Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[ButchEire]

Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes! I agree, each path is as unique as the individual and yes, absolutely, people are born gay. In equal fashion, i've known people who's heterosexual experiences (in childhood, mainly, but also as adults) were simply so traumatic that same sex relationships were simply the right choice for them. No path is wrong, but I think it's narrow minded to believe it's one way or the other with no grey areas.

Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O

I have a hard time understanding why some people don't get it. Oftentimes it seems a person wants to project their own experiences onto everyone else or put everyone in boxes. You're Straight, you go in box 1. You are born Gay, you go in Box 2. Oh, I'm sorry there isn't a box 3, 4 or 5 or 100 or 1 Billion, you will have to fit into box 1 or 2. LoL. Discovery comes through many different experiences. My personal road doesn't define your path of discovery, and your path doesn't define mine.

For some of us we are born Gay and for others it's a choice whether it be Gay, Bi, Pan, or any other identity. I've known women who didn't discover that they were Gay until they were over 50 years old. I know other women who came out in their 30s, both Bi and Gay, and they had never thought about being with another woman before. That was a WOW moment the first time I met someone with this experience. I almost couldn't fathom it. But I accepted it. And I have met many many women and men with so many different stories of discoveries. So for me, not everyone is born Gay just because I was.

Yes, I was born Gay. But then, my story is still so much more complicated than that, (lol) because I believe in living a life or many lives before this one.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Originally Posted by ButchEire

Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes! I agree, each path is as unique as the individual and yes, absolutely, people are born gay. In equal fashion, i've known people who's heterosexual experiences (in childhood, mainly, but also as adults) were simply so traumatic that same sex relationships were simply the right choice for them. No path is wrong, but I think it's narrow minded to believe it's one way or the other with no grey areas.

Thank you, Thank you ButchEire. I agree with you. I have also known those with this path too.

And I might also add... ok, I'm going to go ahead and add. Technically, there are those who may identify me as Straight. But please don't tell anyone. LoL. So, maybe I was born Straight. I don't know. I think it depends on who you ask.

[julieisafemme]

I agree with what Cynthia Nixon said. Nobody would publish what I say because I am not a famous actress but I feel the same way. I have been attracted to butches from a very early age. I did not act on that attraction for many reasons. I made a conscious choice to come out a 42. I am out in every part of my life and I am very proud of that choice! I celebrate it every day. I don't consider myself bisexual. I am a queer lesbian.

I especially agree with her point about not letting the religious right wing define the terms of the discussion. No matter how we got here we are gay. That is what matters. I also agree with Belle about the issue of defining being gay through genes. Because it still puts the discussion in the realm of something that can be "cured" or changed. I don't care how I got this way and I do not want to change it.

[Strappie]

Maybe she "thinks" she chose to be gay? She chose to be with men at one time and now women. I personally think that makes her Bisexual, she obviously loves both features of men and women.

I was born gay.... I know nothing else... was that a choice?

I also think there are people that were born Bi... Is that a choice? They choose who they will date... Maybe that is the CHOICE she is talking about?

I believe for some people it is a choice, the choice to live your life as you are or who you are!! "That is the Choice!"

**Disclaimer** I do NOT think being BI is a nasty dirty word (I have many friends that label themselves as Bi)

[betenoire]

I like where she said (to paraphrase and make it something more like how i would say something) who gives a shit how I got here - I'm here.

And can we please all just stop calling her bisexual? She gets to choose how to describe herself.

[Strappie]

Originally Posted by betenoire

I like where she said (to paraphrase and make it something more like how i would say something) who gives a shit how I got here - I'm here.

And can we please all just stop calling her bisexual? She gets to chose how to describe herself.

You make it sound like Bisexual is a dirty word. Yes you are correct that she does get to choose who she is or how she wants to label herself...

[CherylNYC]

I have some old school lesbian feminist friends who believe, like Ms. Nixon, that they made a choice to be gay. They were able to enjoy sex with men, but once their feminist consciousness was awakened in the 1970s, they couldn't bear to spend very much time with them because of their typically irritating behaviours. One of those couples has been together for more than 30 blissful yrs, and they have sex all the time. I don't think it would be wise for anyone to suggest to them that they aren't really lesbians. So, Pat Robertson was right. Feminism turned them into lesbians.

I was born this way. I'm a very sexual person, and I've forgotten more men than most women ever bed in a lifetime. That information surprises most people since I'm such a ferocious lesbian now. I didn't stop having sex with men until I was 21 or 22 yrs old. (I'm pushing 50 now.) I IDed as bisexual back then, and later as a lesbian.

We all come to our IDs in our own way and in our own time. I'm sure it would be far more convenient if we were all exactly alike, but we're not.

[blush]

Why are we still trying to find the origins of homosexuality like it is a pathology? We've never sought out the cause of heterosexuality. Homosexuality is unusual, but so is being left handed.

[Vlasta]

I really don't care how Cynthia Nixon chooses live her life . It's none of my business , it indicates she it's bisexual and it's her choice . yet , to us gay people going so public with this it's harmful to us since some people thinking we can be cure and we choose to be gay .
I born gay , but naive about my sexuality and growing up, I have a nobody to guide me and give me advice . As many of us I was doing so called "right thing " by society . I got married and have a child . Back then all my friends all ready have children and I was looked it like " what it's wrong with you ?" How come you don't have children , yet ?

I suffered a lot into my marriage which it's no need for me go to into any details . Until one day I met this butch women and it was like aha moment . I realized oh this is what is wrong with me .I haven't have a sex with men since then .

I know I will get it for my opinion , but I never been fond of bisexual people . It's really harming to our reputation since there are some homophobes they would like to cure me . No , thank you !

[nycfem]

My lesbianism is not biological in the sense that I've been physically attracted to all varieties of gender. Yet at the same time I would not say that being a lesbian was a choice for me.

I grew up in a home that was extremely patriarchal and misogynistic. I would get panic attacks listening at night to my father abuse my mother. And it went on and on, day in, day out. There was not a single moment when his goal was not to be as cruel as possible to her. And she took it, and we all took it, day in, day out. And it sent chills through me. Was this going to be my future?

In junior high school I had my first girlfriend. We fell deeply for each other, though we didn't call it "lesbian." Still, I had a moment of feeling like, "This is what life is about." It was broader than physical attraction. I felt like this was a type of love that rocked me to my core. Her parents and then my parents split us up, forbade us from seeing each other, and called us dykes. We had no idea what that meant and vehemently denied that we were anything bad or perverse.

Then in high school I found the book Radical Feminism, a 1970's anthology. I read that "Feminism is the theory. Lesbianism is the practice." I got into separatist literature and music and learned that "Any woman can be a lesbian." It was at that moment I KNEW I was a lesbian. It became a part of my blood, a political choice and yet it felt deeper than a choice and still does. I knew it would not be a phase, that this was IT, how I would live my life. I knew that I could never have a real romantic relationship with a biological man and would never want that, despite having a wonderful brother and male friends. I've always been happy and fulfilled living my life this way and still am. I couldn't/wouldn't change it for anything or anyone.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Strappie

You make it sound like Bisexual is a dirty word.

I am openly bisexual. I clearly do not think it is a dirty word - but I really do not like to hear people naming other people's sexuality for them.

[Arwen]

I've run the gamut from straight to lesbian to bisexual to queer. I don't give a rat's ass what Cynthia Nixon calls herself. I think it's heinous, controlling and overtly something or other ogynist to say she has a duty (implied) to be the right kind of lesbian if she's going to be public about it.

That's bullshit and I call it bullshit.

I'm really tired of our community's attempt to control one another by not who we sleep with but HOW we sleep with them. BAH!

This rant was brought to you by Arwen who was a bit stressed out tonight and is taking that stress out on these nameless arbitrators of what constitutes a "good" public lesbian.

[Glenn]

At first I thought I don't give a rats ass either because I was also born this way and I am a lifelong butch, and I am very secure with it. But all night, I was thinking about the future generations of my brothers and sisters, and their security, and their future battles with the religious right and media steriotypes. A lot of heterosexuals literally raise their kids on what the media tells them. If everyone who is somewhat a star in the media gets up and states it is a choice, then, that may motivate some folks to choose their own, sometimes nefarious methods in the future to change us. I have personally experienced people who hated us, evolve into becoming more accepting when given reasons to believe we are born this way, rather than thinking my nature is just a choice. This thread has made me realize how important it is how my spokespeople respond in the media to people, especially movie stars, and attractive women, that heterosexuals admired. Because this may influence how my brothers and sisters in the future are treated, I am very proud of my people who questioned her "terminology" in the media, and reinforced the fact that for many of us, it never was, nor will be, just simply a... choice.