Communication 101: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

[Medusa]

I have long been interested in communication styles and how people choose to get their point across, choose to listen to someone else get their point across, and choose to agree to disagree.

I have learned so much about communication from my 13+years of being on the internet, even though it's probably a little cringe-worthy to admit it. I have lots of different styles of communication, things that work and things that don't work, and ways that people ingest information and regurgitate it back to the conversation and how, often, the biproducts look very different depending on who processed what was said.

I would like to start an open dialogue about communication and how we can ALL use healthy communication tactics. I am willing to provide examples of things that I see that are problematic in conversations (generalized, not personalized).

Example 1: Medusa posts a thread called "Cosmetic Tips for Femmes" and states that she would like other Femmes to come in and give their ideas and tips for make-up application.

The first post in the thread is June saying "I dont wear cosmetics because I feel that cosmetics are sexist and I dont need them due to my natural beauty."

Medusa reads that and immediately feels defensive because June says that she feels that cosmetics are sexist and Medusa doesnt want to be seen as engaging in a sexist activity so she feels the need to defend her right to wear cosmetics. She also wonders if June is passive-aggressively alluding to the idea that Medusa is really an ugly hag by saying that she doesnt need the cosmetics due to her natural beauty.

Medusa gets angry and posts a retort that says "Well, hell, if you dont wear cosmetics then why the hell are you in this thread? Its CLEARLY marked for people who wear cosmetics!!!"

What just happened?

What GOOD communication skills can be employed in the above scenario?
What BAD communication skills were employed in the above scenario?
Do you see the potential for the ugly there?

I think that people who engage in conversations all have a responsibility to one another if they want to truly have a meaningful conversation. I, personally, am not a fan of drive-bys for this reason (unless they are funny and add levity to the conversation when things are too serious). Im also not a fan of "opinion bombs" where someone comes in to a conversation and drops their bomb and then refuses to come back and talk about why they feel the way they do.

I am WAY guilty of having shitty communication skills in some conversations. I have done the drive-by, the opinion bomb, the snarky one-liner, and the repetitive "here is my opinion" on a repeat record. It never really helped anyone hear me better. Imagine that.

I do think that people process information through their own filters and I have been seeing an incredible amount of personalization going on in some of the threads lately and an over-abundance of personal attacks. Im pretty tired of it and think that the conversations around here would be much better suited for growth and actual productive exchange if we could all learn to take off our "me me me" glasses and see the scenario as a whole, not just through our own lens.
One of the ways that I have been learning to do that in my own world is by replaying the scenario in my head but changing the characters and seeing if I feel any differently. Sometimes I do and when that happens it tells me that Im over-personalizing things.

I hope we can have a good conversation here and am interested to see what folks have to say!

Let's talk about it!