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08-15-2014, 02:57 PM
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#501 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch, Preferred Pronoun?:
People call me by my nic name. Relationship Status:
Not Single, Not Desperate. 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,833
Thanks: 4,645
Thanked 4,035 Times in 1,720 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853   |
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
__________________
Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. It is said, " Some lives are linked across time..... Connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages "...... |
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08-15-2014, 04:21 PM
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#502 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
submissive queer stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,827
Thanks: 3,752
Thanked 3,845 Times in 856 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849  |
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9! (Say it...lol). This joke courtesy of my 5 year old! |
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08-15-2014, 06:02 PM
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#503 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Relationship Status:
must be love on the brain 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,582
Thanks: 969
Thanked 4,249 Times in 1,297 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849 |
Do you have 11 protons? Because you are sodium fine.
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08-15-2014, 06:41 PM
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#504 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Gentlemyn Butch Relationship Status:
Single 
 Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Miami, Florida DUH!
Posts: 135
Thanks: 8
Thanked 79 Times in 45 Posts
Rep Power: 875 |
What's the meaning of ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
__________________
To be broken hearted does NOT mean to be broken, simply to be prepared for the healing. |
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08-18-2014, 05:09 PM
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#505 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?:
Handsome devil you. 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Anywhere I want to be
Posts: 676
Thanks: 3,190
Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts
Rep Power: 21474848 |
__________________
Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers. 
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08-18-2014, 05:52 PM
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#506 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Here
Posts: 1,526
Thanks: 6,112
Thanked 7,085 Times in 1,355 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for fresh prints. 
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08-18-2014, 10:41 PM
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#507 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch, Preferred Pronoun?:
People call me by my nic name. Relationship Status:
Not Single, Not Desperate.
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,833
Thanks: 4,645
Thanked 4,035 Times in 1,720 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
ENGINEER'S BELIEF
Most people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
__________________
Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. It is said, " Some lives are linked across time..... Connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages "...... |
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08-19-2014, 09:10 AM
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#508 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?:
Handsome devil you.
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Anywhere I want to be
Posts: 676
Thanks: 3,190
Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts
Rep Power: 21474848 |
__________________
Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.
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08-19-2014, 05:41 PM
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#509 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?:
Handsome devil you.
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Anywhere I want to be
Posts: 676
Thanks: 3,190
Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts
Rep Power: 21474848 |
__________________
Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.
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08-20-2014, 04:08 PM
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#510 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Male ID Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 3,925
Thanks: 406
Thanked 5,459 Times in 2,038 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
What did the ceiling say to the wall?
Meet me at the corner.
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08-20-2014, 04:34 PM
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#511 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Serene Highness ;} Relationship Status:
Dreamily contemplating some outrage against conventional morality 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Houston area
Posts: 1,362
Thanks: 1,417
Thanked 4,767 Times in 1,144 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side
__________________
. "I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. " Ayn Rand, Anthem "So you'll die happily for your sins. You'd rather die in guilt then live in love?" Timothy Leary |
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08-20-2014, 05:36 PM
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#512 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?:
Handsome devil you.
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Anywhere I want to be
Posts: 676
Thanks: 3,190
Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts
Rep Power: 21474848 |
__________________
Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.
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08-21-2014, 05:38 AM
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#513 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
submissive queer stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,827
Thanks: 3,752
Thanked 3,845 Times in 856 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849 |
Knock knock
Who's there? Olive Olive who? Olive you! (Another 5 year old joke - I'm sure they'll be more) |
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08-21-2014, 06:29 AM
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#514 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?:
Handsome devil you.
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Anywhere I want to be
Posts: 676
Thanks: 3,190
Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts
Rep Power: 21474848 |
__________________
Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.
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08-21-2014, 08:36 AM
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#515 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
I Am Preferred Pronoun?:
she Relationship Status:
solo 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: the Beach, Pacific side
Posts: 4,160
Thanks: 5,354
Thanked 7,264 Times in 2,158 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
What did the blanket say when it fell on the floor?
Oh sheet! Bwahhahaha ... .gif "Say What?")
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08-21-2014, 09:05 AM
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#516 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Transmasculine/Non-Binary Preferred Pronoun?:
Hy (Pronounced He) Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 6,589
Thanks: 21,132
Thanked 8,165 Times in 2,007 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
Cashew (noun) Sound of a nut sneezing.
__________________
Sometimes you don't realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. - Susan Gale |
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08-22-2014, 05:33 PM
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#517 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Valued 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 762
Thanks: 1,680
Thanked 2,149 Times in 561 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Six to go...
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
I purchased a microwave bed recently, 8 hours sleep in 10 minutes. Hummingbirds are just regular birds that don't know the words. What lies on its back, a hundred feet in the air?, A dead centipede. If you made a belt out of old watch straps, would it be a waist of time?. If the chemical composition of water is 'H2O', does that mean that Holy Water should be 'H2OMG' ? |
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08-22-2014, 08:22 PM
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#518 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?:
My name always works Relationship Status:
Happy whatever happens
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Little Rock
Posts: 1,818
Thanks: 2,011
Thanked 7,246 Times in 1,416 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Why do people jump for joy? Because maybe joy is stuck to the ceiling.
__________________
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck
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08-23-2014, 08:09 AM
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#519 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
OFOS Butch who desires femme company. Preferred Pronoun?:
Handsome devil you.
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Anywhere I want to be
Posts: 676
Thanks: 3,190
Thanked 3,359 Times in 626 Posts
Rep Power: 21474848 |
__________________
Hair Pulling...... not just for preschoolers.
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09-07-2014, 06:50 PM
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#520 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
OFOS Femme; Earth bound Angel and Babygirl; Preferred Pronoun?:
She, Angel, as long as it's respectful Relationship Status:
Waiting for the One who can complete me 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Albany, NY~but originally from Georgia
Posts: 562
Thanks: 1,257
Thanked 2,069 Times in 468 Posts
Rep Power: 18675552 |
Why did the scarecrow get promoted at his job?
Because he was "outstanding in his field!" Sorry if this is a repeat.
__________________
 Sweet Georgia Peach
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