Raising our Grandchildren

[LadyRain]

My granddaughter (16) has come to live with my partner and I. It had been the two of us, a cat and a dog. Our life was quiet, predictable and well boring! We travel a lot.We were in Hawaii for a 3 week vacation when all hell broke loose and the girl ran away. I was on the phone day and night to get her to our house with the house sitter. My partner, a Dr, retired last year. We have only been together 5 years. Long story to how we got to be here with the girl. I hope to discuss it in this thread. I sure need some support here. I am very very angry at her parents! They have abandoned her. I have hired a lawyer, I plan to get complete guardianship. I will do it, I know it sounds wrong but I can "out lawyer" her parents. We have the money to do it. Yesterday I enrolled her in the best school in our city. We have replaced her wardrobe, made her a bedroom, bought a bed. She is a sweet kid ! I have no idea whats what these days though. Kids seem to be older then when we were their age. Dating????? egads I have no clue! So do you have your grands, or other children? HELPPPPP!!

[Lady Pamela]

I currently do not have my grandchildren bit spent many years with a couple of them in my home. M16 year old grandaughter spends the weekends in my home still.

I love them all with all my heart but sometimes it can be a challenge.

Much harder than when I was young.

My hats off to you as well as anyone who does this.

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by Rain

My granddaughter (16) has come to live with my partner and I. It had been the two of us, a cat and a dog. Our life was quiet, predictable and well boring! We travel a lot.We were in Hawaii for a 3 week vacation when all hell broke loose and the girl ran away. I was on the phone day and night to get her to our house with the house sitter. My partner, a Dr, retired last year. We have only been together 5 years. Long story to how we got to be here with the girl. I hope to discuss it in this thread. I sure need some support here. I am very very angry at her parents! They have abandoned her. I have hired a lawyer, I plan to get complete guardianship. I will do it, I know it sounds wrong but I can "out lawyer" her parents. We have the money to do it. Yesterday I enrolled her in the best school in our city. We have replaced her wardrobe, made her a bedroom, bought a bed. She is a sweet kid ! I have no idea whats what these days though. Kids seem to be older then when we were their age. Dating????? egads I have no clue! So do you have your grands, or other children? HELPPPPP!!

Sorry typing one handed..but..have you checked tosee the laws in your state for grandparents?
If you have them then it is sooo much more simple.

Tomorrow if you would like I could share more via phone. Typing is so hard like this.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I can’t offer any advice on guardianship of your Granddaughter, but, ‘I may be able offer some insight from the perspective of being raised by Grandparents….

My twin brother and I were raised by our maternal Grandparents from babies….both our Grandparents were in their 50s when they took over guardianship of us. They both did jobs with shifts, so, sometime (not often) family would babysit us until they finished work.

I know it wasn’t easy for them having to raise two children again at their age, especially one with a Neural Tube Defect and not knowing how this would affect my mobility as I grew up….fortunately, they were both very physically active so were able to invest their energies in us.

My brother was the quiet confident one, where as I was the unsure (not insecure), emotional, sensitive one….this probably made ‘parenting’ my brother easier for them in some respects. What I always remember about being raised by my Grandparents was how they handled each situation and were happy to sit and talk about our feelings, their thoughts and the out come.

In some ways they were strict, yet, they always explained their reasons why and when one of us (usually me, lol!) over-stepped the mark, then they would enforce the ‘punishment’ accordingly (usually being grounded for a set time period or doing extra chores, etc). My Grandparents had their hands full with me as I wanted to explore the world around me and when they understood that my SB wasn’t going to stop me, they helped me focus my energies and attentions on what I wanted to do….I still had reasonable limitations within what I could physically do, as well as their financial resources.

We also, had daily chores to do, along with a daily routine that only differed when we were away on holiday or at Christmas….meal times were family times and we had family nights in where we’d watch movies or play games….this included time spent with family on the Marae (tribal family land) and when family visited from overseas.

Once the chores and homework was done, we were free to do our own things (within reason, lol!), as long as we were home by our curfew time. If for any reason we would be late, we had to phone and explain why….so, if my girlfriend’s parents were giving me a lift home and I’d be 15 minutes late, then they would meet me at the garden gate. If I was getting a Taxi home, they would come and get me instead.

Yes, there were times when I felt frustrated with them over certain things, but, looking back now, I can understand why they did the things they did. As my Grandmother said, she was having to rise children again, only this time she had a better idea how too, even though it still wasn’t easy, especially as my generation had more influences then our Mother’s.

For us, it all came down to open communication about our wants, needs, desires and feelings and our Grandparents communicated openly and freely with us….no subject was Tapu/taboo.

I hope all works out for you.

[Tommi]

Congratulations.

For taking her in, for caring enough and being able to provide love and necessities for her. I can relate, but our kiddo was much younger. We loved her to pieces, over-protected her, and made sure she was safe every day and nite. She always had one of us to talk to, no matter what else was going on. Life changed on a dime.

My ex-partner and I became "parents" , on a July 4th weekend many years ago. Like you, we were comfortable with the pets, the kids had grown, we were free, traveled, had a weekend house in the mountains where I painted and sculpted. Her daughter had gotten married, her son had joined the Navy.

Overnite, we became parents of her daughter's 2 and 1/2 year old. because ~~ the little one's mother did drugs, said she never bonded with her, and was going into rehab, the father was long gone. We had a traumatized, terrorized little girl to raise, whose mother never got clean , and never got her back.. the mother never got clean, and never took her away again.

We took a week off work, then put her in a Christian School daycare program that following Monday. She graduated from that high school and went on to college, met an Airman on-line, and wanted to get married. SCARY TIME>>>She had never been away from us for even one nite. Now we have 2 more little ones. She is at Wright-Patterson Air Force clear across the country from home right now. She has always referred to us as he parents, and told her mother that Peg and I were the grandparents....

So, all I can say for the teenage years. We talked. We stayed involved. She asked us about alll kinds of things. She told her teachers, and friends that Her Gramma and I slept in the same bed and we were her parents, I almost died, but...they kept her in school and she always had friends. Our kiddo was eager and able in sports, loved animals. I got to be the Taxi-Van driver for her teams, and chaperoned them on school trips, went on a bus with 25 wild teens on an 8 hour road trip, snorkeled with them at Sea Camp on Catalina Island, and enjoyed Disneyland toooo many times to count. When she was 16 she got a season pass to Knott's Berry Farm Amusement park (close to home) and always was respectful, on time and wanted to bring her friends to her house.

So, good luck and congratulations on a whole new adventure...