I am getting married and I am clueless......HELP!!!

ZoeyJayne · 01-13-2015, 09:24 AM

So after a year Alicia and I have decided that we want to get married... She proposed to me on thanksgiving day at her parents house and now my brain has been filled with lots of OMG's and how do you plan a wedding with no money... I have my friends telling me I need this and I need that and this and that... But here is the thing.. We are not doing a traditional wedding... We know that for the reception we are going to be doing a potluck... we have the hall picked out (I think)... we know our colors are going to be a limeish green and light blue.. we set the date of 9/24/16.. Alicia and I are not much of the dress wearing type, But I am also not the tux wearing type and neither is she... we are both neither butch nor fem we are just ourselves.. But I do want to wear a dress or maybe I dont know .. but i dont want a wedding dress... I want like something casual and simple... .... Let me stop ranting and being all scattered here ... I just have no clue how to plan a wedding and a few idea's could be helpful... Thanks in advanced

Cailin · 01-13-2015, 09:43 AM

.................................. well that's a shocker (not on facebook much, must have missed it in the feed)

congratulations hunny

-- p.s, people will tell you what they know and feel, but it's your wedding, so do what you feel is right.

what style of dress are you thinking? In September here, it's like 90 degrees so i'm not sure about the weather up there. Are you looking for like a long flowy dress, summer dress? what are you envisioning? you can text me if you want.

Gráinne · 01-13-2015, 09:47 AM

Congratulations!

First of all, you've got to tune out your friends and the entire wedding industry as far as "you need this and that and Pluto" to get married. You actually just need the legalities and that's it.

I strongly caution you on throwing a potluck, unless your wedding is very small. I advise you (I know, here I am throwing advice around

) to let your guests be guests and don't make them "work". There are ways to provide food and refreshment that doesn't break the bank, even if it's cake and punch. That used to be the norm, anyway.

There may be legalities around throwing a potluck and using the hall's kitchen, also. Take it from me speaking from experience, the aggravation and extra work on you isn't worth it. I learned it's far worth the money to hand it over to caterers, including set up and serving.

You don't need tuxes or wedding dresses. Since you have over a year, check out prom and homecoming season dresses coming out.

Above all, get organized and stay that way. And have fun

.

Bard · 01-13-2015, 09:51 AM

Do what feels right my dear Zoeykins and many congratulations to you both

MsTinkerbelly · 01-13-2015, 09:56 AM

Congratulations on your engagement!

When my wife and i married we wanted friends and family around us, but we were determined not to spend a lot, so here are a few of our ideas:

We had our ceremony and reception in my Mom's lovely backyard by the pool. Maybe you know someone with a nice backyard you can use for free? September is a good time for an outside wedding. You can rent chairs for a small fee, or ask friends and neighbors to borrow a few.

We had a small plain cake made at our nearby grocery store, and went to a cake decorating store for a topper. We had cupcakes made up in our colors, and there you go for maybe $50 total.

If you have a 99cent store/dollar store, keep your eyes open for deals on matching paper plates, napkins, cups, plastic forks...etc. You can also find seasonal decorations there for cheap...we were married in July, so we bought summery things and tikki torches for around the pool.

If you or your friends know how, do some music mixes, and have one of them help you with the music...maybe cost you a six-pack or it could be their gift?

If you plan to have booze, do a spiked punch for the adults and a regular for the kids? Cheaper than beer and booze set-ups.

To go with our summer theme, we bought great silk flowers at the local craft store and made all of the flower bouquets and coursages. I still have ours!

Printed Invitations are pretty pricy, so make them yourselves, or buys some plain and have a crafty friend do calligraphy for you as their gift.

So many ideas, lol

Make lists of things you really can't live without at your wedding, and go from there. We found we really couldn't live without our family and friends there...everything else was icing on the cake!

CherylNYC · 01-13-2015, 01:55 PM

Congratulations! I agree with everyone who said you should have the kind of party that suits you. Make an event that you would want to attend. If you're still torn, ask yourself why you're doing this thing, anyway. What's the purpose of throwing this party? If it's a joyful celebration of the family you're creating, and you're so happy about that that you can't help but invite all the people who are important to you to witness it, then do whatever you think honors that intention. If you're concerned with presenting a proper image and creating a traditional event that conforms with expectations about what marriage means to your family and community, then pay more attention to all the traditional practices that signal to one and all that you're MARRIED in the way they've come to expect.

Those two things aren't mutually exclusive for most women I know. For them, wearing a traditional white lace dress and throwing the bouquet to their unmarried friends with all their family watching is THE most joyful of all the joyful celebrations on earth. Personally, I'm not particularly interested in those traditions for myself, and it sounds to me like you're not necessarily inclined towards all those traditional wedding rituals, either. That doesn't mean you wouldn't enjoy them and find them incredibly meaningful were you to end up adhering to them, but you don't have to.

Waaay back in the way back machine, my ex and I got handfasted, (Pagan/Wiccan commitment ceremony). A white dress wasn't even on my radar. Besides all the wedding industry hoopla that I wasn't interested in supporting, it's my opinion that red is the right colour for the occasion. It represents lust, vigor, fertility and good health. Green is a great colour, too. It's the colour of growth also of fertility, as well as material wealth. My handfasting dress was red, and I thought it was a perfect choice for the occasion. Other colours have their own associations, and it might help you choose how you decorate yourself and your party space to think about the symbolism they carry.

When I reduce a wedding down to the essentials, I see it as an important life event during which you officially create family, and invite your friends/family to witness and support you in your choice. Whenever you're stuck just keep asking yourself if the thing your second cousin insists you can't do without contributes to, or detracts from, that intention.

cinnamongrrl · 01-13-2015, 04:40 PM

Congrats to you both!

As far as wedding details, Pinterest has a whole bunch of ideas for all budgets. Dont get so overwhelmed with it all that you forget to enjoy the moment(s)!!

GeorgiaMa'am · 01-13-2015, 04:50 PM

Congratulations!

My one bit of advice - get a check-off list (there are lots of similar ones around), assign deadlines and stick to it. A year and a half is just about the right amount of time to plan a wedding at a reasonable pace without killing yourself. With a year and a half, it could even be - gasp! - fun!

Best Wishes,
GeorgiaMa'am

Gemme · 01-13-2015, 06:48 PM

Congratulations!

01-13-2015, 09:24 AM	#1
ZoeyJayne Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Desbian Preferred Pronoun?: Dez, me , it , her , who knows lol Relationship Status: Happily Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Lowell Ma/Manchester NH Posts: 52 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6 Thanked 90 Times in 32 Posts Rep Power: 1114153	I am getting married and I am clueless......HELP!!! So after a year Alicia and I have decided that we want to get married... She proposed to me on thanksgiving day at her parents house and now my brain has been filled with lots of OMG's and how do you plan a wedding with no money... I have my friends telling me I need this and I need that and this and that... But here is the thing.. We are not doing a traditional wedding... We know that for the reception we are going to be doing a potluck... we have the hall picked out (I think)... we know our colors are going to be a limeish green and light blue.. we set the date of 9/24/16.. Alicia and I are not much of the dress wearing type, But I am also not the tux wearing type and neither is she... we are both neither butch nor fem we are just ourselves.. But I do want to wear a dress or maybe I dont know .. but i dont want a wedding dress... I want like something casual and simple... .... Let me stop ranting and being all scattered here ... I just have no clue how to plan a wedding and a few idea's could be helpful... Thanks in advanced __________________

01-13-2015, 09:43 AM	#2
Cailin Member How Do You Identify?: Female.. and it's pronounced "cah-leen", not cay-lin Preferred Pronoun?: You Relationship Status: In one Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Texas Posts: 872 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 979 Thanked 2,630 Times in 739 Posts Rep Power: 15791748	.................................. well that's a shocker (not on facebook much, must have missed it in the feed) congratulations hunny -- p.s, people will tell you what they know and feel, but it's your wedding, so do what you feel is right. what style of dress are you thinking? In September here, it's like 90 degrees so i'm not sure about the weather up there. Are you looking for like a long flowy dress, summer dress? what are you envisioning? you can text me if you want. __________________ De reir a cheile a thogtar na caisleain

01-13-2015, 09:47 AM	#3
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,818 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,011 Thanked 7,246 Times in 1,416 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Congratulations! First of all, you've got to tune out your friends and the entire wedding industry as far as "you need this and that and Pluto" to get married. You actually just need the legalities and that's it. I strongly caution you on throwing a potluck, unless your wedding is very small. I advise you (I know, here I am throwing advice around ) to let your guests be guests and don't make them "work". There are ways to provide food and refreshment that doesn't break the bank, even if it's cake and punch. That used to be the norm, anyway. There may be legalities around throwing a potluck and using the hall's kitchen, also. Take it from me speaking from experience, the aggravation and extra work on you isn't worth it. I learned it's far worth the money to hand it over to caterers, including set up and serving. You don't need tuxes or wedding dresses. Since you have over a year, check out prom and homecoming season dresses coming out. Above all, get organized and stay that way. And have fun . __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

01-13-2015, 09:51 AM	#4
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Do what feels right my dear Zoeykins and many congratulations to you both __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

01-13-2015, 01:55 PM	#6
CherylNYC Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status: Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NYC Posts: 1,467 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,474 Thanked 7,150 Times in 1,206 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Congratulations! I agree with everyone who said you should have the kind of party that suits you. Make an event that you would want to attend. If you're still torn, ask yourself why you're doing this thing, anyway. What's the purpose of throwing this party? If it's a joyful celebration of the family you're creating, and you're so happy about that that you can't help but invite all the people who are important to you to witness it, then do whatever you think honors that intention. If you're concerned with presenting a proper image and creating a traditional event that conforms with expectations about what marriage means to your family and community, then pay more attention to all the traditional practices that signal to one and all that you're MARRIED in the way they've come to expect. Those two things aren't mutually exclusive for most women I know. For them, wearing a traditional white lace dress and throwing the bouquet to their unmarried friends with all their family watching is THE most joyful of all the joyful celebrations on earth. Personally, I'm not particularly interested in those traditions for myself, and it sounds to me like you're not necessarily inclined towards all those traditional wedding rituals, either. That doesn't mean you wouldn't enjoy them and find them incredibly meaningful were you to end up adhering to them, but you don't have to. Waaay back in the way back machine, my ex and I got handfasted, (Pagan/Wiccan commitment ceremony). A white dress wasn't even on my radar. Besides all the wedding industry hoopla that I wasn't interested in supporting, it's my opinion that red is the right colour for the occasion. It represents lust, vigor, fertility and good health. Green is a great colour, too. It's the colour of growth also of fertility, as well as material wealth. My handfasting dress was red, and I thought it was a perfect choice for the occasion. Other colours have their own associations, and it might help you choose how you decorate yourself and your party space to think about the symbolism they carry. When I reduce a wedding down to the essentials, I see it as an important life event during which you officially create family, and invite your friends/family to witness and support you in your choice. Whenever you're stuck just keep asking yourself if the thing your second cousin insists you can't do without contributes to, or detracts from, that intention. __________________ Cheryl

01-13-2015, 09:56 AM	#5
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,958 Times in 5,020 Posts Rep Power: 0	Congratulations on your engagement! When my wife and i married we wanted friends and family around us, but we were determined not to spend a lot, so here are a few of our ideas: We had our ceremony and reception in my Mom's lovely backyard by the pool. Maybe you know someone with a nice backyard you can use for free? September is a good time for an outside wedding. You can rent chairs for a small fee, or ask friends and neighbors to borrow a few. We had a small plain cake made at our nearby grocery store, and went to a cake decorating store for a topper. We had cupcakes made up in our colors, and there you go for maybe $50 total. If you have a 99cent store/dollar store, keep your eyes open for deals on matching paper plates, napkins, cups, plastic forks...etc. You can also find seasonal decorations there for cheap...we were married in July, so we bought summery things and tikki torches for around the pool. If you or your friends know how, do some music mixes, and have one of them help you with the music...maybe cost you a six-pack or it could be their gift? If you plan to have booze, do a spiked punch for the adults and a regular for the kids? Cheaper than beer and booze set-ups. To go with our summer theme, we bought great silk flowers at the local craft store and made all of the flower bouquets and coursages. I still have ours! Printed Invitations are pretty pricy, so make them yourselves, or buys some plain and have a crafty friend do calligraphy for you as their gift. So many ideas, lol Make lists of things you really can't live without at your wedding, and go from there. We found we really couldn't live without our family and friends there...everything else was icing on the cake!

01-13-2015, 04:40 PM	#7
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: in my heart I'm going to Carolina...but I'm in MA for now Posts: 7,564 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,870 Thanked 27,369 Times in 6,858 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Congrats to you both! As far as wedding details, Pinterest has a whole bunch of ideas for all budgets. Dont get so overwhelmed with it all that you forget to enjoy the moment(s)!! __________________

01-13-2015, 04:50 PM	#8
GeorgiaMa'am Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: Ma'am Relationship Status: widowed - involved, poly Join Date: May 2010 Location: Georgia Posts: 5,675 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37,098 Thanked 27,170 Times in 5,134 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Congratulations! My one bit of advice - get a check-off list (there are lots of similar ones around), assign deadlines and stick to it. A year and a half is just about the right amount of time to plan a wedding at a reasonable pace without killing yourself. With a year and a half, it could even be - gasp! - fun! Best Wishes, GeorgiaMa'am

01-13-2015, 06:48 PM	#9
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,587 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,179 Thanked 108,771 Times in 25,659 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	Congratulations! __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.