How do you know someone is..

[Linus]

femme or butch? And be honest about this. How often do you look at someone and "Oh ya! They are.. <insert gender ID here>"? I have to admit it that I've done it. Recently, in a class I taught, I got the distinct feeling that one of the few female students I had was a butch (e.g., clothing, demeanor, visiting gay sites) but I never asked her to find out (not appropriate for the class).

[ravfem]

When i'm out in public, i look for butches, and do make assumptions based on looks, clothing, demeanor, etc

[JustJo]

I live in central New York...and the majority of the straight women in my age group look butch...

And I, even at the only gay coffee house in town, evidently look straight....or am invisible....I can't decide which....

I'm just thankful I found Scoote....cuz now it doesn't matter

[SuperFemme]

Are we talking about basic gaydar? Or something deeper?

[JustBeingMe]

Sometimes my gaydar goes off and sometimes it don't.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Are we talking about basic gaydar? Or something deeper?

Basic gaydar.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Linus

Basic gaydar.

Maybe I *do* have some kind of subconscious internal process when my gaydar is going off. I don't think outloud butch or femme, but you might be onto something here.

I need to think about it.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Sometimes I have, when I have approached with that assumption I was corrected.

I do say oh look QUEER!!

Have yet to be wrong, except for once when the husband came up behind the woman who I thought was queer I was like Damn I was off

Great thread Linus!

[waxnrope]

my gaydar seems to only bear any accuracy when spotting gay men. I used to find dates for some of my gay men friends ... sigh.
So, my gaydar re femmes or butches, sucks ... most of the time.

[Linus]

Now, the reason for this question/thread/poll isn't a matter of testing one's basic gaydar but a question of how much we let that basic gaydar cloud our thought process about others and "how butch/femme" they are.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Linus

Now, the reason for this question/thread/poll isn't a matter of testing one's basic gaydar but a question of how much we let that basic gaydar cloud our thought process about others and "how butch/femme" they are.

Here is the thing Linus, my gaydar doesn't just look for b/f make sense? If I spot queers I get giddy, cause yanno it's like hey there is more of me!! I don't automatically *assign* butch or femme since well they could be dyke, queer, gay or simple Cindy and Sharon.

Make sense?

[Linus]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Here is the thing Linus, my gaydar doesn't just look for b/f make sense? If I spot queers I get giddy, cause yanno it's like hey there is more of me!! I don't automatically *assign* butch or femme since well they could be dyke, queer, gay or simple Cindy and Sharon.

Make sense?

Oh ya, totally. I do look for others as well (particularly transsexed individuals -- to borrow Dylan's term).

[Jett]

Originally Posted by Linus

Now, the reason for this question/thread/poll isn't a matter of testing one's basic gaydar but a question of how much we let that basic gaydar cloud our thought process about others and "how butch/femme" they are.

Hmmm, if I get what you're saying, yeah... on a quick glance of someone's appearance may set off my butch gaydar.

I think over time though, and experiences etc. I haven't found it to be all that reliable so also no, I don't really let how short their hair is or Brahma work boots lead me to make assumptions about "how" anything but just that, their appearance.

I've found some folks can have a bunch of outer "butch markers" and after getting to know them, or learn how they identify that's all the further it ends up going.

Vice versa too, some people who've had much less butch markers have turned out to be some pretty damn hardcore butches.

I'll cop in that in the past, I have partially judged "how butch" by appearance (I didn't do that as much with femmes... but lived life and experiences of being totally wrong often enough has really changed that.

Femmes, are as we now harder to initially spot, but I haven't found any real different observations to what I've said about butches.

That said, today I also look less at "how butch" anyone is... and really see it more as different types of butches.

Metro

[Chancie]

Originally Posted by Linus, who likes a nice cigar

Basic gaydar.

Ah, I thought you meant based on looks alone.

For me, gaydar goes beyond superficial appearance.

[scootebaby]

my gaydar quit working yrs ago...not that it ever really worked tho

being from Ky i learned NOT to judge by looks....in small town Ky a lot of the women look butch...so instead try to make eye contact...and this is ONLY my opinion and MY experience...if i try to make eye contact with someone i suspect may be butch and they try NOT to make eye contact i assume butch...with the femme women IF they make eye contact then i assume gay....dunno why but over time it seems to be a proven technique--for me anyway! *shrugs*

[Apocalipstic]

I usually am not paying attention, but if I am I try not to make assumptions, though sometimes I do.

Years ago I was driving through Atlanta and saw two women walking down the street. I assumed were Lesbians and said so, my sister gave me all kinds of crap for assuming...but I have never met any straight women who would wear black leather chaps and harnesses and have flat tops out and about at 10am on a Sunday MORNING.

It had to be left over from Saturday night. Right?

[adorable]

Like Jo said...here you can't assume anything at all based on appearance. EVEN if they are wearing pride necklaces, earrings, bracelets, underwear and/or hair bows.

Many women look androgynous here. It's a liberal place where everyone wants to "support" a right for everyone to do anything. It is the cool thing to do here.. bein' all kinds of prideful just in support. And earthy, we all must strive for earthy-ness.

So I don't see butch and femme when I look at gay people in a room. Here everyone looks so similar that you go by what people say regardless of how they look. <--for everyone but me of course. Fuckers.

Now do I make OTHER assumptions based on how they look regardless of gay straight or pookie snake? If I am looking at someone say in a club, I am not thinking about their ID, just whether I'd hit it which may lead to HOW, and of course in my fantasies everyone is thrilled with my choices....

[foxyshaman]

OOHHHH I love playing 'spot the not'. I have good gaydar for men... I did not know that until I found out my husband (well ex by that time) was gay <go figure>... so I guess I honed it somehow as a young woman.

I have a hard time sensing femme energy for whatever reason. But I have a good sense for some women. I, however, seem totally invisible... but hey then I get to play 'stealth lesbian'... which I quite enjoy

[Martina]

i never trust my gaydar. It's often right, but i don't trust it. i just wait to find out. If a woman sits down next to another woman and they start making out, well then i might assume they're gay. Until then, nope. i have been wrong SO MANY times.

Six or so months ago i as in a 12-step meeting. It was a regular meeting, not lgbtq. Anyway, it turned out everyone there but one person was gay. But there were two women there -- one who i would have sworn was a dyke, the other who i would have sworn was not. Guess what, the dykey looking one is straight, and the straight looking one is a dyke. Gotta love Berkeley.

[suebee]

I used to think I knew, much more-so than now. It was clearer when I lived in a city. But then again it sometimes varied according to the neighbourhood. Now that I live in a rural area I'm not so sure anymore. Many women I would have thought to be butch if I were in the city aren't at all. And married / not married, children / no children - I don't think it's got much to do with it. So many people aren't out to themselves yet. I don't assume for the most part one way or the other. But sometimes my gaydar just says "yup! No doubt at all!" - and it doesn't matter how the person identifies.

Yup! Clear as mud!

ETA: I think it can be clearer when there is a GLBTQ community to identify with. Maybe that's why it's easier in some ways in a larger centre?