The Fat Positive Lounge

[nycfem]

Just a place to hang out, talk silly or serious, about fat or not about fat (and if it is about fat- with a fat positive politic*). Sometimes I really need a safe space to be with other fat people who have a side to them that feels healthiest in a fat positive space- whether we are talking fat politics or just goofing around knowing that we are with like-minded friend . Oh, and of course you don't have to be fat to post here! It's about the politic, not the size!

*Hang out a bit on http://www.bigfatblog.com if you don't have an idea of what a safe, fat positive space looks/feels/sounds like. Please don't ask on the thread, because again, I'm creating this space specifically for an environment that is not debating fat positivity but for having some bonding with like-minded souls

[nycfem]

I recently read the book "Hungry" by Crystal Renn and highly recommend it! She writes about her journey to a highly successful modeling career, where she goes from being anorexic to being a plus-size model. After allowing herself to eat what she wants and not focus on what size she is, she has her biggest success! It's such an uplifting book, and she is so encouraging of women to allow their body to be whatever their natural size is. The writing style is down-to-earth and full of helpful advice for being one's best self. One quote that helped me even though it is obvious is, "You simply cannot look to the wider world for a perpetual stream of affirmation. It won't be there. And life is too short to hate yourself." No doubt!

[LeftWriteFemme]

I have to say that a new place that I have found it safe for fat friendliness and gay friendliness and women friendliness is The Graham Norton Show. I feel so relaxed when I watch, it's TV that improves my mood.

[sylvie]

*subscribing*

i so love the literature you suggest Jenn, as you know! ♥
and of course, i'm all over a thread with you in it & about fat positivity..

[aishah]

i love this thread so much! thank you for starting it.

some other links i like are:
http://www.kateharding.net/
http://www.fatnutritionist.com/
http://www.adipositivity.com/ (nsfw)
http://queerfatfemme.com/

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Great thread!

I have a handful of badges that I made years ago that say: “I’m a whole lotta Quirky and I’ve got a BIG Bum (and PROUD of it!)”. LOL!

When I lived in Glasgow, Scotland I was an Artists model for the Glasgow School of Art; there were quite a few of us BBWs who would model for the Life Drawing classes and some of us were trained Artists. Before that, I did Life drawings/paintings of BBWs who wanted a gift for their partners; I have my innate clumsiness to thank for this, lol! I dropped on of my drawings in the Art supply shop and the shop assistant admired it and asked if I did commissions.

I’ve been working on a hand embroidery of my luscious, sexy, fat self in various (tasteful) poses that one day (when I eventually get it finished….it’s on my ‘to do list’ mentioned in the Crafters UNITE thread, lol!) and will hang in the bedroom or bathroom….

I was going to get on with sorting out my hair accessories draw, only I’m too scared to throw any out ‘just in case I will want to wear them, again’, lol! I have my favourites, but, I have my moments when I want to wear something in my hair that’s different for a change….after all, a change is as good as a rest, right? LOL!

Soooo, this sensual fat Femme can’t decide what hair accessories to part with; or, even if I should part with them! ….It’s not like it’s a major dilemma or even the end of the world if I can’t decide; it’s that I have so many Alice bands, barrettes, scrunchies, and hair flowers, etc, etc, that I’m like a kid in a sweetie shop trying to decide.

When I’m at home I let my hair cascade over my luscious cuddles and curves….this usually results in me sitting on my hair and pinning myself to the Sofa, much to the amusement of others! LOL! I often sit with my hair pooled into my lap….it’s makes a great lap blanket, lol!

When I’m getting ready to go out in the mornings (evenings, too, but, that’s a whole other predicament, lol!), mostly I wear my hair in a plait with either my favourite hair flowers or tribal hair elastics and an Alice band or barrette that compliment my clothes for that day.

Hair accessories for me are what shoes are to most women, lol! ….You know what? I’m not going to even think about sorting through them all; I bought them because I like them (and I’m like a Magpie when I see them, lol!), so I’m just going to keep them in my draw and wear them when I want and add to the collection when I walk past the shop or section, lol!

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

I have to say that a new place that I have found it safe for fat friendliness and gay friendliness and women friendliness is The Graham Norton Show. I feel so relaxed when I watch, it's TV that improves my mood.

I love watching Graham Norton when my friends record him for me....Bill Bailey, too.

I just had to swoon over KD in the first photo....*Sighs*

[SugarFemme]

Ahhhhh...Home Sweet Home

[nycfem]

What is everyone up to this weekend?

[lettertodaddy]

This may be a sensitive/triggering topic for some of you, and if it is, I apologize in advance.

How many of you have spent most of your lives trying to run away from the "slutty fat girl" stereotype? I know I have.

I've had partners - mostly male, but some female too - who only hit me up because they were under the assumption that because I'm fat, that I'm easier to get into bed. To counter that, I became rigid about my body and relationship boundaries, and convinced myself somewhere along the way that I only did real relationships, not one-two-or three night stands.

Now that I'm a little older and a little wiser, and now that I'm finding my relationship prospects dimming as I get older, I'm starting to challenge my beliefs. I think mutual fun sexytimes are beneficial to the people involved, regardless of how long those times last. I'm at the point in my life where if a relationship came along, great, but I don't want to block a sweet, good time if she sweeps me off my feet!

What about you? What sort of negative ideas around fat and sexuality are you holding on to and how are you letting them go?

[nycfem]

This may be controversial too but I don't like the idea that it's creepy for certain people to prefer fat girls. Why can't that be sexy and even feminist to have a preference that's outside of the patriarchal mainstream? I'm tired of it being thought of as perverse, creepy, nerdy, sick, objectifying, and "just as bad." Similarly, I use the title "BBW," and I know a lot of people apply the same descriptions to that term. However, I take it for what it is, a big beautiful woman. To me it conveys that I'm big while also conveying that I'm a confident woman, one who aims to embrace my body. I think that when people are more attracted to fat bodies that it usually comes from one's unconscious psychological life experience all the way back from childhood (Disclaimer: I'm a therapist.). Black men are much more accepting/attracted to my body, and I wonder is it because they have mamas they love who are big and confident too. I like to go to Craigslist and put in a search for "BBW" in the title (must be in the title, because if it's the whole ad, it will be because of a "no BBWs" clause written at the end of the ad). I like to read the descriptions of people craving a fat woman for a relationship or sex or whatever. It's sexy to me, and I don't think I have to feel that I'm gross for feeling that way.

[lettertodaddy]

Right, I see where you're coming from nycfembbw, but I'm not talking about preferences. I'm talking about the kind of people who don't want to date you in daylight, who deny they know you if they see you out while they're with their friends, who make cutting, negative comments about fat women in public, but who ask you for your number when nobody else is looking.

I hope with all my might that I can find a butch in this town that prefers my larger body, but until that happens, I'll just keep wishing.

[nycfem]

I totally get what you are saying, lettertodaddy and agree with you. My post wasn't in response to what you posted about the "slutty" fat girl. It was in response to your question at the end of your post:

"What about you? What sort of negative ideas around fat and sexuality are you holding on to and how are you letting them go?"

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Right, I see where you're coming from nycfembbw, but I'm not talking about preferences. I'm talking about the kind of people who don't want to date you in daylight, who deny they know you if they see you out while they're with their friends, who make cutting, negative comments about fat women in public, but who ask you for your number when nobody else is looking.

I hope with all my might that I can find a butch in this town that prefers my larger body, but until that happens, I'll just keep wishing.

[Tcountry]

In response to the "slutty" fat girl comments.
Question ...is it actually because fat girls are perceived as "slutty" or is the perception that she must have a low self-esteem & therefore going home with whomever is better than going home alone ..?
I experienced the latter Fri night. This newly divorced lady with not great self-esteem almost went home alone with this guy she didn't kno anything about just because he wanted her to.
& she admitted that she would have & regretted it later.
But instead she had about a 3 hr chitchat with a new friend we watched the sun come up.

So is it the "slutty" perception or the lower self-esteem that makes her an "easy target"?

[PearlsNLace]

Today I want to let go of the guilt that I hold for NOT losing the baby fat, the fat that went beyond baby fat, the fat that came back after the diets, the fat that stayed while dieting.

I want to let go not with the intention that if I could somehow then be guiltfree I could then be thin...

I want to let go just because it serves me no positive purpose, and weighs more than the fat does, on my soul.

[Spirit Dancer]

LTD
One thing comes to mind, what about the fat girl who others
think will always be the filler friend with nothing better to do.
Assuming they have no commitments or engagements and are always there for them.

[Kätzchen]

I really like what BB and BBW and others here are promoting and that's the idea that we can be positively healthy in the ideas we hold about what the term Fat means and to borrow the term BB used: not cave into social stereotypes built around what it means to be fat.

I really like how Spirit Dancer brought up the idea that often people who are fat are not valued in our culture and society and that people seem to trend toward the idea that people who are fat have no life, no romantic prospects in their past, present or future. And, I also like what BBW said about how creepy it is that being fat is not throught of in terms of being a feminist stance or sheer sexiness.

I've lost a considerable amount of weight over the past six months, due to a very hectic on-the-run job I used to have, which demanded that I keep running even when I didn't feel like I could run another step of the way.

Does that mean I'm skinny, since I lost that much weight? No.

I'm built like a tank: In other words, no matter how weight I might like to lose, I will always appear on the larger side of the weight spectrum just because of my height (I am nearly 5' 10" -barefoot) and because of the density of my bone structure, which is pervasively German: with a twist of this and that elsewhere.

I felt sexy when I was 60 pounds heavier, but I still rock this body of mine even though I'm sixty pounds lighter. I like it when individuals in our community can come together with a feminist attitude and feel super about who we are - not matter what we look like or how heavy we are.

Sending big love to all of you,

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

LTD
One thing comes to mind, what about the fat girl who others
think will always be the filler friend with nothing better to do.
Assuming they have no commitments or engagements and are always there for them.

Yes, I've been there too. Less so now that most of my friends are partnered/coupled, but I've had it happen. I'm usually happy to see my friends regardless of their motivations, but this does sting a little.

[Tcountry]

"...this was a woman who loved my body. I never really loved my body. I was comfortable with it. I knew where all its parts were and that it was functional. But I was always somewhat overweight. I never thought I was pretty, and to this day, you know, eight hundred people can say you're gorgeous and you're never going to believe it. But here was a woman who, when she touched me, trembled, and god-- the world opened up...." pg 262


The book is The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader Edited by Joan Nestle...I actually have sticky tabs marking my favorite lines/paragraphs/pages.

*tip hat*

[Leigh]

I had someone share something on my facebook and I had to share it because I absolutely LOVE it:

The words *I am fat* is crossed out with a big red line through it and next it says "No, i am not.I just have fat. My weight does not define me. Neither does yours define you".

THAT is absolutely true!