Breeder and other words we use to hurt our own.

SuperFemme · 06-11-2010, 08:16 PM

I was a little upset today by seeing the word "Breeder" used in a thread.

I find the word Breeder when used in reference to ANY woman vulgar and offensive. It reduces a woman (once again) to her reproductive organs.

What I cannot understand is why in the Queer Community it is used as a descriptor of women that have had children.

It's kind of like using the "Gold Star Lesbian" thing. As if those of us that were in relationships with bio-men are some how a less desirable grade of Queer than those that were not.

When somebody uses that term about me it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. My path to self acceptance may have been longer than the next girls, but that doesn't make me a receptacle for sperm.

I am not an animal, and have never EVER been *bred*.

Why do we do this to each other? How do you feel about that word?

The_Lady_Snow · 06-11-2010, 08:19 PM

I don't like it, it's degrading, it's mean, it's ugly and it makes is sound that if we chose to give birth to our children that we have no more value than some form of cattle...

JakeTulane · 06-11-2010, 08:23 PM

I will weigh in... which I usually do not do. However, I have to say I detest the word "breeder" and agree that it is degrading and when it is used it is as though a woman who has had children is some form of animal and has just been bred only to be led to pasture. We are all here by a man's sperm. I do not feel that My Mom "bred" Me.

Spirit Dancer · 06-11-2010, 08:24 PM

SF
I agree with you it's disgusting and rude, what if their mother
was called a breeder? I love my children and am no less part of this community
because I had a child.If it weren't for those who give birth the
cycle of life ends.

SuperFemme · 06-11-2010, 08:32 PM

Why IS it that people continue to use this word? I am sad that we would devalue WOMEN in a Queer Community.

Spirit Dancer · 06-11-2010, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Why IS it that people continue to use this word? I am sad that we would devalue WOMEN in a Queer Community.

I just hung up with my son, I told him about the thread.
His opinion is, there are those whom are no longer connected to moral feelings about each other,
and if someone called me or his wife a breeder, they would answer to
his brand of respect. Thank goodness for Sons

Nat · 06-11-2010, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

there are those whom are no longer connected to moral feelings about each other

If this is true, I wonder what the percentages are. This could explain a lot of behavior in the world. The isms and such. I wonder if there is a remedy?

JakeTulane · 06-11-2010, 08:44 PM

I believe that people will say what they want to say and use terms they want to use. However, when another person makes it KNOWN that is bothers them in some way .. or they find it hurtful... then perhaps the one using the term should at the very least .. respect that and let the offended person know they were "heard".

suebee · 06-11-2010, 08:45 PM

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

SuperFemme · 06-11-2010, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by T D

Whenever I've heard this word used it's been in a deragatory manner, usually as a means to belittle the person it's directed at. I've especially heard or seen it used towards the heterosexual community when they've made disparaging remarks about the homosexual community or persons. I find it pretty darn disrespectful!

To be honest it baffles me why people can't just get along and let each other live their lives. I'm pretty darn sure this isn't going to change in my life time, so I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time being overly baffled by this question though... which is unfortunate in so many ways!

you SuperFemme!

Good points TD. I am still going to hold on to the hope that WE can be the change. I'm weird like that.

you too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

I just hung up with my son, I told him about the thread.
His opinion is, there are those whom are no longer connected to moral feelings about each other,
and if someone called me or his wife a breeder, they would answer to
his brand of respect. Thank goodness for Sons

Thank Goodness for sons is right. And their amazing Mommas that raise them with awareness.

Diva · 06-12-2010, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Why IS it that people continue to use this word? I am sad that we would devalue WOMEN in a Queer Community.

This is just me ~ but coming from many years as an educator, I believe people call other people names in an attempt to make the recipients feel "less than", because the name~caller feels less than.....and in order to make themselves feel elevated somehow, or they're ignorant and/or just flat-out scared, they use the slurs....and this is true for any group of people, I feel.

There's a lot of insecurity out there.

And maybe ~ in regards to this particular thread ~ just MAYbe there is some deep-down desire to have a child. Just a SWAG there....

Just my 2 cents....

T D · 06-11-2010, 08:36 PM

Whenever I've heard this word used it's been in a deragatory manner, usually as a means to belittle the person it's directed at. I've especially heard or seen it used towards the heterosexual community when they've made disparaging remarks about the homosexual community or persons. I find it pretty darn disrespectful!

To be honest it baffles me why people can't just get along and let each other live their lives. I'm pretty darn sure this isn't going to change in my life time, so I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time being overly baffled by this question though... which is unfortunate in so many ways!

you SuperFemme!

Nat · 06-11-2010, 08:24 PM

I think it's a dehumanizing word.

Dylan · 06-11-2010, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I was a little upset today by seeing the word "Breeder" used in a thread.

I find the word Breeder when used in reference to ANY woman vulgar and offensive. It reduces a woman (once again) to her reproductive organs.

What I cannot understand is why in the Queer Community it is used as a descriptor of women that have had children.

It's kind of like using the "Gold Star Lesbian" thing. As if those of us that were in relationships with bio-men are some how a less desirable grade of Queer than those that were not.

When somebody uses that term about me it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. My path to self acceptance may have been longer than the next girls, but that doesn't make me a receptacle for sperm.

I am not an animal, and have never EVER been *bred*.

Why do we do this to each other? How do you feel about that word?

I love how you take it out of context and start a thread about it.

You want to drag this conversation over to another thread now?

Honestly, if you don't think little girls are groomed for this shit from before they can even talk, I really don't understand how or why you'd jump into a conversation about that exact topic

It wasn't a dis on people who have kids...it was used as a dis for how girls are groomed by a sexist culture.

I heard you. I got your feelings on the topic. Had that been the way I used it in the post, I would agree with you. But that's not how I used it.

Dylan

The_Lady_Snow · 06-11-2010, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylan

I love how you take it out of context and start a thread about it.

You want to drag this conversation over to another thread now?

Honestly, if you don't think little girls are groomed for this shit from before they can even talk, I really don't understand how or why you'd jump into a conversation about that exact topic

It wasn't a dis on people who have kids...it was used as a dis for how girls are groomed by a sexist culture.

I heard you. I got your feelings on the topic. Had that been the way I used it in the post, I would agree with you. But that's not how I used it.

Dylan

Can you take into consideration that it is NOT OK for you to say that? Can you not listen and hear us say

It's offensive?

Can you step out of Dylan zone for one fucking second and hear this?

You don't get to tell us how to feel about a word that has been used on us as defensive, derogatory or insulting.

Damn it Dylan..

I know you gotta know better..

It's not about you you you and your god damn sentence structure and how you see fit.

As a guy, it's even worse for you to come up in here and JUSTIFY that term.

Damn dude...

FFS listen.

Dylan · 06-11-2010, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Can you take into consideration that it is NOT OK for you to say that? Can you not listen and hear us say

It's offensive?

Can you step out of Dylan zone for one fucking second and hear this?

You don't get to tell us how to feel about a word that has been used on us as defensive, derogatory or insulting.

Damn it Dylan..

I know you gotta know better..

It's not about you you you and your god damn sentence structure and how you see fit.

As a guy, it's even worse for you to come up in here and JUSTIFY that term.

Damn dude...

FFS listen.

FFS Snow, I heard you. Both of you.

And FFS Snow, could you hear a word in context instead of hearing it as you want?

Give me another word, Snow.

What other word denotes the same way women are groomed?

Give me another one, and I'll use it. That has the same connotation. Reproducer? Doesn't have the same connotation.

Give me something that has the same connotation as puppy mill. Because that IS how the patriarchy sets up and grooms girls/women.

Dylan

The_Lady_Snow · 06-11-2010, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylan

FFS Snow, I heard you. Both of you.

And FFS Snow, could you hear a word in context instead of hearing it as you want?

Give me another word, Snow.

What other word denotes the same way women are groomed?

Give me another one, and I'll use it. That has the same connotation. Reproducer? Doesn't have the same connotation.

Give me something that has the same connotation as puppy mill. Because that IS how the patriarchy sets up and grooms girls/women.

Dylan

When I was pregnant..

I was refered to as pregnant..

Not bred.

How about that

Impregnated..

Pregnant.

Last time I checked that was a word.

Dylan · 06-11-2010, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

When I was pregnant..

I was refered to as pregnant..

Not bred.

How about that

Impregnated..

Pregnant.

Last time I checked that was a word.

And after you were pregnant?

Pregnant is a certain stage of the reproduction cycle

It's not the same connotation

And let's not forget that once women are past the age of reproducing/carrying on the human race, they're no longer seen as attractive or useful to the patriarchy (unless they're the caretaking, doting grandmother who once again is dealing with children).

Dylan

SuperFemme · 06-11-2010, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylan

FFS Snow, I heard you. Both of you.

And FFS Snow, could you hear a word in context instead of hearing it as you want?

Give me another word, Snow.

What other word denotes the same way women are groomed?

Give me another one, and I'll use it. That has the same connotation. Reproducer? Doesn't have the same connotation.

Give me something that has the same connotation as puppy mill. Because that IS how the patriarchy sets up and grooms girls/women.

Dylan

Puppy mill? Really?

I thought we were to have 2.3 children only and to stay gorgeous for our men. Who would have the energy to clean, work, and be sexy with THAT many kids?

SuperFemme · 06-11-2010, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylan

I love how you take it out of context and start a thread about it.

You want to drag this conversation over to another thread now?

Honestly, if you don't think little girls are groomed for this shit from before they can even talk, I really don't understand how or why you'd jump into a conversation about that exact topic

It wasn't a dis on people who have kids...it was used as a dis for how girls are groomed by a sexist culture.

I heard you. I got your feelings on the topic. Had that been the way I used it in the post, I would agree with you. But that's not how I used it.

Dylan

Dylan, this thread has nothing to do with you or how you posted.

It's about a word and how it is used by some (not you) to hurt.

I'm not dragging a discussion either, I am wanting to have a dialogue about the feelings that this word invokes for some of us.

Please take yourself out of the equation, ok?

06-11-2010, 08:16 PM	#1
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	Breeder and other words we use to hurt our own. I was a little upset today by seeing the word "Breeder" used in a thread. I find the word Breeder when used in reference to ANY woman vulgar and offensive. It reduces a woman (once again) to her reproductive organs. What I cannot understand is why in the Queer Community it is used as a descriptor of women that have had children. It's kind of like using the "Gold Star Lesbian" thing. As if those of us that were in relationships with bio-men are some how a less desirable grade of Queer than those that were not. When somebody uses that term about me it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. My path to self acceptance may have been longer than the next girls, but that doesn't make me a receptacle for sperm. I am not an animal, and have never EVER been bred. Why do we do this to each other? How do you feel about that word?

06-11-2010, 08:19 PM	#2
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	I don't like it, it's degrading, it's mean, it's ugly and it makes is sound that if we chose to give birth to our children that we have no more value than some form of cattle... __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

06-11-2010, 08:24 PM	#4
Spirit Dancer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Complex but Tender Preferred Pronoun?: ~Ma`am~ Relationship Status: Shotgun Rider Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Following the red road Posts: 4,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,304 Thanked 12,952 Times in 3,466 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	SF I agree with you it's disgusting and rude, what if their mother was called a breeder? I love my children and am no less part of this community because I had a child.If it weren't for those who give birth the cycle of life ends. __________________ “For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” Judy Garland

06-11-2010, 08:44 PM	#8
JakeTulane Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Mr. Prickly Porcupine Preferred Pronoun?: Butch - Hy, Hym, Hys Relationship Status: She has softened My quills Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Permanently Banned 8/8/2011 Posts: 4,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,221 Thanked 5,264 Times in 2,732 Posts Rep Power: 0	Also. I believe that people will say what they want to say and use terms they want to use. However, when another person makes it KNOWN that is bothers them in some way .. or they find it hurtful... then perhaps the one using the term should at the very least .. respect that and let the offended person know they were "heard".

06-11-2010, 08:45 PM	#9
suebee Member How Do You Identify?: TOWANDA! Preferred Pronoun?: Queen Bee Relationship Status: Good 'n married. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Eastern Canada. But if I make a wrong turn at the lights I get stopped by a border guard. Posts: 1,499 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,355 Thanked 2,759 Times in 820 Posts Rep Power: 16450091	I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of. __________________ "Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." -Albert Schweitzer

06-11-2010, 08:23 PM	#3
JakeTulane Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Mr. Prickly Porcupine Preferred Pronoun?: Butch - Hy, Hym, Hys Relationship Status: She has softened My quills Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Permanently Banned 8/8/2011 Posts: 4,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,221 Thanked 5,264 Times in 2,732 Posts Rep Power: 0	I will weigh in... which I usually do not do. However, I have to say I detest the word "breeder" and agree that it is degrading and when it is used it is as though a woman who has had children is some form of animal and has just been bred only to be led to pasture. We are all here by a man's sperm. I do not feel that My Mom "bred" Me.

06-11-2010, 08:32 PM	#5
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	Why IS it that people continue to use this word? I am sad that we would devalue WOMEN in a Queer Community.

06-11-2010, 08:36 PM	#12
T D Member How Do You Identify?: Person of the trans variety Preferred Pronoun?: He, Sir, Bro, TD, Stevin Relationship Status: On occasion Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SF Bay Area Posts: 1,165 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,428 Thanked 1,123 Times in 310 Posts Rep Power: 3570338	Whenever I've heard this word used it's been in a deragatory manner, usually as a means to belittle the person it's directed at. I've especially heard or seen it used towards the heterosexual community when they've made disparaging remarks about the homosexual community or persons. I find it pretty darn disrespectful! To be honest it baffles me why people can't just get along and let each other live their lives. I'm pretty darn sure this isn't going to change in my life time, so I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time being overly baffled by this question though... which is unfortunate in so many ways! you SuperFemme!

06-11-2010, 08:24 PM	#13
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender Preferred Pronoun?: whatevs Relationship Status: in a relationship Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Tx Posts: 3,535 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,042 Thanked 13,992 Times in 2,594 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I think it's a dehumanizing word. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl