Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Abuse

WickedFemme · 06-05-2011, 07:23 PM

Hello Everyone:

I'm conducting a Community Needs Assessment and need some help...

I'm seeking information from those of you who have ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse in order to develop a nonprofit organization that will serve the community.

1. Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse. by this I mean - have you ever been abused by your partner physically, emotionally, etc.

2. Where did this event take place? (city, State).

3. Did you seek services? shelter, supportive services, counseling?

4. What was the outcome of the services you sought? (were you helped?, did you feel you were discriminated against in any way, etc.?).

5. what do you thing should change in regards to LGBT services for victims of domestic violence/ intimate partner abuse?

thank you for participating. Please feel free to forward your answers to my e-mail at carlaharris2008@yahoo.com or by messaging me here. Your answers and identity will be kept completely confidential.

thank you,
Carla

WickedFemme · 06-05-2011, 07:26 PM

You may also share your experiences here in this forum... I work in domestic violence and am willing to offer some support and referrals to resources to help you. Again, thank you.

atomiczombie · 06-05-2011, 07:35 PM

1. Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse. by this I mean - have you ever been abused by your partner physically, emotionally, etc.

Not physically, but my ex-wife was both verbally and emotionally abusive to me.

2. Where did this event take place? (city, State).

At the time we lived in Walnut Creek, Ca

3. Did you seek services? shelter, supportive services, counseling?

I left her and then saw a Therapist.

4. What was the outcome of the services you sought? (were you helped?, did you feel you were discriminated against in any way, etc.?).

The therapist I worked with helped me a great deal. She helped me understand why I stayed with someone for so long who was so mean, and now I see the red flags and avoid them.

5. what do you thing should change in regards to LGBT services for victims of domestic violence/ intimate partner abuse?

I really don't know because I haven't needed much in the way of services, myself. It wasn't a matter for the police and I didn't need a shelter. I stayed with my folks for a month and then got my own apartment. My friends and other family gave me a lot of support, and my folks paid for my therapy. I was very lucky!

WickedFemme · 06-05-2011, 07:42 PM

Thank you so much for responding and I am so happy to hear that you got the support and help that you needed at the time.

It makes such a difference when you have family/friends to go to in a crisis.

domestic violence isn't always in the form of physical violence... as you said it is also emotional, verbal and social.

Again, thank you for responding to my questions.

scootebaby · 06-05-2011, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WickedFemme

Hello Everyone:

I'm conducting a Community Needs Assessment and need some help...

I'm seeking information from those of you who have ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse in order to develop a nonprofit organization that will serve the community.

1. Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse. by this I mean - have you ever been abused by your partner physically, emotionally, etc.

physically,mentally,and emotionally--by a couple different ones
2. Where did this event take place? Madison In (city, State).

3. Did you seek services? shelter, supportive services, counseling?Sadly NO..if i had perhaps i wouldnt have wasted so much of my life

4. What was the outcome of the services you sought? (were you helped?, did you feel you were discriminated against in any way, etc.?).

5. what do you thing should change in regards to LGBT services for victims of domestic violence/ intimate partner abuse?
I dont really know the services offered out there,but i would have to say to make it more known that help IS available in smaller communities especially for people of the LGBT

thank you for participating. Please feel free to forward your answers to my e-mail at carlaharris2008@yahoo.com or by messaging me here. Your answers and identity will be kept completely confidential.

thank you,
Carla

i tihnk this is a great idea!

Gemme · 06-05-2011, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WickedFemme

Hello Everyone:

I'm conducting a Community Needs Assessment and need some help...

I'm seeking information from those of you who have ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse in order to develop a nonprofit organization that will serve the community.

1. Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse. by this I mean - have you ever been abused by your partner physically, emotionally, etc.

Yes.

2. Where did this event take place? (city, State).

Washington state and Florida. Multiple cities, multiple partners.

3. Did you seek services? shelter, supportive services, counseling?

Nope. I wanted to but didn't qualify for discounted services and I couldn't afford rack rate therapy.

4. What was the outcome of the services you sought? (were you helped?, did you feel you were discriminated against in any way, etc.?).

N/A

5. what do you thing should change in regards to LGBT services for victims of domestic violence/ intimate partner abuse?

Almost everything. Take away the stigma of our very existence in this primarily straight world and then we might be able to get somewhere.

thank you for participating. Please feel free to forward your answers to my e-mail at carlaharris2008@yahoo.com or by messaging me here. Your answers and identity will be kept completely confidential.

thank you,
Carla

I hope your assessment is successful.

WickedFemme · 06-05-2011, 07:55 PM

I'll answer these questions as well:

1. Yes, I have been a victim of domestic violence in both heterosexual and same sex relationships. i survived severe physical abuse by men... I had a gun held to my head, I was stalked and I was beaten beyond recognition in my face. I also survived emotional and social abuse by a woman.

2. in New York and California

3. yes, I sought therapy and my mother rescued me from both situations and I stayed at her house. I was fortunate enough to have the resources to get therapy for years. It took me a very long time to gain and regain self-esteem and learn and apply personal boundaries.

4. I felt very fortunate with the help I received. When I was in a situation with a woman I was discriminated against by police officers and felt i had nowhere to go and no one to talk to.. it was very socially isolating and I felt re-traumatized. It took me years to recover.

WickedFemme · 06-05-2011, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

I hope your assessment is successful.

thank you Gemme... your participation will definitely help others in our community to seek sensitive services and needed support.

Again, thank you very much for sharing your experiences. I hope you find healing and strength....

WickedFemme · 06-05-2011, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scootebaby

i tihnk this is a great idea!

thank you Scooter... I know this may have been painful and hopefully not too re-traumatizing for you. You are brave for sharing and I for one appreciate you and so will many others who benefit from services they would not otherwise be able to afford.

WickedFemme · 06-05-2011, 08:11 PM

Violence within intimate relationships, known as domestic or intimate partner violence, has been documented as an epidemic in the United States and worldwide17 and is defined in many different ways. For the purposes of this report, we utilize NCAVP‘s working definition of domestic/intimate partner violence: ―a pattern of behavior where one intimate partner coerces, dominates and isolates the other intimate partner in order to maintain power and control over the partner and over the relationship."18
Dynamics of Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence
Domestic/intimate partner violence can occur in dating or long-term relationships and affects all communities, regardless of race, ethnicity, economic status, age, ability, HIV status, sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression. Power and control is the central dynamic of a relationship in which domestic/intimate partner violence occurs and patterns of abuse often escalate over time.19 Abusive partners use myriad tactics and strategies to exert and maintain control over their partners, including:

physical abuse, which can include hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, pushing, restraining, withholding food, medication or medical care;

verbal abuse, which can include insults, demeaning language, slurs and vicious personal attacks;

sexual abuse, which can include forced or non-consensual sex and verbal sexual abuse;

psychological/emotional abuse, which can include making the survivor think they are crazy, blaming the survivor for the abuse, denying or minimizing the abuse, withholding psychotropic medication or limiting access to treatment;

economic abuse, which can include limiting access to money/resources, interfering with school or work, causing the survivor to lose their job through harassment (including ―outing‖ to employers), damaging credit and identity theft;

isolation, which can include creating rifts between the survivor and their support system, cutting off access to that support system, posing as the abused partner to prevent the survivor from accessing the limited resources available and/or ―tracking‖ the survivor through service providers;

intimidation, which can include threats of violence, threats to hurt loved ones, threats to ―out‖ the survivor‘s LGBTQ

identity, HIV status, mental health issues, drug or alcohol use or other stigmatized identities or behaviors;

use of privilege, which can include incorporating biased language and slurs into verbal abuse, utilizing institutions that may be oppressive to LGBTQ survivors like the court and child welfare systems, exposing the survivor to hate violence or ―outing‖ the survivor as outlined above.20

Domestic/intimate partner violence tactics in LGBTQ relationships are similar to those used in heterosexual relationships, but also include the use of anti-LGBTQ societal stigma and bias as a central tactic to exert power and control and increase isolation.

moxie · 06-05-2011, 08:31 PM

I have posted this before a long time ago in a thread I can't remember, but thought it would be good to post again since the subject is being discussed.

Power and Control Wheel

....

WickedFemme · 06-05-2011, 09:34 PM

Thank you for posting the power and control wheel... it is such a great tool for identifying d.v.

avec_amore · 06-07-2011, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WickedFemme

1. Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse. by this I mean - have you ever been abused by your partner physically, emotionally, etc.

Yes, physical, verbal and emotional

2. Where did this event take place? (city, State).

Denver, CO

3. Did you seek services? shelter, supportive services, counseling?

The police were involved, services were offered such as safehouses, etc but I did not use them. I did seek therapy on my own to deal with the aftermath emotionally and sort out how I keep finding myself in abusive relationships with angry people. It was covered by my insurance.

4. What was the outcome of the services you sought? (were you helped?, did you feel you were discriminated against in any way, etc.?).

I was not discriminated against even though they were well aware we were a same sex relationship

5. what do you thin[k] should change in regards to LGBT services for victims of domestic violence/ intimate partner abuse?

I didnt feel a need for special services specifically for LGBT couples\abuse

I am making this post longer because it didnt like that I wrote inside the quote

WickedFemme · 07-09-2011, 10:06 AM

Thank you for all the input here. Here is the update:
I have a meeting with a few organizations addressing glbt issues and services in the Bay Area. This is part two of the community needs assessment. I will make a final decision regarding the 'need' or lack of soon.
Again, thanks to everyone who contributed.

06-05-2011, 07:23 PM	#1
WickedFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Very Happily Married to Bobbi46 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: where I want to be Posts: 313 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 355 Thanked 994 Times in 221 Posts Rep Power: 7014691	Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Abuse Hello Everyone: I'm conducting a Community Needs Assessment and need some help... I'm seeking information from those of you who have ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse in order to develop a nonprofit organization that will serve the community. 1. Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse. by this I mean - have you ever been abused by your partner physically, emotionally, etc. 2. Where did this event take place? (city, State). 3. Did you seek services? shelter, supportive services, counseling? 4. What was the outcome of the services you sought? (were you helped?, did you feel you were discriminated against in any way, etc.?). 5. what do you thing should change in regards to LGBT services for victims of domestic violence/ intimate partner abuse? thank you for participating. Please feel free to forward your answers to my e-mail at carlaharris2008@yahoo.com or by messaging me here. Your answers and identity will be kept completely confidential. thank you, Carla

06-05-2011, 07:35 PM	#3
atomiczombie Member How Do You Identify?: Femmesensual Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Relationship Status: Dating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Rio Vista, CA Posts: 1,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,949 Thanked 3,221 Times in 757 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	1. Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence/intimate partner abuse. by this I mean - have you ever been abused by your partner physically, emotionally, etc. Not physically, but my ex-wife was both verbally and emotionally abusive to me. 2. Where did this event take place? (city, State). At the time we lived in Walnut Creek, Ca 3. Did you seek services? shelter, supportive services, counseling? I left her and then saw a Therapist. 4. What was the outcome of the services you sought? (were you helped?, did you feel you were discriminated against in any way, etc.?). The therapist I worked with helped me a great deal. She helped me understand why I stayed with someone for so long who was so mean, and now I see the red flags and avoid them. 5. what do you thing should change in regards to LGBT services for victims of domestic violence/ intimate partner abuse? I really don't know because I haven't needed much in the way of services, myself. It wasn't a matter for the police and I didn't need a shelter. I stayed with my folks for a month and then got my own apartment. My friends and other family gave me a lot of support, and my folks paid for my therapy. I was very lucky! __________________ http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/k...orums_2000.gif Russian Unicorn http://occupiedmedia.us/

06-05-2011, 07:42 PM	#4
WickedFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Very Happily Married to Bobbi46 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: where I want to be Posts: 313 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 355 Thanked 994 Times in 221 Posts Rep Power: 7014691	Thank you Atomic! Thank you so much for responding and I am so happy to hear that you got the support and help that you needed at the time. It makes such a difference when you have family/friends to go to in a crisis. domestic violence isn't always in the form of physical violence... as you said it is also emotional, verbal and social. Again, thank you for responding to my questions.

06-05-2011, 08:11 PM	#10
WickedFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Very Happily Married to Bobbi46 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: where I want to be Posts: 313 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 355 Thanked 994 Times in 221 Posts Rep Power: 7014691	some facts and info Violence within intimate relationships, known as domestic or intimate partner violence, has been documented as an epidemic in the United States and worldwide17 and is defined in many different ways. For the purposes of this report, we utilize NCAVP‘s working definition of domestic/intimate partner violence: ―a pattern of behavior where one intimate partner coerces, dominates and isolates the other intimate partner in order to maintain power and control over the partner and over the relationship."18 Dynamics of Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence Domestic/intimate partner violence can occur in dating or long-term relationships and affects all communities, regardless of race, ethnicity, economic status, age, ability, HIV status, sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression. Power and control is the central dynamic of a relationship in which domestic/intimate partner violence occurs and patterns of abuse often escalate over time.19 Abusive partners use myriad tactics and strategies to exert and maintain control over their partners, including: physical abuse, which can include hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, pushing, restraining, withholding food, medication or medical care; verbal abuse, which can include insults, demeaning language, slurs and vicious personal attacks; sexual abuse, which can include forced or non-consensual sex and verbal sexual abuse; psychological/emotional abuse, which can include making the survivor think they are crazy, blaming the survivor for the abuse, denying or minimizing the abuse, withholding psychotropic medication or limiting access to treatment; economic abuse, which can include limiting access to money/resources, interfering with school or work, causing the survivor to lose their job through harassment (including ―outing‖ to employers), damaging credit and identity theft; isolation, which can include creating rifts between the survivor and their support system, cutting off access to that support system, posing as the abused partner to prevent the survivor from accessing the limited resources available and/or ―tracking‖ the survivor through service providers; intimidation, which can include threats of violence, threats to hurt loved ones, threats to ―out‖ the survivor‘s LGBTQ identity, HIV status, mental health issues, drug or alcohol use or other stigmatized identities or behaviors; use of privilege, which can include incorporating biased language and slurs into verbal abuse, utilizing institutions that may be oppressive to LGBTQ survivors like the court and child welfare systems, exposing the survivor to hate violence or ―outing‖ the survivor as outlined above.20 Domestic/intimate partner violence tactics in LGBTQ relationships are similar to those used in heterosexual relationships, but also include the use of anti-LGBTQ societal stigma and bias as a central tactic to exert power and control and increase isolation.

06-05-2011, 08:31 PM	#11
moxie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a cynical princess wannabe Preferred Pronoun?: lipgloss junkie Relationship Status: yep Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: the ville Posts: 3,027 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,544 Thanked 6,770 Times in 1,847 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I have posted this before a long time ago in a thread I can't remember, but thought it would be good to post again since the subject is being discussed. Power and Control Wheel .... __________________ "Accept what people offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love." - Wally Lamb

06-05-2011, 07:26 PM	#2
WickedFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Very Happily Married to Bobbi46 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: where I want to be Posts: 313 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 355 Thanked 994 Times in 221 Posts Rep Power: 7014691	You may also share your experiences here in this forum... I work in domestic violence and am willing to offer some support and referrals to resources to help you. Again, thank you.

06-05-2011, 07:55 PM	#7
WickedFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Very Happily Married to Bobbi46 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: where I want to be Posts: 313 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 355 Thanked 994 Times in 221 Posts Rep Power: 7014691	I'll answer these questions as well: 1. Yes, I have been a victim of domestic violence in both heterosexual and same sex relationships. i survived severe physical abuse by men... I had a gun held to my head, I was stalked and I was beaten beyond recognition in my face. I also survived emotional and social abuse by a woman. 2. in New York and California 3. yes, I sought therapy and my mother rescued me from both situations and I stayed at her house. I was fortunate enough to have the resources to get therapy for years. It took me a very long time to gain and regain self-esteem and learn and apply personal boundaries. 4. I felt very fortunate with the help I received. When I was in a situation with a woman I was discriminated against by police officers and felt i had nowhere to go and no one to talk to.. it was very socially isolating and I felt re-traumatized. It took me years to recover.

06-05-2011, 09:34 PM	#12
WickedFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Very Happily Married to Bobbi46 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: where I want to be Posts: 313 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 355 Thanked 994 Times in 221 Posts Rep Power: 7014691	Thank you for posting the power and control wheel... it is such a great tool for identifying d.v.

07-09-2011, 10:06 AM	#14
WickedFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Very Happily Married to Bobbi46 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: where I want to be Posts: 313 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 355 Thanked 994 Times in 221 Posts Rep Power: 7014691	Thank you for all the input here. Here is the update: I have a meeting with a few organizations addressing glbt issues and services in the Bay Area. This is part two of the community needs assessment. I will make a final decision regarding the 'need' or lack of soon. Again, thanks to everyone who contributed.