How do you know someone is..

[DapperButch]

I would say that my gaydar and queerdar, in general, is pretty spot on from a range of masculine to even only somewhat androgynous females. And solid when it comes to gay men too.

I never make assumptions that a person is butch, however. I have seen/met many a masculine female who was gay, but not butch. That's internal, to me.

[Rook]

I've had a few "Misses", but they're very Rare...
For the most part, I keep the curiosity under an airtight Lid...
I think I learned to do this after I first came to the States..
My g/f's sister set off both gaydar & my curiosity on "Butch" based on how she dressed, carried herself, mannerisms in general..
At the time, I merely followed the stereotype of Butch when watching her..
I would ask my girl and she'd shrug sayin "she's always been that way"
Unfortunately[for my gaydar], she was happily married, and had a kid.
She was a self-proclaimed and true-blue proud redneck....

Nowadays, I try my best not to prematurely jump into conclusions based on appearances, since i've already had folks do the same towards me...

[princessbelle]

It's really hard to tell for me. I think original assumptions are something most people can't help but make but wow can they be wrong. Since I'm femme, I'm assumed straight but wow is that wrong. So, it certainly can be the same for butch women or women that are gay and not butch but may dress that way.

Geeze, so many labels, so many assumptions and so many many mistakes when we assume.

[Sara]

I agree with Scootebaby--it's all about eye contact. I don't know how well I can spot a femme (not exactly a priority!), but I'm pretty good at spotting a butch. Regardless of attire or mannerisms, if we lock eyes for more than a couple of seconds and I get that funny feeling in my tummy and they have that knowing little grin, I can say pretty definitively--yes!!

[Lynn]

I don't think I have any kind of radar for femmes. If someone is edgy or more self-assured, I do decide that she's probably not straight. I usually don't have a chance to verify, so I don't know how often I'm wrong. That's probably more about my desire to be seen as edgy and self-assured. I do know that I don't have a tendency to associate any particular brand of femininity with femmes. I haven't been influenced by the high-low strata that seems to be part of things for many others. I just don't really know that many self-described femmes. Or butches, for that matter.

I guess I must have an automatic reaction to outer characteristics that I associate with butch, but I've been really wrong in so many embarrassing ways. From labeling (in my head) someone as a butch, and finding out that she's straight, to seeing a cute butch in my peripheral vision, but discovering that "she" is actually an adolescent boy.

I do find, at the few local lesbian events that I attend, that the women I think are butches or femmes typically do not identify as either. The thing is, I'm attracted to women, in general, so gaydar trumps my ability to discern butch or femme.

[BornBronson]

Never judge a book by its cover..my mama taught me that.

[tuffboi29]

[QUOTE=Lynn;111013]From labeling (in my head) someone as a butch, and finding out that she's straight, to seeing a cute butch in my peripheral vision, but discovering that "she" is actually an adolescent boy.



Damn it!! I resemble that remark!!


My opinion is the whole 'gaydar' thing just isn't reliable.I have been slapped a few time to prove it to me.As i got older and went into the city for weekend fun and got aquainted with the gay community in general I found that it's extremely difficult to pin any female into any kind of catorgory seeing as many don't seem to identify themselves as butch or femme.And in some cases when they did it was quite the opposite of what I was thinking.So yes I have thought to place the dyke or femme label a few times and found i was very off-base in my conclusions.

Now as for me I don't even know what label I would put on myself if any for the simple reason there seems to be too many damn labels to choose from and I'm indecisive.I just stick with 'boi' because that old guy at the station where I get my smokes seems soooooooo determined that one day I will appear and majickaly be the 15yr old boy he believes I am.



*chuckles* Good thread though...TY

[Lynn]

Originally Posted by BornBronson

Never judge a book by its cover..my mama taught me that.

Good advice from your mama. There is judging, though, and there is that kind of visceral response which isn't really a thought process; it's more of a feeling. When thinking becomes involved, though, it gets a lot less messy!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I try not to judge other people (thanks BB). For me it is gaydar, talking, eye contact, outfits, jewelry, makeup, and implied sayings during conversations. I also note that if I am smoking a cigar and wearing a tie, it means something different than when a queer femme smokes a cigar. It is so different.

Just my 2 cents worth.

[MrSunshine]

Well I can't say I know what butch tastes like...

[Blade]

I'm a 2x4, so for me in real time if a lady is femme she'd have to hit me over the head, for me to go "oh now there's a femme".

Not so in the butch department LOL
I find myself judging masculine looking females as "must be butch all the time" I guess because I see a reflection of myself, but for me I wonder if they are butch or TG.

I was talking to a friend the other day and there was someone she thought was butch, and said person had invited her to a rodeo, not like together just like why don't ya come over to the rodeo. When said femme got to the rodeo she found out that the person she thought was butch was in fact not.

I stopped to get gas yesterday and this person with 1/64th inch haircut and those baggie shorts that come to ya shins that 3 people can fit in, with a cap turned around backward, yeah I assumed she was butch, but ya never know.

[Converse]

Originally Posted by Blade

I'm a 2x4, so for me in real time if a lady is femme she'd have to hit me over the head, for me to go "oh now there's a femme".

Not so in the butch department LOL
I find myself judging masculine looking females as "must be butch all the time" I guess because I see a reflection of myself, but for me I wonder if they are butch or TG.

I was talking to a friend the other day and there was someone she thought was butch, and said person had invited her to a rodeo, not like together just like why don't ya come over to the rodeo. When said femme got to the rodeo she found out that the person she thought was butch was in fact not.

I stopped to get gas yesterday and this person with 1/64th inch haircut and those baggie shorts that come to ya shins that 3 people can fit in, with a cap turned around backward, yeah I assumed she was butch, but ya never know.

Oh I’m the opposite. It’s very rare that I assume “Butch” by sight, it usually takes conversation- and quite a bit before I make any connection. Where as “femme”, I seem to instantly recognize anywhere- alone, with children, and even a couple of times when they have been with men. On those occasions I assume- he is her brother, friend- or she just hasn’t worked it out yet. But general gaydar- no, I don’t have it- a lesbian or gay guy, closeted or flaming, I’m always the last one to know.

[Bad_boi]

The way people look and act can be a hint. This is not certain but sometimes it helps. What does it matter whether they are butch or femme or (insert identity) people are people.

The only true way is to ask them.

[GoofyLuvr]

Let's just say I've learned the hard way not to assume anything! LOL

[Curley]

It's been said in here it often depends where on lives and their community I live and worked in a very gay environment my gaydar is usually spot on but on the flip side when I'm in a different city My gaydar is often way off ie assuming everyone is gay.....lol.[

[chefhottie25]

I am real bad at this. I have no gaydar. However, I can always seem to identify a bisexual woman.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Linus

(e.g., clothing, demeanor, visiting gay sites)

They way they present.