Making it work 24/7

Mel C. · 09-07-2017, 02:28 PM

Let me start off by saying that I don't have a great track record with LDR's. Despite that, I think I've figured out a few things that work for me.

1) Being mindful. Focusing on the present without trying to analyze or judge my thoughts and feelings is a new concept for me. My previous relationships were focused on an end game...living together, marriage or some other formal commitment.

2) Being present. Engagement in my partner's activities helps me feel more connected. Just because we are thousands of miles apart doesn't mean I don't want to know how her day at work went or what she had for dinner. We spend more time on FaceTime than I nave spent with people I date in real-time.

3) Being committed - making plans for the next visit is really important to me. We don't have to focus on the separation if we know when we will be together again. This step also includes making sure she knows I am committed to her. She has to be treated as a priority.

4) Being open. This includes being honest about the hardships. Separation is difficult, more at some times than others. I can talk about it (or hear about it) without wallowing in self pity over the situation.

I'm having a 'moment' and can't remember what else I was going to say. I'll be back if there are any epiphanies.

girl_dee · 09-15-2017, 03:55 AM

using a ton of ways to tell each other you are thinking of them.

kittygrrl · 09-15-2017, 12:26 PM

It takes (20) positive comments to undo (1) negative one-So make the effort even if you are not normally verbal to let them know you-love her new shoes, you dig his new hair cut, buzz by the office to share lunch, or text him/her "hi" ..little notes in his coat pocket (that he will find at some point) letting him know how amazing he is-and most of all-be sincere!!

09-07-2017, 02:28 PM	#1
Mel C. Long-time Member How Do You Identify?: WIB - woman identified butch Preferred Pronoun?: Your choice...not really a button for me Relationship Status: ♡ married 1/1/2019♡ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: San Diego Posts: 2,149 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,772 Thanked 6,840 Times in 1,621 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Let me start off by saying that I don't have a great track record with LDR's. Despite that, I think I've figured out a few things that work for me. 1) Being mindful. Focusing on the present without trying to analyze or judge my thoughts and feelings is a new concept for me. My previous relationships were focused on an end game...living together, marriage or some other formal commitment. 2) Being present. Engagement in my partner's activities helps me feel more connected. Just because we are thousands of miles apart doesn't mean I don't want to know how her day at work went or what she had for dinner. We spend more time on FaceTime than I nave spent with people I date in real-time. 3) Being committed - making plans for the next visit is really important to me. We don't have to focus on the separation if we know when we will be together again. This step also includes making sure she knows I am committed to her. She has to be treated as a priority. 4) Being open. This includes being honest about the hardships. Separation is difficult, more at some times than others. I can talk about it (or hear about it) without wallowing in self pity over the situation. I'm having a 'moment' and can't remember what else I was going to say. I'll be back if there are any epiphanies. Last edited by Mel C.; 09-07-2017 at 02:32 PM.

09-15-2017, 12:26 PM	#3
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: her poison apple Preferred Pronoun?: b. grrl Relationship Status: xoxo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: wrapped in a shawl Posts: 8,831 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,390 Thanked 21,402 Times in 6,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	It takes (20) positive comments to undo (1) negative one-So make the effort even if you are not normally verbal to let them know you-love her new shoes, you dig his new hair cut, buzz by the office to share lunch, or text him/her "hi" ..little notes in his coat pocket (that he will find at some point) letting him know how amazing he is-and most of all-be sincere!! __________________ "All cruelty springs from weakness" Seneca

09-15-2017, 03:55 AM	#2
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,958 Times in 13,923 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	using a ton of ways to tell each other you are thinking of them.