very comfortable with partner, significant other, or spouse. As a woman who loves being a woman and does woman her way, I would not be comfortable with something like husbutch, cuz it doesn't reflect who I am. The only pronouncement I want to hear after our vows is..... I now pronounce you married in the eyes of the law and God. __________________

03-29-2013, 03:51 PM	#16
Toughy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: pervert butch feminist woman Preferred Pronoun?: see above Relationship Status: independent entity Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Oakland Posts: 1,826 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,068 Thanked 7,656 Times in 1,522 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I like the term.....beloved In ceremonies in SF, I have heard folks pronounced spouse and spouse. I believe on the gender neutral CA marriage license (when it was legal), the paperwork said: spouse 1 and spouse 2. __________________ We are everywhere We are different I do not care if resistance is futile I will not assimilate www.butchfemmesocials.com/

03-29-2013, 04:11 PM	#17
Ascot Member How Do You Identify?: Preppy Butch artist Relationship Status: She’s wild about me. Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: North of the Emerald City Posts: 1,135 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 179 Thanked 2,487 Times in 549 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	An ex of mine has a sister who refers to her husband as "my friend". The first time we stayed with them and I heard her say that I was a bit taken aback, but only because I found myself thinking, "What? I thought they were married." I asked my girlfriend about it later and she said, "Oh, yeah, they are married, but my sister thinks "friend" is a much more meaningful honorific.". The point is, as others have said, go with what works for you. Let it evolve as it is wont to do. Me, I like the ol' classic "ball and chain." __________________ Now, if I could just find a way to get paid for what I can do with my tongue and a cherry stem.

03-30-2013, 06:39 PM	#19
julieisafemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In the present Posts: 828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,156 Thanked 3,445 Times in 660 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I love wife! I am happy to be a wife. Greyson prefers spouse for him. Husbutch is fine within the queer community for him but I would not use it with straight people. He will be my spouse. __________________ Happiness Bubbling!

03-30-2013, 08:20 PM	#20
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,958 Times in 5,020 Posts Rep Power: 0	When we were married we had ourselves pronounced as " I now pronounce you as married in the eyes of God and man", And we call each other wife in public. When we say wife it is immediately understood we are queer. Not personally fond of husbutch, but to each his own. Last edited by MsTinkerbelly; 03-30-2013 at 08:28 PM.