An Age Old Question... Can Butches, FTM And Femme's Just Be Best Friends? - Page 2

thedivahrrrself · 11-23-2012, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

I have never had a problem with friends of any gender and/or identify. It is pretty obvious to people that I am in a relationship and happily so. If they want to challenge that then I am happy to show them the door.

I once had a very good butch friend. She called me her "translator" since she always did not understand the meaning behind her girlfriends' words. She only dates femmes and I am fluent in femme speak.

She and I were really good friends and it never crossed beyond friendship.

Personally, I think that if you are clear about your position in the beginning, you could save yourself trouble. Anyone who knows me knows to not tangle with my relationships. The closer someone is to me, the more protective I am of them.

I agree with Laney here. I have friends who are girls, guys, femmes, butches, Trans, andro, etc... I'm too old to be ruling anyone out for gender or identity; good friends are not that easy to find! (And I know what you mean about "translating," Laney LOL)

I've never been much of a "friends first" kind of girl. My friends are not a potential dating pool...unless I'm setting them up with each other!

ruffryder · 11-23-2012, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJo

Absolutely....with the caveat that both the partner and the friends need to respect the relationship.

I'm comfortable with a partner of mine having femme friends, butch friends, trans friends, straight friends, friends who are exes, whatever. If there's flirting and what, to me, seems to be boundary-crossing...then that's another issue.

I'm a one-person, person....and my partner needs to be as well or our relationship simply won't work.

This is my thinking on the subject. Nothing wrong with it. Anyone can be friends. My girl and I have friends from all genders on the spectrum. It all comes down to others acknowledging and respecting that we are in a relationship together and us trusting each other.

macele · 11-23-2012, 05:30 PM

hey mistie.

i associate butch with lesbian. that's just me. nothing right or wrong in that. same thing with femme. and i think of both as women. i do understand others use the words. it's all good. i'm saying this because i don't think of femme as being opposite gender. not saying you do. i don't understand that part of your original post.

i either have self-control or i don't. i can be trusted or i can't. even in a relationship, i may be attracted to others, but i don't think i should act on those attractions. man, woman, child, ... i consider myself lucky to have a friend of any size, shape, or matter.

mac

Blade · 04-07-2013, 01:43 PM

A few of my besties are femme. It has sometimes been an issue in relationships. Here's the thing, I'm as faithful as an ole dog, anyone who knows me will tell you that. I wouldn't cheat on anyone EVER.

That said, the person I partner with will have to understand, that my friends are exactly that, friends. They have been with me for the long haul and me with them. I won't give up my friends for a potential partner. If they are that jealous, insecure or needy, then we are probably not right for each other.

StrongButch · 04-07-2013, 01:56 PM

I have all kinds of friends. I dont base a friendship on how a person chooses to identify,sexual preference,race,religion,where they live,where they work or dont work. As they say we are family. I dont sleep with my friends. If I was interested in a femme believe me she would know it. (lol) I love my femme friends. You go girls!

4everlonelyfemme · 04-10-2013, 11:05 AM

I can't be friends with butches, because they always think I'm hitting on them. And actually right now a friend of this other butch (who's dating some bimbo btw) is threatening to beat me up the next time I'm at the lesbian bar because of it.

I haven't done anything wrong to them

I'm just too unattractive I guess to have conversations with butches. They've never been anything but rude towards me.

Angeltoes · 04-10-2013, 11:19 AM

4ever, I agreed with the part about it being hard to establish friendship with butches because they think I'm hitting on them too. I don't think I'm unattractive. I won't allow myself to feel that way and I don't think you should either. I'm not a fan of the word bimbo. Maybe because I can be a hair-flipping giggly femme and that has been misinterpreted by others all my life...it's sort of a sore spot.

The things that make it difficult for me to be friends with butches is that either they think I'm hitting on them or they literally want no part of me if I'm not 'available.'

s0litude · 04-10-2013, 11:23 AM

I have no issue with how someone labels. I have femme friends who I find attractive. Doesn't mean anything will or could happen. Just means I have some really attractive friends.

I think as long as the boundaries are set and everyone knows where everyone stands, it's all good. Communication is key to any relationship-- romantic, platonic, etc.

Amante · 04-10-2013, 11:26 AM

Of course we can be friends! One of my very best friends is butch to the core, and our friendship is NOT a threat to either of our relationships.

04-07-2013, 01:43 PM	#24
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	A few of my besties are femme. It has sometimes been an issue in relationships. Here's the thing, I'm as faithful as an ole dog, anyone who knows me will tell you that. I wouldn't cheat on anyone EVER. That said, the person I partner with will have to understand, that my friends are exactly that, friends. They have been with me for the long haul and me with them. I won't give up my friends for a potential partner. If they are that jealous, insecure or needy, then we are probably not right for each other. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

04-07-2013, 01:56 PM	#25
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,185 Times in 1,179 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Question I have all kinds of friends. I dont base a friendship on how a person chooses to identify,sexual preference,race,religion,where they live,where they work or dont work. As they say we are family. I dont sleep with my friends. If I was interested in a femme believe me she would know it. (lol) I love my femme friends. You go girls! __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

04-10-2013, 11:19 AM	#27
Angeltoes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Nunya Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Bernlandia Posts: 1,740 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,286 Thanked 5,525 Times in 1,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	4ever, I agreed with the part about it being hard to establish friendship with butches because they think I'm hitting on them too. I don't think I'm unattractive. I won't allow myself to feel that way and I don't think you should either. I'm not a fan of the word bimbo. Maybe because I can be a hair-flipping giggly femme and that has been misinterpreted by others all my life...it's sort of a sore spot. The things that make it difficult for me to be friends with butches is that either they think I'm hitting on them or they literally want no part of me if I'm not 'available.' __________________ Now say you're sorry for ushering in the fourth fucking reich- anonymous

04-10-2013, 11:23 AM	#28
s0litude Member How Do You Identify?: Transman - HRT / No Surgery Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Single, but enjoying the journey.... Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: North Carolina (NE) Posts: 366 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 525 Thanked 1,210 Times in 310 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	Friends..... I have no issue with how someone labels. I have femme friends who I find attractive. Doesn't mean anything will or could happen. Just means I have some really attractive friends. I think as long as the boundaries are set and everyone knows where everyone stands, it's all good. Communication is key to any relationship-- romantic, platonic, etc. __________________ "There never was any heart truly great and generous, that was not also tender and compassionate." Robert Frost

04-10-2013, 11:26 AM	#29
Amante Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Going steady Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Too far away Posts: 38 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11 Thanked 128 Times in 35 Posts Rep Power: 1760755	Of course we can be friends! One of my very best friends is butch to the core, and our friendship is NOT a threat to either of our relationships. __________________ Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. ~Mahatma Gandhi

11-23-2012, 05:30 PM	#23
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,239 Times in 849 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	hey mistie. i associate butch with lesbian. that's just me. nothing right or wrong in that. same thing with femme. and i think of both as women. i do understand others use the words. it's all good. i'm saying this because i don't think of femme as being opposite gender. not saying you do. i don't understand that part of your original post. i either have self-control or i don't. i can be trusted or i can't. even in a relationship, i may be attracted to others, but i don't think i should act on those attractions. man, woman, child, ... i consider myself lucky to have a friend of any size, shape, or matter. mac

04-10-2013, 11:05 AM	#26
4everlonelyfemme Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: her Relationship Status: single Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Estonia Posts: 3 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Rep Power: 0	I can't be friends with butches, because they always think I'm hitting on them. And actually right now a friend of this other butch (who's dating some bimbo btw) is threatening to beat me up the next time I'm at the lesbian bar because of it. I haven't done anything wrong to them I'm just too unattractive I guess to have conversations with butches. They've never been anything but rude towards me.