LGBTIQ Children

[jelli]

I would like to know if any of you have experienced your children exploring their own sexuality and choosing to date the same sex?

What age is the teen/young adult?
Did you suspect they were experimenting with same sex or did it catch you off guard?
What concerns do you have for them?
How did you go about talking to them?
What suggestions would you give to that young person?

[jelli]

Really? Nobody?

[jelli]

W have a daughter(almost 19) who has started dating a girl. I don't see my daughter as gay. When I see them together I don't see what I see with a lot of new relationships such as chemistry. There was no doubt when I met Cruel that we had chemistry. It was hot and it was intense. Years later, people still have no doubt about us.

Recently this girl let her male(married) boss buy her shoes(wifey doesn't know) and is making comments such as "I wasn't feeling good and one of the guys said, "too bad you're a lesbian because some penis-cillin would make you feel better".

When I spoke to the girl(perhaps it wasn't my place) she usually puts it off as if she's just super friendly. I brought up about sexual harassment, about boundaries, disrespect, etc. She responded how she knows these guys would never do anything and would always be there for her.

She's know them for just over a week.

Apparently our daughter was getting upset about a few things such as the boss texting her gf all the time, but supposedly that's supposed to stop, but we'll see.

[uniquetobeme]

My 21 year old son is either gay or bisexual. He and his boyfriend both live with me. I don't really worry too much about him because of his sexuality, but he is 'the butch' in the relationship. His boyfriend is so infeminate (spelling) that is almost like having another girl in the house. I consult him with all my fashion questions and he helps me cook and clean :-)
I do worry about my 14 year old son. He may not be gay, but he is also infeminate (sp?) and I worry about him if it turns out that he is gay because the more girlie guys are the ones that end up being beaten and have a rough road. I don't wan't to assume my 14 year old is gay, but there are such strong signs that is. My middle son is all about the ladies. LOL...he often talked with me and says things like, 'we're the only ones in the house that like girls'
Even though I am openly gay, and was married to a woman at the time, my 21 year old hid his sexuality from us. We found out the hard way...by finding pics he had sent to other guys.
When he was younger, he was embarrassed that I was a lesbian. If we went through a drive-thru he would cover the rainbow sticker I had in my van. LOL. Now he wears a rainbow bracelet.
His father isn't very accepting of him being gay. That bothers me.

[genghisfawn]

My friends are a straight-presenting queer couple (FTM and drag king) with two children. The eldest is 13 and a very self-aware young lady - religiously Pagan, takes her school through an Eco-Quest program, passionate about Scouts.

Her parents were teasing her one night about having a girlfriend on Facebook (she's open to crushes on all genders.)

Dad: Isn't she your girlfriend?
Her: Daaaad!
Mom: Well, you talk to her all the time.
Her: Mooooom!
Me: Are you even interested in dating right now?
Her: *pause* I don't even know what I LIKE!
Me: Is she cute?
Her: *pause* Yes?

It was great to see a young lady who wants to wait until she's comfortable with what she likes before pursuing it. If only so many others were as secure as she is.

[Greyson]

"too bad you're a lesbian because some penis-cillin would make you feel better".

Your kidding me, right? This is the best this joker has got, penis-cillin? And some wonder why lesbians seem to get all the women with looks and brains. Go figure.

[MsTinkerbelly]

For several years I have been convinced that my daughter (18) is bi-sexual...now I am not sure what to think. She asked me what I thought about her having a sex change operation; she doesn't feel really girly and she likes to wear pants and tops.

As always I reassured her that I love her no matter what, but I am thinking she needs someone more than me to talk to about all of this. I asked her if she felt like she was a male in a female body, and she really couldn't answer me. So if I suggest counciling will that come off as me thinking something is "wrong" with her? Will I do more harm...or how do I do no harm?

I know people here have transitioned, but have your children considered this?

I have to work now, but I'll be back later.

Blessings

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

For several years I have been convinced that my daughter (18) is bi-sexual...now I am not sure what to think. She asked me what I thought about her having a sex change operation; she doesn't feel really girly and she likes to wear pants and tops.

As always I reassured her that I love her no matter what, but I am thinking she needs someone more than me to talk to about all of this. I asked her if she felt like she was a male in a female body, and she really couldn't answer me. So if I suggest counciling will that come off as me thinking something is "wrong" with her? Will I do more harm...or how do I do no harm?

I know people here have transitioned, but have your children considered this?

I have to work now, but I'll be back later.

Blessings

Have you introduced her to any butch women? By butch woman, I mean a butch who also identifies as a woman/female. Maybe she just needs to see the variety of ways a woman can walk in this world.

I do not 'feel girly', never have and I do not own a dress and have not owned one since the day I graduated from high school. Yes I was in the Army. When I was on active duty the uniforms for women did NOT include pants/trousers/slacks of any kind. It was about 2 years into my enlistment before they came out with uniforms that included pants/slacks/trousers. I never really considered the uniform skirts to be dresses....it was a uniform.....laughin......it did help that ALL of us had to wear the skirt....I had plenty of butch friends who, like me, looked like a bad drag queen in a skirt/dress.

[starryeyes]

I am gay of gay. My father is gay. It's in the genes! :-D

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

I am gay of gay. My father is gay. It's in the genes! :-D

I love this

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

For several years I have been convinced that my daughter (18) is bi-sexual...now I am not sure what to think. She asked me what I thought about her having a sex change operation; she doesn't feel really girly and she likes to wear pants and tops.

As always I reassured her that I love her no matter what, but I am thinking she needs someone more than me to talk to about all of this. I asked her if she felt like she was a male in a female body, and she really couldn't answer me. So if I suggest counciling will that come off as me thinking something is "wrong" with her? Will I do more harm...or how do I do no harm?

I know people here have transitioned, but have your children considered this?

I have to work now, but I'll be back later.

Blessings

she may be a little confused with sexual identity. My son, raised in a very diversified home, claimed bisexuality when he was a teenager and discovering sex. I wondered if exposing him to gays, kinky people, trans, was a good thing or not. I always told him he would make his own choices but I wasn't sure how to properly guide him other then providing him with the information I felt was appropriate. For instance I got him a beautiful book about sex and all the different types of sex including fetish and kinky. I did the same thing with religion giving him a book on religions and spirituality. I explained that these were choices people made and that it was all ok no matter what anyone said. I invited him to discuss it after he read them but to be honest I wondered if I would be bias so I arranged for him to speak with a therapist after extensive research. I explained to him that I did not think anything was wrong with him but that sometimes it helps to talk to someone outside of our family to sort through things and that we could still talk about anything.

It helped greatly but I also made sure we talked a lot.

Its common for our kids to try and emulate us even if its not the right choice for them. I believe that its our job, as parents to guide them and not make them carbon copies.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by Toughy

Have you introduced her to any butch women? By butch woman, I mean a butch who also identifies as a woman/female. Maybe she just needs to see the variety of ways a woman can walk in this world.

I do not 'feel girly', never have and I do not own a dress and have not owned one since the day I graduated from high school. Yes I was in the Army. When I was on active duty the uniforms for women did NOT include pants/trousers/slacks of any kind. It was about 2 years into my enlistment before they came out with uniforms that included pants/slacks/trousers. I never really considered the uniform skirts to be dresses....it was a uniform.....laughin......it did help that ALL of us had to wear the skirt....I had plenty of butch friends who, like me, looked like a bad drag queen in a skirt/dress.

She has not been around woman/female identified butches, only male identified. She has been around Femme's, and she has been around andro-lesbians.

Part of the problem is that she wears a size 13 shoe, is 6' tall, has hands as big as small plates and is considerably overweight. She thinks all of her issues would be resolved if she were male.

As Sachita said in her responce, I think I am going to have to find a way to get her to see a therapist again. This was not the issue at the time, but she already tried to kill herself once and I take no chances where she is concerned.

Thank you for your thoughts.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

She has not been around woman/female identified butches, only male identified. She has been around Femme's, and she has been around andro-lesbians.

Part of the problem is that she wears a size 13 shoe, is 6' tall, has hands as big as small plates and is considerably overweight. She thinks all of her issues would be resolved if she were male.

As Sachita said in her responce, I think I am going to have to find a way to get her to see a therapist again. This was not the issue at the time, but she already tried to kill herself once and I take no chances where she is concerned.

Thank you for your thoughts.

I think there are several issues going on here. Something much deeper then sexual identity. Sometimes kids will adopt an identity or fad to mask and cover deeply emotional problems to deflect.

It is very important to find someone who is accepting of all lifestyle but qualified to get the core of what is really going on. Good luck to you. I know it isn't easy. My son is an adult man now but he sure did put me through hell. He still does now sometimes but I admit that he turned out to be a wonderful man and excellent father. I often wonder tho is maybe I raised him to be a bit too free spirited because he has difficulty accepting and adapting top anything mainstream.