Lounge for Deaf people and their allies

[The JD]

I started a blog a few years back called The Further Adventures of the Hard of Hearing. The blog is mostly defunct (I suck at blogging regularly), but here's one of the posts from it- thought the folks on this thread might get a laugh or two from it. Got a story about the awkward clash of hearing meets the deaf/hoh? I'd love to "hear" it!

----

Three or four years ago, there was a rash of car break-ins in my neighborhood, which prompted me to buy and install a $30 car alarm. I was disappointed to find the alarm wasn't loud, at least not to my ears. I had hoped my new alarm would carry the authoritative urgency of an emergency vehicle, but instead, it was tiny and shrill, like a pissed-off House Wren.

Still, with the hood open, I could hear the alarm clearly, and decided that someone with no high-end frequency hearing loss might describe it as "piercing" or perhaps "painful", or even "oh my god, my ears are bleeding." When I closed the hood of the car, I could still hear it, but it became more of an insistent clicking sound, as if a tiny mallet was striking a tiny bell, but without the tones that ring out between the strikes. I knew it was loud enough to wake the neighborhood, even if it would never wake me.

So I left the alarm connected. And for a few weeks, I activated it at night. But then the neighborhood reports of car break-ins stopped, and I began to feel guilty about activating an alarm that I couldn't even hear. I meant to disconnect the alarm, but I never got around to it, and I meant to take the remote control alarm activator off my keychain, but I never got around to that either.

Fast forward to this morning:

In the rush to get out of my house, I dropped my keys, and I dropped a heavy textbook on top of the keys. Cursing and stumbling, I scooped both of them up, got in my car and cranked it up.

I bet you're way ahead of me.

I'd like to say that I noticed the concerned looks of the drivers around me, as I drove for 6 miles with my car alarm blaring. But I didn't. I was late to work, and thinking only of shaving off enough driving time to justify a visit to Starbucks.

As I pulled up to the drive-thru window, I heard a strange sound coming from the passenger seat. Later, I realized this was the point at which I rolled down my window and finally heard the alarm, but at the time, I was sure the sound was inside my car. It was vaguely musical, but it also sounded like a mechanical problem. It was faint, yet insistent. I leaned my face toward the radio, then toward the seat, noticing that the sound seemed to disappear even as I was moving toward it.

When the Starbucks greeter began to talk, I turned my attention to the menu, with its built-in speaker, and listened for the peppy-but-endless greeting, where the voice from the menu board spends 20 seconds telling me all about the latest dessert offering or specialty drink before finally asking me what I'd like to order. Except today, it didn't quite go like that.

"Welcome to Starbucks, er....uh....uh...." I leaned my head out of the window and glared at the menu board, impatient with the stammering voice that had yet to ask me what I want. And then I heard the strange sound inside my car again. I whirled back to the passenger seat and pawed through the textbooks and papers to retrieve my cell phone underneath. I held the phone to my right ear, the ear that kept hearing the sound, but the cell phone, or whatever was making the noise, had gone silent again.

So had the Starbucks guy. "Hello??" I asked the menu board.

"Uh... can I help you?" the menu board answered.

I realize now that he was probably offering to call 911, not take my coffee order.

"Yes! I want a venti breve latte!" I had leaned my head completely out of my window, my right ear toward the car hood. When I heard the sound again, I knew it was coming from outside of my window, not inside. And I knew exactly what it was.

In a wild panic, I grabbed for my keys, which were still in the ignition. I identified the remote control for the car alarm, but could not identify the "off" button. During the three years or so that I've been carrying the activator on my keychain, the print had rubbed off all the keys. I took my best guess, and launched my head and shoulders back out of the window, turning my right ear like a telescoping antenna toward my car hood, and listened for the sound of an angry song bird. Satisfied that the alarm was turned off, I sank back down in my seat.

"Um.... okay." the menu board tentatively said.

When I reached the window, I searched the faces of the employees for signs of confusion, hesitation, concern, for any visual indication that my car alarm was still on. I'm quite adept at using visual cues to supplement my limited access to audio cues, but there was no indication that anything was unusual in their world. I had indeed managed to turn off my car alarm.

When I got to work, I told my coworker about my morning. For nine years now, this coworker has insisted on talking to me behind her cubical wall, then gets mad when I can't understand her. "Your hearing is selective," she growls on a weekly basis.

So I told her about my car alarm adventure, mostly because it's funny, but also because it shows I Really Can't Hear. I explained that the hearing aid in my right ear is newer than the hearing aid in my left ear, and was picking up the sound of the car alarm better, which is why I thought the sound was inside my car. We laughed about how the Starbucks guy must have thought there was a car-jacking in progress, and if the camera was working, it must have been even more startling to see me sitting there calmly.

But in the end, it was only an anecdote, not a learning opportunity. Anyone who can look at me and my hearing aids every week for 9 years and insist that my hearing is selective is not going to change her opinion based on a funny story about a Starbucks drive-thru. Too bad I can't just bring the car alarm into my office and set it off every time she talks to me from the other side of the cubical wall.

[DamonK]

@JD....that was funny
On Friday, the bear asked me if I wanted ice cream. I was staring at my phone entirely confused. I heard the music from ice cream truck, thought it was my phone. The bear found it hilarious. Me, not so much.

So, we just came home from camping on Mon. I'm still paying for being on the airplane. Most times, I fall down less, but I'm still very dizzy.

I get to go to the doc in about a week. Anyone wanna bet this will end with an ent referral?

[nycfem]

Welcome back!
When you are settled and refreshed and get good news from the doc, some sign language skyping is in order

Anyone else want to skype in sign, message me!

Originally Posted by DamonK

@JD....that was funny
On Friday, the bear asked me if I wanted ice cream. I was staring at my phone entirely confused. I heard the music from ice cream truck, thought it was my phone. The bear found it hilarious. Me, not so much.

So, we just came home from camping on Mon. I'm still paying for being on the airplane. Most times, I fall down less, but I'm still very dizzy.

I get to go to the doc in about a week. Anyone wanna bet this will end with an ent referral?

[DamonK]

Originally Posted by nycfembbw

Welcome back!
When you are settled and refreshed and get good news from the doc, some sign language skyping is in order

Anyone else want to skype in sign, message me!

I will haz to tell you bout camping.

[PhotoButch24]

Hey all I'm glad we have a deaf thread! I'm excited to get to know every one of you in some way, and to make new friends.

I'm 26 years old I grew up with progressive hearing loss and didn't become fully deaf until six years ago. I got my Cochlear implant 5 years ago and I'm fluent in ASL.

Ask me anything!

[DamonK]

I've been thinking about deafness a lot lately.

I blame Jennifer. I was going through signs in my head, prompting new thoughts in preparation for a Skype date, so to speak. That still hasn't happened because things can't seem to slow down here long enough. But I digress...

Back to deafness.

I get frustrated more easily than ever right now. All because of hearing. I can't hear like I once could. That's ok. I could cope with that. The silence is staring me down. That part is a bit harder. There will come a day...seems to be coming faster and faster...where I won't hear MBE's voice, high and light. I won't hear the Bear's voice, low and deep. I won't hear them laughing, I won't hear them make that damned dog of MBE's baroo.

And, you know, it really kinda pisses me off.

The Bear signs. More and more often I sign rather than speak. Then I remember I have to speak.

And get frustrated again. Why must *I* speak? I get that the Deaf population is only 3% or something like that. I don't mind having to use the standard language 99% of the time. It's that 1% that's incredibly silencing. I speak 2 languages. ASL and English. I speak them both very well. I ensure others around me are comfortable. I make sure to repeat what ever I've said in ASL in English.

I think....just once....since it happens so rarely, I want someone to speak my language... And me to not have to translate to English.

I think 5 days camping and having someone signing to me everytime she spoke to me, simply to adhere to my comfort level set off random thoughts in my brain.

Rant over.

[Angeltoes]

Several years ago I attended a New Years party with a friend who was dating a deaf guy who was also afro-american. This was in Portland where people are generally liberal and sane about social issues, but what struck me was that even the most liberal people seemed to have deep biases about deaf individuals. It was bizarre to see how uncomfortable hearing people were with this deaf guy and how at liberty they seemed to feel with making rude comments such as 'oh, you can dance? how is that possible' or making up their own sign language as is if he wouldn't know the difference... embarrassing. My hearing friend shrugged it off, because it really is the way of hearing people, unfortunately. After knowing deaf individuals and that they think, love, know and dance like everyone else, I can't help but wonder why we treat the hearing community as if they belong to a different species. It's no barrier to me. My ASL skills are not strong but I plan on learning.

[lusciouskiwi]

I learnt to finger spell because I dated a deaf lesbian quite a few years ago now. I learnt a few signs as well, but now it's been so long I've forgotten most of them (even though I went to classes).

Whenever we went out, people would either stare at us (we also had to do a lot of writing down - she always carried pen and paper with her) and at cafes staff would always ask me what she wanted. I told them to ask her.

From what I understand, whether deaf kids learn NZSL and lip reading or just NZSL has depended on the educational policies of the time. But NZSL is also an official language of NZ. Is that the same in the US?

It's strange knowing a little bit of sign and being in a foreign country. I used to chat with a deaf gay Korean guy I knew, when I worked there, if I saw him at the club. But it was difficult because my knowledge was so limited of Korean and ASL. In Malaysia there isn't much lip reading which I find strange. In NZ, I was used to folks concentrating on my whole face. I had a deaf colleague at my first job in Malaysia and I was really the only person who made an effort to speak with her - especially amongst the other foreigners.

When I was learning to sign back in NZ, I really enjoy the expressiveness of it.

[Breathless]

I have been studying for a short while, excited that classes start next week. One of the biggest struggles that I have, is that I dont have anyone to practice with. Sure I can make some of the signs, but without that conversation back and forth you dont have the confirmation of someone trying to understand to know if they are correct, also I didnt have anyone to try to read and understand.
Being the problem solver that I am by nature.. I have a new past time.. call me crazy.. but Id rather call it determined to learn..
I watch music videos, with the volume off, and try to sing along by the signs..
Here are one of my fav's.. kind of makes the learning, a little more entertaining..

[yotlyolqualli]

I have a great niece, Aurora who turned three in August. Her mother, and grandmother,.. well... all of us, became concerned when another great niece, Kelsi, born a few weeks after Aurora, began to talk, but Aurora simply pointed and grunted. We didn't worry too too much though, because A walked at 8 months and was perfectly steady enough on her feet to run before she was a year old. She also followed... well.. not spoken directions, but would imitate the actions of the adults around her. When she turned 2 & a half, her doctor's grew concerned and tested her hearing. While she responded appropriately to loud sounds, there was no response to "normal" sounds. She was enrolled in the early headstart program with a speech therapist who is working with her to get her to learn to speak clearly, but first and foremost, she gave Aurora the means to communicate. She began teaching her to sign. Her vocabulary, both signing and speaking has taken off in the past 6 months! At our families 4th of July picnic, my brother, Aurora's uncle Nick, did something silly and Aurora just giggled all over herself, signing over and over again.. "uncle Nick, funny!"

It's an awesome thing to watch her explore and it just makes some of the things she does, so much more profound. In july of last year, her baby brother was born. He was not a quiet cryer, but Aurora could not hear him cry. However, when she would SEE him cry, she would sit down where she stood, and cry with him! Their Mom also teaches her little brother to sign each new word he learns, so that he and his big sister can talk with each other, as well.

Several years back, a young lady, after spending the summer in costa rica with teen missions international, came back and, during a church service, "signed" a song she had learned while serving. A woman in our congregation called it, "Hannah, dancing". The signed language is beautiful and so expressive and so much more tangible than the spoken language. I find that I take being able to hear, too much for granted at times. Aurora is changing that and changing perceptions of the deaf community, in our family.

[PhotoButch24]

Believe it or not, I got the cochlear implant for my family, not myself. I was happy being deaf, but they made no real effort to try to communicate. It was always done on their end. Meaning, I have to make things work, I have to read lips, I have to ask them to speak up or speak clearly. So, it was necessary that I should get the cochlear implant.

There are times where I wished they tried, and that I never got the implant. I do wish I met more deaf people growing up, that I wasn't always mainstreamed. I wish I had a chance to chose so to speak. After getting the implant I was right back where I started decades ago when my parents realized I had progressive hearing loss. I am stuck between two worlds, the deaf and the hearing. Both of which are incredibly judgmental.

Do I regret it? I don't know.

I do wish to date someone in the same boat as me, or someone deaf. I want to gain a new experience, a new world and a chance to see where I truly belong.

[Breathless]

Damonk, I totally get where you are coming from, however from a different stand point. I have been friends with someone here for over 14 years. She is deaf. We finally got to meet face to face last year.. So excited to get to see my friend of all these years. We tried to talk, and I had difficulty understanding her. I felt pathetic!!! Here my friend has all the skills and knows my language, yet I could not speak hers?? We resorted to writing our conversation down.. Pen and paper.. Slow... And without tone.. So I made the decision that this was just not okay. Since then, I talked to a good friend that is an interpreter, she has pointed me in the direction that I needed, and offered assistance, should I need.
I lost my career #1 choice about 10 years ago, as a nurse from an injury on the job. Since then I have done a few different things for employment.. Bills have to be paid after all, but the absolute I love my job was no longer present. Until now.. Since I made the decision to become an interpreter, the passion and fire is back, and I am excited to do something that matters to my heart, and bridges that 'need' gap caused by a language barrier.

[always2late]

This past Thursday I took my first class in Sign Language...and I LOVE it!! Our professor posted her syllabus online and after reading it, I have to confess, I thought the class was going to be a bit daunting. My professor insists that we do not speak in class...at all. Except for the first 5 minutes of class, and on our 10 minute break halfway through class, we are not allowed to speak...not to the professor and not to each other. I thought this approach would make learning more difficult..but on the contrary, I am finding it SO much easier!! We are "forced" to learn in order to be able to communicate. Of course, our professor is not being unrealistic...if someone has a question in class that we haven't learned enough to be able to sign properly, we are able to write the question down. As the professor explained, she wants us to start to get used to having to use alternate forms of communication...and not to rely on our voices.

[DamonK]

First, to all that repped me over my rant, thanks. It's helpful to rant and have people "get it".
I learned a new sign today. Err... Maybe I should explain. I started deaf ed at 3. I had resource and interpreters and deaf community til the end of 6th grade. After that, the decision was made to send me to all hearing school. I elected to not have a terp. I would be the only deaf kid there. I was already gonna have enough people staring without me dragging a terp around.

So, from 12 to 23, I didn't sign. Period. My family never learned. No reason to sign. I went back to school - college - again after one disastrous attempt, and met my terp....she saved me from myself. She still does. Most of the time, she refuses to speak English to me. Just ASL.

Funny enough, I was a music minor at one point. I played for 9 years. Then, a hearing guy...a teacher ruined it for me. I've never picked up an instrument since. I was in private lessons...a required class for music minors. He asked me if I could hear the difference between flats and sharps. I told him I couldn't. He told me I had no business minoring in music or playing. I believed him. I was 18.

I don't get to sign often. After such a lapse, many signs have been forgotten out of my easily accessible memory.

I imagine conversations in my head with various people. Always in ASL.

Today I remembered the sign for use.

[always2late]

Have I mentioned how much I'm loving my ASL class? I am learning SO much and I'm retaining it!! (will wonders never cease? Lol) Our professor is fantastic. The class is 3 hours long, but the time just flies by. I've been teaching my son and GHD what I've learned in class, and I find myself thinking in ASL now (well...for the signs we've learned anyway). I've been trying to incorporate the signs into my daily conversations...of course, I don't know enough to carry on a full conversation yet, but I find myself alternating between English and ASL when there is a word or phrase in a conversation that I've learned in ASL. I am so enjoying this class that I think I'm going to take phase 2 next semester.

Damon...thank you so much for your offer of help. I think I'm gonna definitely take you up on it as the class progresses.

[starryeyes]

Hi everyone!!

Just saying hi and bumping this thread. It's been awhile. Any new Deaf/hoh/allies members?

Smiles!

[DamonK]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

Hi everyone!!

Just saying hi and bumping this thread. It's been awhile. Any new Deaf/hoh/allies members?

Smiles!

I have been meaning to PM you.....

Know anything about BSL?

Thanks to watching two music videos in BSL, I'm now signing a combination of both and struggling to...I don't quite know the English word I would use here...err...I would sign the word different if that helps any.... I'm struggling which is ASL and BSL.

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by DamonK

I have been meaning to PM you.....

Know anything about BSL?

Thanks to watching two music videos in BSL, I'm now signing a combination of both and struggling to...I don't quite know the English word I would use here...err...I would sign the word different if that helps any.... I'm struggling which is ASL and BSL.

I can count to 10 and I know the alphabet in BSL. That's about it! Haha.

I don't quite understand your other question? You are watching a video and you can't determine what is ASL and BSL?

[curlyredhead]

Originally Posted by PhotoButch24

Believe it or not, I got the cochlear implant for my family, not myself. I was happy being deaf, but they made no real effort to try to communicate. It was always done on their end. Meaning, I have to make things work, I have to read lips, I have to ask them to speak up or speak clearly. So, it was necessary that I should get the cochlear implant.

There are times where I wished they tried, and that I never got the implant. I do wish I met more deaf people growing up, that I wasn't always mainstreamed. I wish I had a chance to chose so to speak. After getting the implant I was right back where I started decades ago when my parents realized I had progressive hearing loss. I am stuck between two worlds, the deaf and the hearing. Both of which are incredibly judgmental.

Do I regret it? I don't know.

I do wish to date someone in the same boat as me, or someone deaf. I want to gain a new experience, a new world and a chance to see where I truly belong.

Thanks for your comment you bring up a very interesting topic something that is always discussed about in the Deaf Community. I am hard of hearing I have been wearing hearing aids since I was 2 and now I am 32, I was born with my hearing loss. As I have gotten older in the past 10 years my hearing has progressively gotten worse. My audiologist and I have spoken about this, and where this could lead me to in the next decade of my life. I am already wearing high powered hearing aids with amplification that's at a high level currently. As for getting more amplification, these will last me probably another 5 yrs or so before I may have to get a cochlear implant. I was raised mainstream, and I took 10 years of speech therapy growing up. The only thing is I don't really know ASL. I have tried to take classes for it, but I just can't remember it enough to use it. But what I find bizarre and interesting is when I am with friends who can't hear or are deaf but still able to communicate by mouth movements and slight voice. I typically will sign the basics of what I know currently. My situation growing up was the opposite then yours, I had too much hearing so therefore I was told to learn speech and not waste my opportunity to live in the mainstream world. But yet I feel so lost sometimes because I don't purely fit in the hearing world or the deaf world 2 very different cultures.

[DamonK]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

I can count to 10 and I know the alphabet in BSL. That's about it! Haha.

I don't quite understand your other question? You are watching a video and you can't determine what is ASL and BSL?

Errr... I will be having a conversation...signing...and a sign isn't recognized, so I look it up, and its BSL. Though I don't know a ton of it, the fact that they are randomly popping up, I wonder if I had some BSL when I was little and learning.

Interesting tidbit: the sign for disappoint in ASL is the same sign for cold in BSL.

Anyone else find that ironic?