Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

[The_Lady_Snow]

I think it's cultural as well, Latinos are a touchy bunch, my mother never was but other members of my family are, there is hugging, kissing and always a hand or a touch somewhere. I am like that with most of my chosen family and they back, all my chosen family have some sort of need for *touch* it's always been part of my life. Some American people are on the more reserved side, I say American because I've been around other cultures that are just as touchy as we are (Latinos). I dunno, I do know that as a queer I watch more who I touch and how outside of the circles I mentioned above. Once some folks (not all) catch on that you aren't hetero like them, then either they get weird, the vibe gets weird, or they flat out think a touch means you are interested or that you are being oogie gay... I dunno that's a thought.

[~baby~doll~]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I think it's cultural as well, Latinos are a touchy bunch, my mother never was but other members of my family are, there is hugging, kissing and always a hand or a touch somewhere. I am like that with most of my chosen family and they back, all my chosen family have some sort of need for *touch* it's always been part of my life. Some American people are on the more reserved side, I say American because I've been around other cultures that are just as touchy as we are (Latinos). I dunno, I do know that as a queer I watch more who I touch and how outside of the circles I mentioned above. Once some folks (not all) catch on that you aren't hetero like them, then either they get weird, the vibe gets weird, or they flat out think a touch means you are interested or that you are being oogie gay... I dunno that's a thought.

In the bold. Because of where i have lived i have never paid much attention to the hetero-normative acceptance levels since the mid 70's. (In some areas it was best to be more discreet for safety sake, but not hidden ) i do not generally care what the regulation populous thinks. They can get weird or whatever they like.
i totally agree with you that some cultures touch more than others. That's why this question is so personal, in fact it is impossible to give a definitive response. In O/our family we have different degrees of comfort zones.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by ~baby~doll~

In the bold. Because of where i have lived i have never paid much attention to the hetero-normative acceptance levels since the mid 70's. (In some areas it was best to be more discreet for safety sake, but not hidden ) i do not generally care what the regulation populous thinks. They can get weird or whatever they like.
i totally agree with you that some cultures touch more than others. That's why this question is so personal, in fact it is impossible to give a definitive response. In O/our family we have different degrees of comfort zones.

I was more refering to how hetero folk act when they peg you as queer/gay/different/etc/etc, with touch from us. I was also more just talking about laruss' bringing up that we as a whole (society) are not tactile due to people more into violence.

I am aware of my surroundings more here in the South than I am say in Portland. I find either way that if someone is *bothered* or what I like to call homophobic it isn't going to matter where one lives, bigotry taints all our communities.

[SaltyButch]

Let me preface this by saying, PDA is a good thing as with most things in moderation. I like others am not a fan of anyone trying to give someone a tonsillectomy in public no matter who you are.

As a butch, I'm not afraid to show affection to my partner, I'm blessed that I live in a tolerant society but we do have some who still think they have the right to dictate my actions. My experience has been that the more masculine you look seems to predicate the unsolicited abuse you may receive. I am for all intense purposes a soft butch, not particularly masculine looking, so although I may receive looks my stature and the look I give them will make them think twice about approaching me.

It's often been said that "femmes" who are straight looking get away with more and I believe that, this may be because it feeds into the fantasy that some have. Butches have a tendency to get attention no matter what, it's how we respond to the attention which may alter encounters for the next person.

I am Old School, so walk on the outside to protect my girl, I will hold her hand, we will walk arm in arm and I will show affection with no regard unless it is unsafe to do so. Only through our actions can we help others understand that affection and love between anyone is not only okay but should be the norm.

Hugs to everyone~

[~baby~doll~]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I was more refering to how hetero folk act when they peg you as queer/gay/different/etc/etc, with touch from us. I was also more just talking about laruss' bringing up that we as a whole (society) are not tactile due to people more into violence.

I am aware of my surroundings more here in the South than I am say in Portland. I find either way that if someone is *bothered* or what I like to call homophobic it isn't going to matter where one lives, bigotry taints all our communities.

i too am aware of my surroundings. It is so true bigotry haunts all of us who are not cut from the same mold as the heterosexual crowd.

[Sweet Bliss]

My partner of 16 years had an advantage, he walked with a cane most of the time, or held my arm to avoid falling. We did not do any PDA past that point.

Another person I was paired with for a short time, I could not keep my hands off. However, it was confined to hanging on her, holding her arm at grocery stores or kissing her shoulder. I'm short, can't reach her lips. Unless on tiptoe. Sometimes we got looks, but since she is taller, stronger, tougher than most Bio males it's usually smiles.

But not around family, especially Grandmother.

The staff at our favorite places to eat thought we were cute together.
But that said we live in a tourist area, and she is good at spotting bad situations at a distance. Regardless of who you are, it is prudent to be aware of your surroundings.

[Pixie]

I feel that I am a very affectionate person, and I love to express it. However for me I struggle with PDA past a certain line. I don't like attention, and I do not like to induce awkwardness or rudeness. I enjoy holding hands and a peck here or there. But I do not think that we need to be up on each other, in each other's faces, or excessively kissing. I feel that some of those forms of expression are territorial and show offy (may not be a real word), and I don't go for it.....

I think we all have different love languages and interpretations of those expressions....

just my .02

pixie

[DapperButch]

I don't define holding hands or giving a quick kiss PDA. PDA to me is making out or something that a teenager might do.

It is not unusual for me to hold my partner's hand when I am walking through a parking lot, walking down main street looking at shops, etc. I give her a quick kiss hello when I am meeting her somewhere (restaurant, body shop, anywhere public you may need to meet your partner).

I don't even notice if it makes people uncomfortable. I don't look. I don't care. 20 years ago when I was going to get my ass kicked for walking down the street holding my girlfriend's hand I didn't do it. Now? Unless I am in a place where I need to be concerned, I don't really give a shit.

I think that after years of being a queer you can quickly size up a situation to know if holding hands/quick kiss is safe. I don't think I even think about it anymore, just shift to not touching if needed. But, that is very rare nowadays. Unless I have to worry about our safety, OR I think that holding hands will create an extended uncomfortable social situation for me or TF, I don't give a shit.

I would suggest that for people who are weird about touching in safe areas, that they are struggling with some internalized homophobia, or are emotionally carrying with them some past trauma (being hurt) that they can't shake. No judgement on that, just a thought.

Side note: For reference, I would guestimate that 75%-85% of the people in our area feel some discomfort when they see us holding hands (unless I am passing). It is very unusual to see a gay couple holding hands in our area (I don't think I have ever seen it except for on the local college campus).